No Regrets
6-You Will Forever Be My Best Friend
Charlotte’s P.O.V.
Today was the day of Kylie’s funeral. I still couldn’t believe that she was gone. No, I couldn’t believe that she was willingly gone. I read over the note that she left me on more time before I went to get dressed.
*Flashback*
“Charlotte, Kylie left you a letter. It was next to ours, lying on her bed.” Kylie’s mom burst into a fresh wave of tears. By now I had gone numb. It was only a few hours after we learned she was gone. My mom came to pick me up and let me cry into her shoulder. My mom drove me to Kylie’s house so I could pick up my purse and car that I had left there when her mom gave me the letter. I accepted it and gave her parents and brother one more hug before leaving them to mourn in peace. I drove home, desperately clinging to the letter she had given me. I wanted to wait until I got home to open it.
I threw my car into park, ran into my house and flopped onto my bed. I sat up and prepared myself for what I might see. I very carefully ripped open the letter that was addressed:
Char <3 Bubbles
Bubbles was her nickname for me. I took out the letter and unfolded it with trembling hands.
Dear Char,
I’m sorry. I know you hate me for doing this, and I also know that you are saying you could never hate me, but I know you are angry. I want to tell you why I made the decision to end my life. As you know I have had various boyfriends who have never treated me right even if I didn’t realize it at the time. You also know that I had been dating Connor for four months now. I truly thought he was the one for me. But about two weeks ago, he raped me. I didn’t to do anything with him and he was drunk, so he raped me. Ever since he has hit me multiple times and mentally abused me. He saw my scars and cuts and did everything he could to put me down. I was scared to leave; I didn’t want him to hurt me more. That is why I have been acting so weird the past few weeks. You are going through so much right now and I didn’t want to dump all my problems on you. Stop blaming yourself. I know you are. It was my decision to keep it a secret, not yours.
You know I have been depressed for a while and I have the scars to prove it. I know I said I was getting better, and for a while I was, but it got bad again. My parents can’t afford college for both me and my brother and put pressure on me all throughout my life to get good grades so I could get at least a small scholarship even though they knew I was never the brightest student. I know that you know this, but I want everything to be in this letter.
But what you don’t know is that a month ago, I cut myself. The day that you had your first chemo session was unbearably painful for me, seeing you in as much pain as you were. I couldn’t bear the thou8ght that only you were in pain. So when I got home I cut myself three times. I know it was selfish, hurting myself for you pain, but I didn’t know how else to deal with it. That is what started my depression again. But my depression was NOT your fault. I found every reason possible to make myself more depressed. I stopped hanging out with my other friends, started cutting more, and started failing classes. My parents weren’t very happy, and I wanted an escape from all the pain and anger that was thrown at me. You are the only person who has never said anything negative to me. Thank you. You helped me when my depression first started in middle school. Always encouraging me and bringing me up. The past few years have mainly been about you helping me, but ever since you were diagnosed I was determined to make it about me helping you. I tried not to act depressed around you, knowing that you would drop everything to come help me when you needed it more than I did.
Char, I know that you are going through an awful time right now, and I am so very sorry to leave you when I was determined to help you, when you needed me the most, but I needed an escape. It pains me to do this, but I wasn’t made for life. You ARE. I fully believe that you can beat this, come out stronger than before, and will go on to meet the man of your dreams and live a long and happy life. I’m sorry that I will no longer be a living part of it. I hope you will carry my spirit in you wherever you go.
I knew that we were going to be best friends ever since third grade when I heard you singing The Cheetah Girls. I love how you still call me Chu Chi after Chanel in the movie, and how I still call you Bubbles after Galleria. Cheetah Sisters Forever. I am enclosing my ring—the ones we bought each other freshman year as a promise to always stay Best Friends. I hope this promise still remains intact, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go and find a new Best Friend, just don’t forget about me. I looked at that ring every night. I love that it is a cheetah because it made the promise that much stronger. A promise over the very thing that caused us to be Best Friends.
Thank you for being my friend. For coming over when my dog died, for helping me with my fears, for not letting me fall asleep during our Harry Potter Marathons, for letting me “Strut” and be myself. I Love You so much for helping me through my tough times, and for everything. I know that my reasons aren’t the best, but I am happy with the decision I have made. I Love You.
Be strong for me. Live your life to the fullest. Dream.
Remember Me.
With All My Love,
Kylie W ~ Chu Chi
I finished reading and tried to wipe away the tears that had started at “Dear Char”. I smiled at her reference to The Cheetah Girls and her favorite song by them—Strut. I opened up the envelope and found four more things. The ring that she had left me (http://www.polyvore.com/forever_21_rhinestoned_cheetah_ring/thing?id=77621909), a picture of us in matching Cheetah Girl t-shirts from third grade, a photo booth strip of us as freshman, and a picture that was taken about a week after I was diagnosed.
*End Flashback*
I smiled, looking at Kylie’s handwriting, but let my smile fade when I remembered the pain. I had the three photos framed in one photo frame and looked at them every day. I let one last tear slide down my cheek before getting dressed. I was wearing a black lace long-sleeved dress, black tights, and black lace up boots. http://www.polyvore.com/funeral_attire/set?id=74509700 I added a Cheetah print belt to the dress, I now went out of my way to always wear something with Cheetah print. I pulled what was left of my hair into a nice low bun on the back of my head. I was already wearing Kylie’s ring. I never took it off.
* * *
I stepped out of my mom’s car carefully. I had been getting worse ever since Kylie’s death. I held my mom and dad’s hand as I walked into the building where the funeral was being held. She had been cremated, but there was still a service for final goodbyes. I walked up to her parents and gave them each a long heartfelt hug. They both had tears already running down their faces. I then wen t to give her brother a hug who was sitting in the corner so no one would see him cry. He accepted my hug gratefully, and let me go after about 15 seconds. I walked away, knowing he wanted to be by himself.
“Mr. and Mrs. Williams, can I put some things into her urn?”
“Yes you may. We have kept half of the ashes to spread and the other half for keepsake. Please feel free to put anything you wish into the urn.” Mrs. Williams smiled sadly, and then gestured for me to go on.
I walked up to the pedestal her urn sat on. It was surrounded by flowers, pictures, and keepsakes. When I opened the urn and looked in all I saw were her ashes—I was the only one allowed to put my keepsakes in the urn. I smiled at the thought. I took out my purse and opened it up. First, I took out a piece of cloth from the t-shirt we got at our first Cheetah Girls Concert. The same t-shirt we were wearing in the picture she included in her letter. I dropped the bright pink cloth into the dark ashes. Next I took out a picture from the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 where we were both dressed up as wizards. It was my favorite picture of us. The photo drifted to the bottom and rested next to the cloth.
Finally I took out my cheetah ring. The one we had bought as a promise in ninth grade. She left me hers, which I now wore constantly, so I wanted her to have mine as a reminder that our promise was indeed still intact. A single tear escaped my eye as I dropped the ring. It hit the ashes with a soft thud. I peered into the urn. “Goodbye Chu Chi. You will forever be my best friend. I Love You.”
Today was the day of Kylie’s funeral. I still couldn’t believe that she was gone. No, I couldn’t believe that she was willingly gone. I read over the note that she left me on more time before I went to get dressed.
*Flashback*
“Charlotte, Kylie left you a letter. It was next to ours, lying on her bed.” Kylie’s mom burst into a fresh wave of tears. By now I had gone numb. It was only a few hours after we learned she was gone. My mom came to pick me up and let me cry into her shoulder. My mom drove me to Kylie’s house so I could pick up my purse and car that I had left there when her mom gave me the letter. I accepted it and gave her parents and brother one more hug before leaving them to mourn in peace. I drove home, desperately clinging to the letter she had given me. I wanted to wait until I got home to open it.
I threw my car into park, ran into my house and flopped onto my bed. I sat up and prepared myself for what I might see. I very carefully ripped open the letter that was addressed:
Char <3 Bubbles
Bubbles was her nickname for me. I took out the letter and unfolded it with trembling hands.
Dear Char,
I’m sorry. I know you hate me for doing this, and I also know that you are saying you could never hate me, but I know you are angry. I want to tell you why I made the decision to end my life. As you know I have had various boyfriends who have never treated me right even if I didn’t realize it at the time. You also know that I had been dating Connor for four months now. I truly thought he was the one for me. But about two weeks ago, he raped me. I didn’t to do anything with him and he was drunk, so he raped me. Ever since he has hit me multiple times and mentally abused me. He saw my scars and cuts and did everything he could to put me down. I was scared to leave; I didn’t want him to hurt me more. That is why I have been acting so weird the past few weeks. You are going through so much right now and I didn’t want to dump all my problems on you. Stop blaming yourself. I know you are. It was my decision to keep it a secret, not yours.
You know I have been depressed for a while and I have the scars to prove it. I know I said I was getting better, and for a while I was, but it got bad again. My parents can’t afford college for both me and my brother and put pressure on me all throughout my life to get good grades so I could get at least a small scholarship even though they knew I was never the brightest student. I know that you know this, but I want everything to be in this letter.
But what you don’t know is that a month ago, I cut myself. The day that you had your first chemo session was unbearably painful for me, seeing you in as much pain as you were. I couldn’t bear the thou8ght that only you were in pain. So when I got home I cut myself three times. I know it was selfish, hurting myself for you pain, but I didn’t know how else to deal with it. That is what started my depression again. But my depression was NOT your fault. I found every reason possible to make myself more depressed. I stopped hanging out with my other friends, started cutting more, and started failing classes. My parents weren’t very happy, and I wanted an escape from all the pain and anger that was thrown at me. You are the only person who has never said anything negative to me. Thank you. You helped me when my depression first started in middle school. Always encouraging me and bringing me up. The past few years have mainly been about you helping me, but ever since you were diagnosed I was determined to make it about me helping you. I tried not to act depressed around you, knowing that you would drop everything to come help me when you needed it more than I did.
Char, I know that you are going through an awful time right now, and I am so very sorry to leave you when I was determined to help you, when you needed me the most, but I needed an escape. It pains me to do this, but I wasn’t made for life. You ARE. I fully believe that you can beat this, come out stronger than before, and will go on to meet the man of your dreams and live a long and happy life. I’m sorry that I will no longer be a living part of it. I hope you will carry my spirit in you wherever you go.
I knew that we were going to be best friends ever since third grade when I heard you singing The Cheetah Girls. I love how you still call me Chu Chi after Chanel in the movie, and how I still call you Bubbles after Galleria. Cheetah Sisters Forever. I am enclosing my ring—the ones we bought each other freshman year as a promise to always stay Best Friends. I hope this promise still remains intact, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go and find a new Best Friend, just don’t forget about me. I looked at that ring every night. I love that it is a cheetah because it made the promise that much stronger. A promise over the very thing that caused us to be Best Friends.
Thank you for being my friend. For coming over when my dog died, for helping me with my fears, for not letting me fall asleep during our Harry Potter Marathons, for letting me “Strut” and be myself. I Love You so much for helping me through my tough times, and for everything. I know that my reasons aren’t the best, but I am happy with the decision I have made. I Love You.
Be strong for me. Live your life to the fullest. Dream.
Remember Me.
With All My Love,
Kylie W ~ Chu Chi
I finished reading and tried to wipe away the tears that had started at “Dear Char”. I smiled at her reference to The Cheetah Girls and her favorite song by them—Strut. I opened up the envelope and found four more things. The ring that she had left me (http://www.polyvore.com/forever_21_rhinestoned_cheetah_ring/thing?id=77621909), a picture of us in matching Cheetah Girl t-shirts from third grade, a photo booth strip of us as freshman, and a picture that was taken about a week after I was diagnosed.
*End Flashback*
I smiled, looking at Kylie’s handwriting, but let my smile fade when I remembered the pain. I had the three photos framed in one photo frame and looked at them every day. I let one last tear slide down my cheek before getting dressed. I was wearing a black lace long-sleeved dress, black tights, and black lace up boots. http://www.polyvore.com/funeral_attire/set?id=74509700 I added a Cheetah print belt to the dress, I now went out of my way to always wear something with Cheetah print. I pulled what was left of my hair into a nice low bun on the back of my head. I was already wearing Kylie’s ring. I never took it off.
* * *
I stepped out of my mom’s car carefully. I had been getting worse ever since Kylie’s death. I held my mom and dad’s hand as I walked into the building where the funeral was being held. She had been cremated, but there was still a service for final goodbyes. I walked up to her parents and gave them each a long heartfelt hug. They both had tears already running down their faces. I then wen t to give her brother a hug who was sitting in the corner so no one would see him cry. He accepted my hug gratefully, and let me go after about 15 seconds. I walked away, knowing he wanted to be by himself.
“Mr. and Mrs. Williams, can I put some things into her urn?”
“Yes you may. We have kept half of the ashes to spread and the other half for keepsake. Please feel free to put anything you wish into the urn.” Mrs. Williams smiled sadly, and then gestured for me to go on.
I walked up to the pedestal her urn sat on. It was surrounded by flowers, pictures, and keepsakes. When I opened the urn and looked in all I saw were her ashes—I was the only one allowed to put my keepsakes in the urn. I smiled at the thought. I took out my purse and opened it up. First, I took out a piece of cloth from the t-shirt we got at our first Cheetah Girls Concert. The same t-shirt we were wearing in the picture she included in her letter. I dropped the bright pink cloth into the dark ashes. Next I took out a picture from the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 where we were both dressed up as wizards. It was my favorite picture of us. The photo drifted to the bottom and rested next to the cloth.
Finally I took out my cheetah ring. The one we had bought as a promise in ninth grade. She left me hers, which I now wore constantly, so I wanted her to have mine as a reminder that our promise was indeed still intact. A single tear escaped my eye as I dropped the ring. It hit the ashes with a soft thud. I peered into the urn. “Goodbye Chu Chi. You will forever be my best friend. I Love You.”
Notes
The letter almost physically pained me to write, it was so emotinal for me. Unfortuantely the font I wanted didn't get transfered into this version, so sorry about that. This chapter was four apges on Word, so I hope that you guys like that i t was so long! Please let me know what you think of this chapter! I love the feedback! And guess what?! I just found out that one of my friends has floor seats for the One Direction concert when they com here and she doesn't really even care! I was like OMG I WISH I WAS YOU!!!!!!!!Comment. Rate. Subscribe. (:
Awesome!:) and I know exactly how you feel!=]
7/21/13