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Prodigal

2.1

~2.1~

“Is this cute?” My cousin, Sarah, asked me. “EARTH TO EMMETT!” Sarah said louder as she snapped her fingers right in front of my face, snapping me out of my daze.

“What?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“Is this cute?” She repeated.

Sarah was holding up a rose gold dress. She had just turned 16 and had just received her driver’s license. We were on one of our first trips to the mall together that did not involve the element of a parent.

And we were shopping at Forever 21.

“It slays!” I said. The dress looked hella good, not even going to lie. “But you have to try it on.”

“Doing that now.” Sarah said as we walked over to the dressing rooms. I stood outside while she was changing when I found something on the rack.

“It looks great!” I said, which it really did. “But try on this denim jacket to go over it.

“You’re a genius!” She said as she put it on. “It really pulls the outfit together.”

“And the after spring blowout sales here are amazing!” I said.

“Speaking of which,” Sarah asked, “Do you have any weekend plans?”

“None that I know of now.”

“Tell your friends that you’re busy, because I’m coming over and we’re going to hang out.” Sarah said.

“I’m so honored that you are willing to be so audacious and spend a weekend with me!” I said, half playfully sarcastically.

“Yeah, well, your pool is nice and I’m dying to go swimming.” Sarah joked. “Just kidding, I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“I know.” I said. “We need to hang out more.”

“We do.” Sarah confirmed. “We’ll enjoy this nice autumn swimming weather together.”

“God don’t remind me.” I said. “I can’t believe it’s April already.”

After we paid and left Forever 21, I suddenly got the same gut-wrenching feelings that I had for as long as I could remember. But lately, it’s been getting worse. It’s the feeling that I don’t belong, I don’t fit in, and that I can’t be myself. That feeling that the ones I love won’t accept me for who I am.

Sure, my father has been getting better at trying to take me for who I am, but there was something, something I had been feeling for a while, that I kept hiding. I couldn’t let anyone know. It didn’t even feel safe telling Sarah.

I didn’t even feel comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t feel comfortable in the clothes I was wearing or the hair I was sporting.

I loved going shopping with my friends, Gabbi, with Sarah, but there was something that I felt, a horrible premonition I possessed every time.

Just like them, I wanted to wear dresses, too.