Fading.

Growing up I learned that there are two theories when it comes to love. First; if you love someone you would do anything to see him or her happy even if it means you’re not going to be with them. Second; if you love someone, you must fight for them and never ever stop fighting. Either way, all that I could conclude was that love requires sacrifices.

I’ve had my fair share of falling in and out of love.

However, when it comes to Harry and I, I didn’t know what else to sacrifice, for I’ve had given him my everything – my life, my voice, my love, my heart, my soul, myworld.

But lately I felt like we’ve had reached the dead end – we’ve had tried to stay away from each other, we’ve done our fighting and eventually all those things brought us to where we are now.

Funny how we were so in love, so in love that the media portrayed us as the perfect couple, the it couple, the couple that would prove the world that nothing could tear us apart – I wouldn’t say it was not true because it was true. Nothing could tear us apart, nothing except ourselves.

The exhaustion from his work had consumed Harry both physically and emotionally. It stupefied me to see how the lights slowly fading out of his green eyes, the dark circles under his eyes had grown prominent, his muscular body had became slightly thinner than before. It scared me, really scared me until I had reached the point where I found myself crying every night while watching him fast asleep next to me. His face didn’t hold the tranquility it used to when he was asleep, the corner of his lips was constantly twitching, and his fingers were twitching, too. It was as if something had been bothering him in his sleep but when I came to ask him about it, he would shrug it off, saying it was just a dream.

Out of all people, he should have known that I knew it wasn’t just a dream.

Harry was tired – exhausted, even. And I knew that. At first we both thought it was the kind of tired some sleep could fix. He had taken several power naps when we chose to stay in and bailed on some of our friends on nights out, but when he had woken up a couple of hours later, he was always more tired than beforehand. Everything about the way he felt screamed exhaustion. His brain was working overtime and sometimes I wished I could tell his brain to shut off for a moment and let him rest. I knew he wished he could do the same too. But he couldn’t, we couldn’t.

The boys had tried their best to cheer him up in every way that was possible and it worked – sometimes. It didn’t take long until he returned back to being exhausted and excused himself from everyone. He isolated himself from them, he was shutting himself off, and he was putting up some walls around him – the walls that I had tried so hard to break down back then.

I didn’t want that to happen, I want him to open up to me and tell me everything. Unfortunately, he had nothing to tell me, for he alone didn’t know what was up with him. It bothered him just as much as it bothered me.

“You alri?” Niall’s voice broke my train of thoughts. I was glad he broke it off though or my mind would have exploded thinking of the possible things that could have happened to Harry in the future. And I didn’t want to think of it – not this evening, at least.

Looking around the backyard, I could see that almost everyone was there, the smell of burgers and grilled food items wafted through the air. We had planned this barbecue party for quite a while and only now we had a chance to do so since the boys were busy with their tour and seeing that they were back from their tour around the Europe, this was a good time. I was glad that the lads had organized all of this and invited some of our friends that we were quite sure Harry would love to see. We literally would do anything just to see that dimpled smile again.

“You sort of went on an adventure,” Niall said again, glancing away from the grill as Louis came in view and tackled Liam onto the grass, both of the boys started shouting at each other. “Where’s Harry?”

“He’s talking to some of his friends, I guess.” I shrugged, accepting the beer from Niall. He knew everything about Harry and I – all the boys knew. My eyes darted over Louis and Liam; quietly wishing that Harry would somehow joined their little attacking moment.

A year ago I would have never thought this group of friends would be more than just friends. They are my family, the kind of family I’ve never had before. Sure, I had a happy family back in Seattle but these boys they were different. They filled a hole in my heart almost instantly with their charms. Harry however, won a special place in my heart. It was the luscious curls, the dimples that perfected his smile, the way he would scratch the back of his neck when he was nervous, the awkward way he sometimes stood in a slightly pigeon-toed stance. Everything Harry Styles was and did was beautiful.

“What are you smiling on about?” And he was back. My Harry was back as he huskily spoke into my ear, one of his arms was wrapped around my waist, pulling me up to his side. He left a soft kiss beneath my earlobe and continued, “Hm?”

“You.” I rested my head on his strong shoulder and looked up, “Is everything alright?”

Harry didn’t say anything as he accepted the bottle of beer that was offered to him by Niall. His hand didn’t leave my waist; instead he let it lingered there for a moment before Louis and Liam walked right up to us.

“Hi Harry.” Liam smiled, taking two bottles of beer from Niall. He then passed it out to Louis who accepted it with a loud huff before he plopped himself down onto a chair.

“Liam, Louis.” Harry nodded to both of his mates as he took a sip of the beer. I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed when he gulped down the drink. To me, everything he did fascinates me in a way that I thought was never possible. “I was hoping the food would be ready by the time I got out here.” Harry teased Niall who received no help from either one of them on grilling the burgers.

Groaning, Niall subtly rolled his eyes at us. “Reckon ya tossers should have helped me instead of minding yer own business!” He spoke with a thick Irish lilt.

Liam who found it fun to tease this boy took his snapback off of his head and put it on his head instead. “Well you should have told us you needed help.”

“So, would yer lot help me?”

“No,” Louis and Liam answered in unison.

When Niall finished grilling, he plated the food, passing it out. Everyone sat down around the table, not a single worried could be seen on everyone’s faces. They all looked so happy, so carefree and so was I. Fortunately enough, so was Harry. The corner of his lips twitched into a smile as Niall joked around about the time they were on the tour bus. Every now and then I could feel his chest vibrated as he laughed, reminiscing the good moments he had spent with the lads that he called family. That boy sure had lots of jokes in him.

It had all happened so fast to them and Harry couldn’t stop saying how he was grateful and how he loved his life. But behind his tone, I could hear his uncertainty. I knew that this fame came with a package – when you’re famous, everyone wants to know about you. They want to know who you’re dating, where are you spending your holiday, where do you go to shop, everything. There was no such thing as privacy in this industry. But Harry was mature enough to deal with all of these things.

Though this lately, I had a doubt that he could last any longer with this sort of life. He needed a break or he would eventually breakdown himself. He was on the edge, and I could feel it.

Just as those thoughts crossed my mind, I could feel Harry tensed under me. I instantly looked up to see that he was no longer smiling, he might be listening but he wasn’t engaged with the conversation. People could be asking questions at him but he wouldn’t answer, for his mind was somewhere else. Somewhere that I couldn’t go, somewhere that none of us could see – only him.

“Everything alright, baby?” I asked as softly as I could. My hand went up to caress his cheek and he leaned down to my touch. His eyes were shut tightly and right this moment, I couldn’t care less what they were talking about. There was just us and I needed to save him – fast. I needed his smile back and the lights from his green eyes not to leave him.

But when his eyes shot open, I knew I was late. “I’m going to get some rest.” He said, his shoulders sagged as he dragged his every step, leaving all of us in the backyard as he made his way up the stairs. It was always like that.

‘I’m going to get some rest.’

‘I’m tired.’

‘I’ll just be in the room.’

I understood. But there were times that I thought he didn’t want to be saved he wanted to be lost. And sometimes I thought if he could, he would want to leave us behind, leave his family, leave his friends and leave me. Also if he could, I knew he wanted the world to stop spinning, he wanted us to stop caring about him – he just wanted to stop breathing.

I couldn’t let that happen, I would never let that happen.

The thoughts of things that could potentially happen to me if he walks away were terrifying, just as terrifying as me walking away from him because as much as we didn’t want to admit we needed each other. I needed him.

As they ate and drank, I took the chance to slip out of the group and went to the room upstairs. Luckily, I found him there, buried under the thick covers in the bed with his back facing me. The picture was all too familiar and I was hesitant to step into the room and invaded his alone time. I continued to watch his back as it moved upwards and downwards in a peaceful pace and I knew he was asleep. I made sure my steps didn’t make any noise as I sat on the edge of the bed; my hand hesitated on whether it should stroke his hair or let him sleep.

No matter how much I wished he were the old Harry, the cheeky old self Harry, I still love this Harry. Nothing would change my feeling towards him and that scared me.

I was so in love with him that it scared me sometimes. The fragility of it all. If I had a book, he would be on every page of it – I’d fill it with the gentleness of his hands against my skin and the warmth of his kisses. I’d write how I could never love anyone as much as I love him, how much he used to tell me he loves me before we went to sleep. How I was terrified that someday I might not be able to remember how his fingers laced with mine or his nose pressed behind my ear and his smile against my neck.

As Harry stirred in his sleep, the three lines on his forehead started to form. I wanted so bad to lean in and kiss away the frowns, for the worries to wash away.

He wasn’t completely gone, he was there but he was fading. Slowly and very slowly fading away with the constant cycle - a cycle that did not only break him down, but slowly breaking me as well.

I had not broken his heart but he had broken it, and in the process of him breaking his heart, he broke mine too.

Harry might not want to be saved, or to be found but I wanted him back. I loved him and I would always love him. No matter how tough it would get but I would fight as the saying goes; Never ever stop fighting for the ones you love.

But one question had been lingering in my mind; how much will it take for me to finally breakdown and give up on everything?

Notes

Chapter End Notes:
I swear i didn't plan on starting a new story but it sort of came to me while i was doing nothing!
So what do you think? Should i continue?
Tell me what you think by reviewing it and rate it, yeah?
Love you lot! xx