Love Ridden

What am I doing right now? Currently? Well, I’m losing my mind. I could explain right now, but let’s go back a little shall we?

Rewind two weeks.

I’m sitting here, at the pub, it’s Friday night, and I’m staring at her. I know I’m being obvious, but something is not right. She hasn’t said more than three words to me all night. She’s avoided my gaze. I’ve gotten no eye contact, no laughs, nothing. I tried to ask her best mate, Jenny, what’s the matter, but all she’s given me is a noncommittal shrug. If I wasn’t already confused, I definitely would be now. I’ve clearly done something and I’m left wracking my brain to think of whatever tiny miscue or action I’ve taken. I’m coming up empty every time.

Fuck. I know I look pissed. I know all of our friends can tell something is on my mind. It also doesn’t help that Number Two wanted to come along tonight. I tried to shake her off, but I had no such luck. So here I am looking hopelessly lost and perturbed, while the girl I want to be mine completely ignores me and all the while I’m ignoring the girl I came here with.

I look over at Number Two who is batting her eyelashes at me. I try for a natural smile, a feeble attempt to hide my mood. I reconcile myself with the fact that I’m going to get nothing solved tonight. Maybe I’ll try tomorrow. I’ll call her, maybe see if I can come over…

Fast forward two days.

I’ve been a complete ass. I had sudden work stuff come up and I didn’t call her. I haven’t talked to her at all. But now I’ve got some free time and I can finally figure this thing out. Picking up my phone, I realize suddenly I’m nervous. Maybe I’ll just text her first. See what she’s up to. I pull her name up, shooting off a quick message, asking her if she’s busy, if maybe she wants to get together. Normally she responds to me right away, so I’m watching my phone for the telltale sign that she’s typing, those tiny little dots that show me what’s coming, but there’s nothing. I sigh and put my phone down. I’ll just have to be patient.

*several hours later*

It feels like I’ve checked my phone for the billionth time. She still hasn’t answered me. Still nothing. I’ve resisted the urge to text her again and again. I don’t want to seem as desperate as I actually am.

It’s not until I’m laying in bed that I finally hear my phone buzz. I scramble to see if it’s her and it
is. Opening it, I instantly frown as I see it’s so short, only a few sentences.

"Hey. Sorry. I’ve been busy all day. I’m off to bed now."

That’s it. Nothing else. Before I can even stop myself, I’m calling her. When she finally answers, her voice sounds tired and sad. It makes me wonder if I put that tone there. Did I make her sound like this?

"Niall…I just texted you that I was going to bed…"

I know shouldn’t have called her, but its too late now. I start to apologize. “I know. I’m sorr…” But she cuts me off.

"It’s fine, but I’m gonna go. I’m exhausted. Maybe I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? …Goodnight."

"Okay…Sleep well…Good night, love.." It’s not until I’ve finished speaking that I realize I’m talking to dead air. She’s hung up on me, didn’t even let me say goodbye.

Fast forward five days.

I haven’t talked to her since the night she hung up on me. I’ve tried to call her, but somehow I never reach her and half the time it goes straight to voicemail. I stopped leaving her messages after she didn’t return the first two or three. But I should see her tonight. It’s Friday. Pub night.

*later that night*

Her chair is empty. It’s like a void exists where she should be.

Everyone’s asking me where she is and I don’t have an answer. I turn to Jenny with the same question and all she tells me is that she had work stuff.

I’m lost again.

I sip my pint in silence. My eyes never wavering from where she should be.

Fast forward to now.

You never realize how much you need something until it’s gone.

That’s what happened to me. I’ve lost my mind. It turns out that Madelyn was a much bigger piece of my heart than I had even realized.

It’s only been two weeks, but I haven’t seen or heard from her and that lack of contact has driven me crazy.

I’m forgetting things left and right.

I left my keys in my door, just dangling there. I forgot I had a meeting and only made it on time because Harry happened to text me about it. I even forgot the lyrics to my own damn song. Who does that?!

But the worst thing that could have possibly happened, just did.

I called Number Two by the wrong name.

And now shit’s about to hit the fucking fan.

Notes