Beautiful Agony

"TRUE LOVE does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
-Jason Jordan

Chapter Eight

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood's run stale

I wanna hid the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide

I am sat on a wooden stool in blue jeans with rips down the legs, an old faded white shirt with holes in it, my white converse that has paint splatters all over them, and my hair up in a messy bun on top of my head. I listen to the radio as I move my paintbrush across the canvas.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Color after color I add to the plain white canvas. My eyes narrow and eyebrows scrunch from concentration as the paintbrush runs up and down, making swirls of colors. I'm trying to stabilize my mind on the work that I'm creating, but I keep thinking back to last night with Harry. Why was he so upset? Why did he get so defensive and cold? What is the real story behind Lily's death? What really happened to her? That's what I want to know.

Curtain's call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you've made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

I move the long skinny black brush from side to side, mixing all of the blue, green, and orange together. My thoughts are swirling around in my head just like the colors on the canvas. I can't stop thinking about how much of a disaster last night was. I can't really base it on anything else because it was the first date I've ever been on, but still... it was pretty bad.

I've never seen Harry angry before. I've heard stories, but I have never once experienced it. Last night, he was so angry. I have seen my fair share of angry people, but Harry was different. He seemed ruthless, but I never once was afraid of him. I was caught off guard, but I never feared him like I did with the others. I knew deep down that he wouldn't hurt me. I'm not afraid of him, I'm just curious and confused. I haven't seen him or heard anything from him since last night. I'm not sure if I want to see him though. He blew up on me for no reason and he's the one who wanted to know what people said about him. I didn't want to tell him, but he insisted. It's all very confusing. One minute he's nice and the next he's cocky. Then he gets all mad and defensive if you ask the wrong thing and right after that he acts like it never happened. His emotions are all over the place and I don't know if I want to keep up with them.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

As I put my full focus into the painting, I drown out everything else. It's just silent. It's just me and the canvas. My paintbrush shifts vertically and starts going up and down, creating different sections of colors on the top. I am so into painting that I don't even hear my front door opening and the heavy footsteps coming towards the studio. I keep my eyes on where the paintbrush is and then out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadow standing in the doorway. I look up to the entrance of the studio and see Harry standing there with his arms crossed and a blank expression on his face. I hold his stare for a few moments and then go back to my painting, paying extra attention to the center of the canvas. After a few moments, I look back up to see Harry walking inside and coming towards me, never taking his eyes off mine.

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

I can't help but lose my breath and my heart beats faster as Harry keeps walking towards me. What is he doing here? I wait for him to say something, but nothing is said.

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

He comes up and stands right behind me. I can feel his gaze on me as I put the last finishing touches on my artwork.

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

I grab the remote and turn off the radio. Harry comes to my left side and stares intently at the painting. His eyes are squinted like he's trying to figure out something.

"I didn't know you painted." His deep husky voice says after moments of silence.

I nod in confirmation.

"You're really good." He breaths out. He looks as though this is the most interesting thing he has ever seen. He has this look of mesmerization and admiration on his face.

"I..." He starts, "have no idea what I'm looking at."

I chuckle lightly and smile.

"What?" He looks at me and gestures to the painting. "It just looks like globs of colors."

I face palm. Typical response of someone who doesn't know much about art.

"What?" He asks defensively and throws his hands up.

I shake my head at him and grab my notebook off of the stool next to me.

'What do you see?' I write and show it to him.

"I see colors," He deadpans.

'Well, I see a car driving through a city.'

"How the hell do you see that?" He huffs and crosses his arms.

'It's abstract.'

"Huh?"

'The painting's abstract.'

"I don't know what that means." I'm sure the only art terms in his vocabulary is black, dark, and gothic.

'Abstract means existing in thought or as an idea but not having a physical or concrete existence.' I explain to him.

"Okay," He says slowly, obviously being confused.

'Abstract is like seeing something that isn't really there. It's there as a thought but you can't really see it. Here in this painting, I used all of these colors to distract you from what the painting actually shows.'

He nods in encouragement to go on.

'So what you see is a whole bunch of colors, but really what the whole thought behind all of these colors were a city. You have the orange car here in the center. Then surrounding the car you have all this color. The bottom part of this canvas is messy and real watery looking because it's the street that the car is driving on. On the sides you have each color in a specific place. If you look closely you can see the shapes that the colors make.'

He looks hard at the painting again for a minute or two and then nods. "Okay, I kind of see it now."

I nod and continue on writing.

'In every painting, there is a message or a main idea. There's always a point that is trying to be made. Sometimes it's easy to spot, other times you have to look very carefully. Here it's pretty easy to see.'

"It is not!" He argues back.

I roll my eyes. 'Yes it is. You just have to look beyond the colors and dig deeper. You're thinking to hard and logical. Art is never logical. It's never reasonable and right. It's crazy and weird and spontaneous. That's just the way art is. It would be boring if it wasn't. So there's always a hidden message or idea in any artwork. You just have to look deeper or you'll never find it.'

"How do you know so much about this?"

I shrug. 'I've been doing this a long time.'

He nods and I get up off my stool and move the easel near the wall next to some of my other paintings. I turn around and see Harry's back to me. He's looking at all of my drawings, paintings, sculptures, and murals. His hands are stuffed in his pockets and he focuses his eyes on each picture for a few minutes. I cross my arms and take my bottom lip between my teeth, waiting anxiously for his comments about my artwork. Only one person has ever seen my studio and all of the artwork that I've done and that was Liv. So I'm nervous as to what he's going to say about them.

After anxiously waiting a few moments for his response, he finally turns towards me and speaks.

"You're really talented Aria."

I nod a thank you and I can feel myself blush which seems to be always happening when he's around.

"Has anyone else seen this?" he says, gesturing the whole studio.

'Only Liv.'

"We'll I'm happy to be able to see it. This is amazing."

I smile at him and write down. 'Why did you come here?'

He scratches the back of his neck and says, "Oh yeah, um... I wanted to come hear to apologize for last night. It wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry that I yelled at you and ruined our date."

'I'm sorry I slapped you.'

He chuckles. "It's okay I deserved it. I don't like talking about those types of things."

I nod in understanding. I have things that I don't like to talk about either. 'I appreciate you coming here and apologizing to me, so thank you.'

He nods and looks around the studio again.

'How did you get in?'

"Your door was unlocked. Which you really should keep locked. Anyone could've came in and done god knows what to you." His voice starts to raise and I raise my hands up to stop him before he starts to do something that will make me not want to forgive him.

'Okay I'm sorry. I didn't know it was unlocked.'

"Just lock it from now on." He says bitterly.

I nod an okay and bit my bottom lip.

"Stop biting your lip."

'Why?'

"Because it makes me want to bend you over and fuck you." He replies shamelessly.

My cheeks flush at the thought of him and I look at the floor to stop myself from wanting to take him up on that. He chuckles at my red face. I shift my feet awkwardly and look up and find Harry staring at me. I smile slightly and he says, "Do you want to try that date again Aria? I'll try not to get mad and ruin it this time."

I take a while to think about my answer. After I finish debating with myself, I write down 'Yes, I would like that.'

He smiles and nods. "Okay, umm, I'll pick you up at 19:00 tomorrow night and dress casual."

I nod in agreement and start to clean up all of my paints and brushes. Harry still just stands there watching me with this look on his face that I can not decipher. After I finish cleaning up, we both walk out of the studio and into the kitchen. Harry looks at his phone and says, "I really need to get going but I'll see you tomorrow night alright?"

I nod and smile. 'Okay.'

He gets up closer to me and I can feel his breath on my face. His head lowers down and I feel his lips on my cheek. I blush again and he chuckles at it.

He steps back and gives me one last look and then walks to the door. He unlocks it and turns his head and says, "Bye."

I wave to him and he closes the door. My feet pad across the floor and I lock the door. I lean my back against the door and bite my lip, trying not to smile. I giggle as I think about how I'm acting like a little school girl that has a crush. I can not help but await for tomorrow night to come around. I am now counting down the hours until I see Harry again. Oh my god what is happening to me? Harry Styles what are you doing to me?

I shake my head at myself. I don't know why I'm so happy. This was not what I wanted to happen. I never wanted to get involved with anyone. I was fine on my own and I accepted the fact that I may never have a relationship like other people. The picture was crystal clear for me. Now that Harry has come into the picture, it's blurry and out of focus and I don't know how to make it clear again. I guess I'll just have to see what comes into the frame.

Notes

How will the date go? Hope it all goes well for them. I'm hoping to update tomorrow but if not, then Friday for sure. Thank you for reading!