eunoia. h.styles

writing in my journal is something i did a lot. I like to express my feelings about certain things and when i'm ready to express them i write them down in my journal that i have had for three years. I don’t really have any friends so this journal is my friend it understands exactly what i'm going through. My parents are never home they are always at work and when they are here they never listen to what i have to say. I have no siblings so im the only child , which my parents of course hate. I have this crush on this boy name Harry , everyday i go to the bakery just to see him but he doesn’t know it, We have spoken before but thats only when he ask what can he get me. Right now i'm on my way to the bakery , i write in my journal there because no one will bother me.

Once i got there I sat in the back of the small store and opened my journal and began to write

Entry 1095 December , 2014
Crushes there pathetic but i have one thats you .. your gorgeous and i wish you were mine , but i'm no good for you i'm ugly worthless to skinny. Maybe if we were born in the same star i could probably feel something better than this like maybe i can feel the space in my soul hauling us together. Those eyes of yours could swallow stars , galaxies and universes. Your hair just flows , curly brown. Perhaps that could be your nickname. Your lips are so plump , red sometimes but pink because its cold outside but i wish i could kiss them have a taste of them. The way you dress just gives me feels and maybe describes you, your always wearing either a black or white t shirt that sometimes shows your chest and how i wish i could touch it and feel it maybe lay down on it. Sometimes i think im in love with you and that maybe one day i will love you as icarus loved the sun and little bit too close , too much. One day I hope that me and you will be something much more so that we can live forever and die together and at the end when i'm gone i'll look down and tell you how much i love you and it will go on and on forever.

“ Hi what can i get you today “ Harry asked me.

“ Um ill just have a coffee and a blueberry muffin please ? “ he nodded but didn’t leave. he was staring at something which was my journal. I hurried up and closed it and smiled trying not to be awkward but of course failed.

“ Who were you writing about ? “ he furrowed his eyebrows.

“ um no one “

“ seem as if it was me because i'm always wearing black and white shirts “ he said smiling a bit

“ no its my boyfriend charles “ i lied which was terrible.

“ but you just said you were writing about no one “ damn it.

“ ummmmmmm “

“ whats your name , you know you never told me “

“ oh its l-” i was cut off .

“ Harry get your bloody butt in here ! “ he just smiled “ i get your blueberry muffin and coffee “ and walked away.

I talked to Harry and i could smell his minty breath from where he was standing , the smirk that was playing on his face the whole time was just so cute i could ramble on about the other cute things he was doing but i was interrupted by some girl sitting in front of me.

“ Hi im Diana , from our old highschool i use to see you walking around .. and sitting by yourself at lunch and now i thought you could use some friends” well this Diana girl had some balls to come and sit in front me because usually people wouldn’t even stare at me , they thought they would catch std’s or aids.

“ Well Hi “ i said smiling a bit “ my name is - “

“ Laura i know such a pretty name for a pretty girl “ she said messing with her nails. “ what brings by here ? “

“ I like to sit in here , since no one really bothers me and write in my journal “

“ Yeah i have a journal too , i write about literally everything in there especially my boyfriend Zayn “ she said looking back to the boy over there talking to some other boys who were all attractive but not more than Harry. i think.

“ Wow i thought i was the only one who had a journal in highschool “ i said laughing .

“ Nope , what were you listening to before i came in ? “ she has a lot of questions

“ I miss you by Blink - 182 “ i said smirking i love that song.

“ YOU LISTEN TO BLINK ! “ she said screaming causing Zayn to look over here.

“ Indeed i do “

Harry brought my coffee and muffin soon after Diana’s crazy fan girl attack over Blink - 182 and other bands. We carried a conversation for minutes that turned into hours and i soon felt comfortable around her to even tell her my deepest secret. I felt like we’ve been best friends since kindergarten.I told her about my daily vists on friday to the library and other stuff She was an amazing girl and Zayn was lucky to have her. We exchanged numbers and i soon headed back home.

..

My walk wasn’t that long since it was dark out and i was scared to pieces so i was walking pretty fast.

I walked inside and called for my mom and dad and no one answered .. i know there here i'm just trying to see if they’ll answer.

My mom came down stairs and smiled at me .

“ We have good news Laura “ she said and i nodded for her to continue

“ You're gonna start staying with your Aunt Jenny until you actually graduate from college “ she said clapping “ isn’t this great ? “

“ You think this shit is good ? “ i said laughing “ well great you guys don’t give one fuck about me or anything that i do ! you don’t support me ! you don’t help me ! you don’t give me advice ! your bad parents and i hate the shit out of you too “ i said angry but then smiled “ it will be my pleasure to leave this hell hole “

I walked up stairs and heard my mom say “ well that was easy “ such a bitch, I decided to pack since i was leaving tomorrow. Her house isn’t that far from the bakery its only 2 minutes down the road. So yayyy ! plus I like my aunt she treats me like her own daughter.

..

A week passed and i was doing just great at my aunt house , I was hanging out with her son Louis who was apparently Harry’s best friend of 5 years which was great ! Me and Diana meet up at the bakery every day now and we became best friends I meet Zayn and the other two boys Niall and Liam. They were friends with Louis and Harry so therefore they would be over my aunts house a lot.

Diana made me meet her parents and all since she said her parents had to have approval on her friends.

They said a whole bunch of things honestly.

“ I really like you “ Diana’s mom said her name is Lizzie she’s the sweetest women ever she continued to tell me she like me because I don’t dress like a whore and i'm a great example to Diana she needs more friends like me blah blah blah her dad wasn’t there he had a business trip.

She already knew my aunt from Lou and Zayn so she was good.

I was on my way to the bakery when a car pulled up next to me.

It was Diana and some other two girls.

“ Hop in loser were going shopping “

“ dude this isn’t mean girls “ she starts laughing.

“ Im serious though get in we are going shopping with Lea Lou ex girlfriend and Ariana Liams ex “ i furrowed my eyebrows.

“ Okay ! “ I got in the back with Lea.

“ So where are you from ? “ Lea asked smiling , she has pretty teeth.

“ Canada , how ab-” she cut me off in an instant.

“ New York , well first Ohio but then i moved to New York to go to Nyada with friend Kurt , I was in the play called Funny Girl i was the main character and then this girl i use to go to highschool with was my roommate i told her about how opening auditions where coming up and she went in and audition ! And she became my back up person incase i got sick which i weren’t and never did ! She thought she was better than me ! she tried to take my shine ! I need to be in the spotlight not her ! “ Lea said getting really angry. She made this into a whole story and i only asked her where she was from.

“ Omg Lea “ Ariana start it “ no one cares about what happened plus that was like a year ago get over it okay ? “ she turned around.

“ Sorry about her she does that alot “ Diana said laughing.

“ So how do you all know each other ? “ i asked , and Diana started.

“ Well me and Lea were friends back in highschool we dated the same boy his name was Finn but he died in 2013 “ and then Lea got sad. “ Lea was going to marry him “

“ Ariana , we met her through Louis and Zayn and that was in 2014 last year right when we moved here “ she finished.

“ So Ariana , you're from Ohio to ? “ and she nodded.

“ Why did you guys move all the way here ? “ i asked confused.

“ We could ask you the same thing “ Diana laughed “ but we wanted to get away from everyone , Lea wanted to leave because everything up North reminded her of Finn and glee club “

“ Glee club ? “ I asked.

“ Here she goes “ ariana said sighing.

“ OHHH ! “ Lea yelled “ Glee club was the club in my old high school mckinley high , we sung a whole bunch of songs and i would always get solos for sectionals , regionals , and nationals , Diana was a cheerleader and in glee club but quit then came back she turned into a ‘ skant ‘ they called their group it was ridiculous “

We pulled up into the parking lot of a small strip of clothing stores they all looked good and i wanted to go in each one of them. My aunt gave me a card so i could at least buy some more clothes and things i like.

..

We were shopping all the way to eight which was long because when they got me of the side of the street it was about 12. Diana dropped everyone off but before that we all exchanged numbers. I hopped in the front of the car and Diana started driving me home.

“ So Laura , “ She said looking my way.

“ Yes ? “ i said laughing.

“ How’s college ? See any cute boys you like ? “ she said turning the corner.
“ No but theres one who doesn’t go there who i adore the most “ i said starting to daydream about him , Harry.

“ WHO ! “ She said screaming.

“ You have to promise not to tell him or anyone else ? “ I said looking serious because i was ! I was more than serious.

“ I promise “ she said.

“ That person is “ i waited to think about but Diana was anxious.

“ HURRY ! “ she laughed.

“ Harry “ the car stopped as I covered my face. I was scared to peek or to see Diana’s reaction.

“ Laura uncover your face . “ she sounded serious way serious.

“ Um you can’t really like him “ she said raising her eyebrows a bit.

“ Why not ? “

“ because Harry he has a girlfriend her name is kendall “ she turned back around.

The fact that she told me this was pathetic i should've never said i had a crush. Harry has a girlfriend and I bet she is the prettiest thing you have ever seen. But wait i can still like him right ? He doesn’t have to know that i like him. It can be me and Diana secret..

“ Diana i can still like him , since he has a girlfriend doesn’t mean i have to stop liking him right ? “

“ Yeah right ! “ She said smiling pulling in my aunts driveway.

“ Well this is our secret your promised me so keep your promise. “ i said sternly this was a serious situation, If harry figured out that i liked him he’ll probably be disgusted with me and won’t be able to talk to me.

“ See ya later “ i said and went in the house and go sleep.

Harry is always on my mind when im sleeping i swear almost every night i have a dream about him and its crazy. I hate when im on a good part then Louis comes in and wakes me up for college since i forgot my alarm clock but anyways he ruins it ! Sometimes we were about to kiss then boom here comes trouty mouth.


I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW KILL ME !

Notes