*Lillian's POV*
My alarm blares until I turn it off and jump out of bed. I'm meeting Mrs. Goodwill today and update her on... Well everything, how I felt the past week, the incident in the café and so on and so forth.

I get in the shower and clean the night before off, nightmares and bad feelings always seem to disappear when the water is running.
After the shower I dry my hair and put it in a lazy bun and get in my jeans and a hoodie. I keep my makeup to the minimal, only putting on mascara.

Then I got to the kitchen and eat, I look at the clock. It reads 8:30 AM and I rush outside and grab my bike, not having the time to walk and I don't have a car or even a licence.

Riding my bike always feels liberating and fun, the wind in your hair and me switching lanes for the fun of it when I can. I feel like I'm ten again.

I jump off my bike as soon as I see the entrance of the building and rush inside.
The clock reads 8:55 AM, just in time. My session doesn't start until 9 AM, I let Jen, the secretary know that I'm here and take a seat.

The moment the clock strikes 9 the door opens and one of her regulars walks out, he always has an appointment before mine.

"Miss." Jen says and walks back to her desk.

I stand up and walk toward her office, passing curly.

"Hey Curly." I say in a low voice as I pass by.

"Hey Purple curls." He says back and smiles.

We have had these nicknames for each other for about one and a half month now and are kind of friends? I guess so.

I close the door as I walk in and I sit down on one of her beanbag chair thingy as she does the same, usually these are for kids but we soon found out that sitting in them helped me and she found them comfortable so she sat there too.

"So Lillian, how was your week?" She asks with a soft voice.

"It was... Well odd, in a good way." I say and smile.

She scribbles something down on her therapist notebook and looks up smiling back.

"How so?" She asks me.

"Well for starters Jake came from L.A. and has been with me almost every day." I say and smile.

She scribbles some more and looks up, waiting for me to go on.

"Jake, Ella and me went to our favourite café and I bumped into someone." I smile at the memory from only yesterday.

"I spilled all my coffee over him and he was very chill about it and he even complimented me, something that Scott never did." I say frowning a bit from the thought of Scott.

"He asked for my number and confidence filled my brain and body so I gave him my number." I say smiling once again.

"So you had a pretty amazing day that day?" Mrs. Goodwill said, smiling warmly.

"Yeah." I answered.

"So, about your anxiety levels. How have they been?" She asks, turning the conversation a bit more serious.

"Pretty low actually and even my voices are minimal." I say gladly.

"Have you felt depressed this week? From a scale of 0-10."
She presses a bit, this part I haven't always been 100% honest about and she knows it but we have come to a conclusion. If I'm lying I blink rapidly but if I'm telling the truth I blink normally.

"A solid 4 I think." I say as she looks at my eyes searching for any traces of me lying.

"Good, anything you want to talk about or do you want to start the music therapy?" She asks satisfied seeing me blinking normally.

Musical therapy is something that seems to have worked so I always have a good 15 minutes in a relaxed environment like this one at the end of my sessions.

"No, not really." I say and get more comfortable.

"Well then, let's then pick a playlist for this session." She says and goes to one of the iPods that the institute owns for patients.

She picks up a black one with my initials and someone's initials.
I share a iPod with some other patient, I don't even know if it's a boy or girl. Not that it matters, I really speculate out of curiosity.

We settle on the 'We are rejects' Spotify playlist that some Mikey Murphy guy made. It's a good list and I can already sing along to most of the songs.

I get comfortable and Mrs. Goodwill sits by her desk putting her notes from our session today in her computer.
I start examining the iPod like usual, trying to decide whether I'm sharing with a girl or a boy, we have a joined Spotify account here and go by 'Music is my medicine' as a username.

Ironic really seeing that we seem to use the iPod for music mostly. There are a few pictures, never identifying the user and then some notes in the notepad app.

Note 1:
Another day,
Of painted walls and football on the TV
No one sees me
I fade away,
Lost inside a memory of someone's life
It wasn't mine
I was already missing before the night I left
Just me and my shadow and all of my regrets
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible
Wasted days,
Dreaming of the times I know I can't get back
Seems I just lost track
Looking on
As all of life's colours seem to fade to grey
I just walked away
I was already missing before the night I left
Just me and your shadow and all of my regrets
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible
Who am I? Who am I when I don't know myself?
Who am I? Who am I?
Invisible
Another day,
The walls are built to keep me safe
I can't escape,
It's too late
A.F.I It seems to be words to a song but I'm not familiar with it.

Note 2:This is everything I didn't say.
Wait, don't tell me, heaven is a place on earth.
I wish I could rewind all the times that I didn't
Show you what you're really worth(what you're really worth)The way, you held me, I wish that I had put you first
I was wrong I admit, numb from your kiss
While you were slipping through my fingertips
Taking every breath away
With all of the mistakes I made
From all the letters that I saved
This is everything I didn't say
I wish I could've made you stay
And I'm the only one to blame
I know that it's a little too late
This is everything I didn't say
Whoa, whoa
This is everything I didn't say
Wake me up now, and tell me this is all a bad dream
All the songs that I wrote, all the wrongs that I hoped would erase from your memory(erase from your memory)Holding onto a broken and empty heart
Flowers I should've bought, all the hours I lost
Wish I could bring it back to the start
Taking every breath away
With all of the mistakes I made
From all the letters that I saved
This is everything I didn't say
I wish I could've made you stay
And I'm the only one to blame
I know that it's a little too late
This is everything I didn't say
I hope you know, for you I'd sacrifice
To make this right, whoa whoa
Someday, I'm sure
We'll pass each other by
Until that time
Taking every breath away
With all of the mistakes I made
From all the letters that I saved
This is everything I didn't say
I wish I could've made you stay
And I'm the only one to blame
I know that it's a little too late
This is everything I didn't say
A.F.I
It looked like another song that I wasn't familiar with.


When my session ended I had gone through a couple more and they were all marked with the initials that were on the iPod... A.F.I.

I said goodbye to Mrs. Goodwill and talked a bit with Jen and made sure when my next appointment was and surely I was right after curly next week at 9AM, classic.

Somehow I like this routine though, always being behind curly, calling him curly and he calling me purple curls. Once he even pinched my side and it tickled making me giggle loudly and keep on walking while giving him a death glare and he just stuck his tongue out at me.

I don't know his name but I guess he's from Australia since he has the accent. Other than that I'm as clueless as can be about another person.

I bike home but stop at the market before and buy myself some pasta, ham, cream and blue cheese so I can make my homemade pasta for myself.

I walk inside and connect my phone to the speakers and put the 'Study break' playlist on, run up the stairs to change into 'staying home' clothes and run like a five year old to the kitchen to go prepare my pasta dish.

Dancing like a ten year old and singing like the teenager that I am in sweatpants, a tank top with a bun and no sock on is a strange situation to walk into.

Guess what Jake just did...

He stopped right there and then with ice cream in hand and looked at me for a minute before saying:
"You're doing all this and you don't even call me?" In a fake 'I'm so offended' tone and we just burst out laughing.

He start's to help after putting the ice cream in the freezer and we end up in the living room after eating my delicious pasta and start folding clothes while watching some TV show.

Notes