If I make you smile will you fall in love with me?

"You know who I miss?"

"Who?" Louis' puckers his lips and continues chewing away. Louis' wanted to have lunch with me, and Louis' gave me a face I can't say no too. Louis' didn't play fair, but it's okay because we're friends again...because I think we're trying. "Don't say Harry when I've got a full stomach."

"Lou, your stomach is not full. You've just ordered three deserts."

"I love desert muppet, and you'll end up wanting some." He shrugs, and finishes his plate. "I took precautions. Now, who do you miss?"

"Can I tell you and you promise not to get mad? Or irritated?"

Louis' stops his munching and gives me his full attention. He swallows and sighs once he figures it out.

"You miss Eleanor?"

"I do--" I feel bad for admitting this, but at the same time I don't. "When you and I started talking again, I thought Eleanor would be involved--"

"You can still see her, Presley. We're still friends."

"I know, but--"

"You don't know if Eleanor wants to see you..." Louis' head bows almost instinctively, and my stomach drops when I see the way his excitement for his three deserts diminishes. "I never wanted to put you in the middle."

"And I'm not, Louis. But I defiantly want to respect El's privacy right now. She might not even be ready to see me-- she may not want too, and I understand that."

"Eleanor loves you, Presley. M'sure she wants to see you."

"I guess--"

"You're a frump," Louis puffs out. His smile returns and his joy for the sweets in front of him returns. Cute. "You know what Ben told me yesterday?"

"What did Ben say?" I have to remember to threaten Ben, or murder Louis after he tells me. One of those two, are my only options. "I know you two just started dating-- but I swear Lou, I'll kill him."

"Um, no? He's important muppet."

"Of-fucking course Ben is important. That's common knowledge."

"Obviously not that common if it took this long for me to see it."

I laugh and shake my head, "You're dense Lou', s'why it took you so long to see it."

Louis smiles, eyes crinkly, mouth open wide. "No argument there," he settles after a few seconds, and straightens out. "I can't believe I left you for so long," his words go straight to my heart. Louis' smile remains, and mine grows. "You know I'm sorry, yeah? That I never wanted to leave you?"

"You just did," I say trying my best to admit it with no heat. My smile still present but smaller.

"Yeah and I've missed a lot of your life, and was replaced. But m'here now muppet. That counts, right?"

I nod, "You didn't miss much, Louis. I wrote down everything I'd thought you'd ever want to know if you came back, and you did," I shrug lightly, and notice that my heart doesn't hurt as bad anymore. It's not sore. It's not completely wounded.

Louis takes a bite of his cake, and bobs his head. "That's what I was going to say."

"What?" Sometimes I wish I wasn't so slow.

"That you used to write to me-- especially when you were drunk. Ben said you never showed him, and he's still pissed about that...he's so fucking cute." Louis' grins at Ben's name. He turns serious and let's his fork touch his plate. "Will you show me?"

They're embarrassing, I think. I never read them after I wrote them. Never wanted to remember what I was thinking-- what I was feeling when I was full of vodka and cheep tequila. Some nights it was apple sours, but those were the nights where I didn't want a deadly hangover.

"I don't think they'll make sense..."

"Presley--"

"Lou, I was pissed of my face when I wrote...whatever I wrote." I don't even remember where--okay, that's a lie. My notebook is in a box. Under my bed. Next to Caleb's favorite tshirt. I have a hoarding problem. I really do. "I don't think I wrote nice things either..."

Louis' face remains passive and patient. I know he'll wait before he pushes me. Still, it might be best to rip off the bandage, fast and clean. "That's fine. I deserve whatever you were feeling at the time."

"Do you really want to read them, Lou?"

"Only if you allow me to by free will." He reaches over and strokes my hand with his thumb. He has soft hands, and his SnapBack is weird. "I know your writing is personal, and a touchy subject. I only want to read them if you'll let me. If you want me to."

The thing is that when I wrote those entires-- even in my drunk, embarrassing state-- I knew deep down no one would ever read them. That's the reason I didn't hold back. Why I didn't try and use clean words.
With a heavy sigh, I accept the request being asked at hand. "Okay, Lou."

Okay Presley. You're an idiot.

Louis perks up and straightens his posture gleeful. "Really?" He asks.

I don't know why.

"Yes, but I have one, nonnegotiable condition."

"What?"

"You don't tell Harry or Ben I'm doing this, okay?"

Louis' face flickers with confusion, "Why don't you want them to know?"

"Because," it's simple and I know these men in my life well enough to know the outcome of agreeing to this. "Yes?"

"Okay, but be ware if Ben gets upset with me, I'll take you down too."

"You'd never," I grin.

"I know," Louis smirks. He holds out his hand for me to shake. "I, Louis Tomlinson agree not to share this new information with anyone. I promise not to divulge to anyone what I read." I roll my eyes and nod, agreeing to his stupid monologue. "Now, tell me you're doing this because you want too, and not because you feel like I've forced you. Say it Presley, or I'll do something weird to you."

"I'm doing this because I think it'll help...I think..." I can't lie about this, and I don't think I lied in my entries either. That makes me nervous.

A hundred percent nervous.
****
"Where's my bird," Harry's voice is raspy, and Ben is smirking. Ben is dressed in comfortable shorts, and Harry's got pants tighter than my own, and it's not fair. "Presley, my oh my, Louis' never allowed to take you away for so long."

"Oh shut it curly," Louis laughs already on his way to Ben. Okay. Not completely used to that. Don't completely hate it. He whispers something in Ben's ear-- something I wish I could hear, but at the same time I don't because it made Ben blush, and it must be gross. "You know it's actually quite healthy not to suffocate your girlfriend the same way you suffocate your dick in your trousers?"

"Lou, Harry's suffocated dick is none of our concern," Ben chuckles. I can see his arm flex around Louis, and okay. Cute.

"Presley, they're being mean to me!" Harry whines shoving his face between my neck and shoulder. Harry smells good. Like freshly showered man. "Hit them."

"I can't Harry. Louis looks like the type to press charges. Ben, I can take, though."

Ben's eyes widen hysterically. He moves behind Louis' and peeks over his shoulder. "You're a fucking demon, Presley! Your dad has told me stories, and I would rather not be at the receiving end."

"Your fear of me is good, Ben. Live by it." I have a fear of drowning. Harry used to be my biggest fear. Now, he's my biggest comfort. It's weird, I think. "I've got to get something for Lou, and then we'll be right back. I promise to kick Ben's head off then, okay?"

"What are you giving him? Why don't I get any presents?" Ben whines, and Harry looks at me curiously. And nope. I can't say anything because it'll start a fight and I have no energy for that.

"A book I need," Louis quickly helps. "It was Eleanor's and I loaned it to Presley before you and I took off-- it's for the box of Eleanor's things I have to get back to her." That was a brilliant lie, and I'm impressed. Ben nods understandingly, and Harry shrugs carelessly.

I guess Louis can use Eleanor as the ultimate excuse right now.

****
"Alright Lou, don't forget our deal." I hand Louis the worn out notebook. There are rips and tears all over the cover, and the front is fading and old. It's nice, even if I don't remember what's inside of it. "I was drunk when I wrote everything Louis, and I must have meant it at the time. But now I don't, and you have to promise not to forget that."

"I promise, muppet. Thank you for letting me do this."

"Just--" I sigh and drop my shoulders. "Remember I was drunk, okay?"

"I will, but I won't hold it against you, babe. I deserve whatever you were feeling towards me at the time. Drunk or not."

I wish I was drunk right now...I wish I had read whatever I wrote...I hope I don't hurt Louis' feelings, though that seems like an impossible theory.

Notes

I started my book and I'm scared. I'm scared and hungry.