Love Ridden

I am in my kitchen making myself a cup of tea. My last ditch effort to try and calm myself since nothing has worked for the last hour or so. That’s how long it’s been since I saw Niall last, only an hour. Then I hear my front door slam and the sound makes me jump. The door was locked and only two other people have keys and only one would be slamming it right now. I hear those familiar heavy footfalls and then I see him. He appears in front of me, standing in my kitchen as if there by magic. His face covered in so many emotions I can’t even begin to separate them all. The three most prevalent are anger, hurt, and worry.

Pushing past him, I walk out of the kitchen and leave my mug sitting on the counter still full. Tea is not going to help this. There is nothing strong enough to help this. I hear him follow me and I stop, turning to face him. His face is only inches from mine. But this is not the way I’d imagined it.

"What the hell was that?!" He asks, his voice a quiet unsettling calm. Unsettling because I know that he is beyond angry with me. "How can you just leave me like that? In the middle of a shop? I haven’t seen you in forever. Where have you been?" He is steadily getting louder, his volume growing like his agitation. He grips my shoulders in frustration. "Do you have any idea what I’ve been going through? You left me! With no word! Just one moment you were there and the next moment you were gone." I feel his hands start to shake though he is trying not to let it show. "I tried to call you. I tried to text you. You never once picked up. You never once answered me. What was I supposed to think?! What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t think of what I had done wrong! Why would my best fiend suddenly decide she was done with me?!"

I pull myself from his hands and sit. I just collapse right there in the middle of the floor. He thought he had done something wrong. That was something I hadn’t accounted for. I thought he would just forget about me. I thought it would be like every other time. He would throw himself head first into this new girl and lose himself in her. That's what always happens. I am forgotten. Why hasn’t that happened this time?

I watch him sink down in front of me. “You have to talk to me! I’ve driven everyone around me mad. I’m not even seeing that girl anymore. You know what she told me?! She told me she couldn’t stand to hear me talk about you anymore! See! Everyone! I drove everyone crazy! Now talk to me! Tell me! What the hell happened between us?!”

This is it. This is my moment. Do I tell him? Do I say all the things I’ve thought about? Do I admit just how much I’ve missed him. How much I love him? Can I do this?

What will happen? What if it blows up? What if it all goes wrong?!

I don’t know what to do! I look at Niall’s face, looking into the eyes of my best friend, the eyes of the man I love and they are hurting.

I have to take the chance. I have to. I can’t live like this. I have to do it. I have to jump.

I open my mouth. Begin to form the words.

And I leap.

Notes