All I Want For Christmas Is You

I knew Katie was right. I knew I hadn't moved on from the love of my life... if I could even call him that. I was with him for like a week, but it felt like ages.

Katie had left the room and I laid back onto my bedsheets again. I pulled my hair out from under my back and made it fan out around my head like the sun. I slowly closed my eyes and thought to myself for a few moments. I had struggled so much to block the flashbacks from me, but I finally let them through.

I saw Harry, and Louis... Actually first I saw Louis, and my sister. When my sister first found Louis on the street. I was so angry at her. Why was I? Ugh. Oh... And then I saw the concert, and how Niall changed the words of the songs to fit his personality. He was adorable. Then Louis shoved Liam to where he almost fell off of the stage. Good times. I then saw more clearly than the other memories, the memory of how I met Harry. In the dressing room. And how he showed me Zayn's clothes and then tipped it over and we were in the awkward position that I will never forget. Because I was so happy that that happened shockingly... But how I think it was, Ashton came in there, and told everyone... that was embarrassing. But I thought Harry was something different. I thought he was. I thought he was going to stay with me forever and I mean for and ever. I thought he was that kind. I knew it. I knew a big superstar like him wouldn't stay... In fact he would probably run the other way if he saw me now. I'm not comparison with his girlfriend. I'm not stick thin. I'm not as pretty. I don't wear skin tight clothes. I don't paint my face with fake-up. I barely even manage my hair, since it's so freaking long. I'm no threat maybe that's why he left me.

...

THE NEXT DAY:

"AUNT MAE!" I screamed from my room, expecting a direct answer. "WHAT?!" she screamed back as I heard a glass shatter in the kitchen downstairs. I heard her mumble loudly to Uncle Tyler and then I heard that Val was downstairs. She was obviously helping Aunt Mae with dinner. "Dammit Val. Help me go get the broom!" Aunt Mae yelled at Val and I heard Val run upstairs to get the broom. "Val!" I exclaimed. I heard her footsteps change paths and the next thing I knew she was standing at my door with her hand grazing the edge of the doorknob. "Yeah?" she replied, tilting her head. "Go tell Aunt Mae I decided that I'm just gonna get a job. And that college just isn't for me... Considering I can't make it into one," I instructed her sadly. "You tell her, she'll get mad at me for me telling her," Val said before she disappeared again. I sighed and walked over to my closet doors. I gently pulled them open and pulled my suitcase out, which I haven't taken the dirty clothes from London out yet from, and set it on the floor in front of me. I tossed my Christmas outfit, and my several pairs of Miss Me's aside, and I saw a hoodie. It wasn't my hoodie, but I guess I acquired it. It was the purple Jack Wills hoodie Harry basically gave me.

I stared at it and I wanted to rip it to shreds. I wanted to grab the pair of scissors from the kitchen and have my way with it. But something inside held me back. A strong force kept me from grabbing the scissors, and it made me feel happy. But I couldn't at the same time.

I grasped the purple fabric in my hand and brushed it across my cold cheeks. It smelled like Harry. It reminded me of his house, and Gemma and his lovely mom. It reminded me of the time he took me to his old bakery and how the ladies loved me, and the time he drove me to a silly playground and it started raining. It reminded me of happy times. And I lost it.

I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to talk or see him or something. But I couldn't. Because I didn't have his number, or email anymore. And I know he will never try to get it to me. It's no use. I give up.

HARRY'S POV:

Lot's of things have happened on tour, and it's been quite fun. The stadium tour is a blast compared to the last two years' tours. I mean they are all great, but this one stands out... maybe because we are performing in stadiums... Yeah.

"Liam hand me the crisps," I yelled, eyeing the potato crisps on the counter near his arm. "You had the last bag Harry! These are mine!" Liam yelled back as he grabbed the crisps like a baby in his arms. I laughed and jumped up to take them away, but he blocked me. "Fine. I'll get the brownies," I giggled as I pulled out the box of Cosmic Brownies that I had bought in the states. I jumped to the couches and leaned up against the window as I filled my mouth with the chocolaty brownie goodness. It was heavenly. No wonder Cat liked these so much... but I guess it really doesn't matter about her. It's not like she is here to share these with me. She's not sitting next to me, trying to stuff a brownie in my mouth like I know she would. She's not here so it doesn't matter. Whatever. Anyway...

I gazed out the bus windows, watching the cars pass by, oblivious that us five boys were in here. Well... more like four boys and the one sleeping in his bed all the time. I watched the English countryside roll by and I took another bite of my brownie. I felt my eyes droop and I rested my free arm on my cheek.

I fell asleep... with my brownies at my side... and I had a dream...

* There was many people surrounding me. I couldn't tell where I was. I couldn't tell who anyone around me was either. Everyone looked like strangers. Strangers with blurry faces. I felt my body shrinking almost, but then I saw a face. It was Cat. She was smiling at me.. but she was on the other side of this crowd of people I didn't know. I reached through the crowd and couldn't get to her. It seemed as if she was pulled back, or backing away from me. She stopped smiling and glared at me. I was confused but I continued to go to her, and the more I went forward, the more Cat moved back and the darker she became... *

"HARRY!" Niall yelled, causing me to freak out of my dream and drop my box of brownies on the floor. "What Niall?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "You've been asleep for over an hour. I'm bored come on play the xbox with me," he begged. He was acting like a ten year old. "Niall really?" I asked, picking up the box and tossing it onto the counter across from me. I looked to my left and Liam and Louis were on their phones. "Yes Haz. C'mon," Niall persisted, pulling my arm with him. I gave into him and we went to play the xbox.

He pulled out the FIFA game and I sighed. It was my favorite, but I wasn't really in a sporting mood. But I didn't want to say anything. I just continued to think about that weird dream.

During the game Niall noticed my un-excitement. "What's up. Something's wrong," Niall said, pausing the game, and glancing back at me. I shrugged and set the controller down on the floor next to me. "Nothing at all," I said with a sigh... making it obvious I was frustrated.
Niall came and pulled me up and we sat back on the couches.

"Girl troubles?" he asked with a half smile. I looked away from him and cleared my throat. "Whatever you like to call it," I responded. Niall chuckled. "Listen, I understand. Me and Karla. We are having problems. Every relationship does. But I'm never giving up on Karla. She's so perfect. So wonderful. I'm glad Cat brought her. She's so perfect--" "You aren't helping!" I snapped, not trying to be rude, but it came out more snappy than I had planned. Niall drew back from me. "Sorry man. Just trying to help. Besides I know you and Cara are a great match. I see it," he said before getting up and walking away. Louis had taken notice to our convo and he came over to me and sat where Niall was once sitting. "Niall maybe can't see it, but I can. What's wrong?" he asked, setting his right palm on my shoulder. I shrugged, hoping he would leave me be. "I'm not an idiot Harry. I know you too well. What is it?" I shook my head, ducking below my arm. Louis looked under my arm at me face. "I know what it is," he said with a smirk. "No you don't," I replied turning away from him. "It's about Cat isn't it?" Louis replied and I felt my face drain of color. "I was right wasn't I?" Louis laughed. I didn't reply. "Listen," Louis continued, pulled my head up to look at him. "Cat misses you," I shook my head. "No she doesn't she would have gotten in touch with me. We have gone over this. Besides I'm with Cara. Everything's fine," I answered, turning away from him again. "Okay, well. I was going to surprise you but whatever," Louis said, getting up and walking back to sit back with Liam. "Wait!" I called out grabbing Louis' upper arm. Louis sassed at me as he looked back. "What surprise?" I asked, trying to attempt my best smile. Louis laughed and walked to his bed. He pulled out a folder and came back to me with it. "Airplane tickets to see her on our two week break in the summer," Louis smiled. I smiled as I felt the folder in my hands, but I handed it back to him. "I can't do that. What about Cara?" I asked, as Louis pushed the folder back into my hands. "What about you?" Louis asked, staring me straight into my eyes. I rolled my eyes and slammed back onto the couch. "Why don't you make your life the way you want it and stop letting other people pursuade you into other things? I know you love Cat, and not Cara. I know it. I went through a lot to get this, and Cat knows nothing about it. Imagine if she sees your face in the states... hello? Even at her HOUSE?! She would be so stunned and excited! Just think about will you?" Louis said as he patted the folder in my hands. He walked back into the bathroom and I opened the folder slowly.

There was one airplane ticket. It was a ticket to the DFW Airport, first class, on June 20th. That was a day before Cat's birthday. I don't know what would be best. I guess I just need to look into my heart.

Notes

Sorry it took so long to update! :/ Loads of senior stuff going on at school. I'm back though. Don't get upset, I'm not giving up. (: