Carmen's POV

"What was that about?" Liam asks when we walk out of my building. "Why'd you flip out?"

"I didn't flip out."

"Umm...okay. But yeah, you sort of did."

I sigh and push my fingers through my hair, guilt filling in my chest as a result of my outburst. It was never my intention to get upset with Harry or make him feel bad, but that's probably what ended up happening anyway. It's not an excuse, but talking about my mother is just the last thing I wanted to do with Harry. It's not easy to say the least, and it just got to me when he kept pushing it.

"Anyway," he says, probably realizing that I don't want to talk to him any more than I want to talk to Harry about it. "How was your break? Was it good being at Harry's?"

"Yeah." The memories are a little bitter-sweet based on what just happened, but it was amazing. "It was really good. His family is incredible."

"Anything happen with you two?"

Everything.

---

"Who would have thought I'd be the single one out of the two of us," Liam says, laughing a little as he shakes his head. "I can't believe you're actually dating Harry."

"It's not like everyone didn't see it coming," I remind him.

"Yeah, but still. After you hating him for the first few weeks I figured he had no chance. Apparently he's persistent."

"I'd say so. What happened with Talia?"

He sighs and leans back against the back of his chair. We stopped in a little cafe for some coffee since I'm too exhausted to really do anything. "I finally talked to her after you left. I was going to wait but what's the point of going through Christmas and New Year's together if we're just going to break up? Anyway, she saw it coming so it wasn't too bad. It sucks, obviously, since we were together for so long."

"Have you talked to her since?" I ask, sipping my coffee.

"Not really. We'll probably stay friends, but distance is good for us right now."

"Do you think you'll get back together?"

"Carmen, we broke up like two minutes ago," he says. "I'm not really thinking about that right now. Plus, I think it's stupid when people do that. I mean, you obviously broke up for a reason so why would things be different a second time?"

"I don't know," I venture, staring out the window. "If the person changes then why not?"

"Maybe...but I don't think people really change that much."

"You can do better than Talia anyway," I continue, surprised at my new opinions on dating and relationships. "There's a million girls in our psych class that stare at you."

"There's a million girls in our psych class?" he asks sarcastically. "Wow, attendance must be quite poor."

"I almost forgot how funny you are."

He laughs. "Okay, are you going to tell me what happened with Harry? Or do I have to beat it out of you."

"You can try, but I'm a lot tougher than I look."

"Carmen."

A deep breath passes through my lips. "Okay, first there's a few things I should probably tell you."

---

When I finish explaining most of my life to my friend he looks completely stunned. I have to take repeated sips on my coffee while I wait for him to say something, so I don't feel completely awkward. It's not surprising at all that he's so stunned by everything...most best friends know these kind of details about their friend's life. I don't know why I never told Liam any of this, plus he probably assumed that I had a normal family since I never said anything otherwise.

"Shit," he says, rubbing his hand over his face. When he looks at me again I can tell he feels bad, but also concerned in the way I knew he would be when I told him everything. "Okay I have questions, but first...why the hell didn't you tell me this before?"

I shrug. "It never came up?"

"All those times I saw your Dad and you never told me? And fuck...I feel like an idiot."

"What? Why?"

"Because...I never asked about your Mom, I just figured you didn't talk to her or something, I don't even know."

"Liam, what are you talking about?" Before he can start talking again I'm reaching over and putting my hand over his. "Don't feel bad about this, it's my fault for not telling you. I just didn't want you to worry about me. My parents...it's my problem."

"I can't believe your Dad is in the army."

"Yeah."

"And your Mom...you really don't talk to her?"

I shake my head. "No. She's trying lately...that's actually what my little episode with Harry was earlier."

"What do you mean?"

"I sort of...I told him she was dead."

He laughs in surprise. "What?"

"I didn't feel like explaining and I don't talk to her, so I didn't think it would matter!" I defend. "Anyway, she called me while I was with him and he answered the phone."

"Yeah, that'll do it."

"Yeah. And now she keeps trying to talk to me and Harry keeps asking about it and it's not something I want to talk about. At all."

"That's what that was?"

"He asked if I wanted to at least see what she wants, but-"

"Why is that a bad thing?" he asks, leaning his chin in his palm. "I mean, she's your mother."

"My mother that abandoned me, Liam. It doesn't matter, that's not the point. I just don't want to talk about her or think about her and Harry just keeps asking," I exclaim. My frustration is a little surprising to me; I hadn't realized how irritated I actually was. Asking Liam to hang out with me was a way to end my conversation with Harry, but now it's just making me more irritated than ever. It's none of his business.

"So tell him you don't want to talk about it," he says simply.

"I did, but I might have been a little harsh about it."

"So apologize."

"Liam!" I groan. "Stop being so sensible about everything!"

He laughs. "Carmen, you're making this a lot harder than it needs to be. He cares about you, so he's going to try to help you. Why can't you let him?"

"I can...I just..."

"No, you can't," he says gently. "You're too independent for your own good. I get that you don't want to talk about it, but don't get pissed at him for trying to be there for you. He's a good guy, obviously that's what he's going to do."

"Great. Now you made me feel bad." I roll my eyes and he laughs again.

"Then apologize."

It's not that I don't appreciate that Harry cares, that he asks questions. I just wish that he could sense that I don't want to talk about it, or at least get it when I practically yell at him to let it go. There's so much about my past that he still doesn't know and I have good reasons for not wanting to talk to my mom. He doesn't talk to his Dad but I don't bug him about it because I understand that he probably doesn't want to. It's not that hard; if I want to talk about it I know that I can, that he'll listen and that he's there for me. But I don't need him asking me about it.

After a few hours I go back to my Dad's apartment to pack up my things so I can move back into my house. Harry and the boys are gone and Harry not being here is a little disappointing to me. I miss him. I actually miss him when I saw him earlier today. That's crazy, isn't it? I know that it is, but I can't help it. I want to blame it on the fact that we spent every day together for the last two weeks, but I know it goes a lot deeper than that. He's just the kind of person you want to be around all the time, you know?

The house is empty when I get there, which isn't something I mind. My guess is that most of the girls won't be around for a few days yet; they don't care enough about school to come back on time. While I'm unpacking my things I end up checking my phone twenty million times to check if Harry has tried to call or text or something. He hasn't.

"Fuck it," I mutter, tossing the clothes in my hands on the ground. My phone is in my hands and I'm dialling his number from memory before I even realize what I'm doing.

"Hey, who are you calling?"

I spin around to find Harry standing in my door, arms crossed and leaning against the wall on his shoulder. His phone starts ringing and I end the call when he smiles at me, knowing I was calling him.

He looks around at my room and laughs a little. "Did your closet explode?"

"No, I was just...aren't you mad at me?" I ask, confused by his chipper demeanor. His brow furrows.

"No...am I supposed to be?"

"Well I thought...how I acted before..."

Harry smiles and sits on my bed. "I'm not mad. Are you?"

"No, not mad." I sigh and sit next to him, manoeuvring around the giant pile I made on the floor.

"But..."

"Harry, I don't want to talk about my Mom." He sighs and I push my fingers through my hair. "I get that you want to help or whatever, but-"

"Help or whatever?" he repeats. He stands and puts his hands on his hips. "Really?"

"What?"

"I don't...Carmen, it's your mother."

"Yes, Harry." I stand as well. "My mother. Not yours. It's not your problem, it's mine."

"You realize I've been through the whole parent leaving you behind thing, right?"

"It's not the same thing!" I shout, my hands in the air.

"No, I realize that," he says frustratedly. "All I'm saying is I know what it's like to have a parent act like they don't care."

"Great, so you understand why I want to leave her out of my life."

"No," he argues. "I don't. Carmen, your mother is trying to be in your life, she's reaching out to you. That's a good thing, I don't know why you don't think so."

"It's not a good thing!" I shout, frustrated that he's not understanding when he literally always understands me. "I don't want her in my life. She left, completely abandoned me totally by her own choice. Now it's my choice to keep her away."

He sighs and rubs his hands over his face. "Fine. Choose to keep your parent that's actually in the country as far away as possible, go ahead. But I'm not going to pretend that I think it's the right decision."

"Really? You're going to use my Dad to guilt me or whatever the hell this is?"

"No, that's not what I'm doing," he says, much quieter.

"You don't know anything about my family," I mutter, stepping past him and out of my room. With both of us in there and all the emotions running high it seems ten times smaller."You don't know what's best for me."

"If there's something I don't understand then explain it to me." He follows me into the living room. "All I want to do is help you. Why is that so horrible?"

"I don't need you to help me!" I shout, spinning to face him. His eyes are wide with surprise. "I've done fine on my own for as long as I can remember, I don't suddenly need you to take care of me or fixing my fucking problems!"

"Why is it so hard for you to let me in?" he shouts back. "After everything we've been through, after everything that happened in England I don't get why we're taking two steps back here!"

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"We're finally moving forward and now you're trying to push me away again." I fold my arms over my chest, refusing to make eye contact with him. Maybe I am being difficult, but it's my life, my parents, my business.

"Harry, we've been dating for ten minutes," I remind him shortly. "That doesn't give you the right to pry into every part of my life."

He laughs dryly and pushes his fingers through his messy hair. It's not going to take a whole lot more to really piss him off.

"So now I'm prying." He shakes his head and part of me wants to apologize and admit this is a stupid fight, but most of me doesn't. This is my life and him being a part of it doesn't give him free reign into any part he wants. "What do you want me to do, Carmen? I feel like I can never win with you! I'm always pissing you off or scaring you or walking on fucking eggshells because I have no idea how you're going to react! I don't want to feel like I have analyze every single thing that comes out of my mouth around you, it's ridiculous."

Okay, we definitely around't talking about my mother anymore. Now we're into a whole other fight that I had no idea what was coming. Now he's pissed because....I'm hard to talk to? I don't even know what he's talking about.

"Okay..so now you're pissed at me?" I clarify. "How did you manage to turn this around on me?"

"I can't fucking win," he says, walking past me. "I'm going to go before one of us says something stupid."

"It might be a little late for that." I follow him to the door and watch with disappointment and annoyance and a little relief while he slides his hands into his jacket. "Harry, you can't be serious. We're in the middle of a fight, you can't just leave."

"I can't do this right now." He opens the door and finally looks at me. "I umm....I'll call you later."

Harry's gaze holds mine for a few minutes before he sighs for the millionth time. I don't know what he's waiting for, but when I don't say anything he walks up to me. My eyes stay on his chest as he kisses my forehead, and before I can ask him to stay so we can talk he's walking out the door.

Notes

so sad. theyre fighting.

so im thinking they need a ship name...but i have no idea what it should be. harmen? carry? probably harmen.

let me know what you think :) of the name and of the story. lots of comments would be fantastic :)

love you guysss <3

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