Drowning in Sight of Land

I thought, for some naïve reason, that I could walk away from Harry clean. I thought that maybe we had been a one night thing. Maybe once he’d gotten what he wanted he would stop coming around and I could breathe freely again, because I definitely wasn’t breathing like I used to anymore. I was holding in this mixture of excitement and dread every time I saw him.
He didn’t leave me alone though. In a way I was grateful. I would gladly hold my breath awhile longer as long as he was gently touching my waist as we passed each other backstage and sneaking up behind me to lay his chin on my shoulder and ask me how my day was.
As the Asian leg of the tour drew to a close, he seemed to come to see me more and more. He appeared needy like I had never known him to be. He was quieter too, almost despondent. I’ve never involved myself in the rumors and chatter flowing endlessly backstage, but there are some things you can’t ignore no matter how hard you try. The word on the street, and in the kitchen, was that there was turmoil in the band it’s self. By our last night in Bangkok it all came to a screeching, fitful head. Zayn had decided to go home.
For the first time in my experience, no one in the crew really wanted to talk about anything. Everyone did their job in relative hush. The air felt heavy and the silence deafening.
I didn’t see much of the band it’s self that day. They had closed ranks and kept to their dressing rooms. Sarah, our lead chef and kitchen queen, opted to take individual trays to them privately. I would be lying if I said I didn’t worry about Harry a bit. He had always spoken of this band like it was something that could last forever and I feared that it may just be coming to an end right here before our eyes.
Back at the hotel that night I resigned myself to my bed, curled up tight, rot with apprehension and uneasiness. Not really for myself. If this ended I could easily find another job. I was worried for the boys, I was worried for the friends I had made on the crew who had devoted their lives to this band, but most of all I was afraid to see it be over like that, abruptly.
I had finally fallen into a fitful sleep when there was a booming knock at my door. I went to jump from my bed but got caught up in the top sheet and more or less tumbled in the direction of the door.
Peering through the peephole I was surprised to see Harry standing there accompanied by a body guard. He was in a tshirt and sweat shorts, hotel slippers on his feet. His hair wasn’t in a bun or even recently combed. He was a mess. A sexy mess but a mess nonetheless.
“I’m sorry if you were asleep.” He started immediately upon me opening the door. I pulled the door open further to let them both in before anyone in the hall saw. Their floors are always blocked off in our hotels but the crew are typically not part of that. At any moment an iPhone-wielding girl could jump around the corner and ruin this night further.
His bodyguard did not come in with him. He simply reminded Harry to call when he needed to go back to his room and slowly wandered off down the hall toward the elevators. I often wondered what they thought of him coming to my room. I wondered how much they knew. Did they laugh to themselves when he didn’t call until morning? Did he tell them about what he was doing or did he keep our secret to himself?
Harry didn’t waste time in removing his shirt and slippers and climbing into my still warm bed. I stood awkwardly, as if it were his room that I were in, instead of the other way around.
“Please get into bed, Malu.” He said, halfway between a whine and a whisper. “I’m sorry to just show up like this but I just need to be with you right now.”
“I…..it’s ok.” Was all I could muster. I didn’t know what he wanted from me. Sex? A cuddle? A blowjob? A chat? I wasn’t entirely sure what was even going on at all. The entire day had been beyond bizarre.
I did what he asked and got back into bed, scooting and wiggling until my back fit perfectly to his chest and his arm draped over me to hold tightly across my body, fingers tucked under my waist. He was warm and smelled freshly showered. I didn’t want to, I fought it desperately, but within minutes I had fallen asleep.
I was woken up to Harry’s phone buzzing frantically on the night stand next to me. I turned a bit under his heavy arm to wake him but the even rise and fall of his chest and the warmth of his breath on my neck begged me not to. Instead I picked the phone up slowly and read the name on the screen. Bas Whalen. I knew Bas well. He’s Niall’s right hand man and a secret gluttonous lover of my cheesecake bites. I decided to answer.
“Good morning, Bas.” I whispered into the phone. “It’s Malu. I know this is weird but Harry is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him just yet.”
Bas laughed a bit. “Nothing is weird to me anymore. But we need him in Liam’s room in 30 minutes. Paddy will be coming to get him soon. Tell him I’m sorry.”
I began hanging up but my finger paused over the button. “Oh, wait! Bas!”
“Yes?” He replied hurriedly.
“Just, you know, please don’t tell anyone about this.” I know I sounded pathetic, and surely they all already knew, but I was hopeful that I could keep my privacy a bit longer.
“Secret’s safe with me, doll.” He chuckled out, and we both hung up.
I wriggled my body to face Harry and slid my hand down his chest to his stomach and rubbed light circles. That’s how my mother used to wake me as a child and I remember it always feeling so gentle and calming. I wanted that for him. I wanted him to feel ok.
I watched his face contort a bit, nose scrunching and lips parting, before he finally opened his eyes to look back into mine.
“Mmm, good morning.” He said slowly, voice deep and cracking a bit.
“Good morning, love.” I nuzzled my face into his neck to avoid either of us catching the other’s morning breath. “Bas called you. You need to get up.”
“You should have told him no.” He laced his hand into my hair and scratched my scalp with the pads of his fingers. “I don’t want to move from right here.”
“Shhh. I know.” I ran my nails lightly over his chest and stomach, hoping to rouse him further from his slumber. “Did you sleep well at least?”
“I slept great. Not a single dream that I remember but it’s the most I’ve slept in some time.” The soothing pace of his speech was beginning to tug me back toward dreamland so I pulled away a bit to get out of bed.
Harry’s hand closed in on my wrist and yanked slightly. “Baby, don’t.” I tried not to smile as wide as I wanted to. It was the first time he ever called me baby. I let myself fall back down, half on top of him, and craned my neck to kiss just under his chin.
“Paddy’s coming to get you, love. We have to get up.” I begged, all the while allowing myself to be wrapped in his warm arms. He pulled me onto him completely and yanked at my tank top.
“Lets just get this off of you.”
I let it happen. I didn’t exactly want to get out of bed either. I let him pull my shirt off and slide his thumbs over my erect nipples. I let him pull my panties back and rub gently at where my body ached for him. I didn’t say a single word of protest when he wiggled his shorts down his hips to settle at his thighs, exposing himself for me to touch. I knew we didn’t have much time but I didn’t care at all.
He let me ride him for a minute or two before pulling me to his chest and taking over, pumping his hips up into me while I bit and sucked gently as his neck and chest. He had one hand on my ass, holding my panties to the side, and the other planted firmly between my shoulders. Our chests were glued together with our sweat and somehow I liked that. Harry has a way of making nasty feel sweet.
When I felt his movements get jerky and quick, close to climax, I took over, rolling my hips rapidly. I loved to watch his eyes glaze over and mouth hang open. Both of his hands dug into my sides, lifting me and pushing me back down until he let go and let his open palms slide down my thighs as he came.
I gave him a smirk to match his goofy grin. “We really do need to get up now.”
“Now I want to even less!” He whined back.

Notes