I've tried to ask myself
Should I see someone else?
I wish I knew the answer.

“’’Ello?” Louis’ voice sounded.

“Louis, it’s me.” She paused. “Lara.”

“Hey.” He said the sound of surprise evident in his voice. “You alright?”

“Yeah…” She said. “Just wanted to know if you’re going to be home later.”

“I just got back from Doncaster, so yeah I’ll be home.”

“Do you mind if I come over… I-I need…I just need something…”

“Yeah. I mean no- I don’t mind.” She heard Louis clear his throat. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just a bit on edge.” She said giving her first honest answer of the day. “I’ve been a bit stressed lately.”

“Oh.” He said. “Well come on over then.”

Louis went on to give her his address and she quickly jotted it down in one of her school books. Before long she was riding on the Tube on the way to his apartment, breathing easier than she had since yesterday. However, the news article she read about Harry still weighed on her mind. When she had questioned him about his trip to LA, he had answered.

“Doesn’t stop me from doing other stuff.”

What other stuff did that mean? Was he playing with her emotions again? She wondered if Louis knew anything. The last time she had asked him about the girl, he had called her one of Harry’s “strays”, as if she were some lost kitten he had picked up off the street.

Lara double checked the address as she approached the high gate of Louis’ house. She pressed the buzzer to hear his voice a moment later.

“Lara.”

She realised there was a small camera to her right, and that he could probably see her. After a few moments she heard the click of the gate unlock, and she pushed through to make her way up the walkway and to his door.

“Hey.” Louis said closing the door quickly behind her. He was barefoot and clad in sweats and a T-shirt, and Lara realised it was the first time she had seen him dress so casually. She walked into his apartment, taking in the football paraphernalia that dotted the duck blue walls.

“Sorry about the mess… I just got back from- oh who am I kidding, it’s like this all the time.”

Lara unsuccessfully hid a smile before stopping in the middle of the living room.

“Need a decorator?” She asked filling the silence.

“I know what you’re studying and the answer is no.” He said his lips curling into a smile. “Take a seat.”

“You just came back from Doncaster?” She asked, after settling on the couch.

“Yeah… two days was my limit.” He said. ”Going home isn’t the same as it used to be…”

He sighed softly before falling back onto the couch next to her.

“Why’s that?” Lara asked curiously.

“When you look up to see a line of people in your living room wanting your autograph and half of the people there is family, then it’s time to get the fuck out.”

“That sounds weird.”

“Try living it.” He retorted. “I’ve been dying for a joint. Do you want one?”

“I was hoping you had something a bit stronger.” Lara said shyly, unable to meet his gaze.

“I might have some left.” He rose from the couch and opened the drawer of a small ornate table. After a few moments of rustling through the contents, he found a small baggie and held it up for Lara to see.

“There’s not much there.” He said. “Sorry.”

Lara’s eyes lit up at the sight of the white powder. She could almost taste the anticipation as Louis sauntered over to her.

“You can have it all.” He said. “I’ve gone off it a bit.”

Lara resisted the temptation to rip the bag out of Louis’ hand.

Instead she straightened up in her seat and held out her hand and waited politely.

Louis didn’t hand it over and Lara didn’t make a move to take it.

She looked up into his blue eyes, as they regarded her with a knowing look, as though he could see the battle raging within her.

Her strong desire to just grab it fought with her usual polite restraint and she could see a small smile play on his lips before he finally placed the bag in her open hand.

Louis sat on the couch and watched as she prepared it on the table before he took out a joint from his pocket and lit it up.

The sudden ring of her phone sounded. She knew who it was without even looking at it, and she glanced at Louis nervously before her hand shot out to grab the phone.
There was no way she was going to miss another call from Ben.

“Hello?” She said, avoiding Louis’ eyes.

“I’m going out for dinner… do you wanna come?”

“Um, I don’t think I can make it.” She said nervously. There was no way she was going to sit across a dinner table with Ben after taking a hit of cocaine. He would instantly spot it, and wonder where she was getting it from.

“Why, where are you?”

“I’m at the library.” She said and shot Louis an annoyed look when he tried to stifle a laugh. “I’ve got this killer assignment that I’ve been putting off… I need to start it tonight.”

“Okay.” Ben said sounding disappointed. “I’ll be home early anyway... ”

“Okay… fine. I’ll see you then.” She said and the line went dead. She looked up at Louis defiantly as though challenging him to say something.

“So your boyfriend doesn’t know where you are?” He asked, taking the bait.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” She grumbled, leaning forward to snort her first line. The familiar rush she had been craving made her close her eyes and take a deep breath. She now felt as though she could breathe again.

“You looked like you really needed that.” Louis smiled.

“Mmmm.”

“Have you heard from Harry?” He asked, taking a long drag of his cigarette.

“No.” She said, the sweet smoke invading her nostrils. “He must be really busy.”

“Busy schmoozing as always.” He replied not picking up on her sarcasm.

“Busy sneaking around with that girl, you mean.” Lara said sternly and Louis looked at her in amusement.

“You’re mad, aren’t you?” He said.

“Fuck yeah.” She said and Louis laughed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before.” He said with surprise.

“Yeah well… it’s just that it was the last thing I expected to happen. After all that happened with Paige.”

And you. Lara wanted to add but instead bent over to snort another line so she wouldn’t have to look at him.

“That’s Harry for you.” He replied.

“Who is she anyway?”

“Just some random girl he met somewhere along the line. You know how it goes…”

Lara gave him a look indicating she did not know “how it goes”.

“Is that all you know?”

“Someone’s sounding a little jealous.” Louis teased.

“Well aren’t you?” She challenged him and she noticed how he went silent, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“Not about her.” He said gruffly.

Lara shook her head and returned to the final line of coke. She wished she was more like Louis. Maybe he didn’t have Harry, but he seemed to be strangely comfortable with his position in Harry’s life. Maybe he had a reason for it. Maybe he had seen so many girls come and go, but he knew he would always be around to pick up the pieces. Lara took the last traces of coke and swiped it inside her mouth and she lay back on the couch enjoying the effects.

“So now what?” Louis asked.

“I can go.” Lara said feeling self-conscious.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” Louis said.

It suddenly occurred to her that she had just taken something from him without giving anything in return. She knew how guarded Ben was regarding his stash, and here was Louis, freely giving it away. Or was he? She wasn’t sure what they agreed upon. Lara took her bag in her hands, knowing she had less than ten pounds in her purse.

“I can pay you.” She said, hoping she didn’t sound as unsure as she felt. The rush she had experienced a few moments ago was starting to dwindle.

“I don’t want money.” Louis said. “That’s the last thing on my mind.”

There were echoes of Ben in that statement and Lara felt her heart drop. Did he expect her to… she couldn’t finish the sentence in her mind let alone utter the question. Instinct told her to slightly edge closer to him and she noticed his blue eyes widen.

“What? No.” He said. “I don’t want you to do anything like that.”

“I wasn’t going to do anything.” Lara said defensively.

She wondered what Harry would think if she could see them right now. She wondered if it would hurt him as much as she was hurting right now.

Her hand sat precariously close to Louis’ thigh, and she looked down at it as though she was expecting it to move on its own accord. It shook for a moment before lifting to rest on his leg. They both looked down at it before their eyes briefly met.

“I have to go.” She said pressing down, giving her leverage to stand up. She was a bit unsteady on her feet as she wobbled toward the door.

“Are you sure?” Louis followed from behind sounding concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” Lara said airily. She turned to face him once she opened the door. “Thanks for helping me out.”

“Any time.” Louis said. They smiled at each other before the door closed, and Lara found herself taking in a shaky breath. She wrapped her jacket around her, keeping her head down as she walked away.

X
Lara stretched out on the couch and let out a tiny sigh. She looked up to see Ben hovering over her, a small smile on his face.

“Tired?” He asked.

“Tired, stressed… just over it.”

“Over what?”

“Everything…” Lara closed her eyes, only to open them immediately when she felt Ben sit on the edge of the couch.

“Turn over.” He said, and she paused for only a moment before shifting onto her stomach.

She felt his hands on her shoulders, kneading them gently, his fingers rubbing her neck and she couldn’t help but let out a long moan.

“Shhh.. Claire’s inside.”

“But it feels so good.” Lara’s voice sounded muffled as she lay face down. “I didn’t realise how tense I was.”

“You are tense.” He murmured as his hands worked down her back.

“I know something else that would relax me.” Lara said in a hopeful voice.

“The answer is no.” Ben responded firmly. “A massage is all you’re getting.”

She moaned loudly in response and jumped when she felt him slap her behind as if to emphasise his point.

“Maybe you can return the favour.” She heard Ben say. “Work’s been a bitch to me lately.”

“You mean Claire?” Lara giggled.

After being fired from Modest, Ben had bounced back by getting a sales job. He resented the fact that it was a step down from what he had been doing in the past. The Modest job was cushy compared to what he had to do now. But a job was a job, and it had led him to meeting Claire.

“She wants me to travel more for work.” He said grimly, his fingers moving beneath her clothes to massage her neck.

“Mmm…” Lara said as his fingers expertly removed the knots from her shoulders.

“Sales conference just about killed me… here I was thinking it was going to be party central, and they expected us to actually do work.”

“When was that?” Lara murmured.

“That’s where Claire and I went to for those two days.” Ben said. “Jesus Lara do you ever listen to what I have to say?”

Lara didn’t have the heart to tell him that unless it impacted her directly, she tried to ignore anything to do with Ben and Claire.

“Ben.”

Claire’s voice seemed to appear out of nowhere, and Lara felt Ben snatch his hands away from her.

“Let’s go over your itinerary.” Claire said flatly. Lara turned her head to see Claire looking down at her, a stony expression etched on her face.

Ben sighed as he stood up and entered the home office, leaving Lara lying on the couch.

Her phone suddenly vibrated and she picked it up to see a text message from Harry pop up.

Back from LA ;)

Notes