Reminiscing Memories
What Can You Do?
*Liam’s POV*
It was good that everyone was present. What Haze needed most was her best friends and the people she cared about around her. I think the words I’ve said to her brought in a new kind of strength in her heart, allowing her to be able to call relatives and tell them of the tragic news about her mother. I offered Haze just to stay in the hotel, if not Pandora offered up her bed, but she said no. She wanted to be home, but I didn’t want her to be alone.
So I was slightly relieved when she said that some far-off relatives would be coming to town and she would be allowing them to stay at the apartment. She even asked us to stay over, but we politely refused. Even if we were close friends with her, this was still family business. We also mentioned it would be a good time to reminisce and catch up with the family.
The lads kept up with their word about taking over the funeral preparations. They told her and her family not to worry about anything. Me, I wanted to stay out of this one. I wasn’t sure why. I wanted to be ready for Haze if she needed, and the boys understood that, so I was thankful when they let me have my space. It gave me some time to think.
I wanted to help her, but I wasn’t sure how. It was actually kind of like a sick joke. I was Liam James Payne, I was a singer of One Direction, I could travel the world, do organizations that was to help stop bullying and raise money for Africa. I could do just about anything, yet I couldn’t stop the tears for a girl? I couldn’t stop the pain that was in her heart. That was one of the things. I was there when her mother died before her eyes. I was there to see her physically express her pain.
Hazel lost both of her parents. She had no brothers nor sisters. She was… alone. I hated to say it, but she was. It just made me think of myself. I wouldn’t know what I’d do with myself if I’d lost either of my parents. At such a young age too. I buried my head in my hands. I told myself I needed to be strong for her, but just thinking of the pain she had to be going through now was tearing me apart. Not only that, but here soon I’d have to leave her to go back home. Leave her! I knew compared to the others, me and her were really close, and the last thing I wanted was to leave her here alone while she was going through an emotional crisis!
I screamed out in frustration, grabbing the nearest object next to me, and stood from my bed, throwing it against the wall. I heard glass shatter and splatters of water hit my face. I watched as the liquid stained the wall wet. My breathing was deep and frantic. I hated this. Why did this have to happen to her? I blinked, feeling a bright flash of light come before my eyes.
I was running. Running as fast as my little legs would take me. I didn’t care about the pain coming from my side. All I cared about was her. I heard her scream. I heard her cries. I already knew what has happened the moment she ran past me with tears flowing down her face.
I found her, right in the spot she has found me before. She was huddled behind the tree trunk, long brown hair hiding her face. I quickly fell onto my knees beside her, panting heavily and in excruciating pain because of my side. I reached out, grabbing her shaking shoulders and pulled her to a tight hug. I knew there was nothing I could do, only hold her. I couldn’t even tell her how sorry I was, because I knew those words wouldn’t help, they’d only hurt her more.
“Liam!” I heard, making me snap back into reality. Somehow I ended up on the floor, legs brought up to my chest, and Zayn was right there crouched in front of me, hands on my shoulder.
“Zayn? What…” I asked, bringing a hand to my head.
I swallowed a lump in my throat. I could feel a cool breeze touch my cheeks and I reach up, feeling the wetness left by shed tears I don’t even remember letting out. Zayn sat down next to me, putting an arm behind me on the bed. I rested back against the bedside, leaning my head to rest against Zayn’s arm to look up at the ceiling. “What’s gotten into me, Zayn?” I asked, taking a deep breath. “I want to help her, but I can’t get past my own feelings.”
“Mate, it’s a difficult time. Some things are bound to be hard to work through.” Zayn said, his voice trying to be soothing.
I let a hand run through whatever hair was present. “It’s just that… I don’t know. I just feel so bad. To lose both of her parents…”
I looked at Zayn. I could see the emotion in his eyes. I could see the redness from either tears or lack of sleep, maybe both. “You know, we’ve only met her mum once…” Zayn said, looking toward the ground, a small smile on his face. “No matter how what kind of inner strength and strong front she held, she was such a delicate woman. I know she didn’t want to tell her daughter about her father, but you have to think in her perspective too, you know? Like… why won’t she tell her? She says it was nothing but a tragic past, but there’s no death in the world that’s not tragic. Is there a deeper reason why she hasn’t said anything, even up to her death?”
He looked up, smile gone, replaced by an expression that was confused and wanting to know. I felt my mouth open, wanting to give him an answer, but not even I knew. “I don’t know, Zayn. I really don’t.”
“Isn’t that what Hazel wants? To know what happened to her father and why her mother wouldn’t tell her?” He asked, eyes burning with a passion I never thought a man could possess.
I nodded quickly. Yeah, that was what she wanted. A hand was placed on my shoulder. “Liam, that’s why she needs you. Not just so you can be there to find the answers for her, but to be there when she finds out herself. It’s in her memory somewhere, and when she finally remembers, no matter how painful or happy the memory may be, you have to be there with her. Out of anybody in the world that cares for her, she wants you to be there.”
He gave my shoulder a squeeze as I nodded. I understood all of this. “But what can I do now? I can’t just take her away from here and make her forget everything. Her mother’s funeral is in two days, I… I just don’t know what to do as of now.”
“Just let her know, I guess.” Zayn said. I looked over at him again, a little confused by his word choice. His cheek pulled up, an unenthusiastic lip drew up to a smile. “Let her know her mother is watching her. Let her know that even if the present may be hard, the future will get easier, no matter how impossible it seems now. Let her know that her mother is waiting for her to grow up to be a woman no other person could ever compare to.”
I could hear a buzz of a phone. Zayn reached into his pocket, looking at who was messaging him. “It’s Harry. He’s asking me to come over to the funeral home and help set up some stuff.”
“What exactly are you guys doing?” I asked, a little curious on what they had plan. With these boys, I knew they wouldn’t be setting up a typical funeral. I knew they were going to do something creative, not exactly the fun kind of creative, but the kind I knew would touch many hearts.
Zayn could only offer a small smile. “Let’s just say we’re trying to connect Hazel to her mother. We’re going to do something that will allow their family to see just what kind of memory this woman was able to hold in other’s hearts.” His smile disappeared, now serious. “Will you be alright on your own? Should I get somebody to clean up that mess?” He pointed at the shattered glass and wet wall.
I nodded. If I had any hair, Zayn would have something to ruffle, but only my head moved with his hand patting my head. “Try not to think too much, mate. We’ll be back soon.”
I heard footsteps as they faded out of the door. I stared at the floor where the shattered glass laid. I felt a laugh that could be described as a scoff escape my throat. What irony; the pieces that laid on the floor matched perfectly with my heart in the moment. I fished for the phone that was in my pocket. I touched the blank screen. I wanted to call her, to let her know I was here, to make sure she was okay, or at least no worse than she has been.
I let out a breath, unlocking the screen and finding her number. To be honest, it wasn’t just me that was wanting to be there for her, for some reason, I needed her. Funny how we only met just over a month ago and now I can’t stand the thought of leaving her side. Just to hear her voice, maybe that was all I needed for the moment before I would go crazy and do something that would end up making me hurt myself.
And that flashback I had before. What was that about? It had to be connected to something. I could barely remember the time I spent in the hospital whenever I was younger. Most of it consisted of the pain I had because of the malfunctioning kidney I had. It was fine now, miraculously. That wasn’t important now, though. I was only worried about one thing and it was Hazel.
It was good that everyone was present. What Haze needed most was her best friends and the people she cared about around her. I think the words I’ve said to her brought in a new kind of strength in her heart, allowing her to be able to call relatives and tell them of the tragic news about her mother. I offered Haze just to stay in the hotel, if not Pandora offered up her bed, but she said no. She wanted to be home, but I didn’t want her to be alone.
So I was slightly relieved when she said that some far-off relatives would be coming to town and she would be allowing them to stay at the apartment. She even asked us to stay over, but we politely refused. Even if we were close friends with her, this was still family business. We also mentioned it would be a good time to reminisce and catch up with the family.
The lads kept up with their word about taking over the funeral preparations. They told her and her family not to worry about anything. Me, I wanted to stay out of this one. I wasn’t sure why. I wanted to be ready for Haze if she needed, and the boys understood that, so I was thankful when they let me have my space. It gave me some time to think.
I wanted to help her, but I wasn’t sure how. It was actually kind of like a sick joke. I was Liam James Payne, I was a singer of One Direction, I could travel the world, do organizations that was to help stop bullying and raise money for Africa. I could do just about anything, yet I couldn’t stop the tears for a girl? I couldn’t stop the pain that was in her heart. That was one of the things. I was there when her mother died before her eyes. I was there to see her physically express her pain.
Hazel lost both of her parents. She had no brothers nor sisters. She was… alone. I hated to say it, but she was. It just made me think of myself. I wouldn’t know what I’d do with myself if I’d lost either of my parents. At such a young age too. I buried my head in my hands. I told myself I needed to be strong for her, but just thinking of the pain she had to be going through now was tearing me apart. Not only that, but here soon I’d have to leave her to go back home. Leave her! I knew compared to the others, me and her were really close, and the last thing I wanted was to leave her here alone while she was going through an emotional crisis!
I screamed out in frustration, grabbing the nearest object next to me, and stood from my bed, throwing it against the wall. I heard glass shatter and splatters of water hit my face. I watched as the liquid stained the wall wet. My breathing was deep and frantic. I hated this. Why did this have to happen to her? I blinked, feeling a bright flash of light come before my eyes.
I was running. Running as fast as my little legs would take me. I didn’t care about the pain coming from my side. All I cared about was her. I heard her scream. I heard her cries. I already knew what has happened the moment she ran past me with tears flowing down her face.
I found her, right in the spot she has found me before. She was huddled behind the tree trunk, long brown hair hiding her face. I quickly fell onto my knees beside her, panting heavily and in excruciating pain because of my side. I reached out, grabbing her shaking shoulders and pulled her to a tight hug. I knew there was nothing I could do, only hold her. I couldn’t even tell her how sorry I was, because I knew those words wouldn’t help, they’d only hurt her more.
“Liam!” I heard, making me snap back into reality. Somehow I ended up on the floor, legs brought up to my chest, and Zayn was right there crouched in front of me, hands on my shoulder.
“Zayn? What…” I asked, bringing a hand to my head.
I swallowed a lump in my throat. I could feel a cool breeze touch my cheeks and I reach up, feeling the wetness left by shed tears I don’t even remember letting out. Zayn sat down next to me, putting an arm behind me on the bed. I rested back against the bedside, leaning my head to rest against Zayn’s arm to look up at the ceiling. “What’s gotten into me, Zayn?” I asked, taking a deep breath. “I want to help her, but I can’t get past my own feelings.”
“Mate, it’s a difficult time. Some things are bound to be hard to work through.” Zayn said, his voice trying to be soothing.
I let a hand run through whatever hair was present. “It’s just that… I don’t know. I just feel so bad. To lose both of her parents…”
I looked at Zayn. I could see the emotion in his eyes. I could see the redness from either tears or lack of sleep, maybe both. “You know, we’ve only met her mum once…” Zayn said, looking toward the ground, a small smile on his face. “No matter how what kind of inner strength and strong front she held, she was such a delicate woman. I know she didn’t want to tell her daughter about her father, but you have to think in her perspective too, you know? Like… why won’t she tell her? She says it was nothing but a tragic past, but there’s no death in the world that’s not tragic. Is there a deeper reason why she hasn’t said anything, even up to her death?”
He looked up, smile gone, replaced by an expression that was confused and wanting to know. I felt my mouth open, wanting to give him an answer, but not even I knew. “I don’t know, Zayn. I really don’t.”
“Isn’t that what Hazel wants? To know what happened to her father and why her mother wouldn’t tell her?” He asked, eyes burning with a passion I never thought a man could possess.
I nodded quickly. Yeah, that was what she wanted. A hand was placed on my shoulder. “Liam, that’s why she needs you. Not just so you can be there to find the answers for her, but to be there when she finds out herself. It’s in her memory somewhere, and when she finally remembers, no matter how painful or happy the memory may be, you have to be there with her. Out of anybody in the world that cares for her, she wants you to be there.”
He gave my shoulder a squeeze as I nodded. I understood all of this. “But what can I do now? I can’t just take her away from here and make her forget everything. Her mother’s funeral is in two days, I… I just don’t know what to do as of now.”
“Just let her know, I guess.” Zayn said. I looked over at him again, a little confused by his word choice. His cheek pulled up, an unenthusiastic lip drew up to a smile. “Let her know her mother is watching her. Let her know that even if the present may be hard, the future will get easier, no matter how impossible it seems now. Let her know that her mother is waiting for her to grow up to be a woman no other person could ever compare to.”
I could hear a buzz of a phone. Zayn reached into his pocket, looking at who was messaging him. “It’s Harry. He’s asking me to come over to the funeral home and help set up some stuff.”
“What exactly are you guys doing?” I asked, a little curious on what they had plan. With these boys, I knew they wouldn’t be setting up a typical funeral. I knew they were going to do something creative, not exactly the fun kind of creative, but the kind I knew would touch many hearts.
Zayn could only offer a small smile. “Let’s just say we’re trying to connect Hazel to her mother. We’re going to do something that will allow their family to see just what kind of memory this woman was able to hold in other’s hearts.” His smile disappeared, now serious. “Will you be alright on your own? Should I get somebody to clean up that mess?” He pointed at the shattered glass and wet wall.
I nodded. If I had any hair, Zayn would have something to ruffle, but only my head moved with his hand patting my head. “Try not to think too much, mate. We’ll be back soon.”
I heard footsteps as they faded out of the door. I stared at the floor where the shattered glass laid. I felt a laugh that could be described as a scoff escape my throat. What irony; the pieces that laid on the floor matched perfectly with my heart in the moment. I fished for the phone that was in my pocket. I touched the blank screen. I wanted to call her, to let her know I was here, to make sure she was okay, or at least no worse than she has been.
I let out a breath, unlocking the screen and finding her number. To be honest, it wasn’t just me that was wanting to be there for her, for some reason, I needed her. Funny how we only met just over a month ago and now I can’t stand the thought of leaving her side. Just to hear her voice, maybe that was all I needed for the moment before I would go crazy and do something that would end up making me hurt myself.
And that flashback I had before. What was that about? It had to be connected to something. I could barely remember the time I spent in the hospital whenever I was younger. Most of it consisted of the pain I had because of the malfunctioning kidney I had. It was fine now, miraculously. That wasn’t important now, though. I was only worried about one thing and it was Hazel.
i love this story sooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!
1/17/14