Dahlia’s Point of View

It’s midnight by the time I’ve cried all my tears; three hours since Harry left. One hundred and eighty miserable minutes since I felt my already wounded heart break even more.

At this point, my mind is blank. I’ve run through my situation so many times in my head that I’m numb. I feel as if I’m in a terrible nightmare, yet I can’t seem to wake up.

Somebody wake me up…

I settle under my covers and attempt to get some sleep, but Lord knows that won’t be happening any time soon. My dammed brain starts working itself in circles yet again, and I know I’m in for a restless night.

I begin at the beginning of my continuous heartbreak… the simple feeling that I’ve betrayed Louis. Even if it was a guy other than Harry—Louis’s old best friend—that I have ben having feelings for and kissed, I would still feel guilty. I know I haven’t told Harry the truth about a few things, but I still can’t help but think I’ve moved on too fast. Is there even an appropriate amount of time before it’s okay to move on?

I also can’t deny the hurt I still feel after Harry rejected me. I’m not ignorant enough to dismiss the fact that Harry obviously wanted it as much as I had, I mean the guy had gotten hard! But it still hurt. I knew I was being irrational, because as I said, I understand that he believes us being together would be wrong, too.

I needed to have a talk with Harry about all of this, because the thought of us not even staying in touch due to my mistake left me holding back more unwanted tears. I just hoped he wouldn’t cut me out of his life, that maybe in the near future we could air out what happened like the adults we are.

I need him in my life; now that he found his way back in, there was no way I was letting him leave again.

For the first time since Louis's accident, I found myself thinking aboutmy feelings rather than his. There was no way to put an end to the guilt I felt, but I knew I had to push through it because it was time.

Louis and I were no longer together, and never would be. That was the cold hard truth. And it was time for me to accept it.

I battled between what was right and wrong for the majority of the night—would getting into a relationship with Harry be unmoral due to our situation? or would it be okay?

Fuck. I didn’t even know if Harry was ever going to speak to me again. First things first, Dahlia.

---

Harry’s Point of View

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

My hands were pulling so hard at my hair that I had a massive headache by the time I made it out of Lia’s apartment building.

I fucked up. And I knew it.

And just to add to my amazing day—the paps were staked outside and began taking pictures, bombarding me with questions. I hated that they knew where Lia lived, and now that they’d seen me come out of the building, they would be here for awhile.

I ignored the bastards as best as I could and quickly hailed a cab. I needed to get far, far away. I gave the driver my address and tried to calm down on the ride there.

I kept my mind busy by planning to change and grab my bike when I got home, and drive until I couldn’t any more. Riding was the best for of therapy for me, and I’d be needing a lot of time to think after what just happened. I also probably needed a cold shower or a few minutes with my right hand…

No. I wouldn’t allow myself to think about Lia’s luscious, wet lips on mine. It was hell enough having the scent of her perfume still on my shirt.

I paid the driver graciously and went straight up to my apartment. I quickly changed into my jeans, old boots, a new shirt and leather jacket. I grabbed the keys to my bike and was gone. I needed time to figure this shit out, and I couldn’t do that here.

Thankfully, I had lost the paps back at Lia’s apartment, leaving my departure from the city pretty quiet. My mind kept going back to worrying about Lia, and what she was feeling right now, but I forced myself to stop. I was torturing myself.

I needed to figure out my shit before anyone else’s. Our shit. I knew damn well things were never going to be the same between us, but I had to decide whether that’d be a good or bad thing.

I hoped it would be good.

Because I wanted Lia now, more than ever.

I quick glance at my watch told me it was already past midnight, but I kept on driving in the cool New York air. I tried to distract myself by thinking about work, but that didn’t work.

I pulled over at gas station when my mind began to haze. I went inside and bought a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of cigarettes. I wasn’t much of a smoker, but they seemed appropriate for the night.

“Will that be all for ya?” The old man working the cash register asked as I set my things on the counter.

I nodded as I pulled out my credit card. I couldn’t stifle the yawn as I handed it to the man. I was beat.

“You got a long drive ahead of ya?” I shrugged, in no mood for a conversation. “Well ya look tired, son. There’s a motel across the highway if you’re lookin’ for a place to stay the night.”

I thanked the man once he handed me back the credit card. I grabbed my whiskey and smokes and left. Another yawn came on my way out of the gas station, and I decided it was probably best for me to crash at that motel. I didn’t want to be drinking and driving either, so I headed over there.

Twenty minutes later I sat alone on the queen sized bed in the run down motel room. I wasn’t complaining about the outdated carpet or furniture nor the musty smells, but rather that I was all alone when I knew I could’ve still been with Lia if I hadn’t fucked things up.

I am the reason I’m here. I fucked up.

I lit a cigarette and opened up the bottle of whiskey, quickly taking a long pull. I welcome the burn it left in my throat, and waited for it to reach my brain.

I puffed on my smoke and took a few more pulls of the Jack while trying to clean up the mess in my head. I was torn in half, and didn’t have a clue what I’d do.

I take that back—I knew exactly what I’d do. I’d drink the whole bottle of whiskey and maybe smoke a few more cigs and call it a night. Because for a few hours, I wouldn’t have to think about all of the times I’ve disappointed or let people down. I wouldn’t have to beat myself up over the fact that the love of my life just gave me what I’ve wanted for ten years, but I pushed her away. I wouldn’t have to think about what was right and wrong.

I just had to feel my body slowly numb, and the exhausting thoughts in my mind slowly vanish.

---

Dahlia’s Point of View

One Week Later…

I had just made it back to my apartment from the grocery store when I received the call. I usually refrained from answering calls made by unknown numbers, but I had a feeling about this one.

“Hello?” I answered skeptically.

“Hi Dahlia,” a familiar voice answered, but I couldn’t decide who it was.

“Who is this?”

“Oh sorry, this is Vince. Sorry for calling, but I was wondering if you’ve seen Harry?”

It felt like something was clutching my heart with the sound of his name. The question made it hurt even more. I hadn’t seen him since he left my apartment after I kissed him.

“No, I haven’t seen him in about a week. Why are you asking me?”

Vince cursed under his breath. “He hasn’t showed up to the label since last week. No one can get a hold of him, and so I thought I’d try you. I got your number from Facebook, sorry, I know that’s kind of creepy, but we thought you might know where he was.”

The panic began to set in, but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where he was, or why he wouldn’t show up for work. What I did know was that I had a terrible feeling in my stomach that was very unpleasant.

“I don’t know where he is,” I whispered.

“All right, well he probably has an explanation… Sorry for bothering you, I’ll see you around,” Vince said as if he were about to hang up.

“Wait!”

“Yeah?”

“Will you call me if you hear from him? We kind of had an… argument last week and I haven’t talked to him since then.”

“Of course. Take care, Dahlia.”

“I’ll try to call him. Thanks for calling.”

Immediately after I ended the call with Vince, I dialed for Harry. I didn’t care how badly I fucked things up between us, I just wanted to know he was okay. He had to be okay, otherwise I don’t know what I’d do.

The caller you have tried to reach is unavailable…

I dialed Harry’s number again and again… Ten visits to his voicemail later, I gave up.

The next few hours were a blur—I wasn’t entirely sure what I had done, or how I even got to where I was on the couch, but a call from the number Vince called me from earlier brought me back to Earth.

“Vince? Did you hear from him?” I answered frantically.

“No, but every things good. Anthony, Harry’s assistant, found his credit card statement and it says he’s been making purchases of the card in Albany. We have an office there, so he must be working and just forgot to mention it.”

I let out a heavy exhale. “Are you okay, Dahlia?” Vince asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I told him. I was glad Harry was okay, but I was still worried. I knew Harry wasn’t there for work, at least that wasn’t his only reason for being three hours away. “Do you know where he’s staying?” I blurted out.

“That’s actually funny you asked, he’s staying at a Super 8 Motel. Me and the guys were wondering about that… dude usually stays at the nice, five star places.”

Something was off. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t sweat it. Sorry to worry you earlier.”

“It’s okay. Good night, Vince.”

“Dahlia?”

“Yeah?”

“You said earlier you got into an argument with Harry…I hope everything’s okay with you two…”

I hope so, too. “They will be,” I told him, hoping I was true. “But thank you.”

The second I ended the call with Vince, I was rushing around the apartment to pack a bag and put away the groceries I had neglected on the kitchen counters after I received the call. I called a car service and ordered for one to pick me up in twenty minutes for a one way trip to Albany.

I was going to fix things, once and for all.

Notes

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