Good Intentions

I’ve lost track of days since the first day I woke up. I will think I remember something but it will seem so bizarre I shake it out of my memory. Some things I believe I dream, but they seem so real and not so far back in the past, almost as if they happened last week or last month. But the one thing I do remember is her leaning into my ear telling me to stop trying to remember and to not fight.
I go to the journal and make a new entry and record the dreams I have had. I also record how my sleeping patterns are rather odd. I can sleep for days and wake up at times hardly able to move. Everything else completely logical. I am starting to feel more comfortable with my family and the trips made to the house from the doctor, less frequent.

After breakfast I am told the doctor thinks I am well enough to do some light lifting and can help out on the farm, but not to over do it. I dress warmly and head out with Dad into the cold air.
We get into the brand new quad cab truck and he pulls down to the fence and instructs me to get out and open the gate so he can pull through and to then shut it upon entering. I do as I am told. This all seems so new to me. There is no way I was raised on this farm. I would remember something as simple as this. I climb back in and welcome the heat. I look at the temperature gauge for the outside, it reads four degrees. That’s fucking cold. I stun myself at the language that just went through my head. Thank goodness no one can read my mind. He pulls down to the fence and starts driving along it, he tells me how the fence must be maintained and why. He stops at a place that is starting to give a little and he instructs me to get out and help. He hands me some gloves, I put them on and join him. He open the tailgate of the truck and gets a hammer, nails and board. I take the boards and hold them while he pulls off the old ones and throws them in the back of the truck. I hold them in place as he nails them down. We do this quite a few times until we are back where we started. This literally took us all day. Through out the day he explains chores and what is expected of me once I am healthy enough to do them all, but he will go along with the doctor and let me take it easy for now.
We pull back up to the gate and I get out and open it for him and close it after he pulls back through. I hop back in the truck and he heads towards the house.
He goes in first and I follow. Boots at the door, and supper is on the table waiting for us. I am famished.

Bodily,I am tired beyond comprehension but it feels so good to be up and moving around.
After dinner I go back and take a shower, washing all the dirt, dust and grime off and letting the hot water soothe my tired arm muscles. I change and sit at the desk and write all that was accomplished today. I write about the landscape and the sunset and how truly beautiful this place is. Again, I think I would have remembered all this. I draw horribly, but I try to sketch a few things I took in today. I wish I had a camera. Maybe I’ll mention it to them and I can get one, I write this down so I don’t forget.

I am called to family time and I take my seat next to my sister on the couch and we all listen to the local news and weather. A snow storm should be headed our way by weeks end, Dad stops his reading only briefly to listen and lets me know a lot has to be done to prepare for this. He goes back to his reading as the narrator starts on his story.
I listen with my eyes closed picturing every detail of the story. Dad gets up and changes the station saying he wants to hear Paul Harvey. I listen to him as he tells part of the story and then says, “and now for the rest of the story”. His voice is not all that great but something about the way he presents the story leaves you hanging on his next word.
After he finishes the radio is turned off and we retire to our rooms. I get dressed for bed and get in. My body is tired and is starting to get stiff and sore. I lie back and go to sleep.
My dreams haunt me again. I’m in a white room running around with my friends from the previous dream. Were singing and acting the fool, but were having fun as we totally demolish a room. I wake up and sit up. Who are those guys? I get up and write all this down. I wish I could draw, I would draw their faces so I could find out who they are. This all has to mean something, what, I don’t know but I dream about the same guys, they must mean something to me.
I get back in the bed and go to sleep. Another dream begins and I see an attractive woman with long brown hair over me. Next to her stands a girl with light purplish hair. I feel I should know these people, but my mind isn’t processing who they are. I wake up confused and disoriented.

The doctor is called in and he checks my vitals and looks into my eyes with his bright light. He instructs my parents I need to take it easy today and stay in bed. He hands me a pill and a glass of water is placed in my hands. Within thirty minutes my eye lids start to drop

Notes