I'm never confused. I'm so used to you.

"I'm here. I'm right here," Louis rushed back into the main part of the bed room. He's clutching my phone with a gentle smile, "see?" He crawls and sits by my side, taking me into his side and rubbing my arm up and down. "Breathe, Presley. I'm not going to leave."

It's difficult to believe such a promise from someone who's left before. So, it doesn't quite help with the fear of being left alone (even if it's ridiculous, seeing as I was alone for two days) my forehead is wet with sweat and my heart is thumping so loud I'm sure the room next door can hear it.

"Where did you go?" I ask breathless trying to relax against the man who used to be my best friend.

"Your phone rang and since this is the first night you've actually been able to sleep I wasn't going to let it wake you," his hand continues rubbing patterns over my arm. "Why did you wake up?"

"Because I felt you leave," my voice is a mix of a three year old and a drunk, confused, overly tired, man. "And you said you wouldn't if I slept."

"And I'm not going to," he shushes me and pushes both of us down. "But you need to sleep a bit more. At least until you're a normal color."

"Who called?" Maybe I can put off sleeping for a while longer.

"Eleanor," Louis hand pushes me closer to his body. "She wanted to check on us."

"Oh," I thought-- well, I had been hoping it had been-- by some miracle-- that it had been Harry. "How's El? Did she mention anything about Ben?"

"She said she'd visit him."

"Do you know what happened between them?"

To this day I'm still clueless as to what had gone down between those two. Eleanor seems fine, and it baffles me to new extremes that Ben isn't the same around her.

Louis sighs out a short breath, "as far as I know, Eleanor did something bad and she never got the chance to apologize, seeing as Ben left with you before she could." Louis turns on his side and is able to hug me. "It's kind of like us, I guess. El hurt Ben and Ben left before she could fix it."

"That sounds nowhere near similar."

"Some bits are the same," he shrugs. "We'll talk in the morning. Let's sleep cause I need my energy to deal with your drama."

"Fuck you," I yawn against his shoulder and curse my drooping eye lids.

"Shut it," Louis whispers.

And I'm pretty sure that's the last of it because his breathing evens out and his body stills against mine. It only takes a few seconds for me to join him as I begin to dream about a mossy-green eyed boy and his stupid face.

****
Louis' looking strangely at me again. The way an over-barring mother keeps asking their child what's wrong, constantly making them regret saying anything.

"If you keep giving me that look, I will pluck your eyeballs right out of their sockets and shove them so far up your ass, you'll feel them in your throat."

"You are a vile little girl."

"Funny. I was just about to say the same."

For another strange reason Louis smirks and nods. "It's lovely to see you've still got it."

"Got what?"

"A sense of humor."

"Oh my God," I mutter, rolling my eyes. "I have to pack." I walk over to the four shirts that are on the floor, quickly followed by my toiletries and my various sprays and brushes. I shove them quite hastily inside of my suitcase and zip it up. "Done. Oh my God, I'm exhausted."

"Really?" Louis pulls a face and runs his fingers through his hair. "We don't have to leave until tomorrow. You didn't have to pack today."

I shrug and let my bag fall to the ground.

"What should we do today?"

"Self loath as we find a way to end world hunger and not tell anyone."

"So weird," Louis whispers, "how are you so weird? I've met your parents. They're normal humanitarians, and you're like a martian."

"I'm almost positive you've been told the same thing."

Louis shakes his head and chuckles, "you are the definition of strange."

"And you're a wet donkey's ass."

Louis gapes in my direction, "I'm offended in ways you'll never understand."

"You're also a wet donkey's ass. That makes you a double threat." My phone rings, my ringtone blaring through the spacious room. Without looking at the name (because I'm stupid) I slide my finger over the green button. "Hello?"

"Baby bear?" Oh Christ, I've absolutely missed my father.

"Dad!" Louis' eyebrows raise and a small quirky smile makes it's way on his face.

"Judith, you better have a good reason why you haven't called your father." And there it is. Judith. That nickname makes me shiver and recoil.

"I, um. Well, I was about to?"

"Don't lie to me," his voice is light and amused. "I've missed you, Presley."

"I've missed you too," and I have. I just don't like to remember with them being so far away. "How's mom?"

"Fine. She's dragged me to her book club and Mrs. Quincy is trying to pinch my bum again."

"Okay, that's just gross." And quite funny, as I picture a fifty something year old women, chasing after dad with her fingers, greedily trying to get near him. "Just stay sitting."

"You're definitely mine," dad laughs a happy and giddy laugh. "But in all seriousness how are you? It's been a while since we've spoken."

"I know," I sigh, "I've been meaning to call, but-- I don't know. I don't have an excuse I guess."

"At least you're honest," pause, and then he continues. "Ben called." I can hear my dad's voice grow concerned and slow. He hasn't sounded that way since he convinced me to move in with Ben when I refused to leave my home with them. "How are you?" He emphasizes, like he knows I was lying before.

And I was only half lying.

"I'm-- I'm trying, dad."

"I know you are, Jude." Dad only calls me Jude when he's worried about me. And I hate myself for worrying him. I really do. "Baby, you can come home if you need to. You know that right?"

"I do," and I'm supposed to in less than two weeks. But maybe it'll be sooner. Maybe I do need to go home.

"I've seen pictures, Jude," he adds carefully. "I think you should come home now."

"Dad--"

"Jude, I'm thinking of what's best for you. Harry doesn't fit in that category."

"He was only taking me for a check up."

"That's not what the magazine says," he accuses. "Mom wants to talk to you."

I wait patiently for my mom to speak up, while taking the offered drink from Louis. I mouth a thank you as he nods and walks back into the small kitchen.

"Presley?"

"Hi mom," my mom sounds younger over the phone and her voice is definitely higher in volume.

"You know daddy is only trying to help."

"I know." Mom likes to talk to me as if I was five. "But daddy always wants to over-protect me mom."

"He's your father, sweetie. He's always going to be that way."

"I know," I mumble. "I'll be patient."

"Okay. And please think about what he's asked? Maybe if you came home, you can figure out a few things. Distance always helps."

"I'll think about it." I promise. And I will. Because somehow dad always manages to be right when I don't want him to be. "I'm sorry if Ben's made you worried. I'm fine mom."

"No you're not," my mom says, seeing right through my lie. "I know Russell's paid you a visit, and believe me, he'll pay for it."

"Mom--"

"Don't you dare," mom reminds me of a lion when she feels like I've been threatened. She sounded this way when Harry first left. "I'm your mother and I make the decisions."

"I'm nineteen--"
"And I'm your mother. I brought you into the world and so help me, I can take you out of it."

"Yes mam."

"And you better not be rolling your eyes," she warns as my eyes finish rolling to the back of my skull.

"Can I talk to dad again? You scare me."

"I don't know. Can you?"

With an embarrassed and annoyed sigh I reply. "May I speak to dad?"

"You may," she answers. "Mommy loves you."

"Oh my God," I screech, with a red face. I can hear her laugh and I suddenly wish I was there in person.

"Jude?"

"I'm sorry dad," I tend to worry dad the most. It's always been that way. Even if he wasn't my biological father, we've always had a bond I can't explain. "I know you're worried and you're trying to protect me."

"I always am. Just promise me you'll think about it? It is only two weeks."

Yes but in those two weeks, Harry could potentially change his mind and-- well, me hoping for that is terribly depressing.

"I will," I say instead.

"I love you, Jude. I love and miss you terribly. Call soon, okay?"

"I will dad. I promise."

"Also, forgive Ben," and I have. I should probably let Ben know that. "He was only trying to help you."

"I'll talk to him."

"Okay. That's all I ask. Bye baby bear. Remember to call and time isn't an issue. You call day or night."

"Okay. Bye dad. I love you. Tell mom I love her too."

"Will do." The line clicks and I feel three and like its my first day in kindergarten and I'm afraid I won't make any friends.

It's that, heart sinking, stomach churning, chest heavy feeling you get when someone mentions the name you've been trying to forget.

I get up and go find Louis. He sits up and smiles, "how did it go?"

"Fine," I shrug. "Dad saw pictures and he wants me to go home." Louis face drops at that and he posture falls. "I'm not supposed to be going home for two weeks though."

"When do you come back?"

"I haven't booked a return flight."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Ben thought I should go home for a bit," Ben also said I needed to stop drinking, and since he was right about that, I can't help but feel he might also be right about me needing to be home-home. "It kind of makes sense right now."

"But I thought we were better?"

"What?"

"You and me? I thought we were on our way to patching things up."

"I don't know," my head wants to burst. I haven't even thought about Louis and me. I guess I didn't feel the need to. It just felt so normal.

"Maybe you can come back in a few weeks, Presley? I know we can go back to normal if we hung out."

"Maybe." I shrug. "Let's forget about it for now, though. Want to watch a movie?"

"Fine," Louis smiles and stands, "but I get to pick."

"Whatever."

"Good," Louis cheers. He walks to the door and stops right before he steps out. He turns and says, "it's nice that it feels so normal. Me and you." He smiles and walks out.

"Yeah. It's kind of scary." I say to no one, because I'm by myself. It's kind of terrifying how normal it feels being around Louis. It's how it felt with Harry.

And maybe-- maybe that's the most terrifying part.

Notes

I wrote two chapters in a day and, well, I don't know. This has never happened before. Also my mom says I'm not funny, but she didn't give up my older brother for adoption. So what does she know?