H.P.O.V.

I want to go home. I want a home again.

"Harry, stop calling. She's probably asleep."

"She, I-- no." I mumble. The desperation is rolling off of me in waves.

'Please leave your name and number after the beep. Thanks!'

I sigh with an unfair frustration. I get it. She's not going to pick up, she doesn't want to hear from me and tragically and well deserved. She may hate me.

I know I deserve to be hated. I hate myself now too.

"Come on, baby," I whisper to myself. "Just once. Just let me hear your voice." I'll take anything. I'll happily let her beat me half to death. I'll stay still and allow the hits, the overdue shouting, the names I deserve to be called. I'll take it all if it means I can see her.

"She's not going to pick up," mum tells with an angry brow. "Harry, let her be."

"I can't," he say with a heavy sadness. "Mum, please, I can't."

She nods, her hair bouncing on her shoulders. "I knew this would happen. I told you it would and you laughed, in my face, Harry."

And I feel the tears at brim again, "I know," I half whisper.

"She didn't deserve this. She never did." I know mum is trying to be sympathetic with me. She's always had a soft spot for me but even I know mum is furious. "You can't put someone through hell, and then expect them to pick up your calls like it never happened."

"I don't know what to do," I whimper tears clouding my eyes. "I, Mum, if I had known I'd feel this way, or that I--"

"Enough with the 'I,' Harry! That's what got you here in the first place," My eyes widen at her sudden change in tone. She now stands with fury in her eyes, and unhappy lips. "She gave you the divorce you asked for because you wanted it. You kept calling her names, and the only reason I know that is because you did it in front of everyone! You cheated! You're a filthy cheater, Harry! You, you, you!" She's left breathless after her rampage. She's angry, she doesn't understand how her son could have been so stupid, and she has a headache thanks to my small brain. "Do you see how you caused this? That maybe--, maybe you should think about her if you actually love her the way you claim too?"

Mum wanted to murder me when the rumors of Natalie and I first started. I never had to confirm or deny anything. She knew and I almost shriveled up with disgust at my self when I saw the sheer disappointment and fury she felt. If that is what my mum was feeling I couldn't even imagine what Presley was feeling.

Louis' won't tell me. He won't even speak to me. The other lads are only polite with me because the band still needs to seem even the slightest bit amiable. People have noticed the riff between us, especially between Louis and I and the rumors (of secret lovers) are flying. They've banned me from bringing any guest to the studio. They think I'd bring Natalie around (even though she's asked me to bring her). I won't but they don't trust my word anymore. I don't blame them.

Gemma won't return my calls because she knows I know she calls Presley every day. She only answers my texts but she won't respond when I bring up my wife.

It took so long for me to realize that I deserve all of this. I deserve to be alone in life because I am selfish. I am trash.

And I only feel worse after my truths are revealed to me. I didn't think that was possible, but it was, and I'm ready to jump off of my balcony.

I breathe in tightly, "I fucked up." I bitterly reply. It's all I've been thinking since I last saw her. It's all I can feel.

"Yeah, no kidding." She chuckles dryly. "It's about time you realized it and become who you used to be. The Harry she fell in love with. The one who actually deserved her." I want to be that Harry again. I need to be if I'm going to survive, if I'm going to get to go home. "I love you Harry, I do, but after everything you did-- the cheating...I hope she puts you through hell." And that hurts me to hear because I know mum has never been more harsh or more right than at this very moment.

I don't think even luck will help.

Mum gathers her belongings and heads for the door. She turns before she disappears, her eyes staring me down in disappointment and pity. "You may be my son, Harry, but even I can't tell you that I hope she forgives you because right now I don't. I want what's best for her and I used to think that was you. Now i think it's best you leave the poor girl alone. She deserves to finally have some peace."

As the door slams shut my eyes fill with water and I barely manage to make it to my room. I collapse on the bed and pray for death to come see me.

Notes

Filthy cheater Harry.