Love Ridden

I’ve laid in bed all night, completely restless. The sun is starting to come up now and I’ve literally spent the entire night reliving every moment from start to finish.

I groan, rolling over. I haven’t been comfortable since she left. I still can’t figure out what happened. For the life of me, I can’t put my finger on what changed. The more I think about it the more fidgety and unsettled I become. Did I do something to put her off? Something to upset her? Shaking my head, I readjust myself for the millionth time. That can’t be it. Nothing was different last night from any other night, apart from me almost spilling my feelings all over the place.

I put my pillow over my face and groan. This shouldn’t be so hard. Isn’t falling in love and being happy supposed to be easy? Falling in love with her was easy for me. It happened so gradually that I didn’t even realize it until I was already head over heels.

I’ve always felt so comfortable around her. From the very beginning even. That first night I met her, she was in a pub with a few of her friends. She bumped into me, spilled her drink, said a few very choice swear words, and then introduced herself.

“Fucking A! Piece of shit! Gah! Could I be any more clumsy?” Then she looked up at me with wide eyes. “Oh god! I’m so sorry! I hope I didn’t get you. I’m Madelyn, by the way.” She'd introduced herself as she brushed herself clean.

I remember thinking that she was gorgeous and I tried to charm her. I put on my best smile, saying to her, “You seem to have spilled your drink there…” That was when she stopped in mid-swipe and looked up at me with a are-you-fucking-serious face and called me ‘Captain Obvious’. That’s true love for you, right there.

That night was fantastic and just the beginning of a fast friendship. We did nothing but laugh and joke. Even though she had known who I was from the very beginning, she never treated me any different. She called me on my bullshit and never let me get away with anything, she was always there for me. Hell, I think I went to her more than anyone else when I had a problem or was stressed. She has always been what made me feel better.

I can’t even remember when I first realized I loved her. It was like I finally just woke up one morning wishing she was lying next to me, wishing I could hold her close to me, kiss her good morning. There was no turning back after that. I’ve thought about her every day since. Even when I tried to get her out of my head, it never worked. No other girl has ever compared to her. She is the only person I want with me.

I groaned again. All these thoughts were not helping, considering the way she left here last night. I’ve got to figure out what happened. I rolled around trying to find a comfortable spot on my bed that currently felt like I was sleeping on bricks. I punched my pillow a few times, then shoving my head back into it.

I had one good thought to hold on to. Tomorrow. I’ll see her tomorrow at the pub. It’s our ritual, Friday night, around a table, all of our friends, and some laughs and drinks. I’ll see her then.
I’m going to figure this out.

And then I’m going to say the words that I should’ve said to her last night.

I’m going to tell her I love her.

Notes