Ashton's POV
"NOTHING'S FINE, I'M TORN!" I could here Luke singing loudly from the shower and I laughed to myself. His daily shower concerts had become a usual thing over the past nine months. I got up from the bed and walked over to my suitcase to find a shirt to wear.

When we had first come home from England, I planned to stay out my house and visit the boys every so often. Instead I ended up living with Luke and spending basically every day with him. He was a wreck when we first came home and I didn't want to leave him alone. It had been 9 months since Rose left, but he wasn't any better. He was hiding it but I knew he wasn't okay.

My phone rang from where it was sitting on Luke's desk and I ran over to it. I hesitated to answer it, seeing how far Luke was into the song. I figured I had enough time so I answered, wondering who I was gonna talk to today.

"Hi Rose."

"Hey Ash." She sounded sad already, this wasn't a good start.

"What's up sugar plum?" She giggled at my nickname and it felt good to hear her laugh. She normally didn't laugh when we walked.

"We bought my plane ticket today." I smiled at the thought of her coming home but then I frowned, thinking of how Luke would react.

"That's great Rose. I'll be there to pick you up on Wednesday."

"So I went to the doctor again today."

"How did it go?" I asked cautiously, worried to hear the answer.

"Um everything looks normal, my blood pressure finally went down. They set me up with a new doctor and psychologist for when I come home. My weight still hasn't increase but that's because I still really can't eat." I sighed, taking in everything that she had said.

"You have to eat Rosie. What about the cutting?"

"I still feel the urge, I will for a while, but I haven't since the last time I told you." I sighed again in relief.

"Good. How are things with Harry?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Um okay. He's not happy that I'm leaving but he understands that it's for the best." I heard the water turn off and the bathroom door open.

"I'm sorry but I gotta go. Love you. See you Wednesday." I quickly hung up before she could respond. Luke walked in the room, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Who was that?" He asked as he walked over to his closet.

"Just Cal." I lied smoothly, feeling guilty as soon as it left my mouth. I hated lying to him, but I didn't really have another option.

"So what's on the schedule for today?" He asked through the muffle of pulling a shirt over his head. He seemed cheery, which was a good sign.

"Some song writing then a radio interview." He nodded and plopped down on his own bed. He pulled out his phone and began scrolling through something. I followed his lead and pulled my own out. I was busy scrolling through instagram when I head Luke gasp. I looked up to see his eyes fixed on the screen. I got up and looked over at his shoulder to see what had him so upset.

It was a picture of Harry and Rose walking in London. They were walking hand in hand, and he was looking at her like she was an angel. It was the same way Luke looked at her. She wasn't smiling though, she had a deep frown on her face. It wasn't the first time we had seen pictures of them together, but it always had the same affect on Luke. He dropped his phone and walked towards the wall. Before I could stop him, he was thrusting his fist through the wall.

"Luke stop!" I got him and pulled him away from the wall before he could make another hole. Not like it mattered though, there were four others that joined this new one.

"Why him? How could she throw away what we had for him?" He yelled angrily, the vein in his neck popping out.

"Maybe they're just friends. She still love you." Both parts were true but I knew to him it sounded stupid. He looked up at me like I was an absolute moron.

"Yeah right." He mumbled as he walked down the hallway. I wish I could tell him everything that I knew to help him, but I just couldn't. They weren't my secrets to tell. I was just hoping when she came back, he would handle it well.

He walked back into the room, a gray beanie now pulled over his hair. He went to his closet and slipped on his favorite black vans. He grabbed his bracelets and slid them onto his wrists carefully, covering the scars.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. Can we go?" I nodded and he skipped down the steps, his good mood seeming to reappear He slid into the passenger seat of my car and I walked over to the driver side. i started it and backed out of his driveway. I drove to Cal's house, where we normally did all our writing. It was a silent car ride, i didn't want to say anything to set him off. We pulled into Cal's driveway and knocked on the door.

"The other moron's are downstairs." Mali answered the door and then walked away. We walked the familiar way to Calum's basement, where we could hear him and Micheal screaming. We got to the bottom of the stairs to see them playing COD.

"I thought we were writing." I stated flatly, both of them turning towards me.

"We will, as soon as we finish." Luke and I sat on the couch on the opposite side of the room. Luke pulled out his notebook that he wrote in and picked up the guitar he kept at Calum's house. He began to strum out some cords and hum along. Cal and Micheal finished playing and walked over to us, sitting on the other couch.

"Do you have something written?" Micheal asked Luke, eyeing his notebook. Luke nodded and we all seemed to perk up. It was a good sign that Luke was finally writing again.

"Can we hear it?" Cal asked with excitement in his voice. Luke nodded again then he cleared his throat. He started to strum on the guitar, his eyes closing as he got ready to sing.

"I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?"

Oh god it was about Rose. I should've known that's what he would write about. We liked to write about our experiences and that was pretty much the only thing he had experienced recently.

"Cause I'm not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
'Cause I'm not fine at all"

He looked surprisingly calm for what he was singing about. It was really good, but it hurt to hear the pain in his words. Cal and Micheal were both staring at him intensely, clearing liking the song.

"The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around
It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?"

It was such an honest song, hopefully people wouldn't ask who it was about. I don't know if Luke would ever be ready to talk about it in interviews.

"'Cause I'm not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all"

He finished, setting the guitar down and looking at us. He face looked nervous, like we were going to trash his song. Cal started to clap and we all joined. A huge smile took up his face and it was amazing to see.

"So you liked it?"

"Of course we liked it. It was amazing." I finally spoke up and his whole face lit up. He looked like a little kid on Christmas.

"We have to play that today!" Cal yelled and we all cheered, agreeing with the idea. We all grabbed our instruments to figure out all the chords and notes.Hopefully we could figure it out quickly.

---

"Hello! You're listening to Fox Fm 109 and this is Byron Cooke. I'm joined today with our Australian boys, 5 Seconds of Summer." We all took our seats as the host started off the show. We had it just on time, which was a relief since we had spent forever working on the song. It sounded perfect though.

"So boys how was it touring with One Direction?"

"It was an amazing experience. We got to go places we've never been and see our fans. And the boys are absolutely amazing to be with. We are so grateful that we had the opportunity to tour with them." I answered honestly and slowly. I was hoping we wouldn't have that much time for questions, since they were often painful for Luke to sit through. The last one we did, he walked out on. It was quite the scandal.

"You're working on a new album, what should we expect from it?"

"Well we wrote all the songs or help write them and they're about the experiences in our lives. It'll still have our original sound because we want to stay true to who we are." Cal answered with a smile, talking just as slowly as I had.

"So for fans interest, who is single?" I felt Luke grip onto my arm at the question. This was the question we all dreaded. All four of us raised our hands and the host looked surprised.

"For the record, all four boys raised their hands. Luke what happened to you and Rosalina?" Why did he have to ask that. Luke's face grew pale but he seemed to hold himself together. I was going to answer for him but he leaned into the mic to talk.

"We just kind of went our separate ways." He answered smoothly, which I was impressed by.

The rest of the show went fast, and no more Rose questions were asked. Luke looked exhausted from just answering that one question but I was proud of him. He was making real
progress. A couple months ago he wouldn't have been able to do that.

"Well it seems we're almost out of time. So here's 5SOS with a special song for you."

"This is our new song, Amnesia." I spoke into the mic before Luke began to play. I was hoping everyone would like it.

I watched as Luke took a deep breathe, before Calum began to sing. This song was him basically putting his heart out there. I would be nervous to. Micheal made a face at him and he smiled, which made me relax a little. I had become so concerned and protective over him in the past months. I didn't want him to get hurt.

Ironically though, I was helping bring someone back into his life who had caused all the pain. And who would probably cause more.

God did I suck.

Notes