Coming Home

H. P. O. V

You said you were mine, but I guess I forgot that you used to be someone else's too.

When I was small, mum said I shouldn't be sad when I made a mistake. Because people always make mistakes, and I'll be forgiven because I'm a good person.

Today I've come to the conclusion that I am not a good person. A good person is selfless, and honest, and they do anything so they won't hurt the ones they love. I am neither, and it seems all I am capable of doing is causing harm.

But that's not my intention, and it's getting harder to prove that to everyone around me.

"Where's this special girl, Haz?"

"She'll be here soon, she had to...run a few errands." Mum is giving me a look I'm not very fond of. It makes me squirm, has me feeling two and not twenty-one. "Mum, why don't you go sit while we wait for the others? Gem is on her way, and Louis has just texted me saying he's close." She nods, but I know she's not pleased. She suspects something, and I'm nervous.

Oh my fuck, I'm nervous.

I bring out a few drinks, and try to control my bouncing thoughts. "Mum, tea?"

She nods, and smiles as she grabs the steaming mug. After a few sips, she taps the spot next to her. "Love, I know you're serious about this girl, but I can't help thinking she's not good for you. You've been through so much because of her."

It's what I did to her, that caused the damage. It was all me, and I can't say that, because I lied. Because even at my grown age, I still can't bare to see my mum's disappointed look, knowing she'll cry, because she's a sensitive woman.

"Mum," I sigh not knowing what to say. So I settle for the truth. "I love her."

"Does she love you?" Some people would say she loves me more than I love her, and that is terribly sad, and I don't deserve her. "Can you say, for yourself, that she loves you the same?"

"Yes," I shuffle in my spot. "Mum, you don't know her and I know that's not your fault." I say, taking in her slight ajar mouth. "Mum, for me. Try to listen before you jump to conclusions. Please?"

"Alright, my love. I'll do my best, for you."

I try not to over think the way she stress 'for you'. I'm trying not to frazzle my mind, and let myself ruin things even before they've begun, but it's hard when you're nervous, and your mum is looking at you, like she knows all your secrets, and like you've failed her completely. Because she knows something, that maybe you don't even know.

Okay, I'm not entirely okay.

"But a lion doesn't play when it comes to her cubs, Harry."

"Down mum, down." Right now I'm thankful I wasn't an only child, and Gemma has always been good at diverting attention from others. I'm a bit thrown off I didn't hear Gemma come in, but I'm thankful nonetheless. "Louis' here, he was pulling in as I was walking here. Mum," Gemma heads straight for mum, wraps her in her arms, and hugs her tight. Mum smiles, whispers something in her hair. Gemma hugs me next, and rubs her hand down my back, trying to soothe me, I think.

"No one is here so I assume I'm not late."

"You're fine," I assure. She smiles, and takes my place next to mum. "M'glad you could make it."

"Wouldn't miss the chance to finally meet your special lady. I've been wanting to for a while Haz, m'glad she finally agreed to."

"Yes, finally," mum spits.

"Mum," Gemma scolds. Mum shrugs in hopes to defend herself, and the uneasy feeling I've had since Presley walked out is back, and it's like a punch in every organ. "You can't say things like that. Double meaning tones are horrendous mum, and I know, you out of anyone knows how bad they feel. Don't be that mum."

"What mum?"

"The hard to get along with, reason I didn't meet you guys sooner, my boyfriend's mum could kill me with one look, mum. I hate those mums." Gemma makes a face, and I beam with joy. Gemma is a good sister, and she's going to hate me when she finds out the truth.

"I'm not that type of mum."

"You kinda are," Gemma smirks. "She totally is, right Haz? Bloody accurate description."

"I'm staying out of this...even though I secretly agree with Gem," I shrug.

"Harold," mum's voice is worse than a police siren. It's ridiculous the amount of nerves it gives me. She glares at me with both eyebrows raised, lips in a tight line. I raise both hands in surrender, and feel a smidgen of tension leave my shoulders when Louis strolls in.

"Hello!" Lou beams, no smile, no sign of joy. Just a loud voice, and a neutral expression. I consider the look and expect Eleanor to walk from behind him, but she doesn't, and maybe they've had a fight.

I'll have to bring it up later... If I manage to survive.

Gemma and mum take turns hugging him, Louis' face only changing when he catches me looking at him. "Quit starring at me, it's freaking me out. I know I'm pretty, okay. Don't need you looking at me with hungry eyes."

I chuckle softly, and shake my head. I don't have the mental capacity to examine Louis' state any further, than I already have.

"Where's pretzel? I came early cause I wanted to have a quick chat with her."

"She had to do a few things." She kind of ran out, promised she'd be back, but she's late, and if I tell you, you'll punch me in the eye, and shove my balls down my throat. "She'll be here soon." I think.

"Okay."

"And what do you think of this girl? Is it normal for her to be late?"

Louis makes a surprised face, and shoots me a look. I don't like that look. "Presley's one of my best friends, and she hates being late. Why so much tension, Anne?"

"Oh no, love. No tension. Just curious as to why she wouldn't meet with Gem and I sooner."

"Oh, because she was there when you screamed at Harry for proposing." Louis' says easily, with a careless shrug. "You kind of scared her after that."

Fuck. I did not see that coming.

"What? Harry, she was there?"

All eyes are on me, and I blame Louis. "She didn't take it personally mum. You hurt her feelings, but she doesn't hold it against you. It's not who she is."

"What call are you guys talking about?"

"Anne called Harry the night he proposed to Presley. She said a few-- not so nice things, and I don't remember what else."

"Mum, what did you say?"

"She shouldn't have been eavesdropping on our conversation. It was personal."

"Mum, personal or not, if it hurt her feelings, you owe her an apology."

"Gemma--"

"Mum, based on what you said, if you were her, would you want to meet you?"

"Gemma," mum warns. "Harry, love, I'm sorry about that."

"Don't apologize to him," Gemma rolls her eyes, and looks at me warily. "Haz, you know better, and right now I can't believe I'm the voice of reason, but since I am, I'll let it go after this. Mum, don't be like nan, and Harry, don't be a knob and stay quiet like dad."

She gets up, flicks the dust off her sweater, and marches to the kitchen.

"I've just texted Presley, and she and Ben are on their way. Unfortunately, her parents can't make it."

"Why?"

"Because they ran into a few friends from Uni, and it's the only chance they'll have to catch up, but they send their apologies, and promise to set something up before they head back home."

"That's fine," it's a fucking lucky break, is what it is.

"Two minuets away. Won't be long now." Lou drops his phone on the couch, and heads for the kitchen, and this may be last chance to make sure mum will be pleasant.

"Mum, please be nice. She's important." She's so important it hurts, and I've just gotten her back after the massive mistake I made. If I had been honest, this may have been easier, and I wouldn't be so nervous, but I wasn't, and I think this is my karma. "Mum please."

"Okay, my darling. For you, I will be patient."

I'm not convinced by the tone of her words, or by the way she didn't immediately apologize for the phone call, Presley was subjected too. I'm not sure she was even affected by Gemma's speech, even though it was completely true. Even though we both know we were wrong.

My heart begins to palpitate when I hear Presley's soft laugh, and the door knob begins to jingle. This is it, and I'm honestly not ready for the mess this is about to become.

"But you will tell m-- oh," Presley stops talking when she spots mum. She looks like a deer caught in the head lights. She screams surprise, and anxiety. Or maybe that's me. "I'm sorry we're late." She walks in front of Ben, and holds her hand straight out for mum, who takes me by complete surprise, and pulls Presley in for a tight hug. Presley gasps, not expecting such affection before returning the gesture.

Gemma walks in, eyes widening when she sees mum. I shrug at her, and quickly notice the way Louis tenses when he sees Ben for a split second. He smiles quickly and looks back at the hugging women.

"Sorry, love. I'm a hugger." Mum says as she pulls away. "It's lovely to finally meet you." Presley notices the double meaning to mum's words. Knows mum is saying something completely different from what her words mean. Presley's always been good at reading people. Can tell who's sincere and who's not. Can tell mum isn't.

I can tell mum isn't. Fuck.

"It's nice to meet you too," Presley says, keeping her tone even, and clean. "Sorry it took so long for this to happen." She doesn't give a reason (not that she has to explain herself. She's not on trial) and I can tell mum hates that. Hates that her apology is small and discreet.

"Don't worry about it Pj-- can I call you that?" Gemma wonders from behind. Presley spins and smiles.

"Sure," she moves from mum to Gemma and holds her hand out, only to be pushed forward and into another hug.

"I'm a hugger too, and you seem like a good person to hug. You smell nice, like strawberries and other sweet stuff."

"Thank you," Presley laughs.

"I've been dying to meet you! Louis tells me your funny, and I hope you're a step up from Harry's stupid jokes."

"My jokes are not stupid. They're original."

"No, I'm pretty sure they're stupid."

And I really hope this is where the bashing stops. For all of us.

****
"So, Presley, Harry tells me you're adopted." Presley glances quickly at me, and swallows. We've been sitting down for twenty minuets, and Gemma's already smitten, and mum will not lighten up. She's used every trick in the book. She's tried to trick her, tried to get her aggravated enough for a reaction, even went as low as to ask if Presley was a virgin before we met.

I almost chocked right then and there.

"Not exactly, no."

"What does that mean?"

"Mum, she doesn't have to answer if she doesn't feel comfortable." Gemma scolds.

"No, it's fine," Presley says, rubbing her thumb over my hand, when she senses my jumbled frazzled state. "My mother is my birth mother, and I was adopted by my step dad when I was four."

"I see," mum sips her drink, and I'm left embarrassed by her abrasive behavior. "Any siblings? And will we have to wait centuries to meet them as well?"

"Mum," I snap. This isn't going well, and mum seems to have forgotten how important first impressions are.

"I have an older brother, but I'm afraid you won't be able to meet him," Presley answers softly.

"And why not?"

"Presley, you don't have to answer if you don't want too." I really hope she remembers that. That she doesn't have to share anything specific about her life if she doesn't want too. I won't force her too, if it'll make her unhappy.

"My brother is-- my brother is my brother."

"Yes," Louis helps. "Harry can I see you in the kitchen real fast?"

"Um," how can I say no politely? Except, I don't think I can, because Louis is giving me a look that frightens me terribly. "Yeah, okay. Excuse us."

We scramble away to the kitchen, and I still can't breathe easily. Louis spins, and stares me down.
"What's up with Anne? Why is she being like that?"

"Like what?" I mumble, playing dumb. Louis gives me a glare and I sigh. "Mum thinks Presley is bad for me, because Presley refused to meet them sooner, and she knows about the drinking, and everything else."

"Well, what did she say when you told her it was because we disappear--" he takes in my posture, the way I can't meet his eyes. "Fuck, Harry, she doesn't know?"

"No..."

"Harry, that's fucking dick of you to do something like that! Presley's literally being subjected to your mum's wrath over something that is your own fault!"

"I know," I feel like my tail is between my legs, and I'm a troubled three year old. "Louis I already feel bad enough, and I told Presley I'd confess, but she doesn't want me too-- I don't know. She didn't ask me too."

"She didn't-- Harry she shouldn't have too ask you! You shouldn't have lied in the first place!"

"I didn't lie--"

"No, you just made it seem like Presley's the one at fault for everything!"

"I'll fix it," I don't know if I mean it. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. All I know is that I want Presley to smile at me, without any traces of disappointment, and I want the guilt to go away. "I'll tell mum, Lou. Okay?"

"I don't care what you're going to do. I just want your mum to stop making small jabs at my best friend, Harry. She doesn't deserve it, and I know Anne wouldn't be doing it, if she knew everything."

"Mum's going to cry," I groan with my head tilted back, and my eyes scrunched close. "Fuck, okay. Let's go back out there." Louis mumbles something under his breath, and shoves my shoulder as he passes me. I should have asked about why he's acting weird, but I didn't, and I now realize it would've bought me time.

Walking out is a struggle, and knowing I'm about to confess physically hurts me.

"And get this straight-- if you ever hurt my son again, I will come after you. You don't even know what you put him through." I guess, I missed an important part of the conversation. I guess this is what it feels like to hate your mother. I don't like this feeling.

I don't like seeing Presley attacked, or being forced into a corner. Don't like the way Presley looks like she's about to cry, or the way her hands fumble in front of her. I really don't like it.

"Mum!" Gemma snaps, horrified expression on display.

"I didn't-- it wasn't my intention too."

"Mum, you can't say that to her!" I almost run to Presley's side. I almost kick out my mother. There's a lot of 'almost' happening right now, and I hate it.

"Harry, it's fine." Presley soothes when I should be the one comforting her. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
"Is that all you can say? You don't know how hard it was seeing my son like that. All empty, because the girl he loved couldn't love him the way he deserved. The way he stupidly loved you."

"Anne you need to stop." Louis' had seen this coming. This had been my biggest fear, and Presley is always the one who ends up wounded, with my name behind the cause. "You only know one side of the story. It's not fair for you to judge someone you don't know."

"I don't need to know her, to know she hurt my son, Louis. I was there."

"And I was there when Har--"

"Ben," Presley stops him from finishing. She takes my hand and squeezes, giving me a sad smile before turning her attention to her friend. "Harry has already said what she needs to know. Don't add wood to the fire." Ben's mouth opens to disagree before he sighs, and whispers something to Louis' and I didn't know they were so close. Okay.

She squares my mother's and Gemma's (who's oddly quiet) front and walks forward. I want to keep touch with her, don't want to be far from her, while she's being attacked unfairly.

"I hurt your son, and in the process I hurt you both. I made it worse by not meeting with you sooner, and only complicated everything by making stupid mistakes. You can't meet my brother because he's dead, and I asked my parents not to come tonight, because I knew it'd get like this, and I don't want to disappoint them further." She sighs and my heart cracks.

I'm a terrible person, and I deserve the death glares coming from everyone. Gemma included.

"I get sad a lot, and Harry makes me happy, even when I can't make him happy. I don't know what Harry went through. I'm afraid to ask, because if it was anything like what I went through, I know I'll want to jump off my balcony."

Oh God, I hate myself.

"I don't want to you to hate me, but. I think you already do. I remember the phone call you made, and the twenty minutes I spent crying over it." Mum looks taken back with all of this information, Gemma is taking it all in sadly, and Ben and Louis are making me feel like scumb. I feel like complete scumb. "I was never after Harry's money, or his fame. I never wanted him for his name. I just wanted Harry. The boy with the weird shirts and stupid jokes, who made me feel less alone, and shared their coffee with me, when I had chosen stupid- watery tea. You can come after me if you want. You can say all you want about me, and who you think I am. You may be right, I don't know. But everyone behind me knows me. Actually knows me. They know what my intentions are, and they fucking know how I feel, even though you think you do. I'm going to walk out now, and Ben and Louis are going to follow me, because that's what they do, and you're going to talk to Harry and tell him, I'm rude, and I don't deserve him, and. You might be right. And if he agrees with you, then I'll know it wasn't because I didn't try. I'm sorry I wasn't what you had hoped, and I'm sorry I didn't make this overdue dinner worth the wait."

Everyone is left speechless, and I can't move, even when Presley walks up to me, and kisses my cheek, before whispering she was sorry. And no. Oh fuck. Baby no. True to her words, Ben and Louis' follow closely behind her, and as they walk out, I muster up all the courage I have left and face my mother.

"Mum, we need to talk."

Notes

And then he said, "Physically I am fine. Emotinally I am bruised." Baby is cute as fuck.