Underneath

I wake still holding his hand. We didn't talk further last night, just held hands while my heart skittered behind my ribs. He said it so defiantly, like it was something he’s been considering for sometime. All I could hope for this morning, was that he still felt the same way.

I roll to face him, his eyes still closed. “Are you sleeping?” I whisper. He smiles but his eyes don't open. “If I said yes would you shut up?” he mutters with a croaky voice. “Probably not,” I answer truthfully. I start blowing on his eyelids. “It’s a good job that not annoying!” he says, smiling despite himself. “I can be much more annoying than this!” I giggle and wrench the covers back to blow raspberries on his stomach.

He screams pathetically, doubling up with tickles. “Get off! you crazy girl! arrghh! do something useful with yourself! go make me a coffee! arghh!”

Eventually, I take pity on him and pad into the kitchen. I set up the coffee pod machine thingy and flick on my phone. I was marginally worried about mum and dad. The lie I told as to where I was saying last night was a bit thin. I hold the cup and watch the coffee dribble in…

…My phone beeps with a message, then another, and another…Oh dear! I check, yes its mum. Thirteen messages! suddenly my stomach fizzes with anxiety. She’d never leave that many…somethings wrong…

…the next ten minutes passes in a blur of white hot panic…my dads seriously in hospital. At some point there’s a frantic phone call to mum who is just going into recovery to be with dad while he wakes from an emergency operation! she names the hospital and tells me to get here as fast as possible…

…At some point Harry is in front of me, face crumpled with worry…then I’m just weeping uncontrollably as he helps me get dressed. It’s like a thick wool blanket has been wrapped round my head. I can’t hear, or see properly. All I can feel is blind terror, my breath coming in heaping sobs.

Harry quickly leads me down to the carpark and insists we go on his motorbike. My fear honestly can’t get much worse, so I just follow his instructions. The roar of the bike as we set off is nothing to me. I’m underwater, drowning. All I can think about is dad. He went into hospital last night while I ‘busy’ with Harry. I can’t believe how selfish I’ve been. So concerned with myself. So wrapped up in the fairytale/nightmare that is me and Harry, I wasn’t there when my family needed me!

The bike cuts through the morning traffic and we make it to the hospital within fifteen minutes. Harry pulls in and I climb down with shaking legs. “Shall I come in with you?” he asks, wiping my tears and smoothing my hair.

“No, someone will recognise you! I can’t handle all that right now!” My voice is shrill, angry even. Harry takes a step back. “I’m sorry…I want to be there for you…” I cut him off, desperate to see my dad. “I’ve got to go!” I gasp, starting to sob again.

Before I run off, he grabs me into tight bear hug. “I’m here if you need me,” he whispers. I push him away and run for the entrance doors, blood draining from my leaden thighs as I go…

Ⓒ SphinxWriter13 2017

Notes