Against All Odds

"I'm going out, Mason! I'll be back late, don't wait up!" I hurry towards the door and fling it open, halted by his voice behind me.

"Wait a sec," he says, walking quickly towards me. I close my eyes briefly and turn around to face him.

"I really have to go," I say, pointing behind me. I don't want to have to lie to him. Again.

"I need to ask you something."

"Okay.."

"I was driving home from dropping Kylie off earlier and I saw your car parked outside an old building." He pauses and my eyebrows scrunch together. What is he talking about? Kylie lives...oh shit.

"You did?" I ask nervously. He nods and slowly.

"Yeah. I pulled in across the street to see if it was actually you. I saw you come out of the building and it looked like you were crying. One of the guys on the team came up and started talking to me and when I looked back at you there was a guy...I didn't see his face but he definitely kissed you. Then he went inside. Who is he?"

Shit. "He's umm...no one."

"Didn't look like no one, Sav. Is he the reason you've been acting so weird lately?" I open my mouth to try to make up an excuse but he cuts me off again. "Does Troy know? Does he know there's someone else?"

"Yeah, he knows," I admit quietly. His mouth drops open slightly and he rubs his face in a mixture of confusion and frustration.

"Who is he?" Mason asks again.

"I can't tell you."

"Savannah-"

"No, I just can't. Please just trust me, Mase. It's..complicated. I need to figure it out for myself before I tell anyone about it. Please don't say anything to anyone about what you saw, okay? Not Troy or Kylie or anyone." He looks quite unconvinced and I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life. "Please, Mason. Do this for me. Please."

"Fine. Is that where you're going right now? To see him?"

"Yes." This is a problem. Mason knows where lives...he could follow me there or look for me there....this is going to so bad.

"I don't like this," he says, shaking his head. "I want to know who he is."

"I'll tell you when I know for sure that there's something to tell, alright? For now I need you to trust me. I'm fine."

"You're coming home tonight, right?"

Great, now he's probably going to be waiting up for me.

"Yeah, I'll be home Mason," I agree slowly. I honestly didn't really plan on coming home...

"Not late, Sav."

"Mason, I am not a child and you can't tell me what to do." With that I walk out the door, swinging it shut behind me and practically sprinting to my car before Mason can try to argue with me again. This is not good. He knows where Harry lives now...it could be really easy for him to figure out who I'm going there to see. How could this have happened?

I drive quickly through the city to get to his apartment, ringing the buzzer twice impatiently and tapping my foot. He buzzes me in and I run up to his apartment, not bothering to knock. He looks up from his task, which was pouring two glasses of wine. Aw. He smiles at me and I swing the door shut, walking over to him and taking one of the glasses. I drink the entire thing, ignoring the bitter taste. Wine is definitely not meant to be guzzled like that. He chuckles as I set it down.

"What's happening?" Harry asks, smirking at me.

I open my mouth to tell him that my brother saw me here, but I second guess myself. Maybe Harry knowing would just make things more complicated between us. He might get scared and change his mind knowing that someone finding out is a very real possibility. I don't really want that to happen. Then again, maybe him ending things with me would be the best for both of us so we can just move on.

"Umm...nothing, I'm fine," I lie, giving him a forced and small smile. He cocks an eyebrow and refills my wineglass. I thank him quietly and take it with me to the living room, walking along the wall unit and admiring his books, old records and photos he has on display. He comes in with his glass and the bottle, setting both on the table and sitting down on the couch. I can feel him watching me as I walk down the whole thing, carefully examining the photos. There are a lot with him and two other women, I'm assuming one is his mother. The other must be his sister; he told me about her, but he didn't say how much they looked alike. It's scary.

"Savannah," he calls lowly. I turn around and nervously run my fingers through my messy hair. He sits forward and rests his elbows on his knees, twiddling his thumbs and staring down at them. His expression is serious and that worries me.

"I need you to explain what happened last night," he says, not looking up at me. What does that mean?

"Which part?" I ask, walking around the table. I set my glass on the table and sit next to him, one leg pulled up to my chest so I can face him.

"All of it," he says, laughing humourlessly. "You've spent the last month doing everything possible to avoid me. Then out of no where you kiss me. I asked you to come see me but instead..." He pauses and sighs deeply. "I don't understand any of it. Why did you go to someone else instead of coming to talk to me?"

My heart hurts at the hurt and sadness laced in his voice. I don't want to hurt him; that was never my intention.

"I didn't plan on doing either of those things," I admit shyly. "I didn't think you were going to be at the dance. What I did...it wasn't premeditated. I felt so confused because obviously I'm not over you but I still didn't see us being able to do this. So I got really drunk and-"

"How drunk?"

"Drunk enough that I don't remember sleeping with Troy." My voice is quiet and I'm kind of hoping it was quiet enough that he didn't hear me. I wasn't planning on telling him who it was. He did hear, though. He slowly turns to look at me, eyes filled with hurt and jealousy.

"Troy? That's who you had sex with?" he asks harshly. I just stare at him instead of answering. "As in the one you said was like a brother to you, your brother's best friend? That Troy? The one that's always at your house?" I nod once in confirmation. "Fuck."

He runs his hands through his hair and stares ahead angrily. I sit and wait patiently; I deserve this. I don't even deserve to be here, but I am. I need to let him be angry with me. What I did was horrible. Even though we aren't actually together and I didn't technically cheat, it still feels that way. If I found out he had slept with someone else in the last month....I would probably die. I would just fall over and die. I can't imagine what's going through his head.

"Please say something," I whisper.

"I don't know what to say, Savannah. This is someone that obviously cares about you a lot. I've seen you around school with him. You're together all the time."

"It was a mistake, Harry," I say confidently. I'm going to have to have another unpleasant conversation with Troy now. Great. I'm such a fuck-up.

"Has it happened before?"

"What?" I ask nervously. I was not expecting him to ask me that.

His eyes get darker, understanding something from my hesitation to answer, as he repeats the question.

"Has it happened before," he repeats, voice quiet but angry as he pronounces every word clearly. I open my mouth to answer, but nothing comes out. He stares at me, eyes getting darker with every passing quiet minute. Maybe I should just say it.

"Once," I admit quietly.

"So not only did you fuck this guy last night after you kissed me, you've also done it before?" he asks sharply.

I look away from him and pull my other leg up on the couch, hugging my knees to my chest. I wish I could just disappear. I feel so ashamed of myself right now. This is my past, though. This is who I am and Harry probably has absolutely no idea. It's not like I've slept with a ton of people, but I've had my fair share of boyfriends; really they were nothing more than beneficial friends. Like I've said before, I don't do relationships. This is the closest I've ever come to having one and now it looks like the trouble I had committing in the past is going to be the reason I can't. Harry is not going to want me once he finds out about the kind of person I've been. I didn't think it was all that bad until now. The thought of saying it all out loud...

"I'm sorry," I whisper, throat tightening and eyes filling with tears. "I tried to tell you, Harry. I'm not good enough for you."

"This isn't me giving up," he says, looking away from me. "I said I would fight for you and I am. I just wasn't expecting this from you." He sounds so disappointed; it's painful to hear.

"But this is who I am," I say before I can stop myself. I clamp my mouth shut and look away from his eyes, leaning my chin on my knees.

"What does that mean?" he asks, eyes slightly narrowed. I just stare back at him, fear probably written all over my face.

"This is kind of...what I do," I admit quietly, watching his face carefully for a reaction. He seems confused.

"What is?"

"You asked me how many people I've dated, remember?" He nods and waits for me to continue. I take a deep breath before going on. "The truth is, I've never been in a serious relationship. I've just...dated a lot."

I look down uncomfortably while he figures out what that meant. This is so humiliating. I'm going to have to sit here with the man that I'm probably falling in love with and explain that no relationship I had ever went past physical attraction.

"You're the first guy that's ever made me want more than just having fun." I talk again to fill the silence that is making me quite uneasy. "The longest I've ever been with a guy for is two months. As soon as they start wanting to develop things into a real relationship that's when I break it off. I've never done the relationship thing."

"That's why you broke up with me," he concludes. It's not a question. "You knew that from the start that this is about as real as it gets so you got scared, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why do you have such a hard time with this?"

"Harry I don't really want to talk about this."

"I think you kinda have to."

I turn away from him and put my feet up on the coffee table, shrinking back against the couch. I play with my fingers in my lap nervously, trying to figure out what I should actually tell him. Where do I even start?

"Before you start, let me just say something." I nod and he puts one hand over mine, the other around my shoulders. He pulls my body towards his and I let him. "I'm asking because I care about you. No matter what you tell me, I'm not going anywhere. I know you think that you could say or do something to make me leave, but you can't. Whatever you've done, it's in the past, before we even knew each other. What you did last night...it obviously doesn't make me happy but I'm not giving up because of it. I care about you too much."

"Really?" I ask quietly, leaning my body more into his. He nods and kisses the top of my head, putting his hand around my leg and pulling them onto his lap. I mould into his side and he tangles our fingers together in my lap, his other hand trailing lightly up and down my arm.

"I'm never letting you go," he says, kissing the top of my head again. "Whatever you tell me I promise, I won't judge you. You're safe with me."

I feel completely at ease as he speaks to me. For some reason, I know I can trust him. I have this odd feeling of calm over my entire body and I know that he's telling me the truth. It's weird...I don't think I've ever felt this safe with someone before, not including Mason.

"Tell me what you're so afraid of, love."

I take a deep breath and stay where I am. It's nice to not have to look at his face while I explain or at least try to explain this to him.

"I don't really know where to start," I say, putting both my hands around his and fiddling with the many rings on his fingers.

"Start wherever you want. I've got all night." He chuckles lightly and I smile as well. I feel like my emotions are so unpredictable with him. One minute I'm on the verge of a breakdown and the next I'm giddy with happiness. He could make me lose my mind and calm me down to the point of sleep with his words. It's so strange.

"I guess I just don't believe in it. Relationships, I mean. Especially ones that are based solely on choice and a feeling that's so uncertain."

"What do you mean?"

"Liking someone or being in love with them, it's something that can start and end so quickly. When one person stops feeling it, the other is left in the dust. How can you trust something like that? Loving someone makes you so vulnerable and weak and they have all the power in the world over you. You put all of your faith and trust in a relationship and when it doesn't measure up or work out like you thought, you're left to pick up the pieces and try to start again." I'm not even sure if my explanation makes sense; I guess I'm trying to work it out for myself as I explain it to him.

"I guess so, but giving someone that power over you also gives them the chance to make you happier than you ever thought you could be," he argues.

"How often does that happen? People aren't dependable. The only person I've ever been able to trust completely to be there for me all the time is my brother. One person out of who knows how many."

"What about your parents?"

My parents. The whole reason I'm so screwed up in the first place. That's supposed to be the one bond you can trust: blood, family. It's unbreakable, right? Wrong. The people who created me, the ones whose DNA I share, can't handle being around me for more than a week at a time. If they can't even love me, why would someone else? A parents' love is unconditional and I don't have it. There's something wrong with me.

"Savannah?" Harry pulls his hand from my grip and places it against my cheek, tilting my face up to his. I look up at him and his expression turns pained. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I blink a few times and realize that he's right, I am. I laugh a little and reach up to wipe my cheeks.

"Sorry," I mumble. I'm so embarrassing.

"Don't be sorry, baby. I didn't mean to make you cry," he says quietly, thumb running along my cheek.

"My parents don't love me, Harry," I tell him, closing my eyes briefly. When I open them again his mouth is slightly hanging open and his eyes look incredibly sad. Without another word he wraps his arms around me tight, rocking me back and forth slightly. I cry silently against his chest and curl up against him.

"You don't have to say anything else," he whispers, kissing my forehead. He continues to whisper soothing things in my ear while I cry for what feels like hours, soaking the front of his t-shirt. I don't think I've ever felt safer than here, in his arms. It's the best feeling in the world.

Eventually he stops rocking me and we just sit there while I cry. I feel like I've been through an emotional marathon the last twenty four hours and now I'm finally crashing. I can't handle it anymore. I can't fight what I feel for the man who is holding me right now. He's everything I could have dreamed of and more and I know I don't deserve him, but I'm going to do my best to be the kind of person he deserves to be with. Suddenly he feels like the centre of my entire world. Maybe that's extreme, but it just feels so natural.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" he asks after a while.

"I can't, I need to go home tonight," I whisper, voice incredibly hoarse from crying.

"Yeah, there's no way I'm letting you drive right now."

"Then I at least need to call my brother and let him know that I'm not coming home." I never told Harry about what Mason saw, but I need to talk to him before he starts freaking out and comes here to try and find me.

"Alright. Let me get you my phone." He kisses my forehead once more and lifts my legs so he can stand up. My phone is in my purse which is right beside the couch, but it's cute that he wants to get his for me so I let him. I lay down on my back so I'm facing the rest of the loft, watching while he climbs the steps to his bedroom. I can see his curly hair upstairs and then it disappears for a moment before he comes back down them. He walks over to me and hands me his phone, already unlocked for me to use.

"I should actually use my phone. My brother will get confused by the number," I remember. Harry's eyes go wide and he laughs nervously.

"Right, that's a good idea. Where is it?"

"Just in my bag right there." I point to the ground about a foot away from his legs and he beds over to hand it to me. I fish my phone out and am slightly surprised to see a surplus of mixed calls and texts. Three calls from Mason, two from Troy, two from Kylie and a bunch of texts from all of them. Geez.

"What is it?" Harry asks, noting my hesitation.

"What time is it?" I ask instead. He looks at his phone.

"Almost eleven." Wow, we've been sitting here longer than I thought. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just later than I expected. Mase, Troy and Kylie have been trying to get a hold of me all night." My eyes go wide when I realize what I just said and I look up at him past my phone. His expression is hard.

"Why is Troy calling you so much?" he asks lowly.

"Umm...he's probably with Mason. They were probably just wondering where I am." That was the worst lie I could have come up with. Harry continues to stare darkly at me and I nervously look back at my phone, quickly texting Troy and Kylie that I'm busy tonight. Next I dial Mason's number, biting my nail as I hold the phone to my ear. Harry does not look happy.

"Savannah, what the hell! I've been trying to reach you for like two hours. Where are you? When are you coming home?"

"Well hello to you to, Mason."

"Why haven't you been answering your phone?" he continues.

"Take the stick out of your ass and calm down," I say, rolling my eyes. Harry cracks a smile and relaxes a little, allowing me to let out a deep breath. "I'm not coming home tonight."

"Like hell," he retorts. "I'll come get you if I have to."

"Mason, stop it. I'm fine, alright? I've had a drink and it's late and I just don't feel like driving. It's not a big deal."

"You're at some random guy's house, Sav. It is a big deal. You said you were going to come home."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll be home in the morning, okay?"

He sighs and I wait for his answer. "You're not going to come home no matter what I say, are you?"

"Nope."

"Fine. But I better be getting more of an explanation tomorrow."

"Fine. Goodnight, Mase. Love you."

"Yeah, yeah. You too. Be safe, okay?"

"Ew, why are you going there?"

"I didn't mean it like that!" he defends. "Mind out of the gutter, Sav."

"Goodnight," I laugh. I hang up the phone and slide it onto the coffee table.

"Everything okay?" Harry asks. I nod and reach forward for his hand, taking it off my leg and pulling him towards me. He smiles and I adjust my legs so he can move closer to me. He hovers over me and I brush my fingers through his hair.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"For what?"

"For being so great. I know I'm kind of...challenging." I laugh a little and he smiles down at me.

"You're kind of worth it, I guess." He winks and I laugh again, pulling his face down to mine. His lips move softly against mine for a few minutes before he pulls back and stands up. "Let's go to sleep," he says, holding his hand out to me. I take it and follow him up to the bedroom. He takes out a t-shirt of his for me and I slip into the bathroom, taking off my clothes and sliding the shirt over my body. It just cover's my bum and it smells like Harry. When I emerge again he's already in bed, sheets pulled up so his torso is exposed. I climb in next to him and he wraps his arms tight around me. This is the first time we're sleeping in the same bed but...it feels so normal. Like I've been doing it forever.

"Goodnight Savannah," he says quietly, kissing my forehead. I snuggle closer to him and close my eyes.

"Goodnight Harry."

Notes

TOOK FOREVER. i had a really hard time with this one again. i wasn't sure where to go with it. anywho. hope its okay :)

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