Perfect

JAMIE
What was I thinking agreeing to help the biggest jerk on the planet? It’s my own fault for thinking Harry Styles could be anything more. I’m beginning to think the entire group of friends is a little nuts. You never know what they’re thinking until they do something and then you’re left completely clueless! That kiss was planned, but I certainly didn’t give Harry the satisfaction of putting any effort into it. This was what it was, a plan, nicely concocted by Harry’s conniving mind, and I wanted to get away from all this and be home, even if home was a two-room apartment in Springvale that I shared with Kate. Kate was the one whose name was on the lease and she was nice enough to let it slide when I hadn’t been able to pay the rent for a few months while I was looking for work. The thing is, I never finished college. I’ve always had money problems, and growing up with a family who wasn’t even properly middle class can be tiresome. My father owns a tiny diner and even as a kid it made only enough money for us to be able to survive, and my father wouldn’t give it up because it was his dream and because ‘it put food on the table.’
Well, that was about the only thing it did. But I believe everyone has a dream, and if they’re not allowed to pursue it, then what’s the point of living? I’m sure my father had dreams before we were born, but I wonder how much he had to give up because of his two kids and a wife who never worked a day in her life and ran away with a waiter in our diner for two whole years but when she came back, my father took her in and forgave her like it was nothing. To her credit, my mother never cheated on my father again. She cleaned up her act and acted like a mother and a wife for the rest of our childhoods, but it was never the same. Our family had lost its laughter when she left and it never came back. Sure, we had Christmases and birthdays and dinners but there was a veil of sadness over everything we did. As much as I love my parents, I wish they had been strong enough to choose something else. I wish they had been brave enough to look for love and waited for their dreams to come true, but they always just settled. I always tell myself that’s not going to me. Maybe they didn’t have a choice, for whatever reason, but I will make sure I always have that choice, that no one can take it away.
But as much as I feel bad for myself, I feel even worse for Harry. He truly believes that the whole world is a dark place and that everyone is out to get him. But for a person who lacks faith in others, he’s very adamant about me trusting him. The funny thing is that he fails to see the irony in that.
“So Jamie,” Natalie says. “How long are you planning to stay in Vegas?”
Natalie’s voice reminds me that this act hasn’t ended. I can’t wait for this to be over so I can go hail a cab and get to the airport. But I’ve already gone this far, if I bail on Harry now, it would just be mean. “I’m leaving tonight,” I tell her and she looks almost relieved. I won’t be surprised if the two of them will have planned something together before my plane even leaves the airport. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. If Harry thinks that he can keep her by doing all this then who am I to tell him otherwise? Not like he actually listens when you talk to him. And he looks at me like I’m something that needs help, a pity project, and I’m going to be glad not to feel that way anymore. The minute this is over, you’re gone. The thought gives me some peace.
“Hey,” Harry whispers in my ear. “Didn’t you have to go to the ladies room?”
I smile at Pierre and Natalie. “Right,” I say. “Guess I’ll catch you two later.”
“Leaving already?” Pierre asks.
“Not leaving,” Harry says, and winks. “Just going to the ladies’ room.”
Pierre laughs and rubs Natalie’s back. “What do you say, honey?” he says. “Maybe we can both go to the men’s room? I know how much you like quickies.”
“Pierre,” Natalie says.
I can tell whatever game Harry has been playing is having an effect on her. She looks and sounds totally jealous. It’s strange because Pierre sounds like a nice guy. But I guess that’s what happens to nice people—they get cheated on.
Harry and I head towards the bathrooms and he actually pulls me inside the ladies’ room and pushes me against a wall.
“What’re you doing?” I ask.
Harry places a finger on his lips. “Just play along,” he says and starts kissing me.
I break off. “Why?” I ask. “She’s not here!”
Harry looks at me. “She will be,” he says. “Trust me.”
We wait.
A woman comes inside and sees us and Harry starts fake-moaning and saying dirty things until she leaves. Despite the circumstances, it makes me laugh.
“Someone likes dirty talk,” Harry says, still standing against me, ready to start acting the minute someone comes in.
“This is stupid,” I say.
“But you’re laughing,” he says. “So it’s definitely good stupid.”
“Is that your infamous sweet-talk?”
“Oh baby,” Harry says, making a fake seductive face. “If I turn on the Harry Styles’ infamous sweet-talk, you won’t know what hit you.”
“Hmmm.”
“Are you getting excited, Jamie? Is that it? Do you want some of the Harry Styles, baby?”
“Right,” I say. “Cause there’s nothing more exciting than standing in a bathroom and fake-moaning your way through a fake-quickie.”
“Hey, it can be real if you want.”
“Shut up, Harry!”
Someone turns the doorknob from outside and Harry starts kissing me again.
It’s Natalie.
“Whoa,” she says, but walks right in and goes over to the sink to wash her hands. “You two are still at it? Don’t you have a room or something?”
“Hey,” Harry says, caressing my face. “We’re young. We don’t live like you old couples. I know the fun has already gone out of your lives but we can still be spontaneous.”
“Oh we’re plenty spontaneous,” she says and uses some kind of lotion on her hands. “Nice running into you, Jamie. Hopefully, someday we can meet outside of a bathroom.”
She leaves and Harry starts to laugh. “Oh my God, did you see that?” he says. “She was totally pissed!”
“Yes,” I say. “I noticed. Now could you please get off me?”
“Oh,” he says and breaks off. “Was I hurting you?”
“No,” I say. Not in the way you think.
We both head out and leave the bathroom to the ladies waiting outside and Harry ducks from his mother and some guy who looks like a bodyguard. “Oh no,” he says. “She brought reinforcements.”
“Who is that?”
“That’s her bodyguard, Max.”
“But, isn’t Max the one who gave you the tickets?”
“Yeah,” Harry says. “But he also told her he did.”
“Right. And why would he give you the tickets only to tell your mother about it?”
“Because he can’t refuse either of us,” Harry says.
“You must have really wanted the tickets.”
“Don’t you want to stay for a bit?” Harry says when he sees that I’m ready to leave. “It’s a fun party. We can just enjoy it now that we’re done with the plan.”
His phone rings.
The look on his face, says win.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” I ask. “Natalie’s calling you already?”
“Well, that was the plan, wasn’t it?”
“Of course.”
“Jamie…I’m sorry about being a dick earlier. I shouldn’t have said all those things.”
“That’s fine,” I say. “After tonight, I’m not even going to remember your name, so it doesn’t really matter.”
I say this and walk outside.
It’s cold.
“Are you really going straight to the airport?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say. “My bags are packed and in the car. You made the reservations. I should be headed there if I want to make the flight on time.”
“At least let me give you a ride—”
“Harry, I don’t want a ride. I don’t want anything. You’ve done enough.”
“Look,” he says. “Just stay in the hotel for a few days. I’ll get you your own room. You’re here, you should have fun. Why’re you leaving so soon? I know that wasn’t your plan.”
“Plans kind of change when you’re so-called boyfriend drugs you.”
He just stands there.
Not leaving.
Not allowing me to leave.
I realize I have to make the first move. “Will you get me my bags?” I say. “They’re in the trunk—”
As I’m saying this, Harry moves over to me, at a speed that astonishes me and then his mouth is on me and he’s trying to kiss me.
“Harry,” I say. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t feel it, Jamie.”
“Feel what?”
“The first time we kissed,” he says. “When we were standing there talking to Natalie and Pierre…I…I just felt something.”
“Really?” I say. “Cause I felt nothing.”
“You think I’m sweet-talking you.”
“I don’t know what you’re doing, Harry. But it’s definitely not sweet-talking.”
“Jamie,” he says. “I felt something and I know you did too, don’t lie to me!”
“Now you’re just making things up—”
“Oh yeah?” Harry says. This time he puts his hands on my waist and pulls me towards him and he draws me in close as his mouth seizes my lips and I find myself leaning in and kissing him back because I have no choice but to let go and I find myself melting into the kiss—
By the time he breaks away, I’m breathless.
Harry is too as he speaks the next words. “Still nothing?”
“No,” I say, backing away from him.
“Liar!”
I don’t have to do this.
I don’t have to listen to him, I know what he is. He’s just playing with my head like he was playing with Natalie’s head just now; this is all a big game to him. I know better. I know better than to fall for it!
“I’m leaving, Harry.” I turn my back to him and start walking.
“No, you’re not.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“Jamie,” he says, following me as I walk towards his car to get my luggage. “You know you’ll regret it if you don’t stop now. You know we have something here. You know. Are you just going to walk away without giving it a chance?”
“Oh my God, Harry! I’m so over your crap!” I stop, because his car is right behind me and turn to him. “You’re only doing this because I said no and because you’re used to having everything your way!”
He smiles sadly. “If I always got it my way, Natalie wouldn’t have broken up with me. If I always got my way, she would have left that bastard for me!”
He has tears in his eyes.
Suddenly, all the anger I had for him is gone.
I go up to him and put my arms around him.
He starts to cry like a baby.
I can’t believe it. Harry-freaking-Styles, breaking up in my arms like a broken little boy and it’s the first time I realize that I may have been handling this all wrong. When he finally stops sobbing, he breaks away. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m a mess.”
“No you’re not,” I say. “You’re just in a mess. But you’ll get over her, I promise.”
“Don’t leave, Jamie.”
“You said you wanted to see if we had something special, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“You still want that?”
“More than anything.”
“Well then,” I say. “You have to let me go.”
“What?”
“Harry,” I say. “If I stay now, we’ll probably fall into some stupid rebound relationship and even if we have something, we’ll both blow it. Is that what you want? For us to become some rebound disaster story? Or would you rather wait and have something that’s far more special?” He’s looking at me like he cannot believe these words that are coming out of my mouth. “Right now,” I continue. “You’re hurt. You’re going to want to hurt her in return and I understand why you’d want that, but Harry, even hate is love. Indifference—that’s the opposite of love, not hate. Hate takes hold of you in ways that love can’t even begin to. You don’t want that to be you, Harry. I wouldn’t want that to be you. So whatever else you’re planning to do to her, don’t. Let her go, Harry. She doesn’t want to be with you. If she did, she’d be here, not in there with some fake-smiling, faux-French husband.”
“And here I thought you were a lost cause. Turns out I was.”
“You’re not a lost cause!” I say. “Harry, I know now that you can feel love. That you can love someone that way, that completely. That you will go to lengths to be with them and to sacrifice yourself. So what if she didn’t respond to your love? It’s her loss! Not yours. And maybe having this experience with wasn’t so bad. Who knows, she might have taught you how to love.”
He smiles. “Jamie Crawford,” he says. “You have officially given me the world’s most boring speech.”
I laugh. “You’re a jerk, you know that?”
“Hey,” he says. “It’s a job like any other. Someone has to do it. We can’t all be Jamie Crawfords and give our love to random strangers.”
“Actually we can,” I say. “And we should.”
“I feel like we’ve got the hate out of our systems, don’t you think?” he says. “I mean, I still feel something…a sense of loss. Pain. But I don’t feel anger. Or rage. Or even hate.”
“Maybe you’ll feel it again tomorrow,” I say. “And maybe you won’t. But Harry, I’ll be right here. I mean…maybe not physically, but I’ll be around. We’re friends. That will never change.”
“Jamie,” he says. “You can count on me too, you know that right?”
“I know,” I say and smile. “Now drive me to the airport because it’s cold out here, and I don’t want to freeze my you-know-what off.”
“Are all your angry outbursts G-rated?” He takes out a key fob and presses a button. There is a chirping sound and Harry gets inside the driver’s side so I get in from the other side. He turns on the heat and finally I can relax. He turns on the radio and switches to a classic rock station that’s playing a Guns N’ Roses song and we both start singing.
Take me down
To the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won’t you please take me home
“Jamie,” Harry says when the song ends. “This is not goodbye.”

Notes