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Alter ➳ h.s

t w e n t y - t w o

t w e n t y - t w o
new york tears
ember

The flight to New York scared me. There was a lot of turbulence, meaning the plane shook. And the shaking made me think there was someone dying in the cabins behind me. I was in first class and with the shaking, possible murders, and Ben on my mind, I was ready to just jump out of the plane. There was also this rich business man with a golden wedding ring around his left hand that I watched him take off while he approached me. He took the empty seat next to me. “How are you?”

Playing along was what I’d decided to do, “I’m fine. How are you?”

“Looking at a very lovely girl.”

“Really? Where is she?”

“She’s you,” he had this creepy, rich white man smile that scared the shit out of me.

“No, she’s your wife. I don’t think she’d appreciate you taking off your wedding ring, stuffing it into your left jacket pocket of a very expensive suit, and hitting on a college-aged girl with a boyfriend. Goodbye, sir.” He didn’t say anything afterwards and his attempts of getting anyone else on the plane were failed since I purposefully talked loudly—unless someone truly wanted to sleep with the creep.

When the flight was over, I ventured through the airport to get my luggage. I couldn’t find Ben anywhere and it truly pissed me off when I did find who he’d sent to get me. A limo driver. His sign read Ember R. Knight and I was ready to punch the driver, although it wasn’t his fault. “Are you Ember?” He asked once I got up to him.

“If I wasn’t, you’d know when I got to your boss’ dorm and beat his ass.”

“You must be Ember. Mr. Waterson said you’d be upset when you saw this. He didn’t have time; he’s unpacking boxes currently.” Didn’t have time to pick me up, or didn’t have time for me? The driver took my bags from me and put them into the back and I got into the back. I was ready to cry, but I knew I couldn’t. It wouldn’t look good. Especially with paparazzi following me.

NYU is a nice college, it really is, but not for me. No college is right for me. I like traveling and you can’t travel much when you have the headache of school. I was guided to Ben’s dorm where he and another guy were sitting back with one girl sitting next to Ben. He had his arm lazily hung around her shoulders. Whoever the guy was choked on purpose to let Ben know that I was there. My bags were exceptionally heavy but it didn’t matter at the moment.

I honestly had no right to be upset. I’d been around with Harry, but never like this. Or was I? “Oh, Ember,” he said when he finally acknowledged my existence. “This is June and this is Kyle.”

I gave a short hug to Kyle and just stared at June who’d reached in for a hug, too. “Nice to meet you two.”

“Guys, can Ember and I have a moment alone?” They agreed and left out. June was a petite girl with dark roots and long hair that continued to get lighter as it ran further than her pricey boobs. Kyle was a cute brown-haired, brown-eyed boy, he seemed interesting. “How was your flight? Where were you sat?” His hands didn’t reach for my waist like they usually did. He just sat back down on the bed and patted a seat next to him. I thought I would throw up.

“It was fine,” I lied. “First class.”

“Did he pay for it?” He was referring to Harry.

“No, Harry didn’t pay for it. You must’ve forgotten that my parents make money too when you were fucking around June.”

“Okay,” he sat up, “that’s not fair. June is a friend. I don’t know what you do with Harry.”

“Yes, you actually do. I call you all the time and then you call me to lecture me. You always know what I’m doing in public, at least. We have hundreds of people following us, it’s not a surprise, Ben. I don’t know what you do.”

He sighed and got off the bed, “What’re you doing here, anyway?”

“Is it wrong to want to visit you?” He was acting strange. Just everything about him seemed to change. He didn’t even smile when I got here.

“I mean, no. But at least tell me. I want to take you out to dinner tonight, we really need to talk. Go book and hotel and I’ll pick you up at seven.” It was ten in the morning and I bought Julia and Josie tickets here yesterday so they could already be here when I got here.

“Okay.” And then I left. I met them at the hotel room we were all sharing and fell on the big bed… that we are also sharing. “I’m sad.”

Josie came over and rubbed her chubby cheeks on my back, “Why, sweetie? Did your fuck-buddy dump you?”

“Harry’s not my fuck-buddy and no. Ben’s taking me out to dinner.”

Julia came over with a toothbrush in her mouth while mumbling, “And that’s a problem?”

“Yes! He’s gonna break up with me all because he expects me to not be able to have friends. And I saw him with this bitch named June and she has huge tits and almost longer hair and she’s pretty!”

“At least,” Josie tried, “you still have Harry.” That made me fake cry more. “It’s fine! We have to go shopping for your dress, though. Did he say how fancy it was?” I shook my head and told her that it was Ben we were talking about. Mildly fancy meant waiters that smelled like lilacs and other fancy things that I didn’t care about. Ben never grasped the idea that I didn’t care about the fancy dinners and things; I cared about the company, the amount of time you spend with me.

Maybe that’s why my mind is so fascinated with the idea of Harry Styles. A broken man with a façade that fools millions, just not me. And that simple fact that I know just as much as other people and possibly more means the world to me. Harry Styles is who I truly looked forward to arguing with, not Ben. And that says something. Eventually, we all did get ready to go shop for a dress. I eventually found a short red dress with black pumps. The dress had an X cut in the back and a bit on the sides. It was comfortable and sexy.

So I bought that too. The black pumps were plain and suede, which made them look really pretty. I liked them more than any shoes I’d ever owned. Other than these nude colored ones that are to die for. But I really liked these black ones. It was six-thirty when I was finished with makeup and getting dressed, but I was already tired. My hair was done so I couldn’t lay in bed, so I slumped in the couch.

I was tired from shopping and running from paparazzi. It was physically and mentally tiring. Ben was early when he knocked at 6:49 P.M. and his earliness over tardiness kind of frightened me. Ben was always tardy because he liked planning someone extravagant, but his earliness proved that he really did wanted to talk to me. “We’re gonna walk to dinner, it’s literally down the street. That okay?” He asked once I looped my arm with his and we began walking down the street.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” With a few more steps I could see the restaurant that I refused to think about the name of. It was still light outside once we got in. It was fancy and filled with the rich and stuck-up people. Ben nearly yelled on the way in with a few photographers following us. “What did you want to talk about?” I asked once we sat down and ordered. I’d ordered a steak with a tiny salad on the side with a glass of water.

“Lately,” he began. This was a serious talk. I knew this because the way he gripped my hand over the table was like he was holding on but letting go at the same time. “We’ve been really apart. With me in New York and you traveling… everywhere. It’s been hard to stay together.” And I knew where this was going. For the first time in forever, I’d be single.

“Don’t say it, Ben.”

“I just don’t think that right now is the right time for us. June is a great girl,” and that’s where I thought I’d lose it.

“You’ve been seeing June?”

“I’ve been taking her places. She’s a great person and she lives in New York, it’d be good for me. And you can continue traveling without me calling all the time.”

“I like your calls,” I mumbled, although I’m sure he didn’t hear.

“I loved you,” past tense, “and I always will love you,” present tense but not in the same way that I wish he’d love me. “But right now, June and I are good. Now you can go and starting seeing Harry, if you want.”

“You think this all revolves around Harry? How many times do I have to tell you that Harry is just a friend! Single or not, I’m his friend and he’s mine. I love you, Ben. I’ve done so many things to be with you. I’ve even put up with your mother, and that says something!”

Then, he gave me the speech I’d given Harry months ago, “Ember, believe me, I love you so much. Just not in that way anymore.” A small orchestra came beside us and starting playing this slow piece. He must have had a time set for when they would come over. This just wasn’t the time. Before I took a bite of anything, I put the napkin I had on my lap back on the table and left.

I located my phone in my purse and called someone, “Hello?” they answered.

“Are you busy?” They said no. “Where are you? Can you get me from the airport in two days?”