You Have Me

H.P.O.V

"You need to get out of this room," Liam's voice is irritating, "Harry," Liam sighs. The disappointment buzzing in his voice "you okay?"

"I've been better" I spat bitterly and took the packet of cigarettes from my coffee table

"You smoke now?"

"Yup." I brought up the small white stick to my mouth inhaling the poisonous smoke. I puffed out small rings, a trick I've learned these past bitter days. I felt Liam's eyes digging wholes in side of my head. He walked in and shut the door sniffling

"It reeks in here"

Then leave.

Management has been down my throat for the last four days. They're always spitting the same crap. But I can't leave. What if Beth came by and packed the rest of her things and I missed her? Then what would I do?

I'd jump off a balcony. That's what I'd do.

Today it's Liam, and tomorrow it'll be Zayn (who will most likely be giving me his philosophical opinion) and then we'll have Niall who will just want to end up playing FIFA all night. They'll show up and force me to shower and eat a bit of something. And every time they seem me and my wet face they'll give me this look.

I hate that look.

It's a mix of 'this is your fucking fault' and 'I just want to help you, because I feel sorry for you, and because I have to, because we're friends.' It's the fifth day and something in me is about to snap. I've had enough and these cream colored walls are making me sick.

She didn't even say goodbye.

Okay.

She did. She tried to, anyways. I wouldn't open the door. It was childish and stupid, but I wanted to open it. I did. But I couldn't bring myself to see her and know that she was leaving. She didn't say for how long, and she didn't say if she'd be back. She just waited outside our hotel room leaning against the door for an hour. And when I heard Louis outside the door I knew it was time. And my world was starting to fall apart.

"You'll always be my favorite."

And I wish she would've cursed at me. I wish she would've yelled, and thrown things. I wish she would've-

Stayed.

I wanted her to stay.

But she didn't, because I wasn't what she needed. And I hate that.

I look at Liam for a mere second before looking back at the wall. I know Liam well enough to know how his brow is furrowed and a sad look adorns his usually happy brown eyes. "Harry, come on mate. It's been five days you need to leave this place. It's destroying you"

"I'm doing just fine"

From the corner of my eye I can see him shaking his head. He's walking closer.

"What happened to you?"

Everything. She left. She's not coming back. She doesn't want me. She doesn't love me anymore. And she shouldn't.

I just keep looking at the wall and chuck the cigaret into the waste basket. "That's dangerous" Liam says as the bud keeps smoking in the black tub. I shrug and lean back.

"Go home. You did your job. I'm alive, now leave"

He just walked in closer making sure the smoke coming from the tin was completely out. He sat down placing his hand on my shoulder. "She just needs time Harry. She'll be back. She loves you."

He spoke quietly. And if he keeps lying to me I'll shove my foot so far up hi-

"Harry," Louis voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up surprised to see Louis out of all people here. He has been avoiding my room like the plague, probably because he's so angry that I was the reason he lost his Best friend again. "Can we have a minuet, Li?" Liam shuffles up patting my shoulder on his way out. He shares a knowing look with Louis and then disappears, the door locking after him. "Har-"

"If you're here to make me feel worse, you're wasting your time. You might as well set me on fire."

"I would," he says while rolling his eyes, "But Beth would maim me if I was the reason your hair got fucked." He shrugged and sat down next to me. He looked around, his gaze fixed heatedly on the near empty bottle of scotch. I got thirsty, and I ran out of water. Whoops. "Well, I can see the sulking is still going on."

"Fuck a million miles off."

"Always so damn sensitive" He murmurs sitting back and crossing his arms.

"How is she?" I ask

"A mess," He says firmly. "She was about to fall over from not sleeping." When it came to Beth he was always honest. Never hesitated with his answers and never cared if my feeling were spared.

"You've seen her?" I ask confused. Louis eyes widened slightly but, his face stayed mostly relaxed. And I must say I'm impressed. "Is sh-"

"No," he shakes his head. "No she's not here. Yes I have seen her, but no she's not here in this hotel." He clasped his hands together squeezing them together on his lap. "She's back in LA, But she's not ready to see you."

"You're trying to kill me aren't you? Are you fucking joking?"

His face stays serious. It's true. Beth was back. She's back but she doesn't want to see me. And I fucking knew that. But it doesn't make the want to blow my brains out any weaker. It makes it stronger.

"Where is she?"

"I'm not going to tell you," he says standing up, "I shouldn't have even told you she was back. I just wanted to come and see how you were doing. And now that I know you're fin-"
"Where is she?!" I grasped his arm preventing his escape. He sighed and shook his head.

"I know you miss her, but I can't tell you. It's only been five days and you both need time." He removed my hands from his body and walked to the door. Before walking out he looked back with a small smile. "She loves you Harry. And what ever happen you both will be okay." He nods once and walks out. The door shuts after him.

When I first saw Beth she was asleep on the floor and her foot had tripped me. And she was never supposed to mean this much to me. I was never supposed to fall so hard. But fuck me, because I did, and the truth is that, that's what keeps me holding on because it hurts-it fucking hurts-to let her go.

Notes

I want to give Harry a hug omg /).(\