Letters of Love
No one likes to be alone. Even if they are dying.
Dear Harry,
I'm sorry for how this laid out. I never wanted to hurt anyone especially you. I love you. I never meant to come to England to fall in love. I just wanted to live in a small town where people didn't know me. I just wanted to go unnoticed and do my art. I didn't need a job since my parents paid for everything which helped because it would let me stay at home. That day I met you I knew things would change and that's why I didn't respond at first. I knew I would be hurting you. You didn't understand why I wanted to be alone and unattached to anyone. I remember one day at the cafe I always went to, you saying. "no one likes to be alone. Even when they are dying.".
After that you became my best friend. I told you most things about me. Like how I love green eyes or that I use to eat glue when I was little. You never judged me for anything just laughed with me and told me your funny stories of you and your sister. Cups of coffee and tea were gone over those months. I remember those days that I didn't want to get out of bed you'd show up at my flat with 3 coffees and a scone to split. You'd let yourself in and get everything ready then ask why I wasn't up for goin to the cafe. I always said that I was lazy or too tired. Everyday that happened I felt bad for lying to you. You deserved much better than me. That I will never get. Why did you choose me? Gorgeous models danced at your feet and you chose me. Boring plain jane girl. I'd lie to you then get that movie you'd always be up to watching Love Actually . You got to a point where you knew every word to every scene.
I knew that I was getting attached and so were you. I should have just told you to leave and forget about me but I couldn't. Every time I tried I would think back to the day I met you and your goofy grin. The day you introduced me to your family I knew you wanted something serious. The night after we slept together I knew there was no turning back. After that you held my head when my stomach threatened to come up. You thought you got me pregnant but really I knew time was getting short. 3 weeks of throwing up you finally took me to the doctors. I wish though that you didn't I didn't want you to know. I wanted to leave that night. You didn't know why it was taking the doctor so long for a pregnancy test or why they took so many test. You found me on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out. I had to tell you before the doctor did. I didn't want you to be hurt that I held this from you. I didn't want you to look at me with eyes of pity. God that would have made it worse. When I told you that I had cancer you cried with me. I held onto you for dear life afraid that what the doctor would say would be worse than when it started.
Then came the day the doctor called with news that shattered us all. The cancer had spread to every organ in my body and that I had very few weeks left. The doctor mentioned that we should start funeral arrangements. That day we went to your family and it broke my heart to see Anne and Gemma cry. The boys tried being brave and holding back tears but you could see it on all your faces. I was hurting all of you. I couldn't bear it I had to leave. You tried to stop me remember by saying that you didn't care that I was dying. Bull shit. I saw it on your face. You had bags under your eyes, your eyes were blood shot and you were pale. I had to stop this before it consumed you.
Harry this letter is my love for you. I'm leaving now so that when I die you'll be able to move on. You're 18 and have a whole life to find another girl to love. You've spent to much time with a sick woman that you need a healthy woman to make you happy. I will always remember everything we've done together.
I love you,
Analeigh
September 10th, 2012
I'm sorry for how this laid out. I never wanted to hurt anyone especially you. I love you. I never meant to come to England to fall in love. I just wanted to live in a small town where people didn't know me. I just wanted to go unnoticed and do my art. I didn't need a job since my parents paid for everything which helped because it would let me stay at home. That day I met you I knew things would change and that's why I didn't respond at first. I knew I would be hurting you. You didn't understand why I wanted to be alone and unattached to anyone. I remember one day at the cafe I always went to, you saying. "no one likes to be alone. Even when they are dying.".
After that you became my best friend. I told you most things about me. Like how I love green eyes or that I use to eat glue when I was little. You never judged me for anything just laughed with me and told me your funny stories of you and your sister. Cups of coffee and tea were gone over those months. I remember those days that I didn't want to get out of bed you'd show up at my flat with 3 coffees and a scone to split. You'd let yourself in and get everything ready then ask why I wasn't up for goin to the cafe. I always said that I was lazy or too tired. Everyday that happened I felt bad for lying to you. You deserved much better than me. That I will never get. Why did you choose me? Gorgeous models danced at your feet and you chose me. Boring plain jane girl. I'd lie to you then get that movie you'd always be up to watching Love Actually . You got to a point where you knew every word to every scene.
I knew that I was getting attached and so were you. I should have just told you to leave and forget about me but I couldn't. Every time I tried I would think back to the day I met you and your goofy grin. The day you introduced me to your family I knew you wanted something serious. The night after we slept together I knew there was no turning back. After that you held my head when my stomach threatened to come up. You thought you got me pregnant but really I knew time was getting short. 3 weeks of throwing up you finally took me to the doctors. I wish though that you didn't I didn't want you to know. I wanted to leave that night. You didn't know why it was taking the doctor so long for a pregnancy test or why they took so many test. You found me on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out. I had to tell you before the doctor did. I didn't want you to be hurt that I held this from you. I didn't want you to look at me with eyes of pity. God that would have made it worse. When I told you that I had cancer you cried with me. I held onto you for dear life afraid that what the doctor would say would be worse than when it started.
Then came the day the doctor called with news that shattered us all. The cancer had spread to every organ in my body and that I had very few weeks left. The doctor mentioned that we should start funeral arrangements. That day we went to your family and it broke my heart to see Anne and Gemma cry. The boys tried being brave and holding back tears but you could see it on all your faces. I was hurting all of you. I couldn't bear it I had to leave. You tried to stop me remember by saying that you didn't care that I was dying. Bull shit. I saw it on your face. You had bags under your eyes, your eyes were blood shot and you were pale. I had to stop this before it consumed you.
Harry this letter is my love for you. I'm leaving now so that when I die you'll be able to move on. You're 18 and have a whole life to find another girl to love. You've spent to much time with a sick woman that you need a healthy woman to make you happy. I will always remember everything we've done together.
I love you,
Analeigh
September 10th, 2012