Fading.

“Will things get harder between us?” than it already was, I almost said out loud but I swallowed down those words. “They are ought to be better, are they not?”

Harry stared at our hands clasped together for a moment before he shifted his tongue in his mouth, inhaling a deep breath through his nose. His expression was conflicted, as though he desperately wanted to listen to my words, but it looked like some part of him didn't want to open up. I could literally see the internal battle in his features, and it broke my heart because I didn't know why it was such a struggle.

I had learned to know that in moments like this, I could usually expect certain responses from him, and usually it was because the side of him that was stubborn and independent won out the debate he was having with himself. Very seldom would he let his guard down, which was understandable considering everything he'd been through. But I was tired of his actions of pushing me away each time I offered to help.

I knew he was confused. Just as confused as I was.

Where did we stand now? Which direction would the wind take our relationship?

I squeezed my eyes shut and reluctantly let go of his hand. I turned around so my back was facing him, pulling the sheet up to cover my lower body.

No words were exchanged between us and I wasn’t expecting Harry to say something, too.

I should have gotten used to Harry shutting me down but it still hurts. I could see that he wasn’t with me even though we slept on the same bed. There was a distance growing between us; nobody knew it but I felt it. I felt as if something has been snatched away from me – his trust towards me.

Some time during the night, I felt Harry shifting around and I was surprised when he suddenly nestled up behind me, tangling his feet with mine. His breath was hot on my neck and I didn’t dare to turn around.

“I love you,” he breathed out. Those words left his lips so effortlessly.

I swallowed back the sob that was threatening to escape. “Say it again.”

“I love you,” he repeated.

I took his hand in mine and entwined our fingers. That was all I needed to hear as of right now to make me feel better.

*

“Good morning, Ms Spencer.” Allison greeted me right as I stopped in front of her cube. “Here’s your coffee,” I took the cup and thanked her. “I know this isn’t my place to show it but I was wondering if you’ve seen this.” She bit her bottom lips; reluctant to show me the magazine she was holding.

I had never seen Allison looked so torn about something. I wondered what was on or in the magazine. “What is it?” I asked as I took a sip of the hot coffee.

She handed me the magazine with the boys on the cover. My smile faltered when I saw Audrey was on the same cover as well. My hand was quick to flip through the pages to see more pictures of the boys with Audrey. It wasn’t until Harry’s shot with Audrey came that I became perturbed.

Audrey had her hands securely wrapped around his neck with Harry’s lips on her neck. The passion in his eyes weren’t hard to distinguish and I could feel the bile rising up my throat.

I handed the magazine back to Allison and went straight to my office.

I lay back on the chair and closed my eyes. I rubbed my eyes with my first and fought the stupid tears from spilling out. Crying would not help this or make it get better.

My chest ached at the thought of Harry leaving me for Audrey. She was perfect; they would be perfect for each other, she could fit in so easily and people loved them both. They were in the same industry and she must have understood him more than I did.

The sound of my phone ringing brought me out of my trance. I stared at the caller ID, debating whether I wanted to talk or not. Alas, I clicked the green button and placed my phone right next to my ear.

“I’ve seen it. God, I swear to God she’s obsessed with Harry. He didn’t even kiss her back!”

Those last 6 words caused me to choke the coffee I was sipping.

“Shit,” I heard Daisy muttered. It was too late for her not to explain.

“What picture?”

“You haven’t seen it, have you?” She sighed.

“The picture on the magazine, yes.”

“No, the one she posted on Instagram.”

I ended the call hastily, not giving Daisy a chance to say something else. I opened the application and went straight to Audrey’s profile and sure enough there was a picture of her kissing Harry.

I didn’t know what hurts more: the fact that they kissed or the fact that Harry didn’t tell me about this.

Don’t let her get to you. You know Harry loves you. D xo

It was difficult to trust Daisy granted that Harry and I weren’t in a very good circumstance. Maybe she was the reason he was retreating away from me, maybe he had found someone better than me.

He had realized that I didn’t deserve him.

*

It was nearly midnight when I slid my key into the lock and quietly entered the apartment. To my relief, all lights were out. I didn’t think I would want to face Harry right now.

And I wasn’t sure if it was because I was angry or upset.

I crossed the living room and stopped in front of our room only to find that Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes were focused on the sleek device. When he realized someone was looking at him, he lifted his gaze and our eyes met.

I shivered under his gaze.

He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

“I’m tired, Harry.”

“I didn’t know she would post it.”

I rolled my eyes and let out a huff. “When were you planning to tell me?”

“It was nothing.” He started to walk towards me but I held my hand up to stop him from coming closer. I had my ego too, and this time around I wasn’t going to throw it away.

“You kissed her.” I stated. It ached me to say those words.

Harry hung his head low and let out a deep sigh. “She kissed me.”

“And you didn’t pull away.” When he didn’t respond, I added. “She likes you, Harry. Hell, she’s obsessed with you!”

“What about Bennett?” He bit back. “He’s fucking in love with you.”

“Can you please not bring Bennett into this?”

“Why? Because you still love him too, don’t you?”

His reply was so instantaneous that a stab of pain shot through my chest.

“Because we’re talking about you.”

Harry scoffed which only added the fuel to my anger.

“How could you keep this from me?” My lips began to tremble and I hated myself for being weak. “You bloody kept this from me!” I said through clenched teeth but I was so sure it was loud enough for him to hear me clearly.

“What do you think I felt when you spent your time with Bennett?”

“God damn it! Stop bringing Bennett into this. You out of all people know that there was nothing between us. Not since the second I started spending time with you. Not since the second I accepted your invitation to go out with you. Not since the second I told myself ‘oh Harry is different, he might be the one, he’s not going to break my heart’.”

Harry continued to stare at me as I tried to even out my breath. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened it up, I saw that it had softened. Those green eyes that I loved so much was back but the lights weren’t there.

“Guess I’m an idiot for taking so long to put everything into pieces. You have her all along when I beat myself up every night wondering what have I done wrong.”

“I do not have her.” Harry said in a clipped tone. “I only have you.”

I ignored his words as I asked, “What does she have that I don’t have?”

I prepared myself to hear his answer but nothing came. Looking up, I saw that he had his head hung low his shoulders slouched forward. “Nothing.” He finally looked up, “She doesn’t have my heart like you do.”

He walked towards me and when I didn’t back away, he took the chance to wrap his arms around my body. “It has always been you, Sky.”

I let his words sunk in and I slowly returned his embrace, wrapping my arms around his torso. I hated how weak I was around him. He had a control of me.

“Please don’t push me away, Harry.” I cried into his chest. I felt him nodding his head as he kissed my temple.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered so low that I almost didn’t hear it.

“She’s not going to get between us, is she?” I asked.

“No.” His answer was short and clear.

I pulled away from the embrace and looked up at him, “Do you want to just, go away for a little while?”

He frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Do you want to visit your mum?”

“I’ll go wherever you want to go.” He answered and leaned in to kiss the corner of my lips. He’s back.

I smiled, knowing that this wouldn’t last long. “Can we go to Cheshire tomorrow morning?”

“What about your work?”

“I can take few days’ off.”

The corner of his lips lifted up and I wanted so bad to jump right in front of him because I had missed those smiles. “Sounds good.”

*

Anne was ecstatic when I told her we were coming for a visit. But she couldn’t hide the worry in her tone.

“Is everything alright?” I knew she was indicating if things were all right between us.

“Yeah,” I answered, my eyes darted back to Harry’s sleeping figure. “We just need some time away from everything.”

“That’s great. I’ll see both of you soon, then.”

With that, I put down my phone and went back to looking at Harry. “How long have you been up?” His voice was raspy – just the way I liked it.

I traced his bottom lip and smiled, “nah, not too long.”

He cracked his eyes open and my smile widened. “What time are we leaving?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Harry nodded his head as he kissed my finger that was on his lips. I stared down at him, wondering how could we go from being mad to each other to this?

I guessed that was how we work.

“I love you so much, do you know that?” His voice caused me to look back up into his green eyes.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.

Harry leaned forward until our noses touched and I wanted not to close my eyes when he kissed so I could watch him but I couldn’t. When his soft, plump lips reached mine, I closed my eyes and savored the taste of him. The kiss was sweet and slow, it was as if we were fully aware that if it was too much, we could break.

“Sky,” he breathed out, his eyes were still closed. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” I planted a kiss on his lips to shut him up. I didn’t want him to bring last night’s talk up because this moment was perfect. “Let’s just forget about it.”

And because I loved him too much that I would forgive him no matter what.

*

“Ah, there you are!” Anne squealed, pulling Harry in for a hug. She then kissed his head and went to hug me. She had been the closest mother figure I’ve had since I moved to the UK. “How are you?” There was always something more behind her tone, it was like she knew everything.

“I’m great now that I’m here.” I said, smiling softly at both her and Harry.

Anne nodded as she invited us in, gushing on and on about how happy she was when we told her that we were coming for a visit. “I thought you wouldn’t be here not until Thanksgiving.”

As Anne continued to talk, I noticed from the corner of my eyes that Harry wasn’t engaging with any of this. Anne noticed it, too.

“I’m going to let you both get some rest. The drive here must have been tiring.” She said before she left to the kitchen.

“Come on,” I stood up and offered him my hand. “Let’s get to your room.” Harry laced his hand with mine and let me led the way to his room.

I had been here a couple of times before when he first wanted to introduce me to his family and then when we celebrated Christmas together last year.

“What are you thinking?” My question seemed to take him off guard.

“What?”

I sat next to him on the bed, “You’ve got that thinking look where you pinched your bottom lip in between your fingers and you’re frowning.”

He released his bottom lip and shook his head. “I missed being here.”

When he turned to look at me, I saw the little boy that was so carefree, that could do everything he wanted without being judged, the little boy that was not living under the spotlight were trapped inside of him.

“We can stay here for as long as you want.” I offered him a smile, which he returned with a tight smile.

“We’ll have a show next week at the Today’s show.”

“Then, let’s make our five days here memorable.”

I was determined to see the smile again and the set of dimples that made his smile perfect.

*

I woke up with butterfly kisses all over my face. Smiling, I cracked one of my eyes opened and saw that Harry was hovering above me.

“I can see that you’re in a good mood,” I smiled softly at him as I brushed his cheek.

He leaned forward and kissed my lips gently. “Mum’s calling down for breakfast.” He whispered huskily in my ear that sent shivers all over my body.

“Can we stay here for a moment?” I asked. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I woke up to a happy and cheerful Harry. I wanted to remember this day and keep it in my memory.

Harry nodded and smiled. “You’re so beautiful, baby.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re blind.”

“My eyesight is 20/20.” He answered with a smile before he leaned in and kissed my nose.

“God, I had never known how lost I was until I found you. Or, you found me.”

Harry let out a heavy sigh.

Frowning, I asked. “What did I say wrong?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t know how you could put up with me. I’ve been such a terrible boyfriend to you and you still accept me.”

“Because I love you. So much.” I answered truthfully. I wanted him to open up to me so I needed to open up to him, too. “I love you so much and I don’t think I would let those mistakes you’ve made tear us apart.”

Harry’s lips were pursed into a tight line.

“Harry, you do know that I’m always here for you, right? If there’s something wrong, tell me. I want to know everything there is to know about you. If you can do that, we’ll be alright.”

“I know being with me is not easy. But I want you to understand no one has me, or has ever had me, except you.”

I swallowed, emotion building up inside me. I nodded, not sure my voice would work.

“Come on, let’s get down before Mum starts questioning what we were doing.”

I accepted his hand and we went downstairs. Anne greeted us with a ‘good morning’ before she returned back to reading the newspaper. I sat back and smiled at the view in front of me.

Maybe this was what we needed – a break from everything.

But I knew this wouldn’t last long; we would return back to London and things might go back to the way it was as much as I dreaded it.

“Eat,” Harry whispered in my ear, pushing the plate towards me. “Don’t think too much.”

He was right; I shouldn’t think too much. My Harry was here, what more could I ask for?

Notes

Just want to warn you that things are going to get pretty emotional!