My hair flows behind me as I speed through town to Harry's apartment. I need to see him. I know it's a bad idea, but our little high school party is completely a waste of time right now. I need to see Harry, I need to talk to him. I'm done trying to fight whatever we have. I need him as much as he needs me. All I want is to get away from my boring high school life and be with him.

When I pull up I run up to the door and press the button for Harry's aparment. His deep accent coming through the speaker gives me chills.

"Who is it?"

"It's me," I reply nervously. There's a pause and I hear the door buzz open. I swing it open and run up the stairs, sprinting down the hall. When I round the corner he's already outside his door, walking towards me. He picks up his pace and I run into his arms, wrapping mine around his neck while he spins me around.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you," he says against my hair. He holds me impossibly tight and I keep my arms around his neck when I pull my face back to look at him, still lifted in the air.

"I tried to stay away..."

"I know."

"I can't," I breathe, leaning my forehead against his.

"Then stop trying," he says lowly. I push my lips softly to his in agreement and he turns and walks back to his apartment, still holding me up. When we get inside he kicks the door shut and walks straight to the staircase, carrying me up to the bedroom. I smile as he tosses me onto the middle of the bed. He lowers himself down to me and I put my hands on either side of his face.

"Don't ever leave me," I whisper.

"Never."

- - - - - - -

My eyes shoot open and I groan instantly at the pounding in my head and soarness between my legs. I close my eyes again and take a deep breath, holding my hand over my forehead. I don't have much memory of last night, but I think I could take a pretty good guess. Did I go to see Harry?

I smile at the memory and turn on my side, expecting to see his sleeping face. Instead I'm looking at the back of a blonde head of hair. What the hell...

Oh fuck.

I sit up and hold my blankets around my naked body to look around the room. I'm not in Harry's apartment. I'm in my bedroom. But I am naked...what....

I slowly look to my right, hoping with everything in me that the person I saw before was just my imagination and that I'm actually alone right now. But of course, that's not true. And who is sleeping beside me? None other than Troy.

"What did I do," I whisper to myself, laying back down. I'm trying to remember what happened last night, but the only thing I seem to be picturing is going to Harry's loft. That had to have happened, it felt so real. We made up and I took him back and...

It was a dream. I was dreaming. I never went to his place. I stayed here and got really drunk and...apparently I slept with Troy. I look over to my side again and watch as he turns onto his side, still asleep. What the hell did I do.

I carefully get out of bed and run to the bathroom, making sure my robe is in there before closing and locking the door. I lean back against it for a moment and try to gather my thoughts to make sure I'm thinking straight. I didn't see Harry....I slept with Troy...I was clearly really drunk...Seriously, what did I do?!

I get in my steamy shower and take my time washing my hair, matted like crazy from...being with Troy. I'm such an idiot, how could I have let that happen? And how could I have had so much to drink? Why didn't my brother cut me off? On that note, he probably also has a visitor in his bed. He probably wasn't paying much attention to anyone except Kylie last night. But I did kiss Harry at the dance, that I remember. I remember everything up until getting home and calling Harry to tell him I wouldn't be visiting him. And I didn't. Apparently I stayed here and got drunk and had sex with one of my best friends. Again. Damn it.

After my shower I wrap my robe around me and tie it tight, ruffling my towel through my hair a bunch of times to dry it. When I can muster up the courage to leave I unlock the door, taking a deep breath and opening it slowly. Troy's eyes open slowly and he looks around a bit, his face scrunching up as he adjusts to the morning sun coming through the balcony doors.

"Hey," I greet shyly. He looks over at me and raises his eyebrows, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Hey back," he says groggily. He smiles lazily and looks me up and down. "You showered already?"

I nod and walk over to the bed, climbing up and sitting back against the headboard. I fiddle with my fingers for a minute in silence, not really sure what to say. I'm not one to regret this kind of stuff because, well, shit happens. No point in dwelling on it. I know it won't get weird with Troy because it didn't last time either, but this time it's different. I have Harry. Kind of. I have a feeling he would not like this.

"Sav, are you okay?" Troy asks, laying on his side with his head leaning on his hand.

"I guess. I know this seems like a stupid question, but I just need to make sure. Did we..."

"Have sex?" I nod and he scratches the back of his head. "Yeah. We were both really drunk and apparently you were a lot worse than I thought if you don't even remember. It's not a big deal, alright? We can just...forget that it happened. Like last time."

"No, we can't," I argue quietly. As much as I would love to just pretend I didn't do this, I can't. I need to stop running away from my problems. Plus, it wouldn't be fair to Troy. I don't want him to feel like I'm ashamed of him. I really do care about him.

"Okay...what do you want to do then?" he asks.

"Does Mason know?" I ask suddenly, kind of freaking out.

"I want to say no..but I think so," he says carefully. He sits up and rubs his face with his hands. "He's going to fucking kill me."

"No, I'll talk to him." I put my hand on his back and rub small circles between his shoulder blades. Troy is definitely a good looking guy and if we weren't so close I would probably be interested in him. But I've never seen him as more than a friend because it was never really an option. But now we've slept together twice so...I'm thinking we're a tad past just being friends.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, looking at me over his shoulder.

"No, don't apologize. It takes two." I laugh a little and he does as well. I sit forward and lean my head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm acting so weird. I wasn't expecting to wake up in bed with you."

"Yeah I can tell," he says, laughing again. "You don't remember anything?"

"It's so embarrassing, but no I don't."

"Well then just so you know, you had fun. Lots of it. If Mason didn't see us together he probably heard you." He smiles mischievously and I can't help but laugh with him.

"Oh my gosh," I laugh and lift my head, smacking his arm with the back of my hand. "That is so awkward."

"Who cares. He probably slept with Kylie so, he can't really say anything."

"Yeah, but they actually meant to do it. They went to the dance together, they like each other." I lean forward a bit so I can see his face. "We're not...are we in that place?"

He sighs and moves back on the bed, sitting against the headboard. I turn to face him and cross my legs with my hands in my lap.

"I want to say that we're not Sav, but look where we are right now." I look down at my lap and he continues. "I'm not saying I like you like that, but honestly at this point I'm not really sure. There's obviously something here. People don't...do that...like that...if there's nothing there."

"I guess you have a point I just..."

"I know, I remember what you told me on the beach a month ago. There's another guy."

"Yeah."

"But that one seems really complicated and you and me...we've always had a crazy easy relationship. I'm not saying we should start dating I'm just saying maybe we should..just see what happens."

"Okay...so what are you proposing?" I ask carefully, watching him as he talks.

"If it goes beyond friends then that's what happens. If not, that's good too. I'm okay either way, as long as you're still in my life." I nod and bite my lip, thinking about what this could mean. Troy is right about our friendship; it's always been so easy with us. I can talk to him about anything and he's always been so good to me...am I missing something here?

"Just think about it. We can just see what happens, okay?" he asks, sitting forward and putting his hand over mine in my lap. I smile and nod my head. He leans forward and kisses my forehead before standing, completely naked, and walking to the bathroom. I blush and he chuckles as he gets to the door.

"Is it okay if I shower?" he asks, pointing to the door. I nod and he steps into the bathroom. "If you want to join me..."

I just laugh and he winks at me before closing the door, leaving a light crack in it to keep the invitation open. Maybe he has a point here. Harry is complicated and that relationship is all wrong for so many reasons. I don't want to use Troy as a distraction, though. That wouldn't be fair. I definitely feel something with Troy, but is it the same way I feel with Harry?

I need to do some serious thinking.

---

After a few hours of hanging out by the pool we're both tired from the sun and Troy's mom wants him home for dinner. He goes straight upstairs to get his stuff and comes back down to leave right away. He tells me he's going to call me later and gives me a kiss on the cheek before walking out. I take a deep breath and venture through the house to find my brother. He's in the movie room with Kylie watching old episodes of Friends.

"Mason, can I talk to you for a second?" I ask. They both jump a little and Kylie gives me a shy smile when she sees me. Mason sighs and kisses her on the cheek before getting up and following me out of the room. When we get to the foyer I turn and get ready to have this conversation.

"Before you say anything, can I ask you something?" I nod and he continues. "I know what happened last night with you two. Do you like Troy?"

"I umm...I might. I don't really know."

"Well I don't want either of you getting hurt. I don't like this, but I can't really say anything about it. Just promise me that you won't lead him on like you usually do? If he does like you I can guarantee it's a lot more than he's letting on and I know how you are."

"I'm not going to hurt him on purpose, Mason."

"I know, but I don't think you ever mean to. Just make sure you really like him before you go any further. Also, I would like to make a request of no more random hookups." He gives me a forced smile and I laugh nervously.

"I promise. So you know, I never meant for this to happen. I didn't plan on sleeping with him."

He nods. "I know. You were pretty wasted. I should have cut you off or something."

"You were preoccupied," I shrug, smiling at him. He blushes a little and looks behind him down the hallway where Kylie is still sitting. "How are things with you two? Did you..."

"Hey, I don't kiss and tell," he says, pointing a finger at me. I just roll my eyes and he walks back to the TV room. I go back up to my bedroom and sit on my bed with my guitar. Well, that went better than expected. Now there's only one thing I haven't dealt with...

Harry.

We aren't together and technically I don't owe him any kind of honesty or explanation about this. But I did kiss him last night and that would be a mixed signal to say the least. Maybe I should tell him that I moved on so he does too.

The thought of him moving on, though...it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can't imagine what it would feel like to see him with someone else. It just feels wrong. Would he feel the same about me seeing someone else? I really don't want to hurt him. I care about him so much. If it weren't for how obviously inappropriate it would be for us to be together, I would be with him right now. There is no doubt in my mind that we would be great together. It's just not possible right now.

I can't really expect him to wait until I graduate, though. That's a long time. What if June rolls around and we've both lost interest? We would have been waiting around for nothing. But if I'm honest, I really don't see that happening. I don't see myself getting over him any time soon no matter how hard I try or who it's with. Troy is amazing, he is, but Harry and I just have this connection. It's stronger than I've ever felt and I'm not sure anything can ever measure up to that. I'm not sure if I should be happy or extremely sad about that.

After an hour of playing my fingers are sore and I can't take it anymore. I need to see Harry. I owe him that, right? After what happened at the dance last night I should at least talk to him. Apologize maybe. Yeah, that would be the right thing to do. I think of every possible reason I can come up with to convince myself to go see him. The truth is, I just miss him. I just want to see his face.

I change out of my bathing suit and get dressed quickly. I text Mason once I'm out of the house, not really in the mood to lie to the two of them about what I'm doing. It's a struggle to drive close to the speed limit; I'm really nervous but also excited to see him. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I just need to see his face.

When I get to the building I stare at the button for his loft for a moment, suddenly second-guessing myself. What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he's upset that I didn't come to see him last night? He's probably pissed that I led him away from the dance to kiss him and then totally checked out. Plus, I slept with someone last night. I have a feeling he's not going to like that. If I even tell him. Ugh, why isn't there an off switch for my brain??

I jump about ten feet in the air when the door beside me swings open. A young woman stops and jumps a little as well when she sees me.

"Oh my-" I laugh a little and put my hand on my chest. "I'm sorry, I must look like a freak just standing here."

She laughs as well and shakes her head. "No, not at all. Well, a little but it's fine. Did you forget someone's apartment number?"

I shake my head and blush a little. I must look like an idiot. "I was umm...just building the courage to press the button."

She gives me a sympathetic smile. "Ex boyfriend?"

"Something like that."

"Well, I'm sure everything will be fine." She holds the door open for me and nods towards the inside of the building. "Go on in, sweetie. Good luck."

"Thanks." I smile at her and walk past into the old restructured building. This loft is so beautiful, I love the idea of living in a historic building that's been remodelled. Plus, the apartments are so cool. They've got this great vintage vibe and I love how industrial everything looks. I silently make my way up the stairs and get to the third and final floor where Harry's place is located. I stand in front of the door and take a deep breath, staring at the number for a minute before knocking twice.

This was a mistake.

Before I can run off to the stairs the door opens, revealing a freshly showered Harry, ringlets still damp with a tank top and loose shorts on.

"Savannah. What a pleasant surprise," he says, leaning against the doorframe and smiling down at me.

"Can I come in?" I ask nervously. He nods and steps to the side so I can enter his apartment. Once inside he shuts the door and turns back around, jogging shorts hanging low on his waist. "We should talk."

"Alright. Do you want to stand here or is it okay if we sit down?" He smirks and I just stare at him for a few seconds in admiration before walking over to the couch. The last time I was on here...nevermind. Not important.

"You have my undivided attention," he says, leaning back with his arm across the back of the couch and slightly facing me. His hand extends just past my head and even that is enough to make my thoughts cloud.

"I just wanted to apologize for last night."

"Apologize?" he asks, confused by my statement. I look down at my lap and nod my head. "Why?"

"I shouldn't have...done that. It wasn't fair to you." I look up at him and bite my lip when I see the hurt in his eyes. "Because it doesn't change anything," I add quietly.

"Doesn't change....Savannah, you do remember what happened, right? I didn't do any of that, it was all you," he says, gesturing to me.

"I know. That's why I wanted to apologize. It shouldn't have happened."

He runs his fingers through his hair and I can tell he's getting frustrated with me. I don't want to do this to him, but I can't let him think that what happened between us at the dance means that I've changed my mind. I wait for a few minutes as he runs his fingers along his bottom lip, staring at the wall opposite us. After a while he still hasn't said anything and I feel like I could explode sitting so close to him like this.

"I think I should go," I say quietly, standing up. I put the strap of my purse over my shoulder and walk towards the door. I start to open it, startled when Harry's hand appears beside my head, pushing it shut again. I turn around and step back against the door when Harry comes even closer to me, his hand still against the door. He does not look happy.

"You need to stop," he says lowly.

"Stop what?" I ask nervously, heart hammering inside my chest.

"Pushing me away. It's been a month since you told me you didn't want to be with me and yet, here you are. In my apartment, talking to me about how you kissed me. Not the other way around. I've kept my distance well enough, just like you asked me to and you're the one who couldn't help yourself. What does that tell you?"

I stare up at him helplessly and he puts his other hand on the door on the other side of my face. Now I'm trapped. Awesome.

"Here's what it tells me," he continues, leaning towards me a little more. "No matter how hard you try, you can't stay away from me. So just stop fighting it, Savannah. One way or another, we are going to be together. So I'm not sure why you're being so stubborn."

I stare up at him with wide eyes. I know why. I'm scared as hell of what being with him could do to me. And to him. What if someone found out? What if we try and it doesn't work at all and we're both just left with heartbreak? What if I finally let him in only to get scared and end things again? All of the trouble we would have to go through to make this work would all be for nothing because I don't do relationships. I just can't.

"I know you think you want to be with me, Harry. But trust me, you don't."

"And why not?"

"Because...it doesn't matter."

"Actually it does. I'm curious to know why you think I would wait for you to come back to me if I didn't actually want to be with you." He continues staring into my eyes in a way that doesn't allow me to look away, no matter how much I want to.

"Please just let me go," I whisper, closing my eyes.

"Whatever you're afraid of just tell me. Let me help you." He puts one hand against my cheek and I lean into his touch. How can he be so sure about this? I'm scared to death and here he is trying to convince me, like it's the most right thing in the world to him. Right here, maybe it is. In this moment when it's just the two of us I know that there's something here. I can feel it. But it would be so complicated.

"You'll change your mind," I say quietly, opening my eyes again. He expression turns sad and he shakes his head. "You don't want to be with me, Harry. Not really. You'll figure that out soon enough and then all the trouble we will have gone through to make this work would be for nothing. I can't let you do that, not for me."

"What does that mean? Why are you so convinced that what I feel isn't real?"

"Because it can't be. You're..." I look all over his face and put my hand over his, still resting against my cheek. "You're perfect," I whisper. "I'm so far from good enough for you."

"What in the world are you talking about? Do you actually think that?" he asks, his voice laced with sadness.

"Please let me go," I ask, meaning that in two ways. I need to get out of here and I need him to get over me. "I can't give you what you want."

"No." He shakes his head and his other hand moves to my face as well. "I'm not letting you go. Not this time."

"Harry-"

He cuts me off by pressing his lips against mine. I try to fight it at first, but it's no use. I can't. I fist the front of his shirt in my hands to pull him closer. When he's sure I'm not going to pull away his hands trail down my body, sliding under the bottom of my shirt and resting on my bare skin. I wrap one arm around his neck, sliding my fingers in to his hair. He moves his hands down to the bottom of my thighs and lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist. He holds me tight against him and turns around and I start kissing his neck so he can see where he's going. He moans as he walks up the stairs to his bedroom and once we're not on the stairs anymore I reattach my lips to his. Before I know it we're on his bed and I'm underneath him with my legs still wrapped tight around his waist. His lips move hungrily with mine and our tongues tangle together. I move my hands to the bottom of his shirt and he sits up to remove it, mine following quickly. He kisses my neck and my fingers dig into his back, one of his hands roaming my skin while the other supports his weight.

"You're so perfect," he mumbles against my neck. "Don't you ever think you're not good enough for me."

His lips find mine again I get chills from the amount of affection behind the kiss. I've never experienced a kiss like this and I can feel it all over my body. I'm left feeling cold without it but the feeling is quickly replaced when he starts leaving a trail of kisses down the middle of my chest, down between my breasts and the middle of my stomach. My back arches in response and he starts undoing the buttons of my shorts.

I need to stop this and there's only one way I can think of that might do it. It's going to hurt him and he's never going to speak to me again, but I need to. He's going to hate me forever and it's going to break my heart, but it's the only thing I can think of. I need to do this.

"Harry, stop."

He lifts his head above my belly button and I sit up on my elbows. Both of us are breathing heavy and when I don't say anything else he continues what he was doing, looking at me through his eyelashes to wait for my protest. But it doesn't come, so he keeps going. I feel the zipper of my shorts get lower and I lay down again. I'm arguing with myself in my mind trying to figure out what I should do, but the thought of where this is headed is too overwhelming to pay attention to anything else.

He starts pulling down my shorts and my whole body freezes with a flashback of last night. I can't do this.

"Wait." I put my hands over his to halt his movements. He looks up and lifts his body so he's back above my face. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"It's fine," he says softly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"I slept with someone." My eyes go wide when I realized what I just blurted out. His mouth drops open and I put my hand over mine in regret. I shouldn't have done that. Why did I do that.

"You what?" he asks, sitting up but still straddling me. He puts his hands on his folded legs and looks to the side in utter shock. What did I do? I thought this would b a good idea but the look on his face..heartbreak. The only way to describe it.

"I didn't...I shouldn't have said that."

"Because it's not true or because you regret telling me?" he asks darkly. I just stare up at him with wide eyes. "It's true," he whispers.

After a moment he climbs off of me and stands at the railing that overlooks the main floor. He leans against it with his head hanging low. I do my best not to cry because I can't do that. It's not fair to him. I don't want to hurt him at all, but he needs to move on and not feel this way about me anymore.

"When?" he croaks, not looking at me. I sit on the edge of the bed and reach down for my shirt, pulling it down over my head.

"Last night," I admit quietly. I can't bear to watch him feel like this. "Do you want me to leave?"

He remains silent and I take that as my answer. As I walk down the stairs I do the button up on my shorts, tears running down my face as I collect my things. I slide into my boots and fling the door open so I can escape. When I get out the front door I dig through my purse to try and find my keys, which have magically gone missing inside my bag. When I can't find them I lean my back against the door, covering my face in my hands and just crying to myself. I did it. I ruined this relationship for good. There's no way I can fix this now.

I pick up my purse again and continue digging. I need to get out of here. And never come back. I hear the front door swing open violently and when I look up Harry's searching the area. His eyes meet mine and I turn around to face my car, hoping to heaven that I finally find my keys.

"Where the fuck are they?" I say to myself. Harry's hand wraps around my arm and he turns me to face him. Without warning his lips crash into mine and his other hand goes behind my back. I stand there, frozen in shock. When he pulls back he reaches up to wipe my tears away.

"I meant what I said, Savannah. I'm not letting you push me away anymore. I don't care what you did."

"How can you-"

"I'm not saying it doesn't...hurt me. It does, it kills me. But we're not together. If that makes me pathetic, then fine. But I'm here and I'm fighting for you. Isn't that what you wanted?" I just stare up at him and he presses his forehead to mine. "Come back later, okay? We need to talk about this. Go home, get your pretty self together and come back to me." He kisses both cheeks, my nose, my forehead a few times and I can't help but giggle a little when he finally kisses my lips.

"I'll come back," I confirm. He nods and kisses me once more.

"You forgot these," he says, sliding something into my back pocket. He smiles down at me before turning and walking back to his building. I watch him go and reach into my back pocket, finding my car keys. Goodness gracious.

Notes

so that was a struggle. not really even sure how long it took me to write that but im actually quite happy with it :) i hope you guys like it! im hoping to actually post another one today about when she goes back to see him again. so yes.
thank you so much for the suggestions! i am planning to use both the ones that I got :) thanks so much you helped me out!!

please tell me what you think of this chpater. i feel like it was pretty dramatic :P but thats just me. what to think what to doooo

comment, vote and subscribe please!! ive gotten a few more of each since last time and thats amazing :) thanks guys <3
mostly please tell me how you're liking it :) i want to know how you're all liking the story :)


thanks so much for readinggg.xx