You Have Me

"What are you talking about, you ass face with legs."

"Don't pretend you didn't know! Like it wasn't your idea," she flicks her hair from her shoulder, and looks up at me with a raised brow. "Tomorrow when you talk to Ben, I expect you to decline everything. We both know I'm the one who deserves it. Not the one who left her family, and then wasn't there for her father when he got sick."

It's incredibly unfair for her to use that against me. And she knows exactly what she's doing because her small grin brightens, when she notices my small wince.

"Do us both a favor and for once do the right thing." Lilly says. Not caring about my feelings.
It's almost embarrassing that I've spent so long worrying about how this devil felt. About how she may hate me, or she would, when in fact it's clear she's always hated me. It's sad. This isn't what a sister is supposed to be like. They're not supposed to make you feel so worthless.

"I've never hit a girl before," Harry says. I take a chance and look at him, his fist clenched, jaw locked. His stance is hard and strong. Everyone is eyeing him wary and I think he's ready to pounce, "but I promise you, you're about to change that."

Lilly's eyes twinkle mischievously, her smile, twisted. "Oh Harry," she cooed. She tsked and this women is hell wrapped up in one person. I don't even recognize her. "You can hit me all you want, later." She winked, and turned back to look at me.

"That's it." Harry says through clenched teeth. Liam's eyes winded and Niall takes a hold of Harry's shoulder.

Half of me wants the boys to release him so he can beat Lilly until she don't move her mouth. The other half hopes they can keep a hold on him because my little person would probably like to meet their father. Preferably not in prison.

"Stop Harry, you just had your tung inside her mouth." I say not being able to concentrate. Harry looks down, but doesn't stop his fighting to break free. Lilly shrugs and smirks.

And I've never wanted to slap someone so hard.

It was all a bit distracting. On one side Harry is trying to break free from Liam and Niall. Zayn is glaring, eyeing Lilly as if that'll somehow evaporate her. By now Louis has entwined our fingers together, and every time Lilly speaks, he'll squeeze enough to let me know he hates her.

"Well mom was right. You really are pointless. It's a hug relief knowing we're only half-related. Always been so useless. Mom should of gotten rid of you when she had the chance."

"Stop it! Shut your fucking mouth!" Harry screams. Liam's too surprised by Lilly's out burst and Niall looks ready to attack. Harry moves to stand in front of me as Louis moves towards Zayn. Harry's livid and Lilly-for the first time-looks surprised. I'm surprised. "You're a pathetic, jealous, bitter women. And I feel terrible for James."

"You can't say that to me-"

"I can say whatever the fuck I want, to whoever I want," Harry says, not letting her finish her sentence. "I used to feel sorry for you. Always jealous of your younger sister. Jealous that she was able to leave and make it, while you stayed behind, getting old and alone. But now," Harry's words are vicious and I don't know if they're true. But they must hit a soft spot, because Lilly looks amazed that someone is actually speaking to her this way. Harry shakes his head, "now I hope you always stay that way. I really hope James wakes up and he realizes the shrew he's marrying. I hope life hurts you, like you've hurt Beth."

"Take a look popstar," Lilly says after a few seconds of silence. Her eyes are hard, and I know it's defense mechanism she uses when she knows she's about to cry. "You've hurt her just as much. She's having your baby and that didn't stop you from kissing me back."

"Shut up," I say finally finding my voice. I'm a bit afraid but if I don't say this now, I know I'm always going to regret it. Because Lilly deserves to be told how bad she's been. Harry should know how mad I am for everything and...that's it, I'm just fucking angry. "Your both horrible people, okay. You," I turn towards Harry, "you've been lying to me since I woke up insane. You're controlling and you wanted to fuck my sister to get back at me. Not to mention that you guys swapped spit." Harry's eyes sadden but he takes it, and he better take it because it's fucking true. I sigh and notice that the rest of the guys are listening intently. "But," I continue. Harry's head snapping up and our eyes meeting. "I'm fucking in love with you." Harry's eyes brighten slightly and it's nice to see his face a bit more alive. But it won't change anything. I just hope he knows that.

"How cut-"

"You," I cut off Lilly before she can offend me further. "You're a nightmare. You're going to end up alon-you are alone. Look around Lilly," it's a tad funny when she takes a second to look around. "No one in this room likes you. No one can stand you, and I'm sure they won't give a single fuck if you disappear."

"If this is how you handle life, I can't wait to see how you do with motherhood. You're going to fuck this baby over."

Harry's hand tightens around my hip at the mention of our baby. I move away from him, and she's so fucking lucky I'm pregnant. So fucking lucky. "I'm going to ruin you. Just you fucking wait. Get out." Her mouth opens and her eyes widen at my promise, and I know she knows I mean it. Because I do. "Get out." I say. Her nose goes up in the air, and with the small amount of dignity she has left she walks out, hopefully out of my life for good.

And that's really sad.

"She is exhausting," I breathe out. Despite being so close with these guys, it doesn't change the fact that this was excruciatingly embarrassing. "I'm sorry you all had to see that." I sigh and walk over to the bed, sitting down. I lean my back against the head board and hug my knees around my chest.

"Beth?" Harry voice breaks out the silence. My head shakes against my knees.

"I'm still leaving Harry," I murmur.

"Beth-"

"Enough Harry," Louis says. The last time Louis used these words was when Harry had tried to get inside his room. It brings awful memories and I had been hoping I wouldn't be hearing that tone for a long, long, long time. "You've done enough and Beth has things that need to get done."

"Lou-"

"I'll lock you in a room if you try and stop her. I swear I will." Louis promises. His tone confirms his promise and I know him well enough to know he will lock him up if he has too. I don't want that to happen. But if we have no other choice then it will.

"She can't go alone." Harry says. And that's offensive. Because yes I can. I can totally go alone. I should be going alone.

"She's not. I'm going with her." Louis words make me look up and okay. Louis shouldn't have to tag along. I can handle myself. Although I'm secretly glad he'll be there though. I'll never admit it-I won't have to-Louis will know. He knows me.

Harry comes and sits by me. He slowly grabs my hand and sighs. "I'm sorry I fucked everything up." Harry sniffled. Oh baby, no.

"It wasn't just you," I say trying to make him feel better. "You'll be okay."

"I'm not going to be okay with you gone. I'm never going to be okay without you."

I can't say anything. I don't know what the future holds. So instead of giving him a cliché response, I lean forward and cup the back of his head. I kiss his cheek softly, lingering for a few seconds. Harry's arms are around me, hugging me tightly. This is so nice, and familiar and it makes me want to cry. I just want to lay down with him and cry, until everything doesn't feel so heavy and broken.

"I love you Beth." I can feel Harry's tears on my neck and I can feel the small tremors his body is releasing. This is so sad, and I don't want Harry to cry. I hum in response playing with his curls. "I love you and I don't want you to go." Harry's crying now and it's heartbreaking. It's awful because I still can't let myself feel.

I feel nothing.

"I know." I whisper.

Maybe leaving will help me feel. Something has to help me feel.

Notes

Chicken tenders have my heart.