Can We Fall One More Time?

We danced for less than a song—slowly even though it was an upbeat song, since Harry was less than sober and I wasn't up for anything else anyway, since I didn't dance at all ever, and swaying was completely different—but it felt like forever when I realized how close he was to me; my arms were around his neck, his hands on my waist, his lips inches from my cheek so I could feel every breath he took.

He shifted his face so that his breaths were now in my ear. My heart was doing somersaults; I had never been this close to a guy before, and especially not a guy like this. Okay, I'd had a boyfriend before, and we'd kissed... but that was in first grade. I had isolated myself from any type of more-than-friends emotional or otherwise attachments to boys because of my daddy issues, but the truth was I wanted to be loved or at least accepted more than anything.

He buried his face in my neck and my heart pounded into overdrive. I had no idea what was going on inside me, but I liked it. I felt flushed, adrenaline coursed through my entire body. And when he turned his face so our lips were just a hair apart and my breath quickened and my heart was pounding so loudly I was sure everyone could hear it over the music, I didn't stop him from kissing me. I didn't stop him when he grabbed my hand and led me away from the dance floor, from the club. I felt like I was on top of the world, and in that moment Harry was everything.

“WHAT?” Sky's screaming forced me out of my unbidden memory. Seeing his face again, hearing his voice... I couldn't help but replay every kiss, every touch, every second that was still burned into my brain... I had to hold the phone away from my ear she was so loud, and I was afraid she might yell again.

“Could you not make my ear bleed?” I heard a grinding noise and turned around to see Drea, in her car seat, chewing on the corner of the “Up All Night” case. “Drea, no!” I took it away from her and then she started pounding her fists on her car seat and screaming; not crying, but screaming like I was told most children in their “terrible twos” did.

“Hold on!” I yelled to Skylar so she could hear me over the screaming. “Drea Michelle, you are two years old, not a baby!” Tears stung my eyes. I was just so, so frustrated, mostly with myself but her screaming didn't help. It gave me no excuse to take it out on her, but she was throwing pointless tantrums a lot lately and frankly I was fed up; taking care of her myself wasn't easy.

I gave her a teddy bear that was on the passenger seat beside me which she proceeded to chew on but it made her quiet down again. I sighed. Either she was teething again or going through one of those phases.

“I'm back,” I told Sky. My hand was on the steering wheel but I still hadn't started the car yet. We were just sitting in the parking lot; I watched all the “Directioners” leaving the building and I knew the band would be leaving in a bit too.

“Good, now I can yell at you again.” Skylar sighed. “I knew I should have come with you. I wouldn't have let you talk yourself out of it, I would have—“

“Okay, I feel bad enough already. You were right in the beginning, all right? This was a terrible idea, and I should have known me and known there was no way I would be bold enough or strong enough to do this, especially considering who he is now.”

“Well, you were brave enough to—“

“Sky!” I knew exactly what she was going to say: I had been brave enough to sleep with him, yet I couldn't tell him he had a child? “That's different and you know it.”

“I know nothing of the sort. Look, do what you think is best for Drea. I know you're worn out. I doubt he'd help but... it's worth a shot. Maybe you should go back in there and try again.”

“They won't let me back in there,” I said, but I was lying to myself so I wouldn't have to. I seriously assumed security would kick me out, but she was right. It was worth a shot. But was I willing to take it?

I turned around and unbuckled Drea's car seat. “Let's go, baby girl.”