LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

Louis' pov
As I exit the hallway to enter the kitchen I see Gemma sitting on the couch reading some paper in her hand. I walk into the kitchen and discard away everything walking back.

"You guys not having dinner?" She asks not lifting her gaze from the papers. How does she do that?

"Um. nope" I don't feel hungry anyway and Harry's not going to have anything looking at his condition.

But if he feels hungry I make him soup. He's had a good session today.
I enter in and Harry has got up from his place and he wiping his face off the towel and his hair is in a bun.

"You hungry? I'll make you soup?" Why do I feel like a mom today? He just shakes his head a no and walks to the cupboard retrieving some full length Reebok sweats and a muscle tee.

I walk over to the bed to make it fine for the sleep. Harry needs a good warm sleep before he wakes up tomorrow for office. He can't take a leave. He was off for a week just two days back.

I pull the duvet straightening it but the sheets underneath drag themselves with it. Fuck it i'm not making the bed. Before climbing the bed I walk outside the room once more to get a bottle of water. Gemma is still there reading the papers.

"Why are you so much to and fro ?" What does she mean?

"Where's Harry?" She looks at me this time.

"He's asleep" I don't want gemma to have a look at Harry whose face is swelled up. She nods and shrugs away. I microwave the bottle to make the water warm. He's already had extra share of his cold today.

I walk in the room and Harry is lying on the bed his eyes open staring at the ceiling. His face turns to me as I enter locking the door behind me. He's lying on the farther side of the bed leaving this side for me where I usually sleep.

I climb in dimming the room lights and the night lamps stay on. He turns to look at me. It's creeping me out the way his straight face stare's directly into my eyes not even blinking once.

The gaze is so warm that I feel my body warm up and the goosebumps are having a party right now. Shit. That creep is traveling down my neck.

"Stop the staring. You're acting like a ghost now" I stifle a laugh. It's actually creepy.

"I'm sorry" he says and blinks once and then multiple times like he's holding in something. He turns to look away on the ceiling again. I want him to look at n again. I want him to look at me.

I shift closer to him. My feet touch his calves and he flinches a little. He looks at me and then looks away again. "What's the matter? Are you feeling okay?" I end up asking him. I know the answer to it. He's not fine.

"I'm sorry" he says again. Why is he saying that? But he's not looking at me right now. What's the matter now? He needs to sleep. He's straining himself.

"You're doing this all for me and I'm always hurting you... I'm really sorry I do this shit all the time. I don't mean to do it... but I end up doing it. It's bad I know. I'm fucked up and maybe I'm used to it but I.. Shit I just want to say sorry. I'm going to hurt you again if I say anything" there is this tear rolling down from the corners of his eyes to his ear.

"I'm going to pretend I just didn't hear that"

"Why would you do that?" He turns to look at me.

"I don't know what to say" I sigh.

"Why? You could say that you kind of accept my apology" he's feeling better now. Definitely.

"Was it an apology? I don't know. I'm still pretending i didn't hear that" I stifle a chuckle. I know its not something funny though I'm trying to calm down the mood.

There's silence. I don't why but until harry speaks, "You're such lovely shit" his hand moves to my waist. Oh shit. Oh his palms are still kind of freezing, I can feel it through my shirt.

"I'm still not hearing things" I shift in closer to his chest clutching his tee.

"How's your stitch thing?"

"It's just okay but again it's not a 'thing'. You always add a thing after stitch" he says shifting in more and his hands move a little up.

"You're hands are frozen"

"You did it" he narrows his eyes a little.

"Don't you blame me" there's silence again and I kind of love the way I can hear his heart beat racing up frantically I don't know why.

"I .." He begins but then stops.

"What now?"

"Can you hear things?"

"Don't be dumb" I shake my head.

"I ..um" he clears his throat and takes my face in his hands"..I love you" he kisses my forehead.

What? Wh-at?! WHAT.

"YOU WHAT?!" WHAT?

It feels like those times when there this irritating sound of a thin beep at the back of your head which doesn't seem to stop and you can't focus on what you're really hearing.

"please pretend you didn't hear that" he sighs. he knows I panicked. It must be so obvious just by my face.

"I definitely did. But YOU What?" Shit my stomach its growling at its worst.

"I said I love you" it sounds like a whisper over my loud loud heartbeat.

"Shit. Seriously?" My heart is so loud right now that if I could just not hear the beats I could've heard him say what he just did.

"I love you Louis" he says again this time pulling me in so close our stomachs touch and I can feel the growl in his stomach and my goosebumps the way they dance. I feel the heat inside me rising from my gut. It's so heated that I can feel Harry's hand warming a bit against my burning cheeks. I move closer blushing into his chest.

The words he said are actually getting into my head now. He giggles, fucking giggles with his still hoarse voice from all the crying before.

"Will you please calm down?" He says again brushing his hand though my hair.

"I am.." I trail off fitting my head under his chin.

"You just had a panic attack and I'm sorry.... Just pretend you didn't hear any of it and it'll be fine" he's still fucking talking he needs to stop talking so my head can actually process what I have to say back to him so that he can too feel his heartbeat just between our chests banging so loudly that the whole fucking world could hear it.

I sigh and lift my head up looking at him directly my heart in my throat, " I'm not usually this cheeky but I love you too and you should know it and I wanted you to know that...but only if you could stop talking about me pretending to not hear whatever shit you said...sorry its not shit... and I'm still processing.... but I don't know I couldn't just pretend...because your heart is so loud right now and my stomach is almost growling and I'm too loud usually..but it's my heart this time just saying I love you back" he giggled. Again.

He fucking giggled again. How can he even laugh? I'm so nervous, I'm shaking tremendously. what the fuck is he up to? He's gonna get his face bashed in.

Oh god it was so embarrassing. Whay did I just blurt. But my throat has got ridden of the heart. It's vomited out now. It's in Harry's hands and I know he'll keep it safe. He'll have to keep it safe.

"What? You're laughing?" His hands get tighter around my face holding it in place.

"For your information your hands are still freezing and they're on my face"

"Don't mind but calm down" he says lightly kissing my forehead which was just few inches away.

"I'm fine" nuzzling into his neck he holds me close.

"Goodnight " a kiss on my head and then he takes my lips between his lips and it feels warmer than his hands on my cheeks and hotter than what's between us.

Notes

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