No Regrets

Charlotte’s P.O.V.
It had been three days since the funeral and I was slowly getting better, I had stopped crying 24/7, but I was still crying. I was starting to talk again, and try to get on with my life. Today was the first day after the funeral that I had left the house. My mom dragged me to the hospital because the doctors needed to run a few tests on me and then talk to me. I had been getting sicker. Kylie’s death caused me to become depressed, resulting in the progression of the cancer over my weakened body, and rapid weight loss.
The doctor and head of the cancer facility at the hospital lady walked into the room and took seats across the desk from me and my mom.
“OK, Charlotte. We would like to explain some things and would appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt.” I nodded. “OK, we know that things have been tough on you right now, and it is perfectly understandable for you to be upset. But it is causing harm on your body. You have tremendous weight loss, which is making your body weaker, and it is starting to not fight the cancer as hard. You need to gain back your weight, and work out so that your body strengthens itself.” The female doctor paused for a breath. “Will you do these things?”
“Yes, I will do anything to get healthy again.” For Kylie, she wouldn’t want me giving up on myself.
“Good, we will give you a diet and workout plan before you leave. Now, we are going to offer you an opportunity, and we must again ask that you don’t interrupt.” I was confused but nodded again.
The head of the cancer facility lady piped up.
“As you know, our treatments in this facility and this side of the country are mediocre at best for the type of cancer that you have. Many other facilities have different types of treatments that work better, and they are also inventing new treatments. These treatments have been tested and don’t harm the person in any way that chemo doesn’t, but they are looking for a few volunteers to come live by the hospital and be given these treatments. They are trying to see which treatment works the best for this type of cancer, CLL. If you were to accept this offer an apartment would be bought and paid for you, and most food expenses covered as they also want you to follow a certain diet. The hospital would ask that you come and live there for a minimum of one year. Would this be of any interest to you?” The lady looked at me expectantly.
“Umm where is this hospital?”
The lady hesitated before answering quickly “London.”
LONDON. London. London. I had always dreamt of living there. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to move there. I assumed it would never come true once I was diagnosed, but here I was being offered the chance to live in my dream location with most expenses required.
“London!? Are you kidding me? My daughter may be dying and you want to send her away from her family for at least a year? I want to spend every waking minute with my daughter in case there is a day in the future where I can no longer see her. No.” My mom spit through her teeth, furious at the offer.
I sucked in a deep breath. No, don’t cry, don’t cry. Too late. Tears raced down my face, one after the other. My own mom just basically told me that it was guaranteed that I was going to die. The thought killed me inside. She didn’t think I was strong enough to make it. I let a sob loose and my mom turned to look at me with curious eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“You just basically said that I was going to die. You don’t think I can survive this.” I let another sob out.
“Honey I didn’t mean it like that at all.”
“I know you didn’t but that is how I saw it. I can do this mom. I can beat it. I want to go to London. That is where my best chance for fully beating CLL.”
“The hospital has also offered to fly immediate family out for a week every two months. All expenses paid.” The doctor spoke.
“Mom, I want to do this. It’s London. You know it is my dream to live there. It always has. I never thought it would come true, but now it can, and while I’m there they are going to help me get better. Mom, I need to go.” I spoke softly, but I know that my mom could hear the yearning in my voice.
“If…this is…something you want…then we can…consider it.” My mom said slowly and quietly. “When do you need to know?” She directed the question at the doctor.
“Well, they would like you to fly out in one week.”
“One week! But that is only two days after her graduation!”
“Wow…one week.” I mumbled to myself. “Mom, I know you are going to miss me, but I’m gonna go. I need something to distract me from everything that has happened the past few weeks. I can go there and start my first year of college at the local university so I don’t miss out on my studies. Mom, this is something I really want to do.”
“My baby girl, all grown up.” She sniffled loudly. “Well, I can’t deny you something you want this badly, but only under certain circumstances may you go, OK?”
“YESS!” I couldn’t believe it. LONDON HERE I COME!
* * *
“I can’t believe I am leaving tomorrow!! I am SOO excited!!” I was on the phone with Bri, talking about tomorrow.
“I’m excited for you too!! But I am going to miss you a lot! Make sure you text/call me EVERYDAY and update me!!” She said putting the emphasis on every day.
“Haha, of course I will!! And most of it won’t be that exciting-chemo remember?” “Don’t talk like that! Yea sure treatment is the reason you moved out there, but don’t make it the reason that you don’t have fun! Oh and drinking age is 18! That is only like a month away for you!!”
“Thanks, and of course that has to be the first thing you think of!! Hey I gotta go I need to finish packing the last few things, see ya tomorrow?”
“Definitely! Bye!”
* * *
I heaved my carry-on bag out of the car. It was the only thing that I was bringing on the plane with me—I had all my other items shipped to London already. My parents got out of the car and went to check me in. I was waiting for my brother to get here. He wanted to see me off and wish me luck.
“Lottie!!” C.J. came running up to me, picked me up in a huge hug and spun me around.
“C.J.!! I’m so happy you could come see me off!”
“Charlotte!” My brother’s girlfriend Marissa squealed.
“AHHHH! I didn’t know you were coming too!” I gave her a huge hug as well. “I’m so glad you are both here!!”
“Me too! Let’s go get you to security so you can catch your plane it leaves soon!” C.J. said.
I smiled. I missed him. “Ok big bro!”
Thankfully security didn’t take very long, and my parents, C.J. and Marissa all got to come to see me off at the gate.
“Flight 16A to London will now be boarding.”
I sniffled, knowing this was goodbye for at least two months to my parents, who knows how long for C.J. and Marissa. I couldn’t help it, tears started running down my cheeks.
“I’m going to miss you so much!” I flung myself at my parents, engulfing them in a huge hug. We all stood there for a few minutes until my mom pulled away, “You need to go, you are going to miss your flight!” She said through a stuffed nose. “Sweetie, I’m going to miss you. Stay safe, call me everyday, and update me on your treatment, okay?”
“I promise mum. I will call you as soon as I get in to let you know I’ve landed safely.” I smiled and gave them both one last hug. I headed over to C.J. and he gave me an enormous hug. When he pulled away I saw that his eyes were teary.
“C.J. don’t cry, please. I will be fine, and I will see you soon enough!” I turned to give Marissa a big hug. She and I were really close. I called her the day after I had gotten diagnosed and she helped brighten my mood. I really hope they got married. “I’m going to miss you a lot too! Text me as much as possible! I love you all so much! I will give updates whenever I can, and I promise…I will get through this. I will beat this.” I smiled. “I love you.”
“Last call for Flight 16A to London.”
I grabbed my bag and gave the lady my ticket. She let me through and I turned one last time to wave goodbye. I had tears in my eyes, I was sad to have to leave, but I needed a new start. I had visited Kylie’s “grave” where they had buried some of her ashes, and said my goodbyes to her ashes. This morning I had said goodbye to Bri, and I was ready to start my new life in London.

London Here I Come

Notes