After an impossibly long few hours at the Christmas event, my family headed back to our house. I've been going back and forth in my head all night, trying to decide if I'm mad at Harry or not. He said some incredibly sweet things to me, but does that mean I just forget the way he's been acting? I really don't want to fight with him, especially since I haven't seen him, but I just don't know if I want to let this go. On one hand it doesn't feel like it should matter, but on the other it feels like this is a bigger deal than I think it is.

When we get home I head straight upstairs, lifting the skirt of my dress so I don't fall on my face. I don't want to change out of it; I feel like a princess when I'm wearing it, but I'm obviously not going to Harry's like this. I find a long sleeve shirt of his on the floor and decide to throw that on, the sot material hanging loose on my torso. I just slide on some leggings and my moccasins before heading to Mason's room to enlist his help. Kylie can't sleep over while my parents are here, so we dropped her off on the way home.

"Mase?" I ask, knocking and walking into his room. He's in the process of removing his stiff button-up shirt.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I need your help," I say innocently, smiling at him. He shakes his head slightly. "Please?"

"What do you need?" he asks reluctantly.

"I need to go to Harry's. Can you cover for me?" He starts to protest but I cut him off. "Mom won't check on me, it's just if they ask in the morning. Just tell them I went for a run or something."

"You don't run," he says, rolling his eyes.

"Do you honestly think they know that?"

"Good point. Alright, fine but for the record I don't like this. It's shady."

"Thanks Mason!" I shout, ignoring his opinion. I know how he feels and he knows how I feel. We just leave it at that. I can hear my parents talking in the kitchen, so I quickly and silently sneak out the front door with my keys and a bag with a few essentials. I don't plan on coming home tonight.

I park around the corner at a strip mall, deciding to keep up my end of the deal and walk the rest of the way to Harry's building. It's so late that it's not going to matter right now, but still. Better safe than sorry, and after the last week we can definitely stand to be more careful.

When I get up to Harry's apartment I find myself unsure of how to proceed. Should I knock? Do I just walk in like I usually do? Everything feels different somehow.

Shaking my head at my dramatics, I decide to just knock once and let myself in, so he at least knows I'm there. When I walk in my insides start to boil. Seriously? Everyone is here!

"Hey Savannah," Liam says, waving at me from the living room. I try to smile at him while I close the door, looking around for Harry. "He's upstairs."

"Thanks," I mumble, heading straight for the stairs and walking up. He starts walking down as I ascend them, smiling down at me. I shake my head and spin my finger, motioning for him to turn around. He furrows his eyebrows, a small smile still on his face as he turns and goes back up the stairs. I really wish I hadn't worn his shirt now. When we get up to his room I take his hand and drag him into the bathroom. I need the separation of a door for this conversation.

"What are you doing?" he asks, clearly amused by me. I close and lock the door, turning to glare at him. His smile fades and he leans back against the vanity. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

"Why are they here?" I ask, trying not to sound rude or irritated.

"They wanted to come back here after we left, I didn't think it would be a problem."

"Why did you tell me to come over if they were going to be here? I thought we were going to talk about everything?" I ask, completely annoyed that he's so oblivious to the way I'm feeling right now.

"What's everything? We talked earlier, didn't we?"

"No, Harry. You talked. I thought when you invited me over that meant we would get some time alone. I know I'm being kind of bitchy right now, but I'm really not in the mood to socialize any more tonight."

He looks at me for a minute before nodding his head a few times, annoyance playing on his features. "So you want me to kick them out? Last time I checked, this was my apartment and those are my friends."

"I'm not asking you to kick them out, Harry. I'm just annoyed that you invited me over because you wanted to talk and now they're all here."

"So you pulled me in here to tell me that you're annoyed with me? Great," he says sarcastically. He steps in front of me and reaches around my body to unlock the door. "Thanks for the update."

My mouth drops open and he pushes past me to exit the room. What the actual fuck? I try to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down, but I just get even more angry. He ignores me for almost a week, randomly apologizes, drops a huge bomb on me, invites me over when his friends are all here, and then gets mad when I try to tell him I'm confused and frustrated. Why is he being such a dick to me?

I try to collect myself before heading back downstairs to rejoin the group. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable. Harry is in the kitchen with his back turned to me with Eleanor, speaking in hushed voices. When she looks at me he turns as well, giving me a hard glance. I roll my eyes and walk into the living room, sitting on the couch between Sophia and Louis.

"So you went to the school where Harry teaches?" Louis asks me. I nod my head. "What are the chances of that! Kind of funny that you didn't know each other would be there tonight."

"Yeah," I agree mindlessly. I don't want to talk about Harry. "So, are you sad to be leaving California?"

"Yeah, we've just been loving the sun. It's so different back home. I can see why these two ditched us."

"How long have you lived here, Liam?" I ask. I think I've asked him this before.

"I moved here as soon as I was done school. I lived with my cousins in Florida for two years before I came here, though. Have you always live din San Francisco?"

"Born and raised," I reply, smiling at him. Harry and Eleanor come back into the kitchen and Eleanor places herself on Louis' lap. Harry pulls a chair in from the kitchen, sitting near the TV. I can feel his eyes on me, but I refuse to acknowledge him. Eleanor is one of the most talkative people I've ever met, so she keeps the conversation going easily. I stay pretty silent, only really speaking when spoken to. I don't want to be rude, but I really don't feel like talking. Pretending now to be angry is enough.

It's weird...yesterday I just missed Harry. I wasn't angry or annoyed, I was just confused and sad that I hadn't seen him in so long. In the last few hours that all changed. I went from being nervous and missing him to now being pissed off and annoyed with his behaviour. Who does he think he is? He thinks he can just treat me however he wants and then he can just apologize, say something sweet and everything will be better. That is not how it works.

"Shit!" Eleanor says suddenly. "Babe, we should go. Our flight is pretty early and it's after midnight."

"This is so sad," Sophia says. "When are we doing to see you guys again?"

"It's your turn to come to us," Louis says.

"We'll all come to the airport tomorrow," Harry suggests. Liam and Sophia agree and they all say their goodbyes.

"Will you come too?" Eleanor asks me. I look at Harry briefly. Who knows what state we'll be in.

"I'm not sure," I tell her sadly. She frowns and pulls me into a tight hug. "It was great to meet you."

"You too! I hope we see you again, Savannah. Come with Harry next time he visits, I want to show you London!"

"Okay," I agree, laughing a little. she hugs me again and heads for the door. Louis comes over to hug me as well.

"Great to meet you, love."

"You too."

"He really cares for you," he whispers in my ear. I look at Harry, who looks a little bothered probably by the length of our embrace. "You're perfect for him."

I pull back from the hug and Louis gives me a reassuring smile. I smile up at him and he pats my arm a few times before heading to where Eleanor is standing. After everyone has left I can't help but feel sad. I really did enjoy the time that I spent with Louis and Eleanor. I wish I could have seen them a little more.

Harry closes and locks the door, not looking at me as he turns and heads for the table to clean up the mess. I help him gather the beer cans and other dishes and garbage that has gathered over the night. We don't speak at all while we clean up, and I only get more and more annoyed. He's annoyed with me as well and I know well enough by now that we're both annoyingly stubborn.

"Should I leave?" I ask suddenly. Harry puts a bunch of dishes in the sink, not bothering to wash them right now. He turns to me and shakes his head.

"No. I don't want you to go."

I try not to let it show, but my heart races. I don't even know how he means those words and I know a fight is coming, but it still makes me feel amazing somehow. He takes a few steps to close the distance between us. As much as I know it's not the way to fix anything, I just want to kiss him. I want to kiss him for hours on end and just memorize everything about his lips. I jump a little into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and lifting my feet off the ground. He wraps his arms around my waist and holds me tight against his chest. Even when we're angry, we can't seem to help ourselves.

He carries me over to the counter and sets me on the cold surface, his hands immediately roaming my body under the loose material of his shirt. I let myself enjoy this for a few minutes before I gently push him away from me.

"We should talk," I whisper. He nods and leans his forehead against mine.

"I know."

"I don't even know what's going on right now," I tell him honestly. He bring his face back from mine and his hands find a resting place on my thighs.

"What do you mean?"

"You've ignored me all week and then tonight you basically said you're quitting your job for me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that."

"I wasn't ignoring you, Savannah."

"Keeping your distance. Whatever. The point is, you stopped talking to me for days without even telling me why. If you needed some space to think or something I'm fine with that, but it really pisses me off that you just randomly stop talking to me without any warning and then dump something huge like that on me."

"My friends were here and there was a lot going on," he says. "I just couldn't deal with you while I was spending time with them and exams happening. It was just a lot to sort out."

"You couldn't deal with me?" I ask, pushing him back roughly. "Are you fucking serious?"

He rolls his eyes. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it."

"Do I? I'm not just some problem you can push to the side when you don't feel like 'dealing with' me," I retort, using air quotes for dramatic effect.

"I don't want to fight with you," he says in an exasperated tone.

"Yeah, you never do." I hop down off the counter. "But you know what, sometimes fighting is inevitable. Deal with it. You don't only get to be my boyfriend when everything is perfect and happy. Good times and shitty ones, Harry, that's the way it works. If you don't want to do the whole thing, then you don't get any of it. I refuse to be used for a cheap little fling."

"Where the hell is this coming from?" he asks loudly. "I'm capable of being in a relationship, Savannah, I know how it works. Even now when you're annoying the hell out of me, I still want you. I'm not an idiot, I know things can't be perfect all the time. But it's never easy with us! Everything is so extreme and it's exhausting. I just wanted a few days to think everything through."

"Why couldn't you just tell me that?" I ask, the volume of my voice increasing as well. "I feel like you think that you can just treat me however the hell you want and then just apologize and kiss me and make everything better. That's not how it works, you can't just do things however and whenever you feel like it! When you decided you needed some space or whatever the fuck that was, did you think about me? Did you even consider how you randomly cutting me out of your life would make me feel?"

"Of course I thought about you," he yells. "That's all I ever do! Every single thought I have revolves around you. Do you know how insane that is? We've been together for a month and I'm already in love with you! It scares the shit out of me so yeah, I pushed you away. I thought maybe you of all people would understand that."

"Why, because I'm an expert at pushing people away? Why do you always need to throw that in my face?" I yell back, turning and pacing a bit.

"Do you understand what just happened? I just told you I love you and we're still fighting! You drive me fucking insane! I feel like I'm losing my mind lately, nothing I do is making sense. I don't know how to handle any of this."

"Do you think I know how this works?" I shout back. "I have no fucking clue what I'm doing and it scares the hell out of me. It really does not help anything when you just randomly stop talking to me! What good is that doing anyone?"

"None! Is that what you want me to say? I'm an idiot," he exclaims, coming closer to me. He continues yelling, waving his hands around in frustration. "I'm a fucking moron because I love you and I have no idea how that happened! I'm an ass to you and you're still here. I'm your teacher and you can do so much better than this, but you stay. I can't even be with you outside of this shitty little apartment, yet here you are. You have an amazing future ahead of you that goes way beyond anything I could ever give you, but for some reason you haven't left. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve you and I'm scared to death that one of these days you're going to realize how much better you can do."

I stare up at him, completely stunned. He's scared? That's what all of this is about? He thinks I'm going to leave him? His eyes frantically look back and forth between mine while he waits for me to say something.

"You terrify me. Is that what you want to hear?" he asks quietly, reiterating his point. My mind is racing, going through everything he just told me. Something's not registering, something important but I don't know what it is.

"Do you not realize that I feel the same way?" I ask finally, not yelling anymore. "Don't you think this scares me just as much? Harry, I need you to talk to me about it instead of pushing me away. That doesn't help either of us."

I reach my hand up to his face and place my palm against his cheek, closing some of the distance between our bodies. He closes his eyes and puts his large hand over mine.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I don't know how to do this."

He opens his eyes again and I smile a little at him. This is crazy. We fight more than what's probably normal, but neither of us can walk away. That's the scariest part. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could leave. I'll never find anything better.

"I don't even know how many times I already said this, but I'm going to try one more time," he says, reaching for my other hand and bringing my body against his. He lifts my hand from his face and places it against his chest, directly over his heart. It's beating out of control. He keeps one hand over mine and the other rests on the side of my head, his thumb gently brushing over my cheekbone. He smiles lightly and for some reason my heart starts to beat faster, matching the pace of his. When he speaks again his voice is quite, but sure; deep and quiet to the point where the raspy tone combined with his accent and the adoring look in his eyes sends shivers down my spine. For a moment, everything stops and the three words I didn't hear until now leave his mouth.

"I love you."

Notes

oooooooh boi.
i frikken loved writing this chapter. i like writing the scenes where theyre fighting for some reason. like this was so fun to write i was so frikken excited to post it.

I LOVE THE COMMENTS. seriously theyre the best part of my day when i get to read them. and i got so many more subscribers the last few days which is soooooo exciting!!!! you guys are da bomb

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i have the bestest readers everrrr i love you guys :) i hope you loved this chapter as much as me :D

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