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A life of Payne

Chapter 53

Katie's POV

I love you

Those are the three words I worked hard to never hear in my life.

For years I've been convinced that those were the words that will ruin just about anything and everything.

They were a curse when it came to me.

My parents use to say it to me all the time until my sisters came along then they never, and I mean never told me again. I thought I had done something wrong until I found out it was because they cared about their real children more then me. They told me they loved me right before I left for London but I couldn't hear any emotion in their voices.

Vinny told me he loved me when we were together in high school but took it back only days later when the whole school find out that I was still a virgin, people thought it was strange that I was one of the popular girls and hadn't slept with the whole rugby team yet. He started to tell people that he was only dating me out of pity so I dumped him. We worked things out a year later but neither of us brought up the whole 'love' thing, almost like it was bad mojo just to talk about it.

The only other boy I was ever serious about in high school said that he loved me but then slept with one of my close friends the next day. It's safe to say I never regained the friendship between him or her but I did ask him if he meant what he said when he told me he loved me and his answer was no. He only said it to try and get laid which didn't work so he cheated.

Overall the words don't bring happiness to me.

"Please say something Katie." Calum placed his hand over mine that was still gently resting on his torso.

I reluctantly pulled away from the embrace and sat up next to him again.

"You..." I struggled to find find my voice as I looked down into his eyes while he laid there reaching out for my hand.

"You can't love me." He squeezed my hand making me let out a strained laugh mixed with a sob.

"And why can't I baby?" His voice was quiet but he didn't seem upset by my words, I think I was the only one upset here.

"Because I'm a screw up Calum. I ruin everything good in my life and I don't even know how to love someone." He sat up rather fast after I said that and pulled me on his lap so I was straddling him.

"You're not a screw up Katie." I let my tears fall as I looked down at my hands not having the strength or guts to look into his eyes.

"Yes I am." I half laughed and sobbed at the same time, still not looking up at him.

"You couldn't even tell if I wanted you or Niall until I pretty much spelled it out. I probably suck in bed because I have no idea what I'm doing but I wanted to be with you and knew if I waited to much longer then you wouldn't be into me any more. And lets not forget that you practically saved me on the air-plane to America and then again when we came to Australia because I can barely look after myself."

I looked into his eyes to see them filled with tears just like mine.

"How can you love someone who is indecisive, un-experienced and can barely hack it in the real world. I'm just a screw up."

Calum pulled me closer to him and captured my lips with his. I couldn't believe after everything I just said that he still wanted to kiss me.

It felt like pity, I didn't like the way his lips tasted right now. I wriggled my way out of Calum's grip but I didn't want to feel cold or lonely so I sat right in front of him.

"Katie I never want to hear you call yourself a screw up again. You are much more valuable to me then you think." He paused to lift my chin with two of his fingers and brushed his lips gently over mine again but this time it felt warm and honest.

"The world may see you as Liam's younger sister but in my eyes you're the only important Payne I know. You are my world." His eyes clouded over with tears again and I climbed back onto his lap and wrapped my arm around his neck.

"I know you can't say it back Katie, I know how your past has been with love but that doesn't mean you can't feel it." He brushed his thumb over my bottom lip as I stared at him tranced by his warm brown eyes.

After what felt like hours, I cleared my throat and stuck my tongue out to moisten my lips before talking in a hushed tone as I felt embarrassed of what I was about to say.

"How am I meant to know what love feels like if I don't know what it is?"

Calum pulled me closer to him and brushed a few strands of my brown hair out of my face.

"I know what love is. Let me teach you." I nodded and he pulled us both so he was leaning against the head board and I was still on his lap with my head against his chest.

"Love... love is putting someone else's needs above yours." I jerked away from him slightly to look in his eyes.

"Did you seriously just quote Olaf from frozen to me?" He looked down as his cheeks tinted pink.

"How can you have watched that movie and still not know what love is?" I rolled my eyes at his words and placed my head back on his chest and he rested his chin on top of my head.

"That movie is about family being the most important kind of love. I didn't exactly have the greatest family until recently. The only thing I learnt from that movie is that your first prince charming isn't always the one your right for." He smiled down at me as I looked up at him with my cheek still pressed against him.

He let out a sigh of what seemed like relief and ran his fingers through my hair.
"Well I'm glad you learnt that or else we wouldn't be here, like this right now."

I jabbed his chest lightly with my finger making him laugh.
"You're meant to be teaching me about love."

"Right. Love is caring for someone, like if their sad then your sad or when their happy your happy. It's the attraction and chemistry you feel for them, the spark that comes just from simply holding their hand or the butterflies you can feel when you see them smile. It's the attachment you two grow that causes you to feel lonely after not seeing them just for a few hours, almost like a parent - child attachment. It's how your committed to them and would stick up for them no matter who you're talking to, you always take their side because you could never doubt them. And lastly Katie, love is the intimate relationship you have with someone. Not just making love but the secrets you share, the things you could only tell that one person."


That's really deep.

Calum snapped me out of my thoughts by placing his hands on my cheeks and bringing my face forwards so our lips touched ever so slightly.

"That my angel is what love is." He mumbled against my lips just before I pulled away and rested my forehead on his.

"Is that what you feel for me?" He nodded looking rather nervous with his answer until he saw the smile on my face which brought on one of his own.

"Good because that Mr Calum Hood. Is how I feel for you." He wrapped his arms around me within seconds and tackled me into the mattress with him now straddling my hips.

"Calum be quiet. Isn't your mum asleep?"

"Baby she's not even here. She went out which is why I agreed to come home, because I didn't want you here alone and sad." I nodded slightly and wrapped my arms around his neck again.

"Where did she go at like midnight?"

He shrugged before nuzzling his face into my neck and then answering.
"My aunts. She wanted us to be alone for the night."


"Don't worry sweet cheeks. Were not doing anything like that because there's something else I want us to do." He winked before kneeling up but kept his legs on either side of me.

I leaned myself up on my elbows while raising my eyebrows towards Calum.

"Sing with me."

A blinked a couple of times just to make sure this was actually happening.

"At midnight Calum?"

He smiled before pecking my lips quickly then kneeling up again.
"Yeah! I was thinking 'I want to know what love is' by Foreinger!"

I rolled my eyes and flopped back onto my back in a very unladylike way.
"You expect a girl like me to sing Foreinger?"

He thought for a second before his face brightened up again.
"Okay what about 'Don't stop believin' by Journey?"

I scoffed and pushed up off of me so he was sitting in front of me.

"I have a better idea."

He looked at me confused and I quickly hoped off the bed and ran over to my suitcase. I shuffled through it until I found the few pieces of paper that I was looking for.

I climbed back onto the bed and sat right in front of him and handed him one of the papers.

He looked over over it and smiled so wide it looked like his ears were touching his lips.

"You wrote this?" He didn't take his eyes off the paper once as he talked. God I hope it doesn't suck.

"Yeah I did. Will you sing it with me?"

He nodded finally looking up at me with a smile on his face.

"Of course I will baby."

I jumped off the bed again within seconds and grabbed Calum old guitar that was in the corner of the room since I was using it the other day, I had already perfected the chords for this song so I was pretty proud and wanted to do it myself.

"I've never seen you play the guitar before." Calum stated while sitting closer to me on the edge of the bed,

"And we've also never sung together but there's a first time for everything." I smiled up at him before turning my attention to the paper in his hands.

"See how those parts say 'C' in front of them?" He nodded taking in the small C's for the first time.

"Those parts are for you."

"You - you wrote this for me to start with?" He looked shocked and all of the sudden I felt stupid.

"Uh yeah." I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck as my other hand held onto the guitar.

God damn I feel dumb right now.

"Katie I love it. Really." He rubbed his hand over my back before passing me my own sheet of music.

"Lets sing it. I really want too."

I started strumming without needing to look at the chords on the music sheet and knew that Calum was impressed just by the look on his face.

"Hello, I know it's been a while
I wonder where you are
And if you think of me
Sometimes cause you're always on my mind
You know I had it rough
Tryin' to forget you but

The more that I look around
The more I realize
You're all I'm lookin' for

What makes you so beautiful
Is you don't know how beautiful you are
To me
You're not tryin' to be perfect
Nobody's perfect
But you are
To me (to me)
It's how you take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow
I could say them now
Oh, I could say them now

I finished singing my part and looked up to see that Calum was smiling at me. He looked happy and shocked at the same time.

"Now it's your turn." I mumbled and turned my attention back to my strumming on the guitar

"Just friends
The beginning or the end
How do we make sense
When we're on our own
It's like you're the other half of me
I feel incomplete
Should have known
Nothing in the world compares
To the feelings that we share
It's so not fair

What makes you so beautiful
Is you don't know how beautiful you are
To me
You're not tryin' to be perfect
Nobody's perfect
But you are
To me (to me)
It's how you take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow
I could say them now

"Now both of us?" Calum asked and I nodded as he moved closer so we could use one sheet of music this time.

"It's not you
Blame it all on me
I was running from myself
Cause I couldn't tell
How deep that we
We were gonna be
I was scared it's destiny
But it hurts like hell
Hope it's not too late
Just a twist of fate

What makes you so beautiful
Is you don't know how beautiful you are
To me
You're not tryin' to be perfect
Nobody's perfect
But you are
To me (to me)
It's how you take my breath away
Feel the words that I don't say
I wish somehow
I could say them now
Oh, I could say them now

I finished my last chord and looked up at Calum with a big smile on my face.

"That turned out even better then I thought it would." He chuckled and carefully took the instrument out of my hands.

His lips found mine and I was locked into a passionate kiss. Something about this one kiss felt different then our usual kisses.

It felt more deep and meaningful.

"You're beautiful Katie."

"And you're amazing."


Hey guys!

Okay so I'm really sorry for the longer then usual wait you had for this shitty update :(

7 days and that's the best I could come up with /:

I had a shitty time trying to word this chapter so if you don't like the way it turned out then I completely understand xx

Love you anyway! xoxo

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Thank you xo

This is really good!

Thank you sweetheart! xx

I only really come on this site to see if you updated. You have the best fanfictions ever

Thanks darling ♡ I'm really not okay with it but I can't put my life on hold forever so I think I'm ready to get the last few chapters done then onto the sequel! (: