I pulled the blanket over my body and wiped the corners of my eyes from tears. I could feel a sense of panic rising inside me once again; the idea of saying aloud what had happened with that man scared me and I knew it would become more of a reality once I said it out loud. Besides, I was afraid Harry would flip and become extremely angry. In a normal situation his protectiveness was great and flattering but this was not going to be easy with him.

“C’mon… I need to know. Now. You’re practically killing me here.” Harry pleaded with me and tried to make eye contact.

“Okay! Okay… First, please listen and don’t get mad. Please. Second, I’m here and I’m fine.”

“Enough Grace! You’re not fine. And I can’t promise something like that because I don’t even know what we are talking about here.” Harry said and sounded a bit frustrated. I couldn’t blame him.

I took a deep breath and blew the air out of my mouth. Here we go, I thought.

“Something happened at the party on Friday. And I didn’t tell you everything. This is the reason I’ve been acting a little weird towards you and why I panicked earlier today with you. I guess… I think that I almost got raped at the party.” I blurted out and looked into Harry’s eyes as I said the words.

Harry’s expression changed from frustrated to astonished, confused and then angry as he realised what exactly I had said. He shook his head and got up from the bed, still naked but he didn’t care as he paced around his room, totally fuming at what he had just heard.

“I didn’t get… raped.” I said quickly, the word ‘rape’ coming out extremely hard from my mouth, to make sure he had understood my previous comment. “He kissed me forcefully but I got away after I kicked him or punched him… or both. I can’t even remember, everything happened so quickly and I’ve been trying to forget about it ever since it happened. But the situation was just very similar when you pinned my hands over my head, he did the same and it just reminded me too much of it that I panicked. I ran out of the apartment and got to my car safely. And that’s when I drove to that coffee shop and talked with Theo and Naomi. But they don’t know, obviously. You are the only one.”

“And you are telling me you are okay? What the fuck is going on here? Why were you alone at the party? I told you, I said it is a bad idea… Fucking fuck…” Harry raged in front of me, throwing his hands in the air.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to say this out loud. I just wanted to forget and since he didn’t get to me I thought that it was not really that big of a deal…”

“Not a big deal? Are you a fucking idiot?” Harry stopped pacing, took me by the shoulders and had a disappointed look on his face.

I couldn’t speak at first, as I was so shocked to see him this angry. And the way he held me, it almost hurt and I could see he was being very serious.

“Please stop yelling, you’re scaring me…” I managed to say before I started crying again.

Harry eased his hold of my shoulders and kneeled in front of me so his face was on the same level as mine. I tried to be brave and looked at him through the tears. He didn’t seem as angry, just very sad and confused. Like he had been betrayed, which was actually kind of true; I should have told him earlier. He was my boyfriend. This was not the way for him to find out.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to scare you. But I just… first of all, I feel like shit for not being able to protect you. Second, I wonder if you would have ever told me this unless you didn’t get that panic attack in the first place. Would you have just kept this from me?”

“I really don’t know what I was thinking. I tried so hard to protect myself from this that I just wanted to make it disappear. Telling you or anyone else just made it seem more real… and it is more real now. It really happened.” I said and looked down to my lap.

“I’m so, so very sorry Gracie. I cannot imagine what you went through at that moment but I’m so proud of you making it out of there. But you can be sure, I’m going to kill that man.” Harry said and cupped my cheek, his face serious again.

“What? Don’t talk like that…”

“Oh, I will. Trust me. You have no say in that.” He said and I realised he wasn’t actually kidding.

“Harry… please no. Please don’t go after him, please. It will only make everything worse. Please promise me, you will let go of this. It’s not worth it.” I pleaded with him taking his hands to mine.

“You’re worth everything.”

“Promise me, you won’t do anything.”

“I can’t promise that.”

“Harry, I’m going to have to leave you if you do something. I will not stay put and wait if you decide to do something or not. I don’t want you to do anything. I don’t want anything to happen to you. He was drunk and probably…”

“Do not make excuses for him. Don’t do that.” He interrupted me. “Fine… I won’t go after him. God, I would want to though. I just can’t believe I wasn’t there with you.” He repeated, kissed my cheek and hugged me. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered in my ear making me physically feel the amount of love he had for me.

“Thank you… I’m relieved now that you know. But I still want to get pass this as fast as possible. I don’t want to make this a topic between us or anything like that. But if I need to talk about it, I will talk to you. I promise that.” I said firmly and wanted him to believe in me again.

“I just need to know where the hell Theo was? He was supposed to be with you the whole time. I don’t get how he and Naomi were in some coffee shop and you were at the party.” Harry still wanted to know.

“I was just going to the bathroom and I was supposed to follow Theo outside right after that. But then that man came to the bathroom, forced himself in and well… pinned me against the wall, started kissing me on my neck although I told him no.” Harry shook his head and looked like he was in pain. “And not soon after I kicked him and got out. Theo had tried to call me and was wondering what took me so long. So um… I didn’t tell him. I guess I need to call him tomorrow and ask what happened with Naomi. I still want to know although a part of me feels like I want to have absolutely nothing to do with her after I realized what kind of people she hangs with.” I explained.

“I don’t want you to see her again. Please. Her problems are way bigger than you can deal with.” Harry said, probably being right about it.

We talked for a little longer before I told Harry I was getting very tired and we went back to bed and under the blanket together. It felt extremely comforting to feel his warm body against mine as we were spooning. He held me tightly, making it a bit harder for me to fall asleep but at least I felt like I was safe and loved.

---

I was just about to call Theo when I got home the next day but he was faster and called me first. I had to do my best to lie him why I had left so quickly on Friday and why I appeared not to be in the best mood after I saw him and Naomi outside the coffee shop. Thankfully, he bought my explanations and didn’t ask more.

“Naomi was quite shocked after you left. Like she couldn’t believe it. She was high but she also acted more like her old self once you left. I guess she wasn’t really prepared to see you like that.” Theo explained. “Anyways… she didn’t want to talk to me either so after trying for what felt like an hour, I decided it was better to leave. I have no idea how she is doing or where she went after that. And I haven’t heard anything from Max either.”

“Oh… well, you tried your best. We both tried. We can’t help someone who doesn’t even think that they need help. It’s not our fight any longer. I just… I flipped that night after listening to her. She sounded deluded to be honest. And that night, I thought that this is it, I’m never ever going to sacrifice another thought towards her. But here I am again… I was just about to call you and ask how it went. I guess I won’t ever be able to completely forget about her. But I’m done with this mission and if things change, they are not because of me.”

“I agree… we have our own lives to live as well. No matter how much it hurts. Maybe time will heal her and us. Who knows?” Theo said and sounded like he was truly letting go as well. “Anyways… summer’s just around the corner! Any plans?”

“Nothing too special… probably going to spend some time with my dad and work of course. You?” I asked.

“Work… just work. Not even going abroad this summer, which kind of sucks. But hey, at least I’m getting some money.” He said and laughed. “I’ll see you around, at least in some parties.”

“Yeah, of course. And if you hear anything about her, let me know.” I ended the call.

---

Holiday

Summer holiday had finally arrived. I did some shifts at mom’s store, which had been the case every summer since I turned 14. I loved it though; it was fun to be surrounded by pretty clothes, sort them and serve some nice customers. Harry was also working at the local bakery near our neighbourhood and he was enjoying it. He bragged me how all ladies loved him at work as well as their female customers. I pretended to be jealous, which always made him grab me to his arms and chuckle. He knew I was only teasing him.

I noticed he had become even more protective of me ever since I told him what had happened at the party. If we were out and partying, he made sure he didn’t lose me out of his sight and if an unfamiliar guy approached me he was always close enough to hear and see everything. It wasn’t too annoying yet although sometimes I worried if it could get worse. I knew he did it for love but he had to understand that he couldn’t always be around me for the rest of our lives and protect me from everything. I had decided to keep my mouth shut about for now but tell him about my feelings if it got any worse.

Other than that little thing, we were perfectly fine together and enjoying our holiday with friends and family. We had also been able to go on proper dates with Liam and Sophia and I had grown to really like her and considered her a friend. She was so stable and had a good head on her shoulders that it felt great to have someone like her around.

“Gracie honey, are you going somewhere tonight?” Mom asked me as I came downstairs.

“Liam is actually coming over soon and we will probably go and hang by the lake. Harry is working late, they got some big order for a birthday party.” I said and went to get juice from the fridge.

“Alright, we need to talk about you staying with your dad. Okay?” Mom asked.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“You were originally supposed to go there in next week, right? And spend four days there?” Mom continued.

“Yeah. If it’s too long, I can come home sooner.” I smiled at her and felt happy I wouldn’t have to be away from Harry for that long.

“Well actually… the thing is that me and Johnny would like to go abroad together. And I talked with your dad last night and he would love to have you over for more than a few days. And I think it would really be good for your relationship with him as well. What do you…”

“What? But I have work! And I don’t want to go there anyways and now you’re asking me to spend even more time there! Just so you can go on a holiday with your boyfriend! Thanks!” I interrupted her and yelled.

“Gracie, I knew you would take it like that. Listen… it sounds worse than it actually is. You make it sound like I’m leaving you behind or something, it’s not that and you know it very well. We’ve talked about this before.” Mom said firmly. “And you really need to give him a chance. He is your dad, the only one you got.”

“But… I… shit.” I mumbled, knowing she was right. I acted like I had one parent although I had cut my dad out of my life on my own. “For how long?” I asked quietly.

“Um… two weeks.”

“No fucking way! Two weeks! No way!” I yelled again.

“Calm down honey. I told him that you and Harry are very much in love and that you probably would find it bit of a problem to spend that much time away from him and we came to an agreement that if Harry gets permission, he could go there with you.” Mom said and tried to smile a little.

“What? Really? Um… wow… that’s great.” I relaxed and found the proposition actually quite intriguing. “Now we’re talking…” I finally smiled.

“I thought so. I can talk with Anne about this but ask Harry first.” Mom said and kissed my cheek. “Oh, that must be Liam.” She said as the doorbell rang.

Notes