Alter ➳ h.s

t w e n t y
not all dreams are good
ember

From my skin to my bones, I felt this toxic tingly feeling. I’d woken up, I assumed, I just didn’t remember. I’d never seen Harry cry before. But he did sitting at the bar in the kitchen. His face was buried deep into the palms of his soft hands that I longed to hold one day. His cheeks were abnormally red, that was from the crying. Harry has issues, but he’d never cry. At least not in front of me. So after scratching my own cheek and clearing my groggy throat, I asked, “Are you okay?”

“No.” He didn’t sound good; his response was monotone, voice nearly cracking. “I’m never going to be okay again.” That was something I’d never heard from him. He always at least tried to be happy around me unless when arguing or talking about my tough relationship with Ben that he secretly wished would end. Well, not secretly. Not secretly enough if I knew about it.

The walls felt so small, like they were closing in on my already short and slim figure. I couldn’t breathe, it seemed, and Harry’s evident unhappiness didn’t help. “Tell me what’s wrong. What have you done?”

He laughed in this sadistic and twisted laugh that caused me to take a small step back. Harry didn’t scare me all the time but things like this made me afraid for things… things like life. “It’s not what I have done. It’s what I’m going to do.” I looked down at my chest that was burned black and aching; I felt like I was dying. That’s what a broken heart felt like, slowly dying. And Harry would find a way to break my heart. “Ember. Ember! Wake up!” Harry—the real one—shook my shoulders.

My first instinct was odd. It was to hug him, even though my dream told me that he’d eventually hurt me. “I’m okay. Just a bad dream.”

“Do you need anything?”

“No,” I told him and sat up after deciding that I wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon. “Where’s my purse?”

“Under the couch.” It took him a good three minutes of me looking until he finally asked, “What did you and Ben talk about? I mean, if it’s not too personal.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I told you he’s upset. I mean, going around town with a famous boy that everyone already thinks you’re cheating with anyway isn’t good for your exploding relationship, but what’re you gonna do? Nothing.” I eventually found my purse and inside was my phone.

My dad had been calling after our earlier conversation. Mostly to lecture me about how I’m supposed to love Ben and not run around with Harry. He told me not to become a drug addict like Harry. I love my dad, but the asshole is annoying. “Yeah, well. Now that everyone thinks we’re dating anyway, let’s go out. Lunch good?” I nodded.

“I need a shower. Only God knows what I smell like.”

“Old ice cream, druggies, and a hint of dog dander,” Harry responded.

“Thanks, God.” He smiled.

“Isn’t your bag at the hotel?”

“Nope, Jase brought it after everyone was done arguing and you were done being a smart ass.” He nodded and I proceeded to Harry’s room where Jase told me he’d placed my bag. It was a Louis Vuitton suitcase with everything I needed. I personally hated something so expensive. I like expensive things, but who wants to show off a suitcase?

The shower wasn’t difficult to figure out; in fact, it was the easiest shower I’d ever used. But there was still a note from Louis that read: right for hot, left for cold, right to turn off.. even though you can figure it out. That made me a laugh a little. My body felt clean but my mind was clouded by my dreams. (And the pills I wasn’t supposed to take, but whatever.)

When I got out and brushed my teeth, I pulled my hair down from the bun that it was in from my shower and went to my go-to hairstyle: half up and half down. The living room was arranged correctly and smelled nicer when I got out and saw Harry engrossed in some crime fighting television show. His hand stroked his stubble and his back hunched over, “I’m ready,” I announced.

“Oh. Sorry, c’mon.” He turned off the show and I followed him out of the front door. Photographers were across the street taking pictures, “The order in the court isn’t in effect until next month.” I knew he was talking about an order against the photographers; that they aren’t allowed to follow him to his house or photograph it and a bunch of other things that the news didn’t tell.

I hang on to every word he says. Somethings about music and things about writing songs with other people. That is, until we got to wherever we were. “What is this place?”

“The Rabbithole.”

“Fancy for a place called, The Rabbithole.”

“Yeah. Niall tried to tell me once that it’s an Alice in Wonderland reference. But I’m still not sure.” Harry led me from the parking lot to the building. Through the building, we reached the balcony where many people were sat. One table had ‘Styles & Knight’ on a folded rectangle paper. It was inscribed on pretty light blue paper; handwritten. “Well this is nice,” he complemented. A waiter took us to our table and seated us. Well, Harry helped me into my seat and seated himself.

“Welcome to The Rabbithole, I’m Chase and I’ll be your waiter today. Here are your menus,” he handed each a medium sized folded and laminated copy of the menu. “Would you like to start off with an appetizer or a drink?”

I pressed for Harry to order so he spoke up, “We’ll just take some artichoke and spinach dip with two small waters and a bottle of champagne when lunch is ordered.”

The waiter nodded and dismissed himself, “Champagne with lunch?” I wondered.

“Look around,” I did, “people do it all the time.” I didn’t look at Chase’s face until he came back. He was a rugged one. I’m sure a tattoo was hidden underneath his suit and tie. He had a hole in his lip and right eyebrow where piercings would be and he had this small stubble that was growing into a beard. It lined his chin nicely. Chase was hot, to say the least. “Thanks for the waters, I think we’re ready to order.”

Harry ordered this fancy sandwich and ordered a salad for me, like I’d requested. He’d chosen the sandwich mainly because he’d been complaining that they didn’t serve any “real” hamburgers. Stacked and greasy and messy ones that were nice and juicy is something that they lacked at. But hey, they have some damn good salads. Chase came back to our table and cleared his throat, “Is everything okay for the lovely couple?”

“Friends,” I corrected.

“Great. Fantastic! I could get fired for this, but would you like to meet me after work? I get off in literally ten minutes.”

Harry looked down at his sandwich and secretly gave death glares to Chase who ignored him. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh. Well, would you still like to meet me?”

I thought it over. It wouldn’t be nice to be known to be dating three guys, but Chase was a seemingly nice guy that I wouldn't mind getting to know. “Sure.” I’d suddenly become more attractive since being dragged into the world of Harry Styles and I was still debating if I liked that or not. Not that I liked it when Ben was the only one that thought I was pretty, but I didn’t exactly like that now almost everyone thought I was pretty.

“Great,” he attempted to leave but Harry tapped his shoulder.

“Can I have the check?” Chase agreed hesitantly and gave the bill to Harry who quickly pulled out cash. “Thanks. Let’s go, Em.”

Harry rushed me to the car and suddenly wondered why I was upset while he drove back to his and Louis’ house. “Because, Harry, I try to make friends and you ruin it!”

“Friends? Trust me, that guy obviously wanted to be more than friends. You have Ben, remember?”

I thought over his response. I guess he did too because right after he said it, he did that thing he was doing earlier; stroking his stubble with his elbow acting as a support for his head. “Did you get me away from Chase because you thought he had a better chance than you?” He stayed quiet. “Harry,” I wanted to begin this whole lecture on how much I cared about him but that I loved Ben and we wouldn’t be breaking up soon and whatnot. But I couldn’t. Because lying is wrong.

Notes

im not dead
wooooo
been busy on wattpad, i have 80 followers now
my grandmother is also a bit sick, so im taking care of her
i hope you guys are well & ilysm
love your cute faces and i will talk soon x