You Have Me

There are three ways this could go.

I could choose Lucas (and work up to likening him, because lord knows I can't fucking stand him now) he's the easier choice. He's also the stupid choice.

I could choose neither. I'd be alone. I could start over. I can be a delusional kid again. I could...fuck, I could try and be happy, as impossible as that sounds, I can try.

I could choose Harry. I love Harry. I need Harry. He's home. He feels like home to me. He should be the easy choice. The one I don't have to think about, because it's Harry. But Harry doesn't look happy. And my biggest fear is that Harry hasn't been happy for a while. Since I woke up, to be exact.

"Beth?" I don't think I've ever seen Harry so unsure of himself. Of me. It makes it all the more worse when I see his hand trembling slightly and discreetly as he holds it out. "I know it hasn't been easy, and I know I--" he looks down and then glances at Louis and Lucas before looking over at me, "I know I've hurt you, but I can't...I need you."

And it finally registers in my mind why Harry looks so small. Because if I put myself in his shoes, I'd be terrified because from his point of view it looks...it looks like shit.

A hundred percent shit.

I rush to stand in front of Harry and grasp his face. "What are you--Harry," Harry's looking back at me perplexed and confused, with a twinge of fear, "no Harry, fuck, how can you even think I'd choose him over you? That I'd choose anyone that's not you?"

"Because. Because, he's the easier choice. Because it'd be good for you." He exhales in and out, "because you have history with him."

"The only thing I have with Lucas, for Lucas is fucking anger. I fucking hate him."

"But he wants you," what? "He said you'd run back to him."

"I..uh...run to who? I wouldn't run to anyone." At this point everyone sucks. And maybe that's unfair, but it's all I can let myself feel. "What did you say to him?" I turn to look at Lucas. He shrugs and he really should stop his blood from dripping on to the rug.

"I told him the truth," he mutters easily. "We have a strong past, Beth. Strong enough to pick up, right where we left off."

I drop my hands from Harry's face, only to have Harry's arm circle my waist and press me flushed against his chest. I think it comforts Harry when I'm near him. It makes me feel better, at least.

"Do you even remember what you did to me?" Harry must have hit him hard enough to fog his head. "It's been four years Lucas. Four fucking years--that I have hated you," and I fucking hate him. I hate him so much. "You're pathetic and stupid for thinking, there's even a tiny possibility that I'd ever pick you, I mean, I lost my fucking memory and I still hate you."

"I think it's time you let it go, Beth. It was so long ago." Lucas says in his annoying, patronizing tone. It's almost like he's ignored everything I just said.

Okay.

Not okay. So many levels of not okay.

"What did he do?" Harry asks. This is where I'm supposed to say I don't remember and walk away. Except I've said too much, and there's no way around everything I've already said. "What did he do?" Harry seethes.

"Oh, shut it, pop boy," Lucas rolls his eyes, Louis gripping his bicep harder. Lucas hisses and brushes him off. "It's none of your business."

"You should probably shut your mouth," louis snaps, his patience with Lucas is almost nonexistent and I think we both wouldn't have a problem turning our heads as Harry beats Lucas to his un-timely death. "I'm sure Beth wouldn't mind if Harry kicks your head right off of your teeny pathetic body."

"What did he do?" Harry asks once again. And I really should've kept my mouth shut. I really should have.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Lucas smirks, and thankfully his blood has stopped dripping. Although, I'm still going to need a new rug.

"That's it." Harry snarls and pushes me away softly. I grip his arm, knowing that it won't be much help. Angry Harry seems to have Inhumane strength. "Beth let go."

"No Harry, please. No more," Lucas is just an expensive and unneeded law suit waiting to happen. "Please." Harry turns and looks at me. His eyes are boring into mine and I just want him to see all my secrets. Everything that I can't say, because I'm weak and I'm tired. "Louis," with Harry's attention still on me, I address Louis. His eyebrows have arched and his mouth is in a tight line. "Get rid of him. Show his face to the front desk and make sure they know he's not allowed up here or anywhere near my room, okay?"

Louis grins and mumbles, "out with the trash it is." It's amusing the way Lucas eyes have widened and he's now fumbling sentences together. It's down right hilarious the way Louis is literally dragging him away and out the door. And when the door shuts and Lucas is no where in sight, my breathing can finally return to normal and my heart can finally slow down.

"Beth, I don't like this," Harry sounds young, and afraid. It makes my heart skip a few beats and my hands twitch. "I'm tired, Beth. I'm so tired."

"I'm tired too," I sigh turning around and walking closer. My arms sling around his neck, playing with the hair there. "I'm sad, and I'm tired." It gets cozy, when Harry wraps his arms around my waist as he hugs me. It's nice. This hug is nice. "I don't know what to do." I admit. This is the first time I've said this, and it hasn't hit me how true it is, until now.

"I do." Harry mutters, his hands rubbing circles.

"Tell me." It's calm, and I haven't felt calm in a long time. I haven't felt anything other than anger in a long time.

"Marry me." His tone is light. His eyes are closed and his breathing is slow and even. When my head pulls back and my arms create a bit of distance, his eyes open and a sigh escapes between his lips. "I kind of--really badly--hopelessly--want to marry you. Like a lot-lot." I don't know what to say. I don't think my mind remembers what words are.

I'm surprised I remember how to keep breathing.

"Beth, I wa-"

"Yes."

He sucks in a breath as his eyes begin to shimmer. "Really?"

"Yes." And this is either the best idea or the worst.

Notes

I'd marry all of you....actually....we should all just vote.