Both my face and my mind was a total mess the next morning since I hadn’t managed to get back to sleep after Louis left. He had left too many thoughts in my head.

The last thing he told me was that I should act like normal about the whole Megan-thing.
Which is the exact thing he has been doing himself during the whole day; acting normal. But once in a while he has been asking me if I’m okay, which I’m actually not. But of course I’ve told him the opposite, and how hard I will ever try; I’m pretty sure it’s see through.

It seems like Megan has been looking for Harry every time we’ve walked past each other in the schools corridor. I have to admit that it has been really hard to resist myself from killing her.
Which leads us to the fact that it’s just another day passing by without Harry by my side.
It feels so strange, the fact that it’s like he has disappeared.
Zayn even told me that he had been over to his house yesterday six o’clock in the afternoon, and nobody had been home.

I want him back, but at the same time… It’s hard. It’s really hard. He has been lying to me, and the fact that he has been going out with her without even telling me, is making me even more suspicious. Suspicious about that there might is something that Louis has somehow left unsaid. I just find it really hard to believe that the only reason he isn’t coming to school is because of the drama between Harry, Megan and me.
Because I mean, if I know him right; he would’ve tried to reach me thousands of times, and not just disappear like that.

Ugh, talking about the devil, I can barely stand the thought of being forced to be in the same room as her for at least six hours during the following intense-practicing-for-the-big-show-weeks.

“Hey, Sarah, do you mind making me company to the cafeteria? I really need a sugar-rush” Liam sighed.
“I’d like to come with you Liam!” Niall almost shouted in excitement.
Liam shook his head, “I’d only want Sarah to come” he winked at me.
“Oh, okay” Niall said with a shrug. I guess that Liam gave him some sort of a sign, although I don’t know why. I guess he wants to have a private talk or something similar.

“Okay, shall we go?”
I nodded my head in response.
We started walking towards the school’s cafeteria.
“What is it?” I asked, and he replied with a really confused look.
“’what is it’ about what?” he asked back.

I started blushing.
“oh, nothing” causing him to laugh.
“No I’m just joking around with you love” he said as he slightly pushed my arm as we kept on walking.
“I wanted to talk to you about… well you know who” He said as he then became serious.
“Please don’t” I begged him quietly, as my voice broke down in the middle.
If he has something more to tell me, that I didn’t know about earlier, I don’t think I’ll manage to take it.
He stopped walking as his gaze was stuck on me. He could tell that I was hurt, by the way I responded him.
“Is there something that I don’t know about?”
“A lot…”

I guess Louis hasn’t told him about his little visit during the night, nor of the small fight between Harry and I.

Should I tell him?
Maybe not. The fewer people who know about it, the better.

“Is it because of the Louis said last night that's left in your head?”
My eyes widened. How could he know?
“H- h-h…”
I was speechless. How did that happen?

“I talked with Louis about it yesterday evening and in the morning he texted me that he’d been over to your place because he couldn’t get the subject of his mind.”
He came closer and embraced me. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly.
Somehow he knew exactly how I felt. How I was feeling. What I was thinking. It felt good to for once in a long time to feel desired. To feel human warmth pressed against my own body.
I miss Harry so much.
“It’s been so hard” I whispered.
“I understand Sarah” he whispered back, as he gently stroked his hand over the back of my head.
After a few moments he slowly backed away.
“You know what?” he was now sounding really excited.
“What?”
"I think you ought to visit him today after school. Like it a try. I'm coming with you!" he said encouragingly.
“Liam I don’t know…”
“He might not even be at home, but just in case, I think he would be very happy if he were told that you had came to visit him, showing that you still care about him despite the circumstances. To let him know that you still... Um… love him”

I tried hard to smile. To show him that it was a good idea, although I didn’t find it being great.

“Sarah, please!” he was trying hard to make puppy-eyes.
Suddenly a frown appeared on my forehead while I didn’t answer him for a while.
If I say yes, he might stop reminding me. He’s certainly not even at home, just like Zayn said. It would be a win-win situation.
My face lit up and my frown disappeared.
“Oh, okay!”
Wait, does that mean that his puppy-eyes worked on me?
“Great!” he said with a huge grin.

***

During today’s dance-class, me and Christian practiced a lot on the small pirouettes, where everything is about the right techniques. We also practiced a lot on the big jump at the end as well.

We didn’t manage to make it perfect, and I was really close to fall at least four times, which could’ve gone terribly wrong. I feel a little safer by the thought about that we were practically standing on a very soft mattress, so if the accident had occurred, no major damage would’ve been done.

But the really scary part is when it’s during the big rehearsals, where we don’t use the mattress. And I get a bit shaken up by the thought about when it’s show-time. Then you’ve only got one shot. No mistakes allowed.

Megan wasn’t there. There was speculation that she wasn’t attending the lesion because of me, and that she had been too afraid to come. Others say that she didn’t feel so good during the day and that she decided to go home. The later one sounded more logical, though I deeply wished it was because of the first thing about her being too scared.


I was standing on the parking lot as I glanced at the clock on my arm. Liam should’ve been here fifteen minutes ago.

I felt very excited and scared at the same time. Deep down, I was hoping that he will open the door, as I'm afraid about it at the same time. I don’t know what to say to him, even though I am almost certain that no one will respond. And if someone would’ve answer, the person would most likely just simply say that Harry wasn’t home, or something similar.
But for some reason I feel some kind of adrenaline rush. The idea that maybe, just maybe, I will get to see him.
Liam's idea might not be that bad afte-
“I’m sorry for being late!” I heard his voice from behind.
I quickly turned around to face him.
“No, no. It’s okay” I said with a smile as we started to head towards Harry’s home.

“So… How was dance-class?” he tried to start up a conversation.
“It was… intense” I replied.
“You know that all of us are coming to the big show, right?”
Wait, what? No one mentioned that, except for Harry.
“No, I didn’t know about that” I said, but it came out more as a question.
“Yeah, Harry didn’t know about it either at first. We found out that he’d booked his seat centrally on one of the first rows, and all of them got booked up really quickly. So the rest of us are sitting almost at the very back”

I heard that the seats that were able to book on the first half of all rows, was been booked in just a few hours, so it wasn’t that strange that they didn’t get a really good seat.
“Why would you come in the first place? It’s not like you’re interested in ballet, are you?”
He started laughing.
“We’re coming because we want to see you, silly. And for your information; no, we’re not interested in ballet”

We kept on laughing and talking during the way, both of us trying to get rid of the nervousness that had begun to taken its place.
Once we got to the final destination, Liam stopped at the gate while he nodded towards the red-painted front door in a gesture. He smiled widely when he realized that I was actually going to do it.
I felt weaker and weaker in my knees for each step I took.
As I stood only five feet from the door, I turned one last time against Liam. He still had the same smile as before while he nodded confermingly.

I turned back towards the door one last time while I took a deep breath. This is it.
My hand was raised to nervously press the rusty bell, colored a special shade of gold. I heard the little melody playing from inside. I heard the melody play from inside. The very special melody that I’ve heard every time I’ve been standing expectantly with the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, waiting for him to open the door and to greet me with a kiss. But this time it was different.
There were no feelings of butterflies in my stomach.


My gaze was stuck onto a crack in the door that clearly shows the past green color that has been painted over, while waiting for an answer. I heard no sound at all. I stood and waited for what seemed an eternity, until I finally gave up.

I'm almost annoyed at myself. Of course no one is home, that's even what I had expected from the very start. Did I suddenly think that Harry would open the door out of nowhere?

I turned back towards Liam and shook his head in a guest while he looked at me sadly.

When I took the first step towards him, I felt safer, and I think somehow that my blood-circulation had slowed down in the same rhythm of my nervousness, as I suddenly began to feel warmer.
My legs no longer felt shaky, while my heart pounding really fast. My nervousness has not released fully yet, far from it actually. But I wi-

"Sarah?" I heard a familiar voice from behind.

It was a voice I would recognize from miles away.
A voice that belongs to, for me, a very special person.

Harry.

Notes

I'm so sorry for leaving you all like that, hihi
But there's so much going on in school right now, which increases the time of me being able to continue the story. But I'm trying my very best!
kisses xx

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