Hello, Darcy.
I Wish.
I woke up to a gloomy sky peering through my window. It was a reminder of a life I used to live. Gloomy days and a gloomy life. I stayed in the same position, laying on my side just staring out the window. I stared down at my wrists in which the pale scars still dug through my skin.
I feel as if I’m living a dream, and that I’ll wake up to find Mum just in the kitchen making me breakfast and there to greet me. Sadly, if I pinched myself it wouldn’t work. This isn’t a dream. This is reality.
I got up from my bed and went straight downstairs. The smell of coffee went through my nostrils. I made it to the kitchen to find Dad struggling to cook once again. I stood by the doorframe and watched him.
“Need help?” I ask. He immediately jolts up, and is a little shocked that I was there the whole time.
“Scared me there,” He sighs and holds his hand up to his heart. “And it’s alright, I got this.”
I sat in the table since Dad didn’t need any help and insisted that he got this.
A few minutes later he came in juggling two plates of what looked like burnt pancakes.
“I hope you like burnt pancakes,” He sighed in disappointment. I was right.
“Don’t mind if I do,” I chuckle to brighten the mood.
Just as I am about to take a bite out from the pancakes. Dad stops me. “Wait, don’t eat it.”
I furrow my eyebrows in response. “Why?” I lower down my fork and place on the table.
“Get dressed, we’ll go some place else to eat.” He says.
“Dad, it’s fine… Honestly, it’s not that bad.” I state and gesture my hands towards the burnt pancakes.
“No, this is terrible. Just get dressed.” He says and begins gathering our plates. I don’t argue and just quickly run upstairs to go change.
----------------------------
We ended up in some little diner just across town. I could tell Dad was a little down after his whole burnt pancakes incident. Again, I can’t blame him. He’s new at this.
“I’m going to have to ask one of the people that work here to teach me how to cook pancakes,” He joked.
I shook my head and laugh. “Maybe you can teach them,”
He scoffs jokingly and continues eating his plate of pancakes.
We ate in silence for the majority of the time. No words were said, and awkward glances were exchanged as more people came in. More and more people came into the diner, causing murmurs in the background, making the tension between us calmer.
“Sorry to bother you both-“ The cut off sentence caused Dad and I to both look up at the same time. A woman in her mid thirties stood awkwardly in front of us, smiling sweetly.
“I’m really sorry for bothering, but is it okay if I have a picture with you, Harry?” She asks. Of course. Well she wasn’t as bad as I imagined a part from other boy band fandoms now. Girls flashing their private parts for anything.
I look over to Dad who’s eyebrows were raised, causing his forehead to wrinkle.
“Sure sure, of course.” He smiles.
“Thank you!” The woman smiles and hands me the camera. I sigh and take it.
The woman stands next to Dad and places her arm around his shoulder while both of his arms stayed by his side. As pleased as I was with this woman, she didn’t go too far with my father.
“1…2…3…” I then clicked the button. Once the picture was done, she stood awkwardly in front of us again and I handed the camera over to the lady who kept thanking Dad and I.
“Thank you both so much again, and sorry for bothering.” She says solely.
“No worries,” Dad smiled.
“It’s just that I thought I’d never get to meet you, especially 20 years later… With a beautiful daughter in addition.” She chuckles nervously. Wow, this woman has been worshiping for so long.
Dad laughs in response.
“Thank you once again,” She smiles and turns around back to her table.
“Wow,” I nod my head, impressed of the situation.
“I know, that’s the first picture someone has ever asked for in a while.” He laughs.
“Let’s face it Dad, you’ll never be legendary like the Beatles.” I joked.
“Are you kidding me? No one will ever beat them,” He sighs sadly.
I’ve been observing Dad this whole time of our conversation, and he’s pretty much in a good mood. I hope that my question won’t ruin it. It’s been a question I’ve wanted to ask for 2 weeks, but last night I was eager enough.
“Dad?” I ask.
“Yeah?” He asks, taking a sip of his left over coffee.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask, my whole tone of voice died into a soft tone.
“Sure,” He nodded as a gesture for me to ask.
“Um- Well- I- Is it okay if we go and visit Mum’s grave?” I choked out. I noticed his face go bitter, and he looked straight down at the table.
“What for, Darcy?” He asks. Is he being serious right now?
“I just want to visit Mum,” I simply state.
“I don’t think she’d want that.” He bitterly chuckles.
I feel myself getting angry and the whole atmosphere feels like fire.
“Why wouldn’t she? Of course she would!” My voice was raising.
“Just no- Not just- No.” He stammers before looking away.
I huffed and crossed my arms, slumping back on the chair.
-------------------------------
We both left the diner in complete silence. More like in anger. I couldn’t dare look him in the eye for I was pissed.
I immediately crashed myself into the car, slamming the car door. Dad sighed as got in. I stared outside the window and wondered why he didn’t start the car yet, he just sat there.
“Are we going to home now or what?” I ask. I start to sound like a brat, basically annoying myself.
“Darcy.” He stammers. It’s silent before he starts speaking again.
“We’ll go visit her, okay?” He says softly. I turn my head to look at him, giving me a sad smile. I nod and can’t help but give a small smile in return.
“Thank you,” I say barely above a whisper.
-----------------------------
The green landscape scattered with tombstones was such a familiar site, of course I’d been here. It was like de ja vu all over again. Walking like a zombie, slowly over to bury her grave.
It wasn’t too long before Dad parked on the sidewalk near the cemetery. I waited for Dad to get out first, that was until I noticed it took him forever too. I was starting to feel nervous.
“We forgot to bring flowers…” I blurted out.
“Oh…” Was all he said before turning his attention to the road.
“Aren’t you going to get out?” I ask curiously with my voice shaking. He takes a deep sigh before speaking.
“Darcy…” He pauses and looks over at me with a bitter sad expressed face.
“I agreed to take you here because you wanted to, and I’m glad that you’re brave enough to visit her even if it wasn’t that long ago… Clearly you’ve gotten over that.” He explains.
“But I haven’t, and I’m not ready to see her grave just yet.” He states. I nod and give him a sorry smile. I was happy that even though he didn’t wasn’t ready to see Mum, he didn’t stop himself from letting me go.
“I understand, Dad.” I say before he leans over and places a kiss on my forehead.
“I’ll be back soon,” I say.
“Take your time.” He smiles.
I make my way out of the car and cross the empty road to the familiar path. I carefully walk only on the grass, trying not to step on other tombstones. It was a long walk before Mum’s grave shone in front of me. I immediately crashed my whole body by her grave.
Silence took over the whole atmosphere as I sat here, brushing my fingers over the engraved stone. The wind made a delicate whooshing sound and blew through my hair.
The sun suddenly peaked through the clouds and I felt the warmness. I closed my eyes, taking in the great feeling. I finally took a deep breath and opened my eyes, the setting of a solemn place took over.
The memories of Mum and I swarmed through my head as I closed my eyes, finally coming to an end once her stone glanced in my eyes.
“Hey Mum,” I said barely over a whisper. My fingers continued to brush over her stone.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to bring you any flowers…” I paused. “All that matters is that I’m here right?”
Before I knew it, my eyes clouded with blurry tears. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t convince Dad to visit you.” I wiped away a tear that strolled down my cheek with the back of my hand. I shouldn’t even be crying, I know that Mum wouldn’t want to see me like this.
“I just miss you, Mum.” I choke out. “Just when I thought everything was starting to come back into place, everything started to fall apart.”
“I miss your hugs, I miss you comforting me.” I cry.
“Just when I need you the most, Mum…”
I close my eyes and let the tears stroll down much more. The wind gets harder and harder, whooshing over the trees. I feel the wind circle around me carefully, as if it was wrapping me in.
The wind stops as I get up and wipe my tears. I make the same path back to the car and try hard not to look back.
I saw Dad’s face through the window, looking slightly worried. He gave me a kind smile as I hopped into the car.
“You alright kiddo?” He asks, rubbing my back gently. I nod and look through the rear mirror, my eyes were puffy and pink, almost turning red.
“You’re a brave girl, you’re Mum is proud of you.” He says softly.
I feel as if I’m living a dream, and that I’ll wake up to find Mum just in the kitchen making me breakfast and there to greet me. Sadly, if I pinched myself it wouldn’t work. This isn’t a dream. This is reality.
I got up from my bed and went straight downstairs. The smell of coffee went through my nostrils. I made it to the kitchen to find Dad struggling to cook once again. I stood by the doorframe and watched him.
“Need help?” I ask. He immediately jolts up, and is a little shocked that I was there the whole time.
“Scared me there,” He sighs and holds his hand up to his heart. “And it’s alright, I got this.”
I sat in the table since Dad didn’t need any help and insisted that he got this.
A few minutes later he came in juggling two plates of what looked like burnt pancakes.
“I hope you like burnt pancakes,” He sighed in disappointment. I was right.
“Don’t mind if I do,” I chuckle to brighten the mood.
Just as I am about to take a bite out from the pancakes. Dad stops me. “Wait, don’t eat it.”
I furrow my eyebrows in response. “Why?” I lower down my fork and place on the table.
“Get dressed, we’ll go some place else to eat.” He says.
“Dad, it’s fine… Honestly, it’s not that bad.” I state and gesture my hands towards the burnt pancakes.
“No, this is terrible. Just get dressed.” He says and begins gathering our plates. I don’t argue and just quickly run upstairs to go change.
----------------------------
We ended up in some little diner just across town. I could tell Dad was a little down after his whole burnt pancakes incident. Again, I can’t blame him. He’s new at this.
“I’m going to have to ask one of the people that work here to teach me how to cook pancakes,” He joked.
I shook my head and laugh. “Maybe you can teach them,”
He scoffs jokingly and continues eating his plate of pancakes.
We ate in silence for the majority of the time. No words were said, and awkward glances were exchanged as more people came in. More and more people came into the diner, causing murmurs in the background, making the tension between us calmer.
“Sorry to bother you both-“ The cut off sentence caused Dad and I to both look up at the same time. A woman in her mid thirties stood awkwardly in front of us, smiling sweetly.
“I’m really sorry for bothering, but is it okay if I have a picture with you, Harry?” She asks. Of course. Well she wasn’t as bad as I imagined a part from other boy band fandoms now. Girls flashing their private parts for anything.
I look over to Dad who’s eyebrows were raised, causing his forehead to wrinkle.
“Sure sure, of course.” He smiles.
“Thank you!” The woman smiles and hands me the camera. I sigh and take it.
The woman stands next to Dad and places her arm around his shoulder while both of his arms stayed by his side. As pleased as I was with this woman, she didn’t go too far with my father.
“1…2…3…” I then clicked the button. Once the picture was done, she stood awkwardly in front of us again and I handed the camera over to the lady who kept thanking Dad and I.
“Thank you both so much again, and sorry for bothering.” She says solely.
“No worries,” Dad smiled.
“It’s just that I thought I’d never get to meet you, especially 20 years later… With a beautiful daughter in addition.” She chuckles nervously. Wow, this woman has been worshiping for so long.
Dad laughs in response.
“Thank you once again,” She smiles and turns around back to her table.
“Wow,” I nod my head, impressed of the situation.
“I know, that’s the first picture someone has ever asked for in a while.” He laughs.
“Let’s face it Dad, you’ll never be legendary like the Beatles.” I joked.
“Are you kidding me? No one will ever beat them,” He sighs sadly.
I’ve been observing Dad this whole time of our conversation, and he’s pretty much in a good mood. I hope that my question won’t ruin it. It’s been a question I’ve wanted to ask for 2 weeks, but last night I was eager enough.
“Dad?” I ask.
“Yeah?” He asks, taking a sip of his left over coffee.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask, my whole tone of voice died into a soft tone.
“Sure,” He nodded as a gesture for me to ask.
“Um- Well- I- Is it okay if we go and visit Mum’s grave?” I choked out. I noticed his face go bitter, and he looked straight down at the table.
“What for, Darcy?” He asks. Is he being serious right now?
“I just want to visit Mum,” I simply state.
“I don’t think she’d want that.” He bitterly chuckles.
I feel myself getting angry and the whole atmosphere feels like fire.
“Why wouldn’t she? Of course she would!” My voice was raising.
“Just no- Not just- No.” He stammers before looking away.
I huffed and crossed my arms, slumping back on the chair.
-------------------------------
We both left the diner in complete silence. More like in anger. I couldn’t dare look him in the eye for I was pissed.
I immediately crashed myself into the car, slamming the car door. Dad sighed as got in. I stared outside the window and wondered why he didn’t start the car yet, he just sat there.
“Are we going to home now or what?” I ask. I start to sound like a brat, basically annoying myself.
“Darcy.” He stammers. It’s silent before he starts speaking again.
“We’ll go visit her, okay?” He says softly. I turn my head to look at him, giving me a sad smile. I nod and can’t help but give a small smile in return.
“Thank you,” I say barely above a whisper.
-----------------------------
The green landscape scattered with tombstones was such a familiar site, of course I’d been here. It was like de ja vu all over again. Walking like a zombie, slowly over to bury her grave.
It wasn’t too long before Dad parked on the sidewalk near the cemetery. I waited for Dad to get out first, that was until I noticed it took him forever too. I was starting to feel nervous.
“We forgot to bring flowers…” I blurted out.
“Oh…” Was all he said before turning his attention to the road.
“Aren’t you going to get out?” I ask curiously with my voice shaking. He takes a deep sigh before speaking.
“Darcy…” He pauses and looks over at me with a bitter sad expressed face.
“I agreed to take you here because you wanted to, and I’m glad that you’re brave enough to visit her even if it wasn’t that long ago… Clearly you’ve gotten over that.” He explains.
“But I haven’t, and I’m not ready to see her grave just yet.” He states. I nod and give him a sorry smile. I was happy that even though he didn’t wasn’t ready to see Mum, he didn’t stop himself from letting me go.
“I understand, Dad.” I say before he leans over and places a kiss on my forehead.
“I’ll be back soon,” I say.
“Take your time.” He smiles.
I make my way out of the car and cross the empty road to the familiar path. I carefully walk only on the grass, trying not to step on other tombstones. It was a long walk before Mum’s grave shone in front of me. I immediately crashed my whole body by her grave.
Silence took over the whole atmosphere as I sat here, brushing my fingers over the engraved stone. The wind made a delicate whooshing sound and blew through my hair.
The sun suddenly peaked through the clouds and I felt the warmness. I closed my eyes, taking in the great feeling. I finally took a deep breath and opened my eyes, the setting of a solemn place took over.
The memories of Mum and I swarmed through my head as I closed my eyes, finally coming to an end once her stone glanced in my eyes.
“Hey Mum,” I said barely over a whisper. My fingers continued to brush over her stone.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to bring you any flowers…” I paused. “All that matters is that I’m here right?”
Before I knew it, my eyes clouded with blurry tears. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t convince Dad to visit you.” I wiped away a tear that strolled down my cheek with the back of my hand. I shouldn’t even be crying, I know that Mum wouldn’t want to see me like this.
“I just miss you, Mum.” I choke out. “Just when I thought everything was starting to come back into place, everything started to fall apart.”
“I miss your hugs, I miss you comforting me.” I cry.
“Just when I need you the most, Mum…”
I close my eyes and let the tears stroll down much more. The wind gets harder and harder, whooshing over the trees. I feel the wind circle around me carefully, as if it was wrapping me in.
The wind stops as I get up and wipe my tears. I make the same path back to the car and try hard not to look back.
I saw Dad’s face through the window, looking slightly worried. He gave me a kind smile as I hopped into the car.
“You alright kiddo?” He asks, rubbing my back gently. I nod and look through the rear mirror, my eyes were puffy and pink, almost turning red.
“You’re a brave girl, you’re Mum is proud of you.” He says softly.
This is SOOOOOOOO good! You are a true diamond in the rough. Can't wait to see what happens next.
7/7/15