Fading.

“Remind me how you drag me here?” Niall groaned, walking alongside me with security around us as we made our way towards the doors of the venue. Several fans screamed behind the gates as we walked by, Niall sparing a wave and a smile as we made our way to the glass doors. “I thought we’ve established the fact that I am far too manly for this.”

I looked to my side, arching one of my eyebrows at him. He raised his hands up and shrugged like what he had just said completely made sense.

The second I received a call from my mother, telling me that she wouldn’t be able to come to London this week because Tristan was bringing them to Haley’s vacation house in Ohio, I knew I had to go to the fashion show whether I wanted it or not.

I hadn’t thought I would be able to persuade Niall out of everyone to go to the fashion show with me. Harry had always been the one to accompany me to this sort of event but now since that we weren’t together and he would be here with Olivia, I supposed I had to find someone else that could replace his spot.

“I wanted to drag Daisy but she is pregnant and she doesn’t want to feel insecure seeing all these skinny models when she is growing in size.” I paused as Niall snorted and added a ‘that’s ridiculous’ then I continued, “So you came second in my mind.”

Actually he came third. Harry was the first person that crossed my mind when I was informed that I had to bring a guest to the fashion show. Daisy came second but since she said no right after I mentioned the words ‘fashion show’ I supposed I had to convince Niall to come with me. I was expecting him to say no immediately like Daisy did but he didn’t; he asked me what time he should meet me instead.

“Way to inflate my ego, Sky.” Niall scoffed, continuing to walk and keeping the smile as photographers took pictures of him – of us.

“I don’t want to inflate your ego so much, you’ll explode.”

Niall laughed – he had the best laugh in the world – and I couldn’t help but let the laughter escape my lips. “Keeping me grounded, I see?” I nodded my head and continued walking.

Not to my surprise, we saw Landon was chatting up with some girls and as he noticed us approaching, he nodded his head causing all of the girls that were crowding him to turn around. I threw on a polite smile as Landon greeted the two of us and introduced us to the girls. It turned out that they were all Landon’s friends who were involved in fashion industry as well and they knew each other since they were in college.

After being introduced, Niall and I made our way to the front. Few people said hi to Niall, surprised to see him here and he would tell them that he was dragged here and that he should be watching a Derby match instead.

“I thought you like girls.” I stated as we took a seat on the white chair.

Looking at me, he frowned. “Of course I like girls.”

“Then you would enjoy this show.” I shrugged and looked ahead, waiting for the show to start.

The bright light was blinding me and I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else felt the same too. I guessed they did because I had just seen a couple of girls wearing shades in this room.

“Well I like girls not fashion shows.” He mocked, tapping his feet on the white floor.

I bit my lip, mulling over the question I had on the tip of my tongue. When Niall looked at me with one of his eyebrows arched questioningly, I realized that he knew I had something that I wanted to say to him. So I took the chance to ask him the question without hesitation.

“When was the last time you went out for a date?”

Niall could not suppress his snicker as I interrogated his love life; I had never ask such straightforward question before though I had once or twice asked him if he was looking for anyone at the moment – his answers had always been no.

“I thought this is a date?”

I glanced at Niall who had his eyes glued on the runway and when I was about to say something, the lights starting to dim and the music beginning to start. Applause went around as I fixed my eyes on the runway and ready to enjoy the evening watching new collections and also making a mental note on what I should write for my upcoming article.

The show started and Niall fell into a comfortable silence. I had expected him to come up with a remark or a joke the entire time but he didn’t say a word. When I turned to ask him if he was okay, his eyes were fixated on the runway and I could only assume that he was enjoying the fashion show more than I did. His eyes were literally glowing as he watched one after another model walked in front of us.

When the show was nearly done, I leaned forward to Niall, whispering gently in his ear. “You’re enjoying this.”

“No,” he shook his head furiously as if the subject of him enjoying a fashion show was ridiculous. “I was trying to figure out what did they eat if they were hungry?” his answer was definitely not what I was hoping to listen but I should have because it was coming from him, “I mean they’re sickly thin!” He half shouted half whispered.

I laughed softly, hoping that no one had heard him. That would have hurt most people’s feelings in this room. “Such a Niall Horan thing to say.”

The show continued on with another two models, showing off the new collections from Burberry then the designer walked down the platform. When it ended, applause went around once again. Niall gave in and ended up applauding for the girls as they walked down the runway for the very last time. I nudged his shoulder and mouthed, “You liked it.”

He shrugged and mouthed back, “I liked the girls.”

When everything had settled down, Niall looked at me with a serious look, which made me frown. “I think I just saw Harry. You know he’s coming, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I went through the guest list the other day.” I pursed my lips and squinted my eyes as the bright light came back on. “He’s coming with Olivia.” I stated, looking around the room to see if I would find the person I was talking about.

Ever since Harry told me about Olivia, I had wanted to see her – not in a creepy ex girlfriend way but in a good way. I wanted to meet the girl that would be able to make him smile, to hear him laugh and know that he was laughing because of her. I had lost the privileges to all of that.

“Yeah,” Niall lifted his shoulder in an attempt to shrug. “I guess he is.”

“You’ve met Olivia before?” I couldn’t hide the curiosity in my voice as I asked him a question that I hadn’t intended to ask.

Had Harry brought her to meet the boys? Had the boys met Olivia and liked her even more? Had they told Harry he should have dated her first? Had Harry realized that Olivia was better than I was? Had he finally moved on like I told him to?

Before I could get lost in deep thought about my current emotional state, Niall answered my question.

“Yeah, we’ve met once.”

I wasn’t able to stop myself from blurting out the next question that had been niggling my mind for weeks. “She’s pretty, isn’t she?” Steeped in the awkward silence, then I added demurely, “Just a question, you didn’t have to answer that.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response – whether he was going to answer it or not. Even though it had only been seconds but it felt longer. Looking at me, he shrugged.

“Yeah, she’s alright.”

I huffed a breath and got up from the chair. I was sure that she was more than ‘alright’. Niall was just trying not to hurt my feeling because he knew too much and cared too much about my and everyone else’s emotions hence he came up with a neutral response – a response that could not hurt one.

Trailing behind me with his hands shoved into his black jeans, Niall stopped every once in a while when someone approached him and asked for pictures. I would wait for him and when he was done with them, we continued our walk to the after party that was organized in another room.

Right before we walked into another room, Niall stopped me.

“You know I was joking right?”

“About?”

“That this was a date.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” I smiled and he sighed in relief.

Pushing open the glass doors, we stepped inside the warmer room – a room where the floor space was harder to find than conversation and the music softly playing in the background was drowned by everyone’s voices. Niall beamed as he looked around as if he belonged there; I couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t good with a crowd of people because he really was good with everyone, let it be strangers or friends.

“You’re here,” Allison breathed out like she had just been dancing ever since the party started. Frowning, she added, “I didn’t see you just now.”

“I was at the front row with Niall.”

Niall introduced himself to Allison and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you, Allison.”

“Nice to finally meet you too. You’re even better in person.” She laughed lightly then made a face at me, “Come on let’s get some drinks.”

This wasn’t the professional Allison that I had grown to know in the office; this was totally the other side of Allison, the Allison that I had never met before. “You’re drunk.” I stated as she dragged both Niall and I to the bar.

“A little, yes, but I can still see things clearly.” She giggled and ordered us drinks.

Taking Allison’s distraction as a chance to speak to Niall who seemed uncomfortable, I asked him a question. “You can go if you don’t want to hang with us. I’m good with her.”

He stopped looking around and locked his eyes with me, “No it’s fine. I just thought I saw Harry.” He shrugged and continued, “he’s tall so it’s easy to spot him.”

I let his words seeped in as I took my drink from Allison. I shouldn’t be surprised that Harry had stayed for the after party – he always had. Back then Harry would ceaselessly convince me to go to an after party if I didn’t want to go to the fashion show. He liked mingling with all of these people though they weren’t much of his kind. None of them were nearly half as nice as he was.

“Sky?”

I snapped out of my trance and looked at Niall, “yeah?”

“Allison said she had to leave so I was just wondering if you wanted to leave too?” He raised his eyebrow at me and I tried to process his words. “We can stay if you want to, I don’t mind.”

Just when I opened my mouth to talk, a voice approached us. Turning around, I was met by a pair of green eyes that had been haunting me in sleep no matter how hard I tried to drown it out from my system. He looked even better in person standing in front of me, advancing toward me rather than walking away each time he made an appearance in my dream.

The dream I had wasn’t one that I liked to talk about and most of the time when I woke up the next morning, it slipped out of my mind. But seeing him ahead of me, it all started to hit me. I hadn’t moved on like I had convinced him to believe – like I had convinced myself to believe. I would never be able to find someone better than him.

Like I had said before: I knew that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do better.

“I can’t believe I’m seeing you here,” Harry said, teasing his band mate. His dimples were on full display as he jabbed Niall’s cheeks, “Out of all places in this world, you’re here at an after party of a fashion show.”

Niall rolled his eyes, “and you’re not.”

“Sky, hi.” His playfulness eased some as he looked at me – but his smile was still there. “You’re here with Niall.” He stated though I very much believed that there was a double meaning to that sentence but I disregarded it.

“Yeah, Daisy wouldn’t come so I dragged him.” I took a sip of my drink awkwardly as I waited for Olivia to come out of nowhere.

After a few minutes, the chances for the scene that I had just created in my mind to happen was getting thinner. My eyes wandered around the room to see if anyone was approaching our way but no one did that. They would spare us a glance and that was just it.

“I thought you’re coming with Olivia?” Niall asked.

Shrugging, Harry answered the question simply, “She couldn’t make it.”

Harry continued to chat with Niall as they mindlessly talked about their golf scores, when they were going to catch up with each other, etc. I zoned out their conversation and focused on what my mind was talking about.

It was unruly.


I wasn’t supposed to be here.

No one knew I was here, no one but Niall. I had made him promise me that he wouldn’t say a word about my plan to come here. It was supposed to be a surprise – a surprise that I wasn’t sure was going to work out smoothly as I couldn’t find their hotel and it was getting late.

Niall had given me the exact address to the hotel they were staying at but I had been driving down the same road twice but still, I couldn’t find it. Frustrated, I swerved my car to the side and dialed Niall’s number.

The second he answered the call, I fired, “I swear to God if you gave me the wrong address, I’ll chop off your balls.”

Groaning, Niall answered. “I swear to God I didn’t give the wrong address.” I heard him shifting then he was back on the line, “where are you?”

“I’m on the road of no where.” I said disappointedly. It was late at night and I was getting tired from the hours of driving. “Can you please tell me where should I go from here?”

Niall mumbled instructions and I followed it. Eventually after going down the same road for the third time, I found the hotel that I had missed out.

“Thank you,” I pulled him for a hug as I climbed out of my car.

His eyes were half open which meant he was barely awake. “It’s alright, though you might owe me a lot because it’s really hard to get Harry’s key.”

I grabbed my bag from the backseat and followed Niall into the hotel. We got into an elevator and he pressed the number 13.

Niall tried to make a small talk with me but I couldn’t respond. My hands were shaking and I was nervous. This would be the first time I surprised Harry while he was on tour with the boys and I wasn’t sure of his reaction.

He might think I was insane. He might even kick me out of his room.

“Don’t worry,” Niall coaxed, “he missed you so much, and he won’t kick you out just because you’re disturbing his sleep.”

I widened my eyes as I realized how late it was. “Oh god..”

“Just kidding,” he chuckled, “he’s probably wondering why hasn’t you called him yet.” When the metal doors of the elevator opened up, Niall smiled encouragingly at me. “I’d like to witness this lovely reunion but I’m knackered. I’ll see you in the morning.” Engulfing me in another hug, he then pointed to Harry’s room as we parted ways.

I took a deep breath then slipped the key in the slot under the door handle. When it indicated green, I carefully pushed open the door, making sure I was as quiet as possible.

The room was rather large for one person to stay in and it was quiet too. It was quite dark as the only source of light came from the small lamp on the nightstand. I placed my bag next to Harry’s brown duffel bag and tiptoed over the king size bed.

I could see Harry’s curls poking out from the white comforter as he snuggled the pillow and I smiled at the sight in front of me. Lifting up the comforter, I slid into a vacant spot next to him, wrapping my arms around his abdomen – a place where they used to be.

I heard him mumble something that I couldn’t make out before he turned around to face though his eyes was still closed. “Go away.”

That was when I knew it was a bad idea – a really bad idea to surprise him when he was asleep and in a bad mood.

“I’m sorry I shouldn-“

“What the—Sky?” Harry rubbed his eyes like he was making sure he wasn’t seeing me just as an illusion.

Smiling and biting my bottom lip, I nodded my head. “This is a stupid idea, I shouldn’t even t—“

Knowing that I was rambling, Harry put his hand behind my neck and pulled me to him. Within seconds, his lips met mine and we were connected in a kiss that was full of passion, full of unsaid words, and full of emotions.

When he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine, “I was worried that you didn’t answer my texts and calls.”

“Yeah, it was a surprise so you shouldn’t know anything about it.” I shrugged, still thinking that this was a bad idea.

“Well you did a great job at it, baby.” He kissed my lips softly and mumbled, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” I closed my eyes and kissed him again. But this time, I made sure I showed him how much I missed him. “It wasn’t the same without you around.”

Grinning cockily, he answered. “Figures.”


“Sky? You there?”

I blinked my eyes couple of times, realizing that Harry had been watching me all along as I walked down the memory lane. His brows were puckered up in puzzlement and his lips were pursed.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

Harry nodded his head and smiled, “well someone has just dragged Niall to the dance floor to dance so-“

“No, I’m not going to dance with you.”

Harry burst into laughter; the corner of his eyes wrinkled and his dimples were more prominent now. I clenched my fist to hold my hand back from poking them.

“Your loss, I was just about to show you how much of a good dancer I am now.” He smirked through his glass as he drank the wine they served.

I smiled, wondering if what he said was true. He wasn’t that bad back then but he wasn’t good either. On some occasions, he would step on my feet and mumbled a sorry afterwards but that wasn’t important. What’s important was that whenever I danced with him, I could be close to him, I could feel his warmth against mine, and I could hear his heartbeat as I laid my head on his chest. I liked the way he would protectively wrapped his arms around my body as if he was shielding from the bad things in the world.

Maybe that was what he really did.

“Sky?”

“Yeah?”

“You went on an adventure just now,” he said more seriously, his eyebrows descended frowning.

I shrugged it off and said, “just been thinking a lot.”

Pursing his lips, a question escaped his lips. “About what?”

When you were around someone – a lot of time - you started to pick up his or her habits. And this time, I had expected that question to come from him. Whenever I told him I was thinking, that question would surely come along in the next line. It was like we had our own scripts and nobody knew it – nobody but us.

“Nothing necessary.” I settled on an answer that wouldn’t give out too much.

“You know,” he said; his voice has dropped lower as he spoke to me. “I’ve always wanted to know what’s going on in your mind.”

If only he knew that was what I had wanted so bad when he became distant to me, to everyone; I wanted to know what was he thinking when he distanced himself from everyone.

“I could say the same,” I responded.

“You wanted to know what’s going on in my mind?” Harry asked.

I looked at him and saw the guy that I fell in love with – not the guy that isolated himself from everyone else. It ached my heart to see that he was back but he wasn’t mine. He wasn’t mine to hold, he wasn’t mine to kiss, he just wasn’t mine.

“Yeah,” I nodded, and then I added quietly, “When you were distant.”

Harry heard it. I knew he did because he shifted on his feet and was standing next to me instead of in front of me. Our arms brushed and I noticed how cold I was compared to his warm skin; it was like ice and fire and I knew the combination of those two weren’t good.

After a couple more seconds of silence, Harry finally spoke, “Have you ever feel like you’re not good enough, Sky?”

I scoffed. “Y-Yes.” Of course I had felt that way. “All the time.”

His eyes shot open and his head snapped to my direction, “I didn’t mean it that way.”

I smiled slightly, “it’s fine.”

A long sigh escaped his lips as he tilted his head back and looked up at the lights above us. “I’ve always thought I wasn’t good enough. I just thought if I didn’t think about it, it’d go away. But the more I ignore it, the more it eats me. It’s like I couldn’t run away from it. Everywhere I go, I was reminded of how I was never good enough. And then I met you and I convinced myself to be enough for you because Sky, you are bloody perfect to me.”

I raised my gaze from the floor to look at him. His eyes were full of emotion as he watched me and I swallowed the huge lump in my throat.

“I know you don’t think you are perfect but you are Sky, you didn’t see it but I did.” Pausing, he nodded his head. “I still do and I hated myself for letting go of that piece of perfection I managed to earn. I just thought you’d be better off without me. I thought a lot about it, bab- Sky, that’s why I was quiet most of the time.”

“You weren’t just quiet Harry, you were disengaging from everyone else.”

“I know.” His voice was full of regret as he said it. I looked down to his hand that was holding the glass and his knuckles were white.

“I didn’t know what had gotten into me but I was so tired – so exhausted – of myself. The voices in my mind wouldn’t shut up and leave me alone and I was tired of it. It wasn’t the kind of tired that a sleep could help. And the voices wouldn’t shut up until I actually listened to it. When I did, I realized how much of a big mistake it was to do that. I shouldn’t have listened to it; it was foolish of me but I couldn’t do anything about it now.”

I was stunned by his explanations. I had wanted to know about it since two months ago and he finally had the guts to talk about it to me now.

“Sky, say something.”

I looked at him and his eyes were watching me intently. I didn’t know what to say. The words were lost.

“I hate it when you’re quiet.” He hung his head low, eyeing his brown boots.

“Because I don’t want my tongue to betray my mind.”

Sighing, Harry ran his fingers through his hair.

“You’re more than enough, Harry.” I mentioned. “You were the one that glued the piece back together into one piece.” But you were also the one that smashed it into tiny pieces. “It’s just bizarre, you know, to compare who I was and who I am now. I have to thank you for molding me and shaping me into the person that I am.”

Running my fingers around the brim of the glass, I tilted my head to the side as I for once let the silence took over. When I saw Niall was making his way toward us all smiling and laughing, I turned to Harry and smiled.

“And thank you for loving me, Harry.”

Notes