Prodigal

~2.11~

I was slowly, very very slowly, but surely getting more comfortable going out in public as Emelia.

Deciding to make a bold move, one day Sarah and I went to the doctor’s office together. I had made an appointment without my dad knowing about it. I was going to ask the doctor for hormones.

It’s a fairly lengthy process but I was glad that I had started it.

Dad would undoubtedly be very pissed off once he found out I used my insurance card to go to the doctor to get testosterone blockers and estrogen hormone replacement therapy.

But I didn’t care. This was something I had to do.

Sarah and I decided to crawl the mall a little. People were staring, taking pictures, and I decided that I wasn’t going to afraid anymore.

I wasn’t going to be ashamed anymore.

It’s up to me to make my life better.

It’s up to me to have the confidence I want.

It’s up to me to get the acceptance I deserve.

I decided to own it. I would smile and wave and everyone that was looking at me or taking picture. I walked arm and arm with my cousin down the mall halls and I smiled, I laughed, I had a great time.

Life is hard when you’re different, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be you.

If I let what other people thought about me decide how I was going to live my life, then I wouldn’t be living my own life. They would be living my life. And that’s not what I want. That’s not who I am. I live my life for me and no one else.

I am who I am. Take it or leave it. And if you leave it because you think I look weird, then you’re going to miss out on a great person.

Notes

We had someone come and talk in one of my classes today (I'm in college) about LGBT safe zone and the class is literally all straight boys and me and I was the only one who could answer when the presenter asked if anyone knew what pansexual is or what asexual is. It's like so many people think there's gay and straight and that's all.