"Because She's My Best Friend..."
The Gig
YESTERDAY seems to be the worst day ever. I've never felt that way. The reason why I moved here is to forget every single unacceptable moments in England. Sam entered my room at midnight and told me everything will be okay if I don't bother all the bad feelings towards him. But I can't. I had enough of being hurt. I don't want to get hurt again this time. My friendship with Dylan gets better day by day. I kinda have feelings towards him. We're like best friends already but I can't do it. Dylan, he's very cool and charming but, Gabriella? She's my best friend. Gabriella kept on calling me almost every night after everything has settled down for the past few months. She told me about Dylan quite frequent. Dylan is that, Dylan is this, he is that, he is this. Everything about Dylan and I know she likes Dylan as much as Dylan likes me. But has Gabriella broke up with that bloke? Whatever it is, I can't love Dylan... and not even the guy that I met yesterday.
Today is the day. Tonight is the gig. I've been practising so hard. That morning, we are excused from our classes so we can practise for the last time. Cher came over to my house around twelve. She walked up to my room after Sam showed her the way. "Hello, Stella", she smiled at me. "Hey! Come on over", she took the place next to me. "Coming tonight?", I asked. She nodded and I continued singing. Oh- Hey you wanna come with me?". "Sure! Would love to", she replied. "Last night, I saw Harry Styles dropped by at your house? What's up?", she asked."Emm yeah. Sam is his friend though", I said. "I see. You sure you're okay?", she asked again. I nodded. Cher joined us for lunch. I decided to wear my coral Primark studded neck dress and a pair of Louboutin studded heels for the night. I grabbed my YSL purse and the guitar case. Cher wore a white studded dress and white Chanel heels. "Looking good", she said. I smiled and start to drive.
The school's music compound was full of the students who came to watch and perform at the gig that night. Dylan was there, smiling at me, with Gabriella of course. "Stella, wanna hang out after the gig?", Gabriella asked. "Sure!", I said nervously. I am just too scared about my performance. It is so nerve-wrecking. A message came in after that.
FROM: ANONYMOUS
Don't be nervous, love. You'll be fine x
Yes. Don't bother me. I changed the name to Anon because I don't want to know who is. Its very cliche. I know but its for the best. Isn't it? The text somehow made me smile. Few minutes later, its my turn. Singing Give Me Love sung by Ed Sheeran during Alexander Hamilton High School's gig, its a dream come true. The audiences were all entertained and I am very satisfied about it. Some of them came up on stage and gave me flowers. That night, everything went well. After my performance, I received three messages from the same number earlier.
FROM: ANONYMOUS
you look gorgeous x
FROM: ANONYMOUS
i love you x
FROM: ANONYMOUS
you were good. you were amazing. i miss singing with you during our dates, remember? we need to talk. miss ya, babe x
I don't what should I do or what should I feel about this? I don't know who should I blame or I shouldn't blame anyone including myself. Mix feelings. Sucks. That night, as what Gabriella has planned, we hung out. Dylan came along too. It was kinda awkward after the confession night the other day.
-Flashback-
"Stella, I..umm we need to talk", Dylan said.
"Yeah sure. When?"
"Now? Starbucks in 20 minutes"
"Alright"
When arrived, I saw Dylan smiling at me sitting in the corner of the shop with two cups of coffee on the table. I walked over and sat in front of him. "Thanks", I said after he hand over my coffee. "So, what's wrong? Any problem between you and Gab?', I asked. "No. There's- well you see, Gab and I are just friends. That's what I think about her. Not more than that", he explained. "Then?", I asked asking for further explaination. "I actually never confess anything in front of a girl. I am not used to it-", before he continued, I interrupted "Yes of course you are not used to it. You're used to having girls giving you compliments and confess their feelings to you". "Was that meant to be some sort of sarcasm? Cause I kinda have that 'ouch' feeling in me", he said. "Well, if you've felt that way, maybe it definitely is", I said. "Back to what I want to say. Look, I have a very serious feelings towards you. You are different", he said.
"What do you mean I'm different? Is this one of your way flirting with a girl?"
"No, I'm serious, Stella"
"You can't like me, Dylan. But really, even if I do have the same feelings as yours, I can't- we can't. I am still not ready to love or to be loved", I replied. 'I actually do like you', my heart whispered quietly. I excused myself. I can't do this.
-End of flashback-
"Aren't you guys excited about the Senior Year Prom Night?!", Gabriella half shouted at us. "I definitely am though! Been seeing all the seniors during the previous years and now its our turn", Cher said. This is the time where everyone will be asking who are you going to prom with and what kind of dress are you going to wear. I never liked proms. I've never been to any proms when I was in England, except for the homecoming. Cher and Gab are quite close now. But I don't feel the same about Gabriella now. She seems to be far away. She's not by my side every time I'm in trouble. Things has changed. Way too much. Gab is very selfish in her own way but I love the way she acts. But now, I can only see the new fabulous thinking Gabriella. Throughout our outing, Dylan has been staring at me secretly. I noticed that. The way he kept himself silent the whole night. Its not Dylan. I know he's expecting me to talk to him but not after what both of us has experienced.
I was home quite late. Mum and Dad were needed to be in Paris for awhile. Business minded parents. They're always busy. But then, I can never blame them. They were the one who sacrificed for Sam and I since we're young. Sam was on the phone when I arrived. After he ended the call, he entered my room.
"Harry said you were amazing just now".
"Excuse me- what?"
"Stella, I've always wanted to ask you this but why won't you forgive Harry?".
"Look, I don't have to forgive him. Its not his fault. I am still confused, Sam. I still am. My action has led to some serious confusion".
"Follow what your heart says, Stella. I don't want you to get hurt. You're my only sister. I want to protect you. Mum, Dad and I doesn't want to see you getting hurt for so many times. Don't follow what you think cause that is why you're confused. Take your time. No need to rush. If you have any problems, share with me. I'm your brother alright? I want the best for you".
"Thank you, Sam", I smiled and gave him a very warm hug. This is why I love Sam. I know how lucky I am to have him as my brother. He's my best friend. He is always free for me. If one day I will ever lose him, I will never forgive myself. That night, I slept accompanied with my mixed feelings.
Exactly 1AM, I received a call. I didn't bother to look at the number so I just took my phone on my bedside table and answered it. "You're asleep already?", that voice asked. "Can't you check the time right now? Of course I am", I half shouted. "Well I'm sorry but I don't know what's the time in LA okay", that voice appears to be very ruspy and familiar. Its him. "Before you could end this call, which you definitely about to do right now, look, I really am sorry okay?", he said. "No- you- Forget it. Its 1AM, I need to sleep sorry but bye", I declined. I feel bad. I am trapped. I am not sure if I still like him and I am not sure if I should my best friend by loving Dylan. That's not fair.
I can't sleep after he called me. I keep on thinking about it. Its kinda stressing me out. So I took my laptop, grab some coffee in the kitchen, ran back upstairs and sat outside at the balcony of my room. LA looks amazing at night. Well, perhaps early in the morning is more suitable. The view of the 'Hollywood' sign is very clear from my balcony. I turned on my laptop and logged in to my blog site. Its been awhile. The last post on my blog was before I moved to LA. It was one month before I moved. I write everything on my blog. Nobody knows who the persona is. On my blog, there is always these two anonymous giving feedbacks on my blog posts. They gave me some moral supports whenever I post something that pisses me off. But I never know them like how they don't know me. I clicked on the 'New Post' icon and started posting.
Have you guys ever experienced that one kind of feeling called 'Mixed feelings'? Its very bad isn't it? Its that one moment when its very hard for you to decide about something. Its even terrible when it comes mixed feelings about love. That's very confusing. I'm graduating soon which means I am also going to university in less than a year. Does going to university means that you have to be matured enough? 'Cause if it does, I don't think I should. I am not good when it comes to making decisions. It will end up being the most terrible thing ever. I am stucked. I am fucked up. I am trapped. Everything is inside my body, brain and heart right now. Maybe I definitely have to find the right time to tell everyone about my secret(s). I really I hope its possible to tell every single people who has been with me but never knew my secret(s) personally. But no its not. Its hard. I am still confused. But if any of you ever experienced this and has successfully cured it, leave your tips down below. It might help though. Take care. Stay fab, x
"Follow what your heart says", -Unknown, 12:05AM.
I ended the post by quoting what Sam has told me. He was right. A moment later, someone commented on my recent post.
MR-REDSUIT
"You need to tell that person what do you feel about him/her. Who knows he/she understands? We miss your posts, by the way!".
and another came in...
DERBYBOY128
"Agreed with Mr. Red! You should confess. Find the perfect time. If you don't try, you'll never know what will happen. Hey, I have a question, what should I do if someone you admire is hiding something?".
MR-REDSUIT and DERBYBOY128. They seems to be my huge fan cause their names are always after my posts. I began to replied their comments.
RE: MR-REDSUIT
"Thank you. I need to find the right time now. Maybe later? Idk? I know! It's been awhile! I had that feelings saying that I need to post something. I was quite busy lately though"
RE: DERBYBOY128
"Thanks! Yeah, you're right. I just need the right time though. Regarding your question, maybe you should give her/him some time"
After waiting for some replies, and nothing popped out on the screen, I logged out and switched off the laptop. I placed my laptop on my reading table and walked back to bed. I checked my phone and a text about a few hours ago came in.
FROM: ANONYMOUS
Sleep well x
Now, should I feel bad for not returning any of his missed calls or texts? I don't know. I seriously don't. Still finding the right time cause I don't want to make a decision that will lead to disappointment. I can't avoid this problem any longer now. I can't.
"You cannot find peace by avoiding life" -Virginia Woolf.
Today is the day. Tonight is the gig. I've been practising so hard. That morning, we are excused from our classes so we can practise for the last time. Cher came over to my house around twelve. She walked up to my room after Sam showed her the way. "Hello, Stella", she smiled at me. "Hey! Come on over", she took the place next to me. "Coming tonight?", I asked. She nodded and I continued singing. Oh- Hey you wanna come with me?". "Sure! Would love to", she replied. "Last night, I saw Harry Styles dropped by at your house? What's up?", she asked."Emm yeah. Sam is his friend though", I said. "I see. You sure you're okay?", she asked again. I nodded. Cher joined us for lunch. I decided to wear my coral Primark studded neck dress and a pair of Louboutin studded heels for the night. I grabbed my YSL purse and the guitar case. Cher wore a white studded dress and white Chanel heels. "Looking good", she said. I smiled and start to drive.
The school's music compound was full of the students who came to watch and perform at the gig that night. Dylan was there, smiling at me, with Gabriella of course. "Stella, wanna hang out after the gig?", Gabriella asked. "Sure!", I said nervously. I am just too scared about my performance. It is so nerve-wrecking. A message came in after that.
FROM: ANONYMOUS
Don't be nervous, love. You'll be fine x
Yes. Don't bother me. I changed the name to Anon because I don't want to know who is. Its very cliche. I know but its for the best. Isn't it? The text somehow made me smile. Few minutes later, its my turn. Singing Give Me Love sung by Ed Sheeran during Alexander Hamilton High School's gig, its a dream come true. The audiences were all entertained and I am very satisfied about it. Some of them came up on stage and gave me flowers. That night, everything went well. After my performance, I received three messages from the same number earlier.
FROM: ANONYMOUS
you look gorgeous x
FROM: ANONYMOUS
i love you x
FROM: ANONYMOUS
you were good. you were amazing. i miss singing with you during our dates, remember? we need to talk. miss ya, babe x
I don't what should I do or what should I feel about this? I don't know who should I blame or I shouldn't blame anyone including myself. Mix feelings. Sucks. That night, as what Gabriella has planned, we hung out. Dylan came along too. It was kinda awkward after the confession night the other day.
-Flashback-
"Stella, I..umm we need to talk", Dylan said.
"Yeah sure. When?"
"Now? Starbucks in 20 minutes"
"Alright"
When arrived, I saw Dylan smiling at me sitting in the corner of the shop with two cups of coffee on the table. I walked over and sat in front of him. "Thanks", I said after he hand over my coffee. "So, what's wrong? Any problem between you and Gab?', I asked. "No. There's- well you see, Gab and I are just friends. That's what I think about her. Not more than that", he explained. "Then?", I asked asking for further explaination. "I actually never confess anything in front of a girl. I am not used to it-", before he continued, I interrupted "Yes of course you are not used to it. You're used to having girls giving you compliments and confess their feelings to you". "Was that meant to be some sort of sarcasm? Cause I kinda have that 'ouch' feeling in me", he said. "Well, if you've felt that way, maybe it definitely is", I said. "Back to what I want to say. Look, I have a very serious feelings towards you. You are different", he said.
"What do you mean I'm different? Is this one of your way flirting with a girl?"
"No, I'm serious, Stella"
"You can't like me, Dylan. But really, even if I do have the same feelings as yours, I can't- we can't. I am still not ready to love or to be loved", I replied. 'I actually do like you', my heart whispered quietly. I excused myself. I can't do this.
-End of flashback-
"Aren't you guys excited about the Senior Year Prom Night?!", Gabriella half shouted at us. "I definitely am though! Been seeing all the seniors during the previous years and now its our turn", Cher said. This is the time where everyone will be asking who are you going to prom with and what kind of dress are you going to wear. I never liked proms. I've never been to any proms when I was in England, except for the homecoming. Cher and Gab are quite close now. But I don't feel the same about Gabriella now. She seems to be far away. She's not by my side every time I'm in trouble. Things has changed. Way too much. Gab is very selfish in her own way but I love the way she acts. But now, I can only see the new fabulous thinking Gabriella. Throughout our outing, Dylan has been staring at me secretly. I noticed that. The way he kept himself silent the whole night. Its not Dylan. I know he's expecting me to talk to him but not after what both of us has experienced.
I was home quite late. Mum and Dad were needed to be in Paris for awhile. Business minded parents. They're always busy. But then, I can never blame them. They were the one who sacrificed for Sam and I since we're young. Sam was on the phone when I arrived. After he ended the call, he entered my room.
"Harry said you were amazing just now".
"Excuse me- what?"
"Stella, I've always wanted to ask you this but why won't you forgive Harry?".
"Look, I don't have to forgive him. Its not his fault. I am still confused, Sam. I still am. My action has led to some serious confusion".
"Follow what your heart says, Stella. I don't want you to get hurt. You're my only sister. I want to protect you. Mum, Dad and I doesn't want to see you getting hurt for so many times. Don't follow what you think cause that is why you're confused. Take your time. No need to rush. If you have any problems, share with me. I'm your brother alright? I want the best for you".
"Thank you, Sam", I smiled and gave him a very warm hug. This is why I love Sam. I know how lucky I am to have him as my brother. He's my best friend. He is always free for me. If one day I will ever lose him, I will never forgive myself. That night, I slept accompanied with my mixed feelings.
Exactly 1AM, I received a call. I didn't bother to look at the number so I just took my phone on my bedside table and answered it. "You're asleep already?", that voice asked. "Can't you check the time right now? Of course I am", I half shouted. "Well I'm sorry but I don't know what's the time in LA okay", that voice appears to be very ruspy and familiar. Its him. "Before you could end this call, which you definitely about to do right now, look, I really am sorry okay?", he said. "No- you- Forget it. Its 1AM, I need to sleep sorry but bye", I declined. I feel bad. I am trapped. I am not sure if I still like him and I am not sure if I should my best friend by loving Dylan. That's not fair.
I can't sleep after he called me. I keep on thinking about it. Its kinda stressing me out. So I took my laptop, grab some coffee in the kitchen, ran back upstairs and sat outside at the balcony of my room. LA looks amazing at night. Well, perhaps early in the morning is more suitable. The view of the 'Hollywood' sign is very clear from my balcony. I turned on my laptop and logged in to my blog site. Its been awhile. The last post on my blog was before I moved to LA. It was one month before I moved. I write everything on my blog. Nobody knows who the persona is. On my blog, there is always these two anonymous giving feedbacks on my blog posts. They gave me some moral supports whenever I post something that pisses me off. But I never know them like how they don't know me. I clicked on the 'New Post' icon and started posting.
Have you guys ever experienced that one kind of feeling called 'Mixed feelings'? Its very bad isn't it? Its that one moment when its very hard for you to decide about something. Its even terrible when it comes mixed feelings about love. That's very confusing. I'm graduating soon which means I am also going to university in less than a year. Does going to university means that you have to be matured enough? 'Cause if it does, I don't think I should. I am not good when it comes to making decisions. It will end up being the most terrible thing ever. I am stucked. I am fucked up. I am trapped. Everything is inside my body, brain and heart right now. Maybe I definitely have to find the right time to tell everyone about my secret(s). I really I hope its possible to tell every single people who has been with me but never knew my secret(s) personally. But no its not. Its hard. I am still confused. But if any of you ever experienced this and has successfully cured it, leave your tips down below. It might help though. Take care. Stay fab, x
"Follow what your heart says", -Unknown, 12:05AM.
I ended the post by quoting what Sam has told me. He was right. A moment later, someone commented on my recent post.
MR-REDSUIT
"You need to tell that person what do you feel about him/her. Who knows he/she understands? We miss your posts, by the way!".
and another came in...
DERBYBOY128
"Agreed with Mr. Red! You should confess. Find the perfect time. If you don't try, you'll never know what will happen. Hey, I have a question, what should I do if someone you admire is hiding something?".
MR-REDSUIT and DERBYBOY128. They seems to be my huge fan cause their names are always after my posts. I began to replied their comments.
RE: MR-REDSUIT
"Thank you. I need to find the right time now. Maybe later? Idk? I know! It's been awhile! I had that feelings saying that I need to post something. I was quite busy lately though"
RE: DERBYBOY128
"Thanks! Yeah, you're right. I just need the right time though. Regarding your question, maybe you should give her/him some time"
After waiting for some replies, and nothing popped out on the screen, I logged out and switched off the laptop. I placed my laptop on my reading table and walked back to bed. I checked my phone and a text about a few hours ago came in.
FROM: ANONYMOUS
Sleep well x
Now, should I feel bad for not returning any of his missed calls or texts? I don't know. I seriously don't. Still finding the right time cause I don't want to make a decision that will lead to disappointment. I can't avoid this problem any longer now. I can't.
"You cannot find peace by avoiding life" -Virginia Woolf.
Notes
THE END OF CHAPTER FOUR! FEEDBACKS? DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE. ANY IDEAS WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN IN THE NEXT CHAPTER? CHAPTER FIVE COMING UP SOON! LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACKS AND SOME HELPFUL TIPS DOWN BELOW.TWEET ME: (@AdleenaShay)
aw! thanks! i am already excited while writing it and can't wait for you guys to read it soon! x
4/20/13