Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

chapter 72

Louis' pov


Oh I had a nice sleep, I felt as I stretched in the bed realising I was alone still, a lot of time had passed. At the back of my head I could hear strange low voices which only maybe a dog could figure what they were. But as I strained my ears I jolted up. What the fuck I knew the voice.


"Harry!!" I shouted as loud as I could because when I jolted up I could see the mop of curly hair sitting at the floor his head hanging low.


I didn't want to be sure these voices were his because the stranger it sounded the more I felt I knew them. I pulled the duvet from top of me and with the noise I made I was sure Harry automatically made louder noises. He started crying like something bad had happened with him. It was so awful to look at him like that when I knelt down beside him and he didn't look at me.


My eyes drifted to something I thought was long forgotten. Why did he had to do this? Something in my chest tightened and I felt maybe I was at a loss of breath because that razor in his hand made me so stiff that felt I should just punch Harry in the face. I was so angry at him so so angry.


I gripped his upper arm tightly,"what the fuck is wrong with you??" I shook him but he didn't budge instead his head hanged low and razor dropped off his hand.

"Are you out of your fucking mind or what?" I shook him again and he looked at me the white of
his eyes covered with red nerves his face wet and his lips quivered.


I melted inside at this look he was giving me. I didn't want to shout at him anymore. But what he did or was going to fucking do would have been terrible and I'm sure I would've slapped him hard and his eyes would have turned inside out.


"What Harry?" My voice lowered without my permission. "What do you..." I trailed off my eyes reached his wrists. He hadn't cut yet. It felt like tons of weight was just lifted over from my shoulder and i sat down instead of kneeling.


He was still looking at me his face with a sorry expression and nothing else. Maybe he was guilty too but keeping it aside he looked embarrassed and ashamed. His white shirt was covered in tear stains and he was wearing jeans. He was still in his office clothing.



"What terrible thing happened at the office I don't fucking know but you did a terrible thing today you should fucking know and whatever thing you were up to today isn't something applaudable" I barked at him. Maybe the words I said were just too harsh but I couldn't bite my tongue.


The sinking continued added with another set of painful whimpers followed by a cough which seems to choke him out and he coughed for exact 10 seconds at a stretch.



I pulled the drawer to hand him his pump,"here"
He took it shaking it twice with no energy in him. He put it has his mouth to breath in and he silenced for a while. I shifted beside him a little and he shivered and shook.


He wasn't crying until my hand brushed his and he leaned to my side a little, sobbing. I wanted to push him away and tell him to stuff some sense into him but instead I wrapped a hand around his shoulder and pulled him in. He needed it at this time. Everybody does no matter how fucking gross thing they did.



"OK wait" I said before he could totally relax on my lap or shoulder. He looked up shifting his sticky curls from his face.


"Wipe your face" I looked around for a towel but none,"with whatever you find and sit tight here I'll be back in a second okay?" I kissed his forehead, "okay don't budge"


I got up calming him down a little. I walked out of the room to the kitchen. It felt like we were two kids lost in a jungle but he was lost more than me for whatever reasons. He was so much already afraid and scared and freaked out that he accepts he's lost and I'm the other one whose scared too and freaked out too but shows he's calm because he already has a company who is freaking the hell out of himself and me being the elder one have to show I'm brave.


Anyway I read somewhere the ice cube therapy is the best replacement for a person whose having these fucking weird Harry thoughts.


So here I am opening the freezer door and taking all the ice trays with me to the room. I'm gonna teach him a good lesson today.



When I enter he's siting there all calmed down in the same posture I left him in. He's a good student. I walk up to him and keep the trays beside me. He doesn't say anything while looking at the trays filled with the cubes and then at me his eyes saying 'its already freezing cold why are eyes cubes here'


"Give me your hand" I ask him and he hands me his hand and I sit in front of him on the floor.


"Tell me why did you do this? why do you think you're doing this?" He frowned at me sniffling in. "I thought I made a progress here and what now we're back to square one" I feel like rambling myself out. I pick up an ice cube and place it at the centre of his palm and I close his fist. Well his hands are huge so I have to use both my hands to cover his whole fisting closing it tightly. He hisses a little and I let him. Let him hiss all he wants.


"What do you know about progressing, huh?" He speaks up jerking his hand back but I'm at more power here. He's lost his power crying the fuck out of himself.


I feel like shouting at his face screaming my lungs out telling him i fucking care about him, shaking him by the shoulders asking why can't he see it. Is he fucking blind or what?


"See.." I begin calm but fuck it I'm rambling at a high pitch. "The first night I stayed in your room when you were pissed drunk I saw those cuts and at that moment i felt like throwing up inside my mouth. Believe me it was ugly." His head hangs low and I can see tears welling up in his eyes again. The melted ice water is dripping from the gaps of his fingers. "It was ugly unlike you Harry. I've stayed among women all my life. I've had 4 sisters and my mum around me all the time. They're beauty Harry, pure beauty. I had never considered beauty in any other form rather than women and then I met you and my perceptions changed. You were the next thing I could compare to beauty and believe me you were more than that .


" you never deserved anything like those on your wrists. Nobody does. And I thought maybe I'd help you overcome it because I thought I could be useful to somebody at least. And then again I tried and I succeeded a little bit. Later I realized you were fucked up more than I could think of.
You were fucked up. Everybody is fucked up in some way unknown. But you had something different about you I always admired and I'll always will no matter what our future holds.


"If only you could see someone's life in there point of view and know what there story is there'd be none on this planet you would not want to love or extend your hand to help them." The ice cube has melted completely and I release his wrist and put another closing the fist again.


"I respected the fact that you showed on your face you wanted to be saved and rescued and you wanted to ease the pain you held inside, fuck the reasons you were holding the pain for. Maybe I didn't want to know it because I thought the more I'll know you I'll discover them eventually. But it was nothing like it and I respect it. The way you were going to ease your pain Harry, this is not the way. " I put another ice cube in his other palm. He doesn't flinch or hiss this time. His face is wet and there are stains on the right places.


"You know you can't go out everyday smiling for every body else and dying yourself inside. That's the worst feeling and I know it. There should be enough self respect in a person before they go out and respect others and do deeds for them." I put another this time. Both of our hands are frozen and he's shaking a little but he's not looking up and he's listening to me and that is good.


"That's good in a way that you help others and respect them but not as good as it seems because the same people when get used to being helped they become selfish. Selfish enough to not even pick a glass of water for you. And damn Harry this place, this world is the most selfish place you'll ever be in." I sigh at last taking a deep breath in.


He looks up and he looks at me so fragile that if I touched his face right now he might just vanish.
"What about you then?" He speaks up startling me a little as I dropped the cube I was going to put.



"What about me?" half of the trays have melted a little. I put the smaller cubes in his large hands



"You're fucked up too? Aren't you?" I can hear his low and crooked voice quiet clearly because I'm sitting so close to him that our knees touch.


I smile at him for his childlike question, "yes I am but not as much as you are. See there are no cuts on my wrist nor on my thighs. But it's fine that I can't show you my thighs. You haven't reached there yet. When you will we'll be so sure" I tap at his fist lightly.


I feel like all the poems I read today have all been summarized in my rant.


He's looking at me I don't know which way but he better be looking like he wants to thank me and not spank me. But that would be good too.


There's this sudden warmth inside my body I don't know why, maybe it's the way his lost green eyes are settled at my face.


"C'mon get up now" I say feeling goosebumps rise the way he didn't want to shift his glare. "You're creeping the fuck out of me haz" I chuckle nervously the creep travelling my spine.


I stand up picking up the trays of water. His eyes are looking at me I can feel them as I walk out of the room.

Notes

comment, vote and subscribe!!

thankyou for all the love till now!!

lots of love xx

Comments

Hi guys, if you are reading this fiction, please continue reading it on the new user id I have created. Which is "Boomelouu". The old one is "boomelou" The one I am using now. I shall be continuing the story there.

thankyou for all the love and support!

@LizzyM101
thanks for reading and staying!

@AlexxStylinosn28
Well, it has been the death of me!

JASLKDJGFLSKDJG these 119 chapters are gonna be the reason i fail schools,m fkjsdhabfkljsadhgf

@boomelou
I should be thanking you for writing such an interesting story. I love how its so unique and not like the other typical stories on this site. There much more depth to it. The chapters always keep me on my toes. PS I love love this chapter and Harry is trying to be brave and intimate with Louis.