Good Intentions

Having a sister feels right, not sure how it would feel if it were wrong, but that feeling, I remember. She comes in and sits on my bed and watches as I jot things down on paper. I take note of her accent.
“Why aren’t there any family pictures around?” I ask her. I want to see something, anything to possibly jog my memory.
“They were destroyed in the fire.” She says matter of factly. She seems to sit back and take in the fact that I don’t remember.
I sit and try to find the way I will word my next barrage of questions.
“How did I hurt my head?” I say this I reach up and feel the area, still tender to touch.
“You fell on the ice and hit a rock” She says this as she makes up my bed and fluffs the pillows.
“When or how long ago?” I’ve turned towards her and watch her as she straightens up an already tidy room.
“About two years ago.”
I’m suddenly taken back. There is no way this happened that long ago. There are short hairs on my head around the wound area. The area still hurts to touch. The stitches have not been long taken out. How do I know some things but yet others are totally gone?
“So, why is the doctor coming around to check on me?” I pry a little deeper
“You were in a coma for so long. When you started showing signs that you were coming around, we had you brought home. We didn’t want you to wake up in an unfamiliar place. Were all so glad you’re awake now. Maybe we can all be a family again.” She says this as she walks to me and kisses me on the cheek and walks out of my bedroom.
I write what I have learned and my questions in the journal.

I look up to see my dad heading towards me. “Family time” he announces as he turns and walks towards the front rooms. I get up to follow him. Everyone is seated in their own spot, Dad in a recliner, mom is a single chair with some sewing, sister on the couch. She pats for me to sit next to her and make my way over to her. I sit and the radio is turned on. He adjusts the nobs to get better reception. We sit together and listen to the weather forecast and any impending local news. Once that has finished the station is changed and we listen to a story, told by a man whose voice sucks you in. You can see the story going down in your mind. I close my eyes to see it better. I look over at Dad who is reading the paper, Mom looks up at me and smiles a pleasant and warm smile. The story is finished, another chapter to be told tomorrow night. The radio is turned off, Dad lays down his paper and says he is going to bed. I look to the window and it is already dark out.
I start to get up and Dad comes back in to the room and removes something from his pocket. No sooner than it it is removed, it rings. He answers and quickly goes to the back of the house. A cell phone. I have a cell phone. I try to hide my startled expression and ask to be excused, mom nods her head.

I go to my room and pull out the journal and write ‘cell phone’ and underline it several times, making the line very bold. I go to the closet and look at the shelves, there are a few boxes so I decide to take them down and investigate. There is nothing more than out of season clothes and a bag of extra socks. I place the boxes back where they were. I start to feel somewhat anxious and wish I had a cup of tea. I make a face at myself wondering where that came from. I decide I might ought to write that down seeing how obscure it is. ‘Tea’ before bed with a question mark is written down below cell phone.

Mom comes in and goes to my dresser and pulls out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt and lays the on the bed for me. “Were going to bed” she says as she kisses my cheek and starts to leave the room. I take that as an understood, we are all going to bed. “You’ve had a very busy day, up walking and interacting with the family. You’re doing so good.” She leaves and I turn to the bed. She has also laid out a towel, wash rag and a pair of under wear. I go to my bathroom and start the shower. I undress and step into the warm shower. I lather up the rag and wash my arms. I look down and see faint drawings, almost shadows on my arms. I shrug it off and continue washing. After I finish bathing and washing my hair I dry off and dress for bed. I see more shadows across my body but don’t question them.

I crawl into bed and doze off.
I am tormented in my dreams. I see things I do not understand nor have any remembrance of. I toss and turn all night. I wake drenched in sweat wondering where I am and what has happened to me. I take in my surroundings, relax and go back to sleep. The night mares continue. I am being chased by a throng of people, but I’m laughing, looking over my shoulder at them, instigating it the more. I glance at a friend who is running with me, he is laughing uncontrollably, hardly able to run. We are following three other friends who are out running us only because they aren’t laughing as hard as we are. If I’m laughing, why am I scared out of my wits? I round a corner and slip, my hand reaching out, touching the ground is the only thing that keeps me from actually falling. I wake up again, out of breath this time, drenched in sweat, panting as if I had actually been running. I lie back down and look at the ceiling, almost scared to go back to sleep. Somehow sleep finds me again.

I am awakened by movement in my room. I open my eyes as my mom is dusting the desk and shakes the curtains freeing dust. I watch the dust particles twinkle in the sun light, its almost magical looking. I feel so groggy. I try to move my arms to scratch my face but they aren’t moving well this morning. I go to get out of the bed and my legs will not cooperate. I succumb to sleep.

Movement again, my sister is removing clothes from the dirty clothes hamper. She sees my eyes open and speaks to me. I comprehend but cant reply. My eyes follow her around the room and into my bathroom where she retrieves the towel and wash rag. She steps next to me and brushes my hair to the side, off of my forehead. She does this lovingly and her hand strokes the side of my face. She leaves my room but not before opening the shades and withdrawing the curtains so the sun can come in. I watch the outside world. A bird perches on a limb outside and looks around then pecks the bark looking for food. I see a few flakes of snow start to fall, more follow. I question where exactly I am. I fight my eyelids but loose once again.
I know her scent without opening my eyes. I know her movements, how she steps lightly on the floor and how she breathes, my sister. I lay there quietly with my eyes closed. She comes to me and adjust the covers and my pillow. She smooths my hair on one side and I feel her breath at my ear. “For all our sakes, stop trying to remember, don’t fight it. The less you fight the more you stay awake.” She thinks I am asleep.

Notes