Study of Life and Love

I flipped through the phonebook that Grace house had sitting in a drawer in the foyer. It was filled with numbers from members of old and other partners that might be useful to any of the girls. I flipped through until I was under the ‘s’ tab and stopped when I came across Gemma’s name. I hovered my phone above it and let the shutter go before putting the book away and heading up the stairs

Thea’s door was closed, music coming from inside but I didn’t disturb. Moving past her and into my room, I shut the door behind me and wrote the number down on my hand before dialing it.

I sat there, nervous, but forced myself, to hit the green call button. For Harry.

There were three rings. “Hello?” Gemma’s voice greeted me through the phone.

“Gemma? Hi, it’s uh Caydance. Caydance Fairweather from Grace house.” I supplied, not sure how many Caydance’s Gemma might know.

There was silence on the other end before she spoke. “Gotta say, I’m really surprised. Am I needed for the house or is this to do with Harry? Hear you two weren’t exactly happy right now…” she trailed off.

I groaned, scrunching my nose up and glaring at the opposite wall. “I stuffed up.”

Gemma scoffed, clearly saying that I more than stuffed up.

“I’m trying to fix it,” I insisted. “Just please, could I maybe have your Mum’s number or something so I can talk to her.” My heart was beating fast.

“Why do you want to talk to my Mum?”

“To make it up to Harry, please.” I let the desperation sink into my voice. I wanted him to forgive me.

Gemma was silent on the other end and I felt my stomach sink. I didn’t know how else to contact his Mum, unless… I smiled, I could steal Harry’s phone. I’m sure Louis or someone would do it and he hadn’t changed his password I should be able to get into it and get the number.

“She’s in town, actually.” Gemma’s voice cut through my slowly forming plan B. “She had some work to do at one of her firms, I can set you up with a meeting if you want.”

I gaped, brain going haywire as I tried to think of an excuse. I did not want to meet her in person. God no. Phone call would be enough.

Gemma seemed to sense by panic. “If you want Harry to forgive you, I suggest you go above and beyond a phone call. Have lunch with her. She won’t bite, Caydance, promise.”

I didn’t answer, still freaking out. This was why I didn’t show up last time, I freaked out.

“Look Caydance,” Gemma sighed through the connection. “You make Harry happy, and I know that you are a good person and that you obviously care about my brother. I want you to fix this because he’s honestly been miserable and if he calls me one more time with that stupid pouting monotone voice of his I’m going to have to come to the campus and set him straight. And possible you as well. I’m currently four hours away, on a holiday, where I just met a Swedish boy that has cheekbones that could cut glass. I want my kids to have those cheekbones, do you understand me?”

I nodded, despite the fact that she couldn’t see me.

“Do not make me travel four hours because I will kick both of your asses, is that clear?”

“Yes,” I said promptly. I did not want Gemma to visit.

“Good. I’ll talk to Mum and text you with the details. Do not fuck it up this time, Caydance.”

Gemma hung up and I sat there, stunned. The phone still pressed to my ear. I worried about Harry, for a second. If his sister was that frightening I could only imagine how scary his Mum could be and Harry had grew up around that? I felt bad, for almost a second before considering actual worship of Gemma Styles.

A knock on my door brought me out of my trance, Thea stood in the doorway, dressed up in a short skirt and long sleeved shirt. Her hair was lightly curled. “Can I borrow your knee-high boots?” She asked.

I snapped out of my daze, dropped my phone. “Oh yeah sure, where are you going?” I asked, heading to my closet to grab the shoes. I held up the black and the brown and she pointed at the black.

“Daniel’s taking me out.” She offered, sitting down on my bed to pull them on. I watched her before she looked at me, exasperated.

Laughing I crouched down to help her. “You better hope he doesn’t want you to take these off. It would be really un-sexy to ask him for help.” I teased.

Thea looked confused for a second before a blush littered her cheeks. “Oh no, no we aren’t doing that.”

I laughed. “It’s called sex Thea, and if you can’t say it you definitely shouldn’t be doing it.”

She scoffed and smacked my shoulder. “We’re not at the point in our relationship where we are ready to have sex.”

I looked at Thea, surprised. Daniel’s reputation preceded him. A lot like mine and a lot like Camden’s. We weren’t the type of people to wait around for relationships. Quite happy to have sex for one night while out of relationships. There was a reason Camden and I lasted so long, we were both happy to have a relationship based solely on sex. I didn’t grow jealous and he wasn’t tied down. Daniel wouldn’t usually be waiting so long.

“If he tries to push you into it, let me know. I will castrate him.” I promised, seriously while my fingers pushed the zip all the way up to Thea’s knee.

“He’s not, and I can handle myself. Not a damsel in distress, okay?” Thea insisted, getting to her feet and wiggling in the shoes, testing their comfort.

I hesitated for a moment, remembering her drunken words the other night.

“Hey, you said some things the other night, after the part about you and Daniel.” I approached the subject slowly, Thea tended to get defensive whenever I talked about Louis so I decided to stay away from that. “You said he was uh nice and good and that you like being wanted by him.”

Thea frowned down at the boots.

I took my time carefully choosing my next words. “It’s okay to want more than just niceness you know? You can ask for the type of relationships where your heart beats so fast you feel like it’s going to jump right out of your chest. That nervous feeling that flutters in your stomach that isn’t a bad thing, it makes you want to be permanently attached to that person. You deserve a relationship that is more than just nice and you deserve more than being wanted. You should be cherished and you should feel more than just nice when he’s around.”

My own heart sped up at the thought of Harry. I missed him like crazy.

Thea smiled at me sadly. “You can have all that Caydee, I don’t know if I will necessarily get that and I’m okay with that, honest.”

“You’re settling.” I accused. “Louis is…”

Thea cut me off with a groan. “Louis is what? What is he Caydee? He’s just another boy who I had a stupid crush on and he doesn’t want me back. That’s clear and it’s okay. I can accept that and now I need you to as well.”

I refused to accept that. “You would be happier with Louis, more loved.”

Thea shook her head and stood up from the bed. I rose with her. The boots made her a couple of inches taller than me. “You need to stop, okay. Me and Louis ain’t ever going to happen. I don’t know why you keep pushing it but it only reminds me how much it hurts when he’s around so I’m trying to move on. I never even dated the guy for God’s sake and I’m having so much trouble getting over him, it’s ridiculous. Daniel is lovely and nice and maybe I want nice, Caydance. I don’t want the fire and brimstone and the world-ending love that you and Harry seem to create. I just want to be happy and Daniel makes me happy. So please just leave it.”

“Girls, dinners ready.” Sidney knocked lightly on the door. Shooting us both a tentative smile. I was glad she was back. She did give me good advice yesterday. Thea however, wasn’t so easy to forgive.

“I won’t be here for dinner,” she said simply. No anger in her words but no affection either. She just marched past Sidney without a second look.

I smiled at Sidney apologetically. “She still pissed huh?” I asked, grabbing my phone from the bed and slipped on my Ugg Boots.

“I suppose I deserve it.” Sidney shrugged, her eyes downcast. I paused, I didn’t know what happened to Sidney, but I doubted it was entirely her fault that she disappeared for so long. She hadn’t exactly told us, but something certainly happened to make her react the way she did.

“What was with the love and nice stuff about Daniel?” Sidney asked.

I shook my head, sadness filling me. I truly believed that Thea was better off with Louis. “I shouldn’t meddle.”

Sidney rolled her eyes. “You should always meddle Caydance. It’s what you’re good at. I tell you to stop because some time your ability to meddle frightens me.”

I grinned and moved to follow Sidney out of the my room when my phone buzzed. It was Gemma. I had a lunch date with Harry’s Mum in two days time. The need to throw up overpowered the need to eat at this point.

-

I slipped into the toilet of the shopping mall I was walking through. I looked into the mirror and noticed how pale I looked. I applied a bit of powder to my face and took a deep breath. I could do this.

I had five minutes until I was due for lunch so I headed out of the restroom and down a level until I reached the restaurant I was meeting Harry’s mum. It was a nice restaurant, a little posh and I was greeted by a waiter before I even had time to look.

I told them who I was waiting for and was immediately escorted over to a window table where a woman sat patiently reading something on her tablet. She looked up and I was met with Harry’s green eyes.

“Caydance?” The woman asked. “I’m Anne,” she greeted and reached out a hand to shake mine. Her grip was firm but her smile was kind. I felt myself relaxing and took the seat across from her.

“Thank you for having lunch with me.” I said politely, shifting in my seat and glancing down at the expensive looking silver ware in front of me.

“Not a problem, I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you last time, Harry said you had an emergency?”

I widened my eyes and took a gulp of the water that was sitting in front of me. “Uh, not exactly.” I decided to be honest. I owed Harry that. I wanted us to be serious and have a future, which meant I should be honest.

“I got nervous and I came up with an excuse and I hurt your son by doing that. So I’m sorry.

Anne eyed me, her long fake nails tapping on the tablet as she regarded me. “And yet you went out of your way to meet with me today? Doesn’t seem like an act of a scared person?”

“I hurt Harry and I wanted to fix that. It was important to him that we meet so I thought I should do that.”

“But you didn’t tell him that we were meeting today?”

I shyly lowered my eyes. “He’s not exactly talking to me right now.”

Anne laughed gently, her eyes kind. “My son and my daughter are both very passionate and sometimes that means they feel a bit too much which can lead to dramatic tendencies. I blame their father.”

I relaxed back in my chair. She was joking so that had to be a goo sign.

“Do you mind if I ask why you were so nervous about meeting me?” Anne asked gently.

I hesitated but her eyes bored in and I knew that despite it being posed as a question I didn’t have a choice in answering. “I have a colourful background, ma’am. I don’t think I deserve your son.” I spoke honestly, cheeks heating up.

“It is for that exact reason that I know you do deserve him,” she said promptly without skipping a beat. “Also why I invited Harry today.”

I gaped at her before a shadow fell over our table; I took a deep breath before finding courage to look up at Harry. He stood there, hair hanging around his face as he gaped down at me.

“Caydance? What are you doing here? Mum?” Harry seemed very confused.


“Close your mouth Harry, it’s rude to gape. And take a seat, your drawing attention just hovering,” Anne snapped. I sat up properly in my seat, feeling my own mother’s voice in those words.

Harry promptly fell down in his seat, sitting to the right of me and the left of Anne at the round table. His long legs folded under the table and his hands twisted on the table, his eyes sliding between the both of us.

“Caydance was kind enough to reschedule a lunch since she couldn’t make it to the last one.” Ann said efficiently.

“Oh,” a breath left Harry and his eyes found mine. The waiter arrived saving me from talking but I also hadn’t had time to look at the menu yet. Harry and Anne ordered immediately, obviously been here enough times to not need to check out the menu.

I floundered and reached for the menu, ready to order the first thing that popped off the menu. Harry’s voice interrupted.

“She will have the salt and pepper calamari with a salad on the side and a garlic sauce.” Harry ordered for me.

I looked at him in surprise. Normally I would be angry but his order was perfect.

“You always order the seafood option at any restaurant. It’s the only seafood they have here.” Harry shrugged under my surprised gaze. A blush lit up his cheeks and I found myself smiling, a warmth rushing through me, to know that Harry knew me that well.

“So Caydance,” Anne cut into our staring match. “Tell me about yourself, Harry said you study Drama, this is your third year I believe?”

I tried not to cringe at the obvious age gap between Harry and I. A part of it still bothered me. I had more experience and I didn’t want to keep Harry from his.

A foot touched mine underneath the table, Harry smiled at me as his leg pressed warmly against mine, his jeans rough on my bare skin but I took the comfort.

“Yes, only a year left to go, actually.” I admitted to her. “I’ll be starting rehearsals for a play coming up. It was written by one of my friends, and part of our class assessment.” I started to go into details when Anne looked interested, her eyes keenly plastered on me. It was unnerving and at the same time comforting. I wasn’t just an inconvenient child. I mattered.

I sighed when Harry started to enter the conversation, slowly relaxing more as our food came out. It was easy to talk, easier than I expected but that was all because of Harry. And possibility of awkwardness and Harry smoothly jumped in, finding ways to move the conversation along and I really wanted to kiss him. A lot.

His leg stayed safely against mine throughout the entire meal and I received more smiles from him then I had in over a week. It felt like heaven and I didn’t mind how dependent I was upon those dimples.

After an hour Anne had to go back to work. She insisted on paying and we all stood, Harry moving to stand by me as we followed Anne out of the restaurant. His pinky finger grazed mine before they tentatively entwined. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. My whole hand felt like it had pins and needles.

“I’ll talk to you soon, Harry.” Anne said, pulling her son into a hug, he went agreeably, his pinky still wrapped in mine.

“It was lovely meeting you Caydance. Next time when my husband’s not busy we can all get together. I might make some time to come visit Grace. It’s been so long since I was there last.”

I was surprised when Anne pulled me into a hug. I let go of Harry to lightly press my hands on her back. “That would be great. I’m sure Sidney would love to meet you.”

I stood back and Harry’s whole hand instantly clasped mine. I couldn’t keep the grin away. Anne said her last goodbye’s and headed off towards her work. I turned to Harry, hesitant, only to be met with a warm grin.

Harry’s hand that was not entangled with mine, reached up to gently run across my cheek. His warm palm covered my whole cheek and his thumb gently trailed my bottom lip. His eyes wouldn’t let mine go.

“Thank you,” he said warmly, before nudging his nose against mine then pressing a small kiss to my welcoming lips.

My free hand reached up and wrapped a finger into his belt look, tugging him closer.

“I’m sorry.” I said meaningfully. “I freaked out and I’m sorry.”

Harry only grinned, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “You should know by now I’m always going to forgive you. Probably be angry but never wanna lose you.”

I flushed at Harry’s words before burying my head into his chest feeling safe and warm and entirely loved.

Notes

So I only have one exam left in two weeks then I'm finished Uni so we shall now go back to our regularly scheduled programming of every week :) !! Missed you guys! xx