Everything We Had

Elise

Summer 2017 – London

Four weeks passed since Elise left Harry’s flat the morning after calling him crying. He didn’t call at all or show up at her work or her flat. And she was slowly realizing how miserable it made her feel. It felt like she lost him all over again. Except this time it was all on her. It was her fault. Harry gave up on her and it was all her fault.

She kept as low a profile as she could during those weeks. She got a job working in a coffee shop and then worked her internship three days a week to keep herself busy. When life got too much for her, instead of getting drunk and going out, she would just drug herself with sleeping pills to sate herself. It was easier that way. She wouldn’t have to think or feel. She would just be lost in her unconscious mind. But sometimes it would backfire and the nightmares would consume her.

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Elise

Winter 2016 – Holmes Chapel

Waking up, Elise felt something move in her bed. She was so confused and only got more confused when she realized something was pinning her down on the mattress. The smell of whiskey was almost too potent to deal with. It made her gag as the panic spread through her. And then there was pain – shooting pain throughout her entire lower body, causing her to scream.

When she realized what exactly was happening, there wasn’t much she could do but scream and cry and try to fight him off of her. But his hand came down hard, hitting her across the face before he nearly suffocated her with his palm. She couldn’t believe it was happening. Her own father.

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Elise woke up sobbing. The nightmare was more reality than a dream – it was a memory replaying the gruesome details of that night. A memory she tried to repress, but the nightmares kept refreshing it in her mind.

It was the last night she spent in that house. It was the last time she saw her father or mother. She cried to her mum, telling her what he did – telling her what he’d been doing to her for years. But her mum called her a liar and refused to listen to her. After everything he did to her mother she still remained loyal to him.

Elise packed what she could into her car and vowed to never step foot in that house again. She never wanted to see either of them again. She only stayed past her eighteenth birthday because she had nowhere else to go. But after that she couldn’t stay. She wouldn’t stay.

She couldn’t stop the tears that poured from her eyes as she relived what happened. She tried to push the memories out of her head like she always did, but the visions of the dream were spiraling out of control in her mind. Back then, the only person she needed or wanted was gone – out of her life. There were months of those nightmares and she had no one to help the feelings go away. But now, Harry was just across town – it would be so easy. She needed him to make her feel better.

Elise pulled herself out of bed, dressing quickly. She found herself standing outside his door, buzzing his flat. It was past midnight, but it couldn’t wait. Her mind was out of control and she needed Harry to center her. He always knew how to do it the best. There were many men she used to try to get the same effect as when Harry was with her, but there was always one common denominator – they weren’t Harry.

“Yeah?” She heard Harry’s voice come through the intercom.

“Harry. It’s me,” Elise said into the speaker.

The door buzzed seconds later and she took the lift up. Harry met her with his flat door open as she got out of the lift. He looked at her with nothing but a blank face and she knew he was angry with her or indifferent to her or whatever. She just knew he was not pleased with her presence, but she couldn’t even fathom making anything up to him right now. Not when her mind was such a mess.

“I just… I-I…” She said as tears filled her eyes.

“Elise, are you okay?” He asked, knitting his eyebrows in concern, letting her into his flat and quickly closing the door behind them.

“I just… I need you like I used to, Harry,” she told him, feeling sad and pathetic. But she didn’t care.

“Like you used to?” He questioned, looking more than a little confused.

“Please, Harry,” she said, stepping toward him, leaning her body into his.

“Elise,” he sighed, realizing what she meant.

“Just don’t ask questions. Just please, Harry… love me,” she said, pulling her shirt over her head, leaving her completely topless in front of him.

“Elise—” He said again, but she stifled his words with a kiss.

The moment their lips met, he melted into her and she knew he would give her what she needed.

Harry was back in her life – whether she liked it or not. And somehow she knew she’d never be rid of him. And a part of her was okay with that. Ever since he came back into her life, her entire world was flipping and spinning and she was falling every which way but out of love with him. It was the truth. And she couldn’t deny it anymore.

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Harry

Summer 2017 – London

As Harry was brushing his teeth before heading to bed, his door buzzer blared through the flat. Figuring it was one of the lads, he walked over and spoke into the intercom. But it wasn’t one of the lads. It was Elise.

“Harry. It’s me,” her tiny voice came through the speaker, surprising him.

His heart sped up as he instinctively pressed the door button to let her up. Somehow he knew he would never be able to deny her from his life. When it came to Elise, he was flawed – flawed to always love her and help her and save her.

Harry watched as she walked toward him from the elevator. She looked so frail and small. And it wasn’t just her physical appearance. He could tell she was feeling that way too. Something was wrong with her. It reminded him of so many nights when they were together when she would come over and need him. She never talked about what was bothering her, even though he tried hard to get her to talk to him about it. Harry could tell that now was one of those times.

“I just… I-I…” She stammered as her eyes filled with tears.

“Elise, are you okay?” He asked, recognizing the sadness. But noticing that this was something bigger than what it was when they were kids. Something was eating her alive.

“I just… I need you like I used to, Harry,” she choked out.

“Like you used to?” He questioned, even though he knew exactly what she meant. He was just hoping she might shed some light on it all if he asked.

“Please, Harry,” she said, stepping forward toward him avoiding his question completely.

“Elise,” Harry breathed. He knew it was a bad idea. He knew it the second she ambled over to him in her depressive state.

“Just don’t ask questions. Just please, Harry… love me,” she said, pulling her shirt over her head, leaving her entirely topless. He knew he should stop and demand to know what was going on.

“Elise—” Harry said again, but she cut him off almost immediately by pressing her lips hard against his.

And his mind was spiraling and he was falling back years – back to when it all felt so right. All he wanted was Elise – then and now. And he didn’t have it in him to stop her. He wanted this. He wanted it so bad.

His hands found her hips and then moved them slightly up her bare back. And he knew he had no self-control left.

“Oh, God, Harry,” she moaned against his lips as she pulled his shirt over his head.

“Let me make you feel good, Elise. Just don’t stop,” he breathed against her lips as she threw his shirt on the floor.

“Believe me, I’m not stopping,” she said breathlessly as she unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down his hips.

He lifted her body up against his and waddled to the bedroom with his trousers at his ankles. He placed her half naked body on the bed and she looked up at him with all sorts of lust swirling in her eyes. And when she licked her lips, he just about lost it.

“Christ, Elise,” he groaned, reaching down to rid her of her trousers.

He pulled both her trousers and panties down in one sweeping motion, staring at her naked form laid out for him. She only got better with age. She was so beautiful, he couldn’t stand it.

“Mmm,” Harry moaned as his hand came up her torso, touching her body.

He wanted to go slow and catalog every moment in his brain for future reference, but he knew what kind of mood she was in. She wanted her instant gratification and he knew if he didn’t give it to her, she would back away like the last time they were in this position.

Elise leaned up to pushed down Harry’s boxer briefs and he stepped out of them quickly.

“Harry, now,” she said desperately.

Harry crawled up her body, pressing his lips hard against hers before he leaned over to get a condom from his nightstand. She didn’t rush him along this time which seemed like a good sign. She just watched and waited.

Once he was ready, she reached up and pulled him down on top of her by his shoulders, kissing him roughly. She bit at his bottom lip as she bucked her hips into his. He groaned from the feeling and knew he needed to get going before he lost it. He pushed in without another word, causing Elise to moan out pleasurably.

Words were lost on them as Harry began pumping into her. His rhythm built up until it was as fast and rough as he knew she liked it when she was in these moods. And soon she was moaning out loudly, digging her fingernails into his back. His face was buried deep in the nape of her neck, trying not to finish before he got her to her end. It was always a struggle because the fast paced nature of sex like this. He always needed to hold it back as best as he could to give her enough time to come. The speed and the friction was almost too much to handle at times.

But then he felt her body tense and spasm below him as she let out a low moan and he knew he could spill too. His body pretty much gave out on him, collapsing on top of her body. And she just held him with her arms wrapped around his body. And it made him feel so complete. He never wanted to move.

Until he heard her quiet sobs in his ear.

“Elise, what’s the matter?” Harry asked, pulling up to look down at her. She quickly pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

“Ellie, please. What’s the matter?” He asked, rolling off of her.

“There’s something wrong with me, Harry,” she cried.

“Ellie, no. Baby, no,” he cooed, shaking his head.

“There is. There’s something wrong with me. And I don’t even know how to handle myself anymore,” she cried, wiping at her eyes.

“Ellie, what do you mean?” Harry asked carefully.

“What are you talking about, Harry? Don’t tell me you’ve never noticed,” she scoffed, moving her hands away from her eyes to stare straight at him.

“Noticed what?” He choked out.

“This… this sick need… this— god,” she sobbed.

“Ellie…” Harry sighed.

“I know you’ve noticed. You’ve always just given it to me when I asked. You’ve always been there for me, Harry. Well, you were there for me… before you left,” she cried.

“And then you didn’t have it anymore after I left?” He questioned. She shook her head somberly.

“They never fixed me like you did,” she told him cryptically.

“Fixed you?” He questioned.

He didn’t want to say too much that would hinder her from talking. He wanted her to keep talking. He wanted her to tell him what was wrong. He never got this much out of her, ever.

“No one knew me like you did, Harry. No one knew what I needed. But you’ve always known,” she cried.

“I don’t know, Ellie,” he said desperately. She was an absolute mystery.

“You knew without actually knowing,” she said, looking up into his eyes.

“Knowing what?” He said, swallowing hard. His throat was dry and his stomach was queasy.

“God…” She cried, pressing her hands into her eyes again.

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Harry

Winter 2012 – Holmes Chapel

Just as he was getting ready for bed, Harry heard a knock at his bedroom window. He figured it was Elise. No one really even knew he moved his room down in the basement except for his family and Elise – so he knew it had to be her.

He pulled the blinds up and opened the window, letting her in immediately.

“Oh, how the tables have turned. I kind of like this – you coming to my window,” Harry joked, smirking wildly at her.

But his smirk only lasted until he saw her puffy red eyes. She had been crying. She was upset. Something was wrong.

“El, what’s the matter?” He asked, knitting his eyebrows together in concern.

She bit her lip, immediately averting her eyes from his.

“I’m just sad. I just… I need you. I need to stay here tonight,” she told him. He was confused, but he wasn’t going to turn her away.

“Okay. Yeah, sure,” Harry said, wrapping her in his arms.

“Harry, I need you,” she said in a shaky voice and he knew her tears were about to begin again.

“I’m here, El,” he assured her.

“No. I need you. I need you to touch me. I need you to love me. I need you,” she told him.

He was so incredibly confused. Elise had never been so blunt with her words. She was more known for subtly than anything.

“El…” Harry sighed. He could feel her squirming under his grasp. He could tell she was getting impatient.

“Don’t sigh and say my name. Just touch me, Harry. I just need you to fuck me,” she snapped, and the anger in her tone surprised the hell out of him.

His eyes went wide with her words, realizing she wasn’t messing around. Something was wrong with her and if that was what she needed to feel better, he would do it for her. He would do anything for her.

“Please get naked,” she said, pulling his shirt over his head.

Elise leaned up, pressing her lips hard against his. And Harry fulfilled her wishes, doing exactly what was asked of him.

In the morning, Harry wanted to ask her what happened the night before to make her erupt like that. But she was smiling and seemed so happy to be there with him. Everything inside of him begged him not to disrupt it. He didn’t want to see her eyes get sad. He couldn’t see her cry again. He just wanted her to be happy.

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“Ellie, please tell me. Please let me help you,” Harry pleaded with her.

“He raped me, Harry,” she breathed in the lowest volume her voice would allow her. Harry’s breathing hitched in his throat. What?

“Who, Ellie?” He choked out.

“My father,” she sobbed, turning over on her side away from him. Harry’s entire stomach fell into his bum.

“Elise,” Harry breathed, horrified at what she just told him. She sobbed loudly and Harry pulled her body into him arms, holding her against him.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Harry cooed in her ear as she cried.

“What happened?” Harry asked finally, having to build up the nerves to ask.

It took her a while to calm down, but when she did, Harry asked again.

“What happened, Ellie?” He asked as he pulled back from her to look into her eyes.

“I don’t know. Just… after Edward died, he just… his drinking got worse… and one night he came in my room yelling for me to turning my music down and he ended up slapping me around and touching me inappropriately, calling me my mother’s name. That was the first time. The first time I ran to you crying, needing you. And it continued, where he would come into my room and touch me. And I’d try to fight him off, but he… he would always hurt me to get me to stop. And I would always run to you. It went on for years, Harry,” Elise cried, unable to even look him in the eyes.

Harry was listening on, horrified that it happened right under nose for so long.

“Elise, why didn’t you tell me?” He choked out. He could have helped her. He could have actually been there for her.

“I-I couldn’t. I-I was embarrassed,” she stammered, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes again.

“You were embarrassed? Elise, my god. He… he was touching you… he… oh my god…” Harry growled, breathing heavily as his anger built up inside of him. He wanted to go back in time and absolutely murder her father.

“I don’t know, Harry,” she groaned as she began to sob again.

“None of it was your fault, Elise. None of it,” he assured her, pulling her into his arms again.

“I know. I just… I didn’t know how to stop it,” she cried.

“He… he raped you?” He choked out, almost unable to say the words out loud.

“It’s why I left. Just this past winter. He… he… god. I woke up to him on top of me,” she cried.

“You stayed that long?” Harry asked as the lump in his throat grew bigger and bigger, slowly choking him. He didn’t even realize he started to cry until he felt the tears slipping down his face.

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I-I… I was out of school. I had nowhere, Harry,” she cried.

“Elise, I’m so sorry. If I knew…” He began.

“If you knew, what? You would have stayed?” She scoffed at him.

“If I knew, I could have helped you. You… you should have told me. I could have helped you,” he said incredulously, feeling the anger and helplessness inside of him.

“You did help me,” she said quietly.

“No, Elise! No. I didn’t help you. I just added to it. You should have told me. I could have gotten you out of there. God,” Harry erupted as his tears built up into angered sobs.

“There’s nothing anyone can do about it now,” she said calmly, shaking her head.

“God, Elise. God,” Harry grumbled, trying his hardest not to take his anger out on her. His anger laid solely with her piece of shit father.

Elise sat with her head in her hands crying. Harry quickly grabbed her into his arms and pulled her to his chest.

“Elise, please don’t cry. It’s over. Baby, it’s over. He’ll never hurt you again. I’ll make sure of it,” Harry cooed in her ear.

“I can’t stop the nightmares, Harry. It haunts me,” she cried.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” he cooed, crying with her.

“Just, god… Harry. God…” She stammered.

“What, Ellie?” He asked, pulling back just enough to look her in the eye.

“Just, please don’t leave me,” she cried.

“I don’t plan to. Not ever again,” he told her truthfully.

Notes