Alter ➳ h.s

t w e n t y - o n e
leaving
harry

Three days have passed since the encounter at the restaurant. It soon occurred to me that every time that Ember came to see me or has seen me that we always end up in some stupid argument. Causing her to not call me until I called her to apologize. It was an ongoing happening for Ember and I and to say that it was getting tiring is an understatement. But getting tired of it meant getting tired of seeing her and I wasn’t ready for that.

We stood at the airport. Both of us knew that paparazzi were everywhere and taking pictures from a distance. It’s funny how they think they could scare off a kiss that would never happen anyway. My hands around her tiny waist felt different than it should have. It felt more wrong than it should have. And not the good wrong.

Not like the your mom hates me, but so what, we’re still gonna make out in front of her and fuck in your parents bed. It was more of the I feel like I’m mentally fucking you while you think about your boyfriend who is thousands of miles away. Yeah, that kind of wrong.

She hugged me tighter than I hugged her. Before leaving the embrace she whispered to me, “I’ll accept Ben’s bullshit when I get there,” and she kissed me on the cheek. I smiled and waved her a goodbye. Paul, Eleanor, Louis, and Jase all hugged and whatever goodbye. Jase and Ember went to two different terminals. Ember was going to New York to see Ben and Jase was going back home. I knew she’d be followed by paparazzi and asked if she was dating me or him and all.

It didn’t help that we had an interview in fifteen minutes either. I was the one who insisted that we go to the airport. The airport that is thirty minutes away from our destination. Another talent I had that I shared with Louis was knowing the shortcuts of London. That meant that we made a thirty minute drive in twenty. With those ten minutes chopped off, we broke the speed limit by ten miles per hour and made it five minutes early. The only problem being that we were going on stage as we were getting out of the car.

I can only imagine how it looked with Louis and I trailing on the end of the line of the rest of the guys who looked stunned to see us. The situation looked as bad as it could be. Louis and I were together, at the end, and terribly out of breath from explaining to the guards that we were indeed a part of One Direction and that we were going to be late to our interview and from running. “Harry and Louis, the tardy ones. Got it,” the interviewer pretended to note.

Niall mentioned, “Normally, Harry’s always on time.” Then, of course, everyone took it as a sexual innuendo. “No. I mean to events. He’s always the first one there.” Everyone laughed again. “I give up.”

“Why were you two late?” We were on the Alan Carr show. I knew this wouldn’t be pretty. He winked once then twice.

“Harry, this is your fault, so you can explain,” Louis stared at me angrily.

“I dragged Louis and Eleanor to send a couple of friends off to America. I didn’t expect to be late still. Technically, we aren’t as late as we could have been. Terrible traffic.”

Alan coughed then mumbled, “Bullshit,” and coughed again. Laughter echoed in the room and I smiled slightly. I’d gotten used to the big crowds by now. The tour had started and everything was good in the stage anxiety department. “But no, seriously. Are one of these friends this girl?” Pictures of Ember and I came on the screen. One from where she worked, one from California, then another from California, one from a few nights ago, and then the kiss on the cheek today. “That the ‘friend’,” he air quoted, “you’re talking about?”

I cleared my throat and smiled, “Yes.” I picked up the beer bottle he’d placed on the table for me. My throat hated me for it but I tried to drink as much as I could at once and continued to eat the peanuts on the table to avoid answering.

“You really don’t want to answer these questions, Jesus, Harry. I wasn’t even talking to you and you keep eating those nuts.” A few snickers were in the audience, “Oh, shut up, you nasty perverts.” He directed his conversation back to me, “So who is this girl? What’s her name?” His elbow rested on his knee and held his chin up. A sadistically funny smile appeared on his face.

“Her name is… nothing. No one knows her name. Hell, I don’t know her name.”

“Smart one,” Alan complemented. The audience laughed again, “Seriously, who is she? How is she?”

“She’s a friend—”

“She’s a pretty friend,” he smiled again and batted his short eyelashes innocently.

“A pretty friend,” I repeated and laughed slightly. “Yes, she’s very pretty. And we’re really good friends—”

It was Liam’s turn to interrupt. He had this thing where he would talk just loud enough for a certain amount of people to hear, it just didn’t work this time. Everyone heard. He coughed, “Really good friends,” and sat back, covering his mouth.

I licked my lips and smiled, sighing to hide the amount of times I wanted to at least attempt to murder Liam. “Oh, Liam’s dishing the secrets. Harry, are you two fucking?” Alan’s question was straightforward and I’m sure my eyes bulged a bit. “You’re not answering! They are!” The crowd clapped.

“No! No, we’re not. She’s just a friend. She has a boyfriend,” I finally said to the world. The crowd sent their ‘aww’s and Alan reached over to pat my shoulder.

“It’s okay. We’ve all been cockblocked.” The interview continued without mentioning my cock being blocked by the unnamed boyfriend of the unnamed girl. (Hint: it’s Ben and Ember). When the interview was over, we hugged and shook hands and it was over. All over. At least for now.

Eleanor, who sat backstage when we decided that we didn’t have time to drop her off at home said to us that, “It didn’t look good when you two walked in like that.”

Louis and I spoke together, “We know.” I continued, “Let’s just go home, I’m tired and depressed.”

“More than usual?” Louis asked jokingly. I punched him in his chest. Paul led us out of the backdoor where only a few fans were smart enough to go. I decided to stop and take a few pictures but once entering the car, I took four pills again. “Four? Don’t you take six?”

“Cutting back still from taking so many the other night.”

“You only took a two days worth. It’s been five.”

“But I don’t feel any different without them.”

Louis and Eleanor felt confused, “What pills are those?”

“The anti-depressants, apparently,” I told them while reading the bottle.

Eleanor screamed happily and hugged me. My mouth was open for sure, I couldn’t help it, I was truly confused, “Harry! The anti-depressants don’t do anything anymore! That means things are getting better!”

“Now, Eleanor,” Louis said, being the Debbie Downer, “let’s not jump to conclusions. Go see Doctor Griffin, she can tell you what’s going on.” So, I did.

➳ ➳

“Well it seems you have gotten out of your abyss of depression. This is just so odd.”

“How?” Dr. Griffin looked pretty today; her glasses hung on her nose and her makeup was lightly done, just like I liked all makeup.

“No patient I’ve seen has gotten over their depression in such a short span of time.”

“It’s kind of been nearly a year.”

“Which scares me. It’s not time that’s made you get over it. It’s someone; it’s her. She makes you happy.” Was it that obvious that I longed to at least hold a girl that had a boyfriend that would constantly insert his penis into her? Does that make me a bad person?

“Well hey, it’s over, let’s celebrate. I’m over at least one problem, just a million and one to go.”

“Harry, this isn’t funny. I am happy for you, but wow. This is just great. I’m taking you off the antidepressants. Now, you only take two pills.” I was confused and showed her to bottles to the other two pills she excluded, “Fancy for antidepressants. I knew you wouldn’t be keen on taking four anti-depressants so I had the pharmacy do me a favor. You only take two pills now, Harry. I’ll see you… whenever. Have a good day.”

“You too,” we did our usual hug and I left. Paul met me at the lobby but instead of allowing him to hold my back and guide me, I went by myself and signed autographs, takings pictures. It was nice. And it was time to get back to the tour. I was actually excited. I missed my old shenanigans on stage and I missed the screaming—and crying—of fans, along with the interesting signs they provided. I’d given my life to my mental issues and forgot about the important things. I forgot how to live.

Notes

awe, harry's gettin better
i'm so sorry for being dead
i've been working on stories on wattpad, but i haven't forgotten my babies ♥

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