Rage

Harry:
“Keep them closed…just a second longer.”
He’s fumbling about with something I wouldn’t make any promises but I also didn’t want to ruin whatever surprise he had brewing.

Harry:
“Okay, open.”


I remove my fingers from my face slowly to see that he’s holding the necklace by it’s chain. I gasp at how pretty and feminine it appears in his grip. Anyone who knew me knew that jewelry of any kind was something that’d always get me to smile.

Ally:
“For me?”

I kiss his lips generously just taking in how much of a sweetheart he could be at times. These days that seemed to be always and as I close my eyes into it I try to push out the thought of this having an end.

Ally:
“It’s gorgeous, I love it. Thank you.”
I turn to lift my hair from the way of my neck and wait for him to place it there. He pecks his warm lips to the skin first and then I’m met with the cool chill of the chain hanging just above my breasts. He’s smiling clearly pleased with my reaction.

Harry:
“ Nothing else till tomorrow.”
I look in the mirror to see it, and instantly get that tingling feeling from the words that reflect back to me.

Mine.

So possessive but I can’t help but be entirely okay with it.

Harry:
“I love you.”

It’s not every day that he says it so I kind of make it a big deal when he does. There was nothing like hearing those words from someone so perfect.

Ally:
“I love you too.”

I give him one last hug before heading for my coat and shoes.

Harry:
“Where are you going, I thought you were spending the night.”

Ally:
“I am, I’m just going to hang out with Claire for a bit and I’ll be back.”

The exhale out was enough to tell me he was opposed to the entire idea but I had already made it perfectly clear what my priorities were.
Harry:
“You’ve been doing that all week.”

Ally:
“We’re just friends- but if you don’t want me to, just tell me Harry. You know I’ll listen to you.”

I fix the coat properly before lifting my head to watch him. He places his hands in his jean pockets and lean against the wall behind him.

Harry:
“It’s alright. Have fun.”

Ally:
“Sure?”

Harry:
“Really, just…”

And I’m back in for the hug. He rubs against my head with his fingers and I can feel his chin nuzzled in my hair.

Harry:
“No kissing her, okay…or anything else.”

Ally:
“Okay.”

I answer quickly but only because of how awkward this is.

Harry:
“I’m serious, Allison.”

Ally:
“I hear you, no physical contact. We’re just friends though.”

Harry:
“Be back by 10, yea?”
--

We’re laughing about something she’s just said but with the stomach pain I can hardly remember. I’m sat Indian style on her couch while she passes the cup of tea she’s just made for me.

I sit it down realizing it’s a little too hot to sip at the moment and wait for conservation to pick up again. She’s sitting down just beside me and I receive her eye contact just as before at the café. I feel like it’s a little too intimate but I can’t help how captivating she is to me. It was rare that people generally had the personality to match but she certainly had.
I’m beginning to realize how quiet it’s becoming and how close she’s gotten without me realizing.

Claire:
“I’ve missed you at the café. You’re usually there a lot.”

One of her hands is placed on my knee but I don’t at all see it as affection; more of two friends having girl talk on a Friday night or something. Yea, I'd go with that.

Ally:
“Well that shouldn’t bother you, I’ve seen you a lot since.”

But then hands move to restrict the hair in my face to behind my ear. Initially I like the attention, but then I remember the rules.

Ally:
“Claire.”

Claire:
“Yea?”

Her voice is attractive as well. I can tell she wants me to be receptive.

Ally:
“You remember the boyfriend I told you about…”

I feel a need to bring him up in a forward manner as things get interesting.

Claire:
“The guy you’re always with, right?”

I nod as she fingers through my hair. I don’t know why but I love it; all the more reason for me to urge her to stop…for whatever reason I can’t bring myself to.

Claire:
“How much are you into him?”

Ally:
“A lot.”

I didn’t want there to be any confusion there.

Claire:
“And he doesn’t mind sharing?”

Yea, I should probably go. I pull my intense glare away from her to check my phone for the time.

Ally:
“Claire, I should really go. I told him I’d be back by now.”

Claire:
“Oh no, it feels like you just got here. At least have you’re tea before you go.”

Ally:
“Sorry, I can’t. I’m really sorry. Rain check?”

Though I enjoyed her it did kind of hurt realizing it was probably a really bad idea to see her again after this. On the visits prior things had seemed milder, but then again her place wasn’t the setting before. I realize now that it was a bad idea.

I grab my keys and wrestle on my things quickly.

Ally:
“Goodnight. I apologize for having to leave so abruptly like this.”

I tell her on the step just outside of the door of her place. I go to get away when my hand is taken just gently to pull me in for a hug. She smells of the holiday cookies she’d just baked for us and a tad of a sweet feminine fragrance. I hate that I’m attracted to it.

Ally:
“Okay.”

I say subtly to let her know that I really should be going now. Before I slip away her hands are on either side of my face and her lips there in the center. I curse myself mentally for not moving a little more quickly to have avoided this. My need is to push her away but I just don’t. I feel that if I do I’d hurt her feelings in some one and I just didn’t want to do that. After awhile she slowly pulls away.

Claire:
“I had to. I’m sorry, you’re just so cute.”

I smile kindly to receive the compliment but fully realize what trouble I’m in.

Claire:
“God, see that’s what I mean.”

Ally:
“Well I hope so because my boyfriend’s going to kill me for that.”

Claire:
“Ally… Come by tomorrow? Pleaseeee.”

She doesn’t seem to care. I sigh looking down and away from her bare legs in the tall undershirt.

Ally:
“I’ll let you know alright. But I really need to go now.”

I’m given a bit of a pout before I walk away.

Claire:
“Goodnight Ally,”

Sigh. This is my own fault.
--

The house is dark as I removed my things and set the keys there on the table by the clothing wrack.

Ally:
“Babe?”

I call for him but I’m not too excited about what I have to tell him. Honestly when we had the talk I was promising not to make any moves on her…I never really thought about how hard she would be to say no to.
I’m in his bedroom and I can see that he’s likely fallen asleep. It’s around 10:15 so I’m only a little late. I don’t turn on the light but rather just undress myself and cradle into him. I inhale deeply as I get comfortable but alarm crosses me with the breath outward. I lift my head with intense worry.

Ally:
“Harry?”

God, not again. I shake him but he only grumpily pushes me away. I get up, turning on the light and looking around the room for what I know is present somewhere. There on the dresser I see the bottle nearly emptied and I press my hands harshly to my face.

Ally:
“Dammit, Harry.”

I want to cry because he’s not answering, but he seems to have stirred with the new brightness of the room.

Ally:
“Why the hell are you drinking? Why would you do that?”

He’s seated up, placing his hands in his hair in a way of annoyance.

Ally:
“Answer me. Why? Do you do this whenever I’m not here Harry, because I get the feeling you’ve been lying to me.”

Harry:
“I already have a mom. Don’t fucking question me.”

I’m taken aback a little by the harshness and because of it, don’t really know how to respond.

Ally:
“I just want to know what’s wrong, is it because I’m late? What happened?”

I try a different approach, leveling myself in front of him and moving gently for his fingers. He snatches away and my heart begins to hurt. It hurts more with what happens next. And I think to myself…maybe this isn’t love after all.

--

Ally:
“Just don’t. I’m fine, now do you want the eggs or not?”

I had a similar reaction when I’d waken up to see my face in the mirror this morning. But after about an hour of crying I realized I was hungry. I wish he’d just take the damn breakfast because after I left he likely wouldn’t see me for awhile…or even at all, I wasn’t sure. The only thing that kept me from doing this in the past was the fear of him drinking himself to death…and you can’t forget the unheard of attachment I seem to have to him.

He’s beating himself up metaphorically speaking but I’m just focusing on the amount of oil I’m going to place in the pan right now for the bacon.

Harry:
“Allison-“

Ally:
“I know. It’s okay, don’t apologize.”

Because honestly I knew the drill by now.

Harry:
“No. Stop it, it’s not okay. Your face-“

His fingers are trailing it in thought and I don’t know what to feel. He promised he wouldn’t do it again…He promised, but those meant nothing anymore. That much was clear.

Ally:
“It’ll go away.”

I continue to be cool about it but at least I knew now that this entire love thing was just unrealistic and in the moment. There’s no way he could do this to me otherwise.

Harry:
“No, come here. Please.”

He turns off the stove and affectionately feels over my body in apology. He places me on a high stool where my legs are exposed to him. I’m hugged in and he captures my lips with his. It’s alarming that I don’t feel the butterflies but I allow him to continue.

Ally:
“What made you drink like that? That was more than normal.”

He looks down with my question, softly rubbing my legs back and forth beneath his touch.

Ally:
“Don’t tell me it was her because I asked you if you were okay with it.”

Harry:
“I don’t want to be that guy who tells you who you can and cannot hang out with. I don’t allow myself to bug you about stuff like that…”

All of this over something that could easily have been avoided…I think that’s what pissed me off the most. That and he used to have girls around him all of the time before things between us got a little more serious. But that was something we always discussed.

Harry:
“I wanted to call you last night to tell you I’d been having a bad craving for it, but I just didn’t…I thought maybe you’d been hooking up with her or something since you’re so attracted to her.”

Ally:
“You told me not to do that…She did kiss me though, but I really tried to avoid it. I was going to tell you that, and I had no intentions of spending time with her again. I thought I’d just be good friends with her but she tempts me too much. I’m not a whore Harry.”

I moved him aside so that my feet could make contact with the floor. I was so torn now because I didn’t want to leave him to the bottles again. Was this my responsibility now? Damn, I hated it when this happened because it meant starting completely over again. Not being able to trust him anymore. We were friends before anything but I couldn’t believe this was over her when I’d pick him a thousand times over on any day.

Harry:
“I never said you were a whore. Don’t even go there. I just knew that you liked her, but that was still no excuse. And I’m sorry for that. I’m beginning to despise the word but Allison I’m sorry for hurting you again and again…I don’t deserve you. You know it. You’re sister knows it, you’re family, and so do I.”

He seemed so broken. And my place in his life was to mend…it didn’t mean we didn’t deserve each other. It’d just be a little work.

Ally:
“What was that? Are you- … breaking up with me?”

I get my answer when he doesn’t respond and the only emotion I feel is emptiness. A deep, heavy, hollow heart for being so stupid.

Ally:
“Oh this is hilarious.”

I head for something to throw on and begin collecting everything I owned in his home.

Ally:
“I look like I do cage matches for a living and I’m the one getting dumped. This is great.”

I felt I could be completely unfiltered now being that I’d just spent an enormous amount of time wasting my life with him. He reaches for me but I’m really not up for it right now.

Ally:
“Just don’t touch me okay, I’m just grabbing everything and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Harry:
“Ally, just listen.”

I open the door and head for my car, completely aware that I haven’t covered my bruises with makeup yet. I don’t seem to care if my face ruins someone’s day today. I unload what’s in my arms to the backseat as he continues in the background. Good thing for me I’ve become quite good with this whole tuning people out thing. I get in the driver’s seat being sure to lock the door to avoid further annoyance and pull off onto the road. That harsh sound of tire meeting road seems to sooth me right about now. The bad news is my days just starting.

Notes

Thanks a lot for reading and being so supportive with the comments. I see that I tend to update earlier when you do. Thanks, and I hope you continue to enjoy the reading.