You Have Me

"Beth?" I shake my head and back away. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up all over the damn carpet, and it's going to land all over Harry. "What does it say?"

I run back to the bathroom and pick up the cardboard box. The two pink lines matching the ones of the stick. "So, we're fucked," Harry's eyes go wide, and he takes the stick out of my hands,along with the box. He looks over them, probably letting "Fuck. We are so fucking fucked. Louis going to fucking kill me, and, oh my god, Harry this is so fucked up!"

"Beth," Harry says. He grips my arms and his face is probably trying to calm me down, but really. It's not working. It's really not. "No, no......no. It'll be okay. We'll.....okay...um...we're going to find the best doctor, and we'll book you an appointment just to make sure. Okay? We won't tell anyone until we know, until we're completely sure."

I nod my head, and move back. This test..this stupid little test has just changed everything. This isn't how it's supposed to go. I'm nineteen, Harry's twenty. TWNETY. How the fuck are we going to raise a baby?

"We can't do this! Harry, we can't even be in a normal relati-"

"We don't have a choice, Beth."

"Yes we do. We ca-"

"Don't, even finish your sentence. We're not doing that," Harry's hands are the only things keeping me from running away. They're gripping my waist and Harry's face is serious and not the, 'You need to listen' serious, no, it's the, 'You're going to do whatever I say, because I'm right and you're not' serious. It's terrifying all the same. "If the doctor confirms it, we are not getting rid of it. We did this, and now we're going to handle it."

"Harry, I'm jus-"

"That's my baby too," If Harry keeps interrupting me, I might take his ability to ever make another baby, away. His hands move from my waist up to the sides of my face. "We made that baby together. We can't get rid of it, like it's some mistake we're ashamed of."

"Harry we're not ready. You know we're not." I need Harry to understand that. He needs to fucking get that, because raising a baby, and becoming a parent is probably the hardest thing.

"Ready or not Beth, it's happening."

"This is fucking terrifying."

"Paul can get us an appointment as early as tomorrow afternoon," Harry kisses me quickly (and we don't have time for that. Can't he see, I'm about to have a fucking melt down?) he has a small smile on his face, and I really don't feel better. "We can do this. We might not have a choice, and we're both probably about to shit ourselves, but we can do this. Together."

"Okay." It's not like I have a choice. Well I do....but it wouldn't be the right one.

************
"Can't we just wait and see if I get fat? Like, is this really necessary?"

"Baby," Harry gives me his 'really' face. And it's annoying. I might slap him. "We have to make sure. I'm sure it'll be quick. You just pee in the cup and then they do magic. Then they tell us if you have a bun baking."

"That's disgusting, and your disguise is lacking total creativity." It really is.

"It's all I had," he shrugged and sent me a boyish smile. "Besides everyone likes a good pair of aviators. They do wonders for my face."

His face really doesn't need help. He almost prettier than most girls.

"Bethany Mills?"

I look up and see a middle age women smiling at me. Harry and I stand and our hands are always laced together, and now isn't an exception. With every step we take, I can feel my nerves mixing in with Harry's. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe this is even happening.

She led us to a medium sized room. It smells clean. And it's making me want to throw up. Everything makes me want to throw up. Especially all of this women's questions. And when she finds out we're here to confirm on a pregnancy scare, she eyes me carefully but doesn't say anything. But I know what she's thinking. I'm thinking the same thing.

I'm too fucking young.

"Okay, Dr.Gill should be with you, in just a moment." She writes one final thing down and then leaves. Harry mumbles a quick thank you, looking over at me.

"She totally thinks I'm a slut."

Harry laughs and wraps his arm around my shoulders, my head falling on his. By now Harry's glasses are hanging on the collar of his flannel.

"No she doesn't."

"Yes she does. Girls can tell when other girls think they're whores. It's a gift."

Harry doesn't respond. He just nods and kisses my head.

It's a good thing that we're in a doctors office, because I might faint. I never thought about having a baby. I don't even know if I want children. And yes, I know it's too late for me to be having these fears. I just want to know why this happened. We were safe, we took precautions. Am I really that unlucky? Am I that special?

I wouldn't doubt it.

The door swings open, an in comes a middle aged man, with greying hair. He seems friendly (probably has more friends than the judgmental nurse) his smile is kind and I kind of just want to hug him.

"Hello I'm Dr. Gills. I was told you wanted to confirm your pregnancy?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I took a home pregnancy test. But we just want to be a hundred percent sure. I mean who knows? I'm a very unlucky person and the test could be wrong."

Dr.Gills smiled and wrote some things down. I looked over at Harry and smiled. He looked nervous and I think he just needs a hug.

"Okay, take this cup," and behold, he holds out this disgusting, clear, small cup. Ewe. "I need a urine sample. You don't need to fill the cup, we just need a very small amount."

Ewe. Please make him stop. Ewe. I cringe and take the cup.

I really don't like this.

********
"We've been waiting fo-"

"Ten minuets Harry. We've been waiting for ten minuets."

Harry's impatient and his leg is bouncing. I personally feel like the time is flying by. My mind isn't working right now, and I feel like the biggest failure in the world. If there was any hope for my relationship with my family, once they'd find out, there wouldn't be. They really wouldn't want anything to do with me after this.

"You're okay right?"

"I'm something. I don't know if okay is the right word, but I'm something." Harry sighs, and drops a kiss on the back of my hand.

"Is it a good something?" He asks, stroking the back of my hand.

"It's more like...a nervous, mixed with fear kind of something." I look over at Harry. He's more relaxed now, and it's nice to know one of us can keep it together, because I'm about to lose it.

"I love you." Harry promises firmly. I smile and kiss his cheek.

"I love you."

The door swings open, and I wish I could read people. But I can't. Although Dr.Gills seems like the kind of man to always stay chipper. And if we were friends, I'd probably want to knock him out.

"Okay, we have the results," he holds up a folder, with a gentle smile. He has my future in his hands. He has Harry's future in his hands. This is...it's....I don't like this. How could anyone like this? "Congratulations! You are indeed pregnant, my dear."

Have you ever asked a question, and you hoped you'd get an answer, and when you get a completely different answer, you kind of don't know what to do with yourself, because you had your mind wrapped around the other answer? That was me right now. I've zoned out and I can't even pay attention to what Harry and Dr.Gills are saying because in this moment everything has just changed. This isn't about just me anymore. This stopped being about me as soon as I saw those two pink lines.

"Are you okay? Do you need to lie down?"

"Baby?"

"Are you sure I'm pregnant? Like are you completely one hundred percent sure? You don't want to take any blood test?" I say ignoring all their questions.

I can make out Dr.Gills laughter. And I can see him shaking his head. "No dear, you are one hundred percent pregnant. I'm positive," And he says it so firmly that I can't do anything but believe him. I feel so...oh god. What are we going to do? "Would you like to talk about your options?"

"Options?" I ask. Aren't my options, to either have this baby. Or have this baby?

"Your options, yes," Dr.Gills nods. "Abortion, adopti-"

"We don't need to talk about that. We're keeping this baby." Harry's tone leaves no room for disagreement.

"Are you sure? Betha-"

"I'm sure." I say quietly.

Harry was right.

I got myself into this mess, and now I'm going to take care of it. Although this baby isn't a mess. It's a harmless, defenseless little person.

My little person.

"Well alright then. It looks like you two are on your way to becoming parents." He chirps. Harry's smile is blinding and his dimples are adorable. Oh damn. We're going to be parents. We're going to b-

This is terrifying.

Notes

I was at Starbucks and this man walked in with butts on his tie, but he kept telling the cashier that they were peaches (but they were totally butts) and when the cashier said his tie was weird, he got so sad, Omg. But they were butts.